I'm scared
#264774 - 05/22/06 11:00 AM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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Hi.
I have a scary feeling there is another girl. I heard him talking on his cell last night-someone called at 3 AM!! He was on the phone with her for 45 minutes. And I just found a picture of some strange girl on the computer. And she's pretty young. I'm just sick.
He said he's not dating anyone but that doesn't mean he's not getting to KNOW anyone.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Re: I'm scared
#264776 - 05/22/06 11:03 AM
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Toady
Reged: 04/06/06
Posts: 1299
Loc: A small city, Northwestern Ontario, Canada
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I'm sorry Shan, I really don't know what to tell you. I hate hearing what you are going through, it is just aweful. I'll send you (((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))) it's the best I can offer you!!! Take care!
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Cassandra
Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never loved before.
IBS A 20+ years, Chronic Migraines, Chiari Malformation (decompressed June 22, 2010), Brachial Neuritis, and ??? the list just keeps growing, but I'm still shiny side up! 
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No words of wisdom to make you feel better I'm afraid, wish I did.  I think if it was me I'd have to confront him - he's still your husband, still in your house and you've nothing to lose, I just know I'd rather know for sure.
And I HATE to bring it up, but this makes me think everyone's advice on making sure you seek legal advice sooner rather than later is probably a good idea.
Can do nothing but send you HEAPS of hugs and love, and let you know you're in my thoughts, I really, really, really hope you get this sorted, it's horrible how it's making you feel. But you're strong, and whatever happens you'll get through it - I promise! [[[[[[[[[[[HUGS]]]]]]]]]]]
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http://ibsblondie13.blogspot.com/
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Re: I'm scared
#264784 - 05/22/06 11:33 AM
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Snorkie
Reged: 02/15/05
Posts: 1999
Loc: Northern Illinois, USA
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****HUGS, HUGS, HUGS, HUGS****
I wish I had something useful for you, but you're in my thoughts.
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Re: I'm scared
#264787 - 05/22/06 11:46 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I'm with blondie though, I'd have to confront him, you've nothing to lose and I'd want to know. hugs and love
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks all
#264789 - 05/22/06 11:57 AM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I did confront him about the phone call, but won't about the picture as it's on his side of the computer. I don't want him to know I'm spying.
He said no, no and no, he is not dating anyone, and that it's not my business. I said i saw where he was coming from but see where I'm coming from- it hasn't even been a week!
there will be no strange girl in my house, I swear to God.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Re: I'm scared
#264791 - 05/22/06 12:02 PM
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Double J
Reged: 03/09/06
Posts: 900
Loc: High Rocky Mountains ibs-d
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Oh boy ... I'm really sorry for you. Before I call him a bum though ... my sister thought her husband was seeing someone, and after he died in a car accident she found out that he had only changed a flat tire. The young lady had called his home to thank him and it went down hill from there.
Now I am hoping and wishing that this is something just as innocent that. But I agree - you need to pin him down on it, and have it explained to you. You deserve the truth.
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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I really don't know what to say other than my heart breaks for you! I'm so sorry you are going through this!
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God is Faithful!
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shannon...
#264793 - 05/22/06 12:14 PM
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jaime g
Reged: 07/27/05
Posts: 961
Loc: new york city
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unfortunately, i have no words of wisdom or advice, but i just wanted to pipe up and let you know i'm here, reading what you're writing, with lots of love and support. ((hugs))
jaime
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jaime
ibs-a (mostly d) // vegetarian
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Shannon,
Maybe I'm just really jaded because it has happened to me and I've seen it happen on two other occassions in my own family. People who are seeing some one on the sly rarely fess up upon first confrontation. Perhaps it's because they don't really know where they stand with the other person yet. Like everyone else on the boards, I hate to see you getting hurt. Just keep your eyes open.
Let me also say that I believe it is your business who he is talking to at 3 AM for 45 minutes! You are still married and if he has any intentions of working on the relationship with you, he needs to be completely transparent. People who are being secretive usually have a reason for doing so.
