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Re: I'm scared new
      #264797 - 05/22/06 12:57 PM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

Shannon,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. You can't make him tell you who he was talking with but I am sure now you will be watching everything that is going on.

I think at this point you really need to look out for yourself and your daughter. Do what you think is best for the two of you. Unfortunately men don't always put their families first when they are dealing with a personal crisis.

I wish there was more I could say. I will keep you in my prayers. You know that we are all here for you whenever you need us.

Hugs,

--------------------
Janey

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Re: I'm scared new
      #264809 - 05/22/06 01:45 PM
Gracie

Reged: 11/25/05
Posts: 1967


That would make sense as to why he's so adamant about not going to marriage counceling. Just to be on the safe side, please see a lawyer as soon as possible so you know your rights and what you are entitled to.


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Re: I'm scared new
      #264832 - 05/22/06 02:04 PM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


Can you confront him about it? Why wouldn't he have admitted it to you?

If he is starting to get to know this girl and wants to pursue her, I'm so sorry.

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Re: Thanks all new
      #264861 - 05/22/06 02:52 PM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

oh Shannon I'm soooo sorry!

who did he say that he was talking to?

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He said it was... new
      #264872 - 05/22/06 04:31 PM
_Willow

Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.

"just a person, just some drunk person." He's always been super secretive though, and so this is not unusual, but usually he would tell me afterwards.

The thing I'm not sure about is that I did snoop on his side of the computer and I see a girl's picture. She's nobody i recognize, and it's nothing as simple as a dirty picture...but I don't know how to tell him I saw it without ending all chances for a reconciliation.


He does not talk on the phone for long stretches very often, hence why it worries me.

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Keep on keepin' on...

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Re: He said it was... new
      #264882 - 05/22/06 06:03 PM
AmandaPanda, J.D.

Reged: 04/26/04
Posts: 1490
Loc: New York, New York

Shannon,

First of all, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

As for the phone call -- I personally have a need to always know what's going on. You must have the account information for the cell phone, right? If I were you I'd be online in a heartbeat looking at recent calls. You know the date and time and duration, so you should be able to find the number of the caller. Then I'd call it from work or a friend's house or something and see who picks up. I don't know how it works in Canada but I know in the US you can go to www.whitepages.com and do a reverse phone number lookup -- you put in the number and they give you the name. If it's a cell, though, you won't get any info.

I think I'd also call a lawyer and a counselor (for yourself).

Best of luck,

Amanda

--------------------
Amanda

I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin

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Amanda: That's some good advice! - nt - new
      #264887 - 05/22/06 06:26 PM
Double J

Reged: 03/09/06
Posts: 900
Loc: High Rocky Mountains ibs-d



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Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher

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Re: He said it was... new
      #264888 - 05/22/06 06:29 PM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

Amanda has a good point.. there are certainly ways to find out what is going on..

I don't think that you should feel bad for snooping. He's being secretive with his information and you two are going through an awful time right now! Anyone in their right mind would be wondering who he was talking to, and who the girl in the picture is. Hopefully its just some random girl he met years ago, and hopefully things work out for the best.. however, I don't think you should have to walk around on eggshells not to upset him by bringing up (what he views as) controversial topics. You have a right to know, and if it is another women.. you biting your tongue or you calling him on it isn't gonna change that outcome. Granted I wouldn't go crazy on him and demand to know who the girl is, but there are calmer ways to do ask, because you deserve the answers if you want the answers. The problems you are having now may go away on their own, but walking on eggshells may also just mask the problem, and it could occur again later a few years down the line in the event that you become resentful, or if he begins to feel the same way that he does now again.

I truly hope that things work out for you, but like you said, you've been an amazing wife. everyone has their problems, and you shouldn't need to be silenced so that he'll want you back. If he realizes how great you are, it will be because of who you are as a wife and as a result of what you mean to him.

I hope that this post doesn't sound judgemental at all, and that you are not hurt about what i've said, but i've been in relationships where i've walked on eggshells not to dissapoint a boy that was hurting me, and it ended up hurting me more in the end because I came resentful that I was the only one expected to change, and as a result, I wasn't being myself (just turning into who he wanted me to be). I do care about you Shan, and I hope this helps! I think that you have a right to know whats going on in your life, and in your family!

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Re: I'm scared new
      #264893 - 05/22/06 06:47 PM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

Prayers, hugs, love and support for you Shannon. I also agree with Amanda's advice!

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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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We have separate accounts new
      #264903 - 05/22/06 08:11 PM
_Willow

Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.

and our online accounts have passwords and I have no clue. The only way I'd know is in like 3 weeks when the bill comes, if I get to it first.

Yesterday I went to church to find a pastor to talk to butnone were there. I was given two pastors' numbers but can't get a hold of the two that I have numbers for!! I will also seek a counsellor as well but can't do much on a holiday.

As far as a lawyer goes, my dad is working on that part apparently.

--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...

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