Gracie
#259683 - 04/22/06 08:42 PM
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No because they both told me neither of them could go. One is a teacher and the wedding falls in a busy time for her. The other couldn't afford the expense.
The fact that they're not coming to the wedding is ok. It's that they've forgotten completely about me that bothers me so much.
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Post deleted by Jeano
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Thanks Shelby. I have to say that I agree with you 100%.
Everyone is busy and that's no excuse. The ones that do keep in touch have busy lives as well.
I think you're onto something about jealousy. The one friend (teacher who has email) got all weird about my moving here and other things. Aslo when I first started dating Tommy she kept trying to get me to think of dating people in Ottawa too. I was in love with Tommy so of course that never crossed my mind. I don't know what her problem is?!
I know Tommy is the greatest as are ALL YOU GUYS on the boards!!! HUGS!!!  
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Well I think you've done all you can. The ball is in their court and if they don't return it, you don't owe them anything. It's normal to feel sad and you're not being silly about it. I do think out of sight, out of mind has something to do with it though.
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In their defense, some people are just better about keeping in touch than others. One of my best friends has moved all over the world since we graduated high school, and she's much better about making the calls and stuff than I am. I just get busy and let it slide sometimes.
Having said that, I would absolutely NEVER let months go by without talking to her. These girls might like you as a friend, just not an extremely close friend.
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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That's a good friend. I flew from Sacramento to Ohio a few years back to sing in a friend's wedding. We've been friends for about 13 years now. I have a few best friends that I'd circle the world for. A lot of other people have come and gone in my life but the few who are still there are worth more than all the rest put together.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Yes, I have had a similar situation. I worked with a gal for 10 yrs and then the boss decided to retire and we didn't work together anymore. We had become really close, even though she was younger than me, telling each other our problems, etc.
As soon as we didn't work together anymore she just dropped out of sight. I called her a couple of times but she hardly ever called me. It really hurt.
Anyway, believe it or not we are working together again. This time, though, I will not expect anything if we don't continue to work together anymore.
My advice to you is to let those friends go. Concentrate on the ones that respond to you....they are your true friends.
I know it hurts cause I've been there but believe me, time will heal and you will put them behind you.
Barbie
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Oh, I have SOOOOOO been there!
Girl, let them go. It won't serve you well to mourn the loss. Let them go. It's in the past; it's over with.
This has happened to me SOOOOO many times. The last girlfriend I had is in California; when she told me she loved me, I was determined to hold onto her no matter what. When I lived in California, we worked together, but when she changed jobs, I was miserable without her, so I got a job at her new office to be close to her. When we decided to move away from California, she was the only thing that concerned me; I did not want to lose her. She assured me that could never happen between us, but she lied.
I e-mailed her CONSTANTLY, and she e-mailed me back, but not as often. As time passed, I heard less and less from her. I called her, and e-mailed her even more until I realized she didn't have the time for me anymore. I didn't want to force myself on her, so I stopped e-mailing too.
I went through an awful mourning period, like a death in the family. Barbie was SOOOOO incredibly supportive and gave me some very wise advice that I'm gonna pass on to you: for now -- just for now -- put your friends up on the shelf. You can always take them down at any time IF YOU WANT, but just put them up there and keep them there. That's what I did with my friend; she became known as The Shelf Lady.
Last Christmas, I was shocked to receive a phone call from The Shelf Lady. A lot of time had passed, and I had finally gotten over her; it was a good thing. But when she called, I was dumbfounded. For awhile, I took The Shelf Lady down off that shelf. We talked for over two hours, and, while it was nice hearing about the old gang in
California, the feelings I had for her had passed; it was over.
I haven't heard from The Shelf Lady since. She's no longer on that shelf; she's gone.
People come into our lives and leave just as quickly; it's something I've always had a problem with. But putting those we love up on The Shelf worked for me because I knew I still had them up there and could take them down at any time IF I CHOSE. Use The Shelf.
BTW, I had a wonderful wedding 39 years ago, but do you know that now I couldn't name ONE of our friends who attended?!
You're a very personable gal who will find new friends. I lost The Shelf Lady, but look what I found: Barbie!
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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...and it does hurt when you think you had a friendship and the other person doesn't seem to have 5 minutes in their day to even say hello.
You are definitely not alone in this hurtful experience. I would just like to put out one idea, before you let the people go altogether. For the one person's who email you do have, maybe think about emailing her one more time and telling her exactly what you told us....how hurt you are that she doesn't contact you anymore. You don't have to beg her for her friendship...but let her know how disappointed and sad you are for the lose. For me, I would need to have this "closure" (such a psych term).  I admit, I haven't done this with a few people in my own life who have disappointed me, that I think I will.
I did the whole not emailing until she emailed me back...and guess what? One never did and the other took over a year...and had the nerve to ask me why I had stopped emailing her...if I was mad at her or something. No, I was just tired of not ever getting responses to my emails.
I don't like how these relationships just ended...so I think it's time I let these people know how sad and disappointed I am. I'm not going to beg them to email me or to become friends again, if, in fact, our time in each others lives has run it's cycle. But it just doesn't feel right to let them think I am fine or don't care or that the end of hearing from them didn't hurt me.
Sure, it may be time for us to part ways...I do believe people pass in and out of our lives ....but for me, if I really care about them, I need to let them know how sad it made me. I wouldn't do this with everyone...but I would for the people who I really felt more connected to.
Does any of this make sense? Or am I just babbling now? I guess I don't know what is the right thing to do!  Accept the fact that our time together is over and that is natural...or to confront them one more time and tell them how it effected me. I know it doesn't feel right how it is so unsettled now...and I always wonder how they could just drop me. But at the same time, I don't expect my last "reaching out to them" will matter over time. They still probably won't have time for me...and I might even feel like if I do hear from them it will be out of pity...which I don't want either.
Okay, I was trying to help you....and I'm just dizzy with confusion now! I tell ya, y'all must think I'm just one very wishy washy, indecisive, confused person. And you guys would be right!
What a helpful post this was, huh Tina! Oy. Maybe it should be deleted! I'm just thinking out loud and maybe I should just shut up!
Whatever you decide, I agree...it is their loss. I know that doesn't make the disappointment any less...but it is so true.
Love ya
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Hmmm....
#259721 - 04/23/06 08:03 AM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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You gave made a lot to think about. You make a lot of sense Barbie and Bev.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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