My Godfather has passed...
#260328 - 04/27/06 06:07 AM
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TommyNY
Reged: 04/29/04
Posts: 1530
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He passed away this morning around 4am. I feel really badly. I did not call since my aunt since he had been sent back from the hospital. I feel EXTREMELY awkward in those situations, like I may say something wrong. It is just difficult for me. Now I feel overly guilty for not calling while he was alive.
Anyway, it looks like they may bury him in NY because he wanted to be buried in a military cemetary. Apparently the military cemetary in FL is about 4 hours form where my aunt lives. So it seems as if she will bury him up here in NY out on LI.
Please pray for my aunt and her family or keep them in your thoughts. Thanks.
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I'm sorry to hear this, Tommy. Your family is in my thoughts.
Please don't feel guilty for not calling. Everyone deals with these situations in different ways. When my grandmother passed away, I didn't want to be around the rest of my family because it was too awkward. No one seemed to understand that at the time, but it was my way of dealing with it...
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>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<
Michelle
IBS-A, pain predominant
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Sweetie, don't feel guilty. It seems like he wouldn't have been able to come to the phone. He was probably pretty out of it and not coherent. Plus, we both talked to your aunt at your parents not too long ago. I'm sure that counts for something.
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Tommy
#260332 - 04/27/06 06:16 AM
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I am so sorry...you know, I used to feel the way you do. A little awkward and unsure of what to say. Please forgive yourself for that, for me that didn't change until I was in my late 30's as more and more people I knew fell ill and passed away.
One thing I learned from my friend was to not be afraid of speaking of the person who is ill or has passed away. Sharing funny memories...loving memories...and such always bring comfort to those of us left behind.
Now...make sure you contact your aunt on a regular basis, be willing to listen as she grieves and dare to grieve with her.
I hope this helps you...know that I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Have a blessed day! Rachel
Formerly poochibelly...
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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So sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Tommy. I know your aunt understands that some relatives won't call when people are sick. We just don't want to bother family who's going through illness. All my best--
~nelly~
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Post deleted by Jeano
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I'm sorry Tommy. You and your family will be in my thoughts. Hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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you're not the only one bad with that stuff, I am too. I never know what to say or do, and end up feeling really uncomfortable. When my uncle (who I didn't know well) was dying of cancer, my mom basically forced us to go see him, and give him a hug. He was not even aware of anything and barely looked like himself. In hindsight I'm glad I went but at the time I could barely handle it. Even now when I go to funerals I'm very uncomfortable, and I don't know why. Don't feel guilty, you're just human, and death and dying is a really tough subject for anyone.
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- Jennifer
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God is Faithful!
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I'm so sorry Tommy  Don't feel badly, a lot of people get very uncomfortable dealing with illness and death and I'm sure you're loved ones will understand. I will keep your Aunt and family in my prayers.
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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She did not sound too good for obvious reasons. They are flying my uncle's body back to NY for a military burial out on Long Island. There is going tobe a viewing on Saturday night. I didn't speak too long with her as you could hear commotion in the background. I still feel terrible. 
Thank you all for your warm words as well as your advice. it is very much appreciated.
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It will be very hard for your aunt. I hope she plans on staying with your mom for a while so she's not alone?
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Tommy
#260455 - 04/27/06 03:28 PM
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I am so sorry to hear about your uncle. There is no need for you to feel guilty though - people deal with these situations in all different ways and I know that that is how I generally deal with it too. I'm sure with everything going on she would understand that as well.
I saw that you said that you finally did talk to her though so good for you.
You are all in my thoughts and don't be hard on yourself - you're a good guy! 
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Tommy,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle. I will keep you all in my prayers.
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Janey
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*hugs*
#260470 - 04/27/06 05:09 PM
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Tommy,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*
-MIchelle
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Tommy,
I understand exactly how badly you feel. Don't be too hard on yourself. If possible go to the funeral, visit with your Aunt, make sure she gets a really sweet bear hug from you, tell her how much your Godfather meant to you, and how much she means. Better late than never, you will feel better afterwards.
Don't put it off, I lost a very close freind last year, knowing she was going in for major surgery, I was not able to be at the hospital after she had a massive stroke, and wait for hours and hours for her organs to be harvested. It made me feel terribly, but, she knew why I couldn't come see her before she went in. I still struggle with it. But not as badly as I did before I spoke with her family. This is why I suggest to you to see your family. It is a part of life, and every day is a new learning experience.
Prayers for you and your family honey!!!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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I'm sorry for your loss, Tommy. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Tommy
#261138 - 05/02/06 03:19 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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..only seeing this now, sorry to hear of your loss, hope the family is doing OK.
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S.
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