I didn't want to bring my post up to the front again but I wanted to say thank you to everyone. I looked at the list Dr. Spice provided (thanks!!) and I don't seem to have the mania phase. I definitely do not have elevated self esteem or decreased need for sleep. I think its just a major depression that tends to go up and down. I plan on buying a journal this weekend and start writing down all these thoughts, good and bad. I will take it with me to my shrink and just hand it to her to read and let her decide. It seems that the one time a month I go see her now, I'm having a good day. Just like when you take your car in because its making a funny noise and then it doesn't make the funny noise!
I am meeting with a local friend tonight to treat her to a pedicure for her birthday. This is the one who's fiance died a week before my twins. If a good opportunity presents itself, I'll talk to her about it. I'm afraid to talk to Will about it because I feel like such a lousy wife and a burden for him right now as it is. I'm afraid also that if he knows how much I'm hurting that he definitely will not want to try for a baby again in the future.
I am feeling a little better mentally today, definitely not HAPPY but I feel things are some what doable! I stopped the anti-inflammatory and one of the RA drugs because I was feeling so sick. I'm not feeling nearly as sick but now I hurt so bad from the RA I can hardly stand it! I'm typing with two fingers because the rest of them won't move and are to swollen to move. I think if the physical pain would get better that I could deal with my mental pain easier. My rheumy is out of town but I see him in two weeks so I'll be sure to stress to him what kind of impact this is having on my mental stability or lack there-of!
I'm so glad I have all of you to "talk" things out with!! Thank you all for being my friend!
-------------------- Taking it one day at a time.....
I'm glad that I could help! It didn't seem like what you were describing was manic depression, because you seem to be more sad and down than manic. I'd definitly monitor it and talk to your therapist. I hope things work out for the best!
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Thank you everyone!
I think its just a major depression that tends to go up and down. I plan on buying a journal this weekend and start writing down all these thoughts, good and bad. I will take it with me to my shrink and just hand it to her to read and let her decide. It seems that the one time a month I go see her now, I'm having a good day. Just like when you take your car in because its making a funny noise and then it doesn't make the funny noise! 
