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I can see why you don't want to see him as a liar. I also see how you can't think of yourself being that naive...no one does. I can tell you that crashing a car and being with another woman while you're still married (even if it's officially off) are two completely different things. Besides the fact that if he tells you he IS seeing someone, you can use that against him in divorce proceedings....infidelity. As long as you're still married officially that is always an issue legally.
I understand why you want to trust...but go with your instincts here. We as women don't give ourselves enough credit. I should have seen the signs and there were times that I said something to my ex and believing that he would never lie to me, he did. I am not a naive person. I was with him for 11 years. You'd think I would have known him....
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Shannon, you need to talk to a lawyer before you presume that you won't be getting more financial help. He may be responsible for paying your rent and bills.
I want what's best for your family, but I can't help but think he is taking advantage of your thoughts of dependency on his salary. My mom and dad stayed together because my mom didn't think she could afford to leave him, and it greatly effected all of us in the long run. It was a horrible way to grow up.
If you truly have decided you don't want to be living together, then you have to find out what your options are before assuming this is all going to fall on you. Don't let him intimidate you into relying on him while he gets to do anything he wants because he thinks he has you trapped.
I really want you to work things out if that is possible, but please just find out what your options are while you are going through this time. I can't imagine the stress and awkwardness in your home right now. I lived through this my whole childhood and it's horrible.
It might help you to email Barbara S....she recently went through this and may be able to offer you some advice she has learned.
Big hugs to you, my friend. You deserve more respect...and not to be taken advantage of...please.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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he slept in a different bed last night. I don't know when he got in and I don't care.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I agree with Beth. He will more than likely need to make equalization payments/alimony, and yes he may have to sell the restaurant to do that...but that's tough cookies for him because he has brought this upon himself. With a settlement, you will probably be able to pay the rent or mortgage and other bills. Please, please, please see a lawyer as soon as possible to protect you and your daughter's interests. I know you want to keep things very amicable, but that might leave you with very little in the long run.
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I agree with Gracie. Although laws are different here in the states, someone I know who's wife CHEATED on him still has to give about $3000 a month in child support for his two kids. If he has to sell the restaurant, then so be it. Don't feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong.
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even if nothing comes of it and everything comes back together for you (which I pray for)... see a lawyer. I mentioned before that I am divorced from my first wife, and no matter the circumstances get a lawyer. The problem with not getting represented is that the other will be. I was told that we where doing our own divorce paper work and such, and when I should up for the meeting my ex had a lawyer. Please do not get caught up without help.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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I will certainly see a lawyer.
The thing that i can't state enough is that even if he sold off all his stuff, as it is right now he wouldn't be able to afford any child support. he has a restaurant loan, and he'd lose it, and without it he'd have no inome, and without an income he couldn't possibly afford payments. See the conundrum? He's in MAJOR overdraft. that's why we're living together till the fall, so he can get out of overdraft at least a bit, and I can save up or get out of some debt!!
Plus right now I have $100 a month in med. bills that are covered under him, not me, and that won't change till the fall at least. Sigh. I'm very stuck. Not that I'm expecting it to work out, for sure. I will be on the lawyer thing this week sometime.
I've found a counsellor (well, a church marriage counsellor) and am waiting for her to call me back. She's supposely faster than waiting for a pastor to get over the flu.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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