Oh Shannon, we're all so sorry and we're rooting for you and Kayleigh.
Laura
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Shannon,
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. You can't make him tell you who he was talking with but I am sure now you will be watching everything that is going on.
I think at this point you really need to look out for yourself and your daughter. Do what you think is best for the two of you. Unfortunately men don't always put their families first when they are dealing with a personal crisis.
I wish there was more I could say. I will keep you in my prayers. You know that we are all here for you whenever you need us.
Hugs,
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Janey
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That would make sense as to why he's so adamant about not going to marriage counceling. Just to be on the safe side, please see a lawyer as soon as possible so you know your rights and what you are entitled to.
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Can you confront him about it? Why wouldn't he have admitted it to you?
If he is starting to get to know this girl and wants to pursue her, I'm so sorry. 
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oh Shannon I'm soooo sorry!
who did he say that he was talking to?
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"just a person, just some drunk person." He's always been super secretive though, and so this is not unusual, but usually he would tell me afterwards.
The thing I'm not sure about is that I did snoop on his side of the computer and I see a girl's picture. She's nobody i recognize, and it's nothing as simple as a dirty picture...but I don't know how to tell him I saw it without ending all chances for a reconciliation.
He does not talk on the phone for long stretches very often, hence why it worries me.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Shannon,
First of all, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
As for the phone call -- I personally have a need to always know what's going on. You must have the account information for the cell phone, right? If I were you I'd be online in a heartbeat looking at recent calls. You know the date and time and duration, so you should be able to find the number of the caller. Then I'd call it from work or a friend's house or something and see who picks up. I don't know how it works in Canada but I know in the US you can go to www.whitepages.com and do a reverse phone number lookup -- you put in the number and they give you the name. If it's a cell, though, you won't get any info.
I think I'd also call a lawyer and a counselor (for yourself).
Best of luck,
Amanda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Amanda has a good point.. there are certainly ways to find out what is going on..
I don't think that you should feel bad for snooping. He's being secretive with his information and you two are going through an awful time right now! Anyone in their right mind would be wondering who he was talking to, and who the girl in the picture is. Hopefully its just some random girl he met years ago, and hopefully things work out for the best.. however, I don't think you should have to walk around on eggshells not to upset him by bringing up (what he views as) controversial topics. You have a right to know, and if it is another women.. you biting your tongue or you calling him on it isn't gonna change that outcome. Granted I wouldn't go crazy on him and demand to know who the girl is, but there are calmer ways to do ask, because you deserve the answers if you want the answers. The problems you are having now may go away on their own, but walking on eggshells may also just mask the problem, and it could occur again later a few years down the line in the event that you become resentful, or if he begins to feel the same way that he does now again.
I truly hope that things work out for you, but like you said, you've been an amazing wife. everyone has their problems, and you shouldn't need to be silenced so that he'll want you back. If he realizes how great you are, it will be because of who you are as a wife and as a result of what you mean to him.
I hope that this post doesn't sound judgemental at all, and that you are not hurt about what i've said, but i've been in relationships where i've walked on eggshells not to dissapoint a boy that was hurting me, and it ended up hurting me more in the end because I came resentful that I was the only one expected to change, and as a result, I wasn't being myself (just turning into who he wanted me to be). I do care about you Shan, and I hope this helps! I think that you have a right to know whats going on in your life, and in your family!
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Prayers, hugs, love and support for you Shannon. I also agree with Amanda's advice!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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and our online accounts have passwords and I have no clue. The only way I'd know is in like 3 weeks when the bill comes, if I get to it first.
Yesterday I went to church to find a pastor to talk to butnone were there. I was given two pastors' numbers but can't get a hold of the two that I have numbers for!! I will also seek a counsellor as well but can't do much on a holiday.
