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Shannon,
We haven't chatted much on the boards but my heart goes out to you and Kayleigh with all of this going on. Having read the posting over the past few days, I can only recommend the following:
1. Contact a lawyer to protect your interests- primarily your daughter.
2. Contact a counselor for yourself to deal with the impact of the separation for yourself and for your precious daughter. Since it will effect you both in different ways, at least you'll be prepared and have a great support system.
3. Be careful not to get lured back into the "we can work this out" without using any protection. If there is someone else he is with, who knows what might happen health wise to you.
4. Pay attention to what is going on and keep a journal. You may need it later to help you.
My girlfriend wound up going through this almost 18 months ago. Her husband of 12 years was traveling a lot and suddenly started doing his laundry. Having worked at a law firm helping a divorce attorney it immediately sent off an alarm. I mentioned it to her and she swore that he would never do that to her or their three kids. Four months later I get a phone call from her because there was a $100 charge for flowers at Valentine's Day. She got a card...not flowers. So she started calling around and found out who the flowers went to...some gal out of state. Since I had mentioned my suspicions she kept paying attention to little details: the late night cell phone conversations- he got a second cell phone and didn't give her the number, constantly in his office at home locked away on the computer (he even put a password on the computer so she couldn't use it), always picking a fight with her when she asked him where he was going. The final straw was when he got fired from his job. Seems that the company knew that he was traveling on business and staying an extra day or so to be with his "girlfriends". They got tired of it and fired him. So he lied to her about the job...was supposedly leaving to go to work or on a trip and was shacked up with one or the otherof these girls for over a month and a half.
Straw finally broke when she got a call from the girlfriend in Las Vegas who got the flowers. Seems she was pregnant and wanted to talk to him but he had been avoiding her calls. The whole thing turned into a large mess with her finding photos and videos of him with other women in a box in their basement. She finally was able to get onto the computer and found all kinds of photos and emails from numerous women. Then she found out he had lied about the job and hadn't told her that he had been fired.
Unfortunately she didn't listen to our advice initially on what to do in talking with a lawyer to protect her childrens' interests thinking that they could work it out. Now her kids have 2 half-siblings that he has to pay child support on. He is still out of work, and ran up their joint credit cards, cleaned out the kids college funds and their savings, all the while she is working three jobs to support her kids and fighting to keep her money so they don't take it for the child support for the other two kids since they are still "married". At least she finally filed for divorce, but knows that even if he has to pay child support there won't be a dime coming in.
She did go to the counselor which we recommended her doing for herself to deal with it. She was able to get the kids to meet with someone and they are dealing fairly well with the fact that their dad doesn't live with them but that they are still loved by both of them.
I mentioned your story to her and she recommended the same thing we told her earlier saying she only wished that she had done it sooner and also that she should have kept asking him the questions of "why, and what is going on" knowing that she did deserve an honest answer. No matter what she has gone through we are still standing by her because she and the kids needs the love and support of true friends. I know that everyone here is definitely in your corner. I wish you the best and know that you will do what is best for you and Kayleigh. I will keep you two in my thoughts and prayers.
Michelle
*hugs*
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I know the best scenario for me and my daughter is to stick it out till Sept so that we don't end up on the street
because we can't support ourselves, my family can't support me and my husband can't support us or himself.
A few years ago, while I was on maternity leave from work and making literally next to nothing per month, Trevor drove drunk in the company vehicle...and potentially smashed up a neighbor's car, and didn't even remember. He could have chosen not to tell me, but he did, and it was something that could have lost him his job.
It was also something he could have not told anyone and nobody would have been the wiser. It was a turning point in our lives because he did the good, right and honest thing, even though we were terrified of what would happen.
he lost a company car because of it,and had to go buy a new
vehicle...He very well could have lost his job, but he absolutely HAD to be honest. That's why I don't worry about him lying. I know you guys didn't know this, so there's my reason-one of many-that I don't think this is some big scam and why he's leaving me.
In the end, he even told the neighbor, who thought Trevor was nuts, because that dent had been there forever. He didn't even DO anything, after all.
See why I'm inclined to think he's not a liar?
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Hi,
thanks for your post.
I ahve been attempting like mad to get a hold of a pastor in my church. I ahve had no luck and the pastor that would talk to me is sick with the flu.
I will seek a counsellor but it's a matter of doing this when he's not here. He's not here much but has happened to be here during the time I'd be able to search for cheap counselling. I can't afford $100 a session, for sure.
What your friend went through is awful. I do not see me being that naieve. I want to leave but can't afford it right now. i'm planning on leaving in the fall when i can afford to have damage deposit, new stuff(we do NOT have a cushy living to begin with) and a JOB because I am presently unemployed for the summer.
We are officially split up and he has taken his wedding ring off. We've told everyone. I'm still in love, we're getting along JUST GREAT aside from the whole being not a couple thing...but he isn't happy.
Now if I knew I ahd a job for the fall, or for July and August, I'd be out in a heart beat saying "smell my dust" but I can't!
We don't even have a spare bed for God's sake, you know?
That's what's keeping me here for now. Not the hope that we'll get back together, though there's a tiny bit left in me....I still care about myself and my daughter more than that.
I just physically can't go.
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He just falls asleep in our bed. We don't even touch at ALL, even by accident right now. It's just a shared bed like they do in those third world countries.
He was sleeping in Kayleigh's bed but it's really hard and he has scoliosis...and I can't sleep alone etc etc. That's the only reason I'm letting him sleep beside me. he'd be in agony every day if we didn't and I'm too stubborn to give up the bed. I'm also just not skinny enough to enjoy a single bed with a 3 year old.
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that I do not know if it was a girl he was talking to. I jusmped to that conclusion. he's had conversations with his best friend late at night on his cell before when they're drunk...and that's not unheard of. It was just the kind tone he used worried me.
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I know that when we started looking at counseling options there was a support group for single mothers that she went to that was free and gave her some support from others that were trying to get by and doing all they could. Maybe there is something like that in your community. I think we found it through the community college.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you on the job. Always hard waiting for the assignments to come out. I have quite a few friends waiting to find out what teaching assignments they will get. Seems the contracts still haven't gone out yet. You would think they would be actively hunting for people to have in place. Crazy administrators!!!!
Michelle
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Hi Shannon, have you thought of asking him to move out instead of you moving out with your daughter and disrupting her life? He's the one who wants out, he should leave the house.
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Hello Shannon. A phone call at 3am, talking for at least 45 and telling you it's none of you business. That is way too bad. Better ask what's wrong, before it's too late. That's all I can say to you. Im sorry, im not good in giving advise.
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let alone all the other bills with making nothing per month in the summer. That's the problem!
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I will def. look into that. And yeah, they often don't hire teachers till the end of August for Sept. 1 here. There's much more hope for me this year than last ut still not a guarantee.
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