As far as a lawyer goes, my dad is working on that part apparently.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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This isn't at all judgmental. In fact, it's quite the opposite, and I appreciate the positive spin you have on it as well.
Can you e-mail me? I would love to be a project for you while I'm loooking for a counsellor. I guess I could talk to one at a school but we'll have to see.....
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Is it possible for you to say that there's something wrong with the computer then take it to a place that does computer forensics? They can get things back that you thought was deleted and completely off your computer.
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All he said about the phone call (because you're damn right I asked him about it) was that it was a person, just a drunk person.
When I asked him right after that if he was dating anyone, he said #1-no, #2, no and #3 no, and it's not your business. I told him I understand his place there but also understand mine-it hasn't even been a week yet.
I can't wait to go back to work. A week of having to focus on this has damn near killed me!!
We cannot afford to be split up right now, as you know, he went out and bought himself a nice new car(idiot) and I guess I have to trade in my 2005 Escape because I have no clue how to afford that now!!
Since I'm subbing right now it doesn't bring in enough to afford to live alone in this townhouse and I haven't had to pay any of the dwelling bills as of yet because of all my student loans/line of credit/credit cards I'm still paying off from college.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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And he would be talking to a drunk person for 45 minutes at 3am? Hmmm.
Don't trade in your car for something cheaper. Let him trade his nice new car first so he can afford the child care and/or alimony payments.
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Re: I'm scared
#264916 - 05/22/06 09:20 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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I'm so sorry Shannon. Again I don't really have any advice but just wanted to send you (((HUGS))) and let you know I'm thinking about you.
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Hi Shannon,
I am semi new to this board and haven't been in "the living room" much so trying to catch up on what's going on. I have to agree with most of what I read. You do deserve to know but I completely see myself in you. I am comfortable with the fact my hubby wouldn't cheat on me but he can have a temper issue and I know my children and I tend to walk on eggshells around him. I find myself trying not to bring up topics so my hubby won't get mad just like you don't want him knowing you found the picture of the girl for fear of ruining your reconciliation. I have been just dealing with it anymore and find myself almost accepting things the way they are. It's weird to read the post from I believe it was Ashley? How she wrote that she found herself being someone she wasn't for fear of losing the guy she was with at the time. That hit home with my marriage now-scary huh? Anyhow, sorry to talk about my issues when this is a rough time for you..just wanted to let you know, I can relate and if you need to vent or talk, feel free. But I also know that if I had any suspicions about my hubby and another girl, THAT I'd have no fear to ask him about. It's not easy for sure but think of the long term effects on you and your daughter! You both deserve better than that and if he is with someone else, sounds like they deserve each other. I apologize if that sounds rude but it just irritates me when men act that way. hang in there and be strong! Plus this can't be good for ones IBS!
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I have counseled many women who are dealing with situations similar to yours.
This is my concern...if at the worst case scenario there is another woman and he is being intimate with her, he is putting your life at stake. Infidelity is inexusable in God's eyes but in this day and age where there are communicable diseases to include deadly ones, you owe it to yourself to be sure you are not susceptable to STD's or God forbid HIV.
I don't want to be dramatic but again, if he is sleeping with another woman, your life is at stake.
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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I believe that what your husband is doing IS your business because it directly affects the well-being of you and your daughter.
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I'm sorry to hear this Shannon. I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs and the strength to get you through this difficult time.
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I ditto this and was thinking the same thing but wasn't sure how to exactly say it! hang in there Shannon
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Sweetheart, the fact that he said it's none of your business is a defensive response. It makes him sound guilty. Furthermore, I think IMHO that it is absolutely your business. You are still his wife and you have every right to know what is going on. That might make him angry though.
Lastly, I think he should absolutely get counselling - even alone and not necessarily with you. It's the very least he can do for you and Kayleigh.
If there is another woman, a counselor can tell him that affairs usually exist in a bubble and are not based on reality. It's based on infatuation and fantasy. Relationships that start as affairs rarely work out because once they get into reality of life and work and kids, they discover it wasn't as great as they thought. A counselor would at least help him consider things before he does something life altering and potentially stupid. You are a beautiful, wonderful person inside and out and I hope to goodness he realizes that before it's too late.
Love and hugs, A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Yes, sounds like we would be a lot alike. There are things I won't tolerate-outright cheating, verbal or physical abuse to myself or Kayleigh in any way. However we are just sort of coexisting for the few hours a day he's here, which isn't much!!
And I did ask him about the phone call and have asked him 3-4 times if there's a girl or even the THOUGHT of a girl and he SWEARS no, from day one, and he might as well ahve told me that day, because he was ready to walk out that night...
That's why I think he's being honest, though a little snarky with me. Plus I don't think he could live with himself if he slept beside his daughter's mom while having sex with some young punk girl.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Shannon,
Sorry to say but you'd be surprised what men can "live with". Most men are better able to compartmentalize their feelings. They can be happy with you, forget about you when they're with another and be happy with the other one, too. Women are much too emotional to be able to handle it well, at least not for long!
I was CERTAIN my ex wouldn't cheat. First off, he "never cheated" on his previous girlfriend of 8 years and then "didn't date much" till he met me. Secondly, I thought he was too lazy to go through all the trouble to find someone out of town. We lived in a small town and had mutual friends. I thought he would have had to go out of town to do that.
What I found out was that most people won't tell you anything unless they can prove it without a doubt. So, while others may have suspicions, they don't usually share because they might be wrong.
I later found out he slept with one of my best friends...
You don't ever really KNOW a person. Sad to say but true. You can know a lot...but not everything they're truly capable of. I know this is a downer and I'm not saying that this applies to your husband but think about how many people were SURE their spouse wouldn't cheat and then were later shocked. How bout the women that find out their husband is a murderer, child molester or rapist...I'm guessing none of them had a clue that their husband/boyfriend would be capable of that.
You need to take steps to protect yourself and your child. As others have said, get a lawyer. If things end up getting better, you don't have to go through with a divorce. But you might be sorry later that you weren't proactive.
And please, please don't sleep with him anymore without protection! Please.
I'm sending big hugs your way.
Lauren
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Flipada mirrored much of what I said below and you need to know that you DESERVE peace of mind.
I know someone who's husband was having an affair with another girl and were it not for the fact that she had herpes he would have slept with her. What if she hadn't told him that she had herpes and he brought it back to his wife? That would be so unfair.
At her next ob/gyn appointment, she had the doctor check her for everything. She was totally humiliated especially when she had to sign off on an HIV test but I say GOOD FOR HER! I am proud of her for that.
I am all about giving Trevor the benefit of the doubt but this phone call worries me.
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Lauren,
#265065 - 05/23/06 02:56 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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There is NOTHING sexual happening in our life between the two of us right now. NOTHING, and there won't be. I'm way too proud to be girl #2. I've been there, and hated it.
you are right, I may never know him, but the pics I see make me think he is chatting with a girl online and gave her his #, so that's it. If they'd have been "together" he'd have pics of the two of them as a couple. I saw a pic of him, just a stupid pic of him like you'd find on a stupid website today and no more pics even though he had the camera with him yesterday. I'm watching closely.
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I really think it's just a girl he found on the computer and was flirting with on the phone. He has had his camera with him lately and I ahve been watching to see if any pics of her arrive...and nothing yet.Just a pic he took of his face, and a pic that looks like a webcam took it of this girl's face.
that's why I think what I think.
ps- there's no sex between us and won't be, don't worry.
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Shannon :) (05/23/06 03:05 PM)
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Shannon...
#265077 - 05/23/06 03:17 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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You poor sweetheart, I really don't know what I would do in your position. I am like Amanda, in that I HAVE to know what is going on, I would freak about the phonecall and as for the photo...Honey I hope you are doing OK, just wanted to lend my support, I have nothing constructive or useful to say...cyber hugs...
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S.
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Shannon! I'm just sick about this for you! Especially the 3am phone call that is "none of your business!" Excuse me??? He's still your husband and it is your business! OMG how did you not punch him out?!?!?!?!?
This is my worse fear. Something like this happening to my marriage. I don't believe it will ever happen but my gosh you just never know! Men can be complete jerks and only think of themselves! They also, I believe, can sleep with other women and then come home to their wives and sleep with them then and think nothing of it. We all know that they think with!!(Sorry Tommy or other men reading this. I know you aren't like that!) Not that women aren't capable too but I know for myself I'd have GUILT written all over my face. I could never do it.
I hope it gets better for you before it gets worse. I'm praying for you that everything works out. Hang in there girl and stay strong!!!!!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Shannon
#265137 - 05/23/06 04:43 PM
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If you have seen a picture of himself on his camera and a picture of an unknown girl on the computer I hate to say this but it "looks" like he's def getting to know someone.
I say that because when Tommy and I were getting to know each other we sent pics of one another. I never cheated on the ex but hr did see me opening a pic of Tommy in te early days and got furious. I guess he was smart enough to figure out that there was an attraction there if we were exchaning pics.
I just don't want you to dismiss the cheating thing incase it does happen. Or maybe he's lying about having not met anyone when he really has.
I'm so sorry, this is rotten!!
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Shannon,
We haven't chatted much on the boards but my heart goes out to you and Kayleigh with all of this going on. Having read the posting over the past few days, I can only recommend the following:
1. Contact a lawyer to protect your interests- primarily your daughter.
2. Contact a counselor for yourself to deal with the impact of the separation for yourself and for your precious daughter. Since it will effect you both in different ways, at least you'll be prepared and have a great support system.
3. Be careful not to get lured back into the "we can work this out" without using any protection. If there is someone else he is with, who knows what might happen health wise to you.
4. Pay attention to what is going on and keep a journal. You may need it later to help you.
My girlfriend wound up going through this almost 18 months ago. Her husband of 12 years was traveling a lot and suddenly started doing his laundry. Having worked at a law firm helping a divorce attorney it immediately sent off an alarm. I mentioned it to her and she swore that he would never do that to her or their three kids. Four months later I get a phone call from her because there was a $100 charge for flowers at Valentine's Day. She got a card...not flowers. So she started calling around and found out who the flowers went to...some gal out of state. Since I had mentioned my suspicions she kept paying attention to little details: the late night cell phone conversations- he got a second cell phone and didn't give her the number, constantly in his office at home locked away on the computer (he even put a password on the computer so she couldn't use it), always picking a fight with her when she asked him where he was going. The final straw was when he got fired from his job. Seems that the company knew that he was traveling on business and staying an extra day or so to be with his "girlfriends". They got tired of it and fired him. So he lied to her about the job...was supposedly leaving to go to work or on a trip and was shacked up with one or the otherof these girls for over a month and a half.
Straw finally broke when she got a call from the girlfriend in Las Vegas who got the flowers. Seems she was pregnant and wanted to talk to him but he had been avoiding her calls. The whole thing turned into a large mess with her finding photos and videos of him with other women in a box in their basement. She finally was able to get onto the computer and found all kinds of photos and emails from numerous women. Then she found out he had lied about the job and hadn't told her that he had been fired.
Unfortunately she didn't listen to our advice initially on what to do in talking with a lawyer to protect her childrens' interests thinking that they could work it out. Now her kids have 2 half-siblings that he has to pay child support on. He is still out of work, and ran up their joint credit cards, cleaned out the kids college funds and their savings, all the while she is working three jobs to support her kids and fighting to keep her money so they don't take it for the child support for the other two kids since they are still "married". At least she finally filed for divorce, but knows that even if he has to pay child support there won't be a dime coming in.
She did go to the counselor which we recommended her doing for herself to deal with it. She was able to get the kids to meet with someone and they are dealing fairly well with the fact that their dad doesn't live with them but that they are still loved by both of them.
I mentioned your story to her and she recommended the same thing we told her earlier saying she only wished that she had done it sooner and also that she should have kept asking him the questions of "why, and what is going on" knowing that she did deserve an honest answer. No matter what she has gone through we are still standing by her because she and the kids needs the love and support of true friends. I know that everyone here is definitely in your corner. I wish you the best and know that you will do what is best for you and Kayleigh. I will keep you two in my thoughts and prayers.
Michelle
*hugs*
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I know the best scenario for me and my daughter is to stick it out till Sept so that we don't end up on the street
because we can't support ourselves, my family can't support me and my husband can't support us or himself.
A few years ago, while I was on maternity leave from work and making literally next to nothing per month, Trevor drove drunk in the company vehicle...and potentially smashed up a neighbor's car, and didn't even remember. He could have chosen not to tell me, but he did, and it was something that could have lost him his job.
It was also something he could have not told anyone and nobody would have been the wiser. It was a turning point in our lives because he did the good, right and honest thing, even though we were terrified of what would happen.
he lost a company car because of it,and had to go buy a new
vehicle...He very well could have lost his job, but he absolutely HAD to be honest. That's why I don't worry about him lying. I know you guys didn't know this, so there's my reason-one of many-that I don't think this is some big scam and why he's leaving me.
In the end, he even told the neighbor, who thought Trevor was nuts, because that dent had been there forever. He didn't even DO anything, after all.
See why I'm inclined to think he's not a liar?
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Hi,
thanks for your post.
I ahve been attempting like mad to get a hold of a pastor in my church. I ahve had no luck and the pastor that would talk to me is sick with the flu.
I will seek a counsellor but it's a matter of doing this when he's not here. He's not here much but has happened to be here during the time I'd be able to search for cheap counselling. I can't afford $100 a session, for sure.
What your friend went through is awful. I do not see me being that naieve. I want to leave but can't afford it right now. i'm planning on leaving in the fall when i can afford to have damage deposit, new stuff(we do NOT have a cushy living to begin with) and a JOB because I am presently unemployed for the summer.
We are officially split up and he has taken his wedding ring off. We've told everyone. I'm still in love, we're getting along JUST GREAT aside from the whole being not a couple thing...but he isn't happy.
Now if I knew I ahd a job for the fall, or for July and August, I'd be out in a heart beat saying "smell my dust" but I can't!
We don't even have a spare bed for God's sake, you know?
That's what's keeping me here for now. Not the hope that we'll get back together, though there's a tiny bit left in me....I still care about myself and my daughter more than that.
I just physically can't go.
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He just falls asleep in our bed. We don't even touch at ALL, even by accident right now. It's just a shared bed like they do in those third world countries.
He was sleeping in Kayleigh's bed but it's really hard and he has scoliosis...and I can't sleep alone etc etc. That's the only reason I'm letting him sleep beside me. he'd be in agony every day if we didn't and I'm too stubborn to give up the bed. I'm also just not skinny enough to enjoy a single bed with a 3 year old.
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that I do not know if it was a girl he was talking to. I jusmped to that conclusion. he's had conversations with his best friend late at night on his cell before when they're drunk...and that's not unheard of. It was just the kind tone he used worried me.
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I know that when we started looking at counseling options there was a support group for single mothers that she went to that was free and gave her some support from others that were trying to get by and doing all they could. Maybe there is something like that in your community. I think we found it through the community college.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you on the job. Always hard waiting for the assignments to come out. I have quite a few friends waiting to find out what teaching assignments they will get. Seems the contracts still haven't gone out yet. You would think they would be actively hunting for people to have in place. Crazy administrators!!!!
Michelle
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Hi Shannon, have you thought of asking him to move out instead of you moving out with your daughter and disrupting her life? He's the one who wants out, he should leave the house.
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Hello Shannon. A phone call at 3am, talking for at least 45 and telling you it's none of you business. That is way too bad. Better ask what's wrong, before it's too late. That's all I can say to you. Im sorry, im not good in giving advise.
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let alone all the other bills with making nothing per month in the summer. That's the problem!
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I will def. look into that. And yeah, they often don't hire teachers till the end of August for Sept. 1 here. There's much more hope for me this year than last ut still not a guarantee.
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I can see why you don't want to see him as a liar. I also see how you can't think of yourself being that naive...no one does. I can tell you that crashing a car and being with another woman while you're still married (even if it's officially off) are two completely different things. Besides the fact that if he tells you he IS seeing someone, you can use that against him in divorce proceedings....infidelity. As long as you're still married officially that is always an issue legally.
I understand why you want to trust...but go with your instincts here. We as women don't give ourselves enough credit. I should have seen the signs and there were times that I said something to my ex and believing that he would never lie to me, he did. I am not a naive person. I was with him for 11 years. You'd think I would have known him....
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Flipada - IBS-C "It's a gas, gas, gas"
**Lauren**
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Shannon, you need to talk to a lawyer before you presume that you won't be getting more financial help. He may be responsible for paying your rent and bills.
I want what's best for your family, but I can't help but think he is taking advantage of your thoughts of dependency on his salary. My mom and dad stayed together because my mom didn't think she could afford to leave him, and it greatly effected all of us in the long run. It was a horrible way to grow up.
If you truly have decided you don't want to be living together, then you have to find out what your options are before assuming this is all going to fall on you. Don't let him intimidate you into relying on him while he gets to do anything he wants because he thinks he has you trapped.
I really want you to work things out if that is possible, but please just find out what your options are while you are going through this time. I can't imagine the stress and awkwardness in your home right now. I lived through this my whole childhood and it's horrible.
It might help you to email Barbara S....she recently went through this and may be able to offer you some advice she has learned.
Big hugs to you, my friend. You deserve more respect...and not to be taken advantage of...please.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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he slept in a different bed last night. I don't know when he got in and I don't care.
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I agree with Beth. He will more than likely need to make equalization payments/alimony, and yes he may have to sell the restaurant to do that...but that's tough cookies for him because he has brought this upon himself. With a settlement, you will probably be able to pay the rent or mortgage and other bills. Please, please, please see a lawyer as soon as possible to protect you and your daughter's interests. I know you want to keep things very amicable, but that might leave you with very little in the long run.
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I agree with Gracie. Although laws are different here in the states, someone I know who's wife CHEATED on him still has to give about $3000 a month in child support for his two kids. If he has to sell the restaurant, then so be it. Don't feel guilty, you have done nothing wrong.
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even if nothing comes of it and everything comes back together for you (which I pray for)... see a lawyer. I mentioned before that I am divorced from my first wife, and no matter the circumstances get a lawyer. The problem with not getting represented is that the other will be. I was told that we where doing our own divorce paper work and such, and when I should up for the meeting my ex had a lawyer. Please do not get caught up without help.
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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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I will certainly see a lawyer.
The thing that i can't state enough is that even if he sold off all his stuff, as it is right now he wouldn't be able to afford any child support. he has a restaurant loan, and he'd lose it, and without it he'd have no inome, and without an income he couldn't possibly afford payments. See the conundrum? He's in MAJOR overdraft. that's why we're living together till the fall, so he can get out of overdraft at least a bit, and I can save up or get out of some debt!!
Plus right now I have $100 a month in med. bills that are covered under him, not me, and that won't change till the fall at least. Sigh. I'm very stuck. Not that I'm expecting it to work out, for sure. I will be on the lawyer thing this week sometime.
I've found a counsellor (well, a church marriage counsellor) and am waiting for her to call me back. She's supposely faster than waiting for a pastor to get over the flu.
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