In the army now
#258322 - 04/15/06 11:55 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi everyone,
So I just thought I would pop in again and give a little update.
Things, as always, are pretty chaotic and getting me down a lot.
Things for Adrian in Canada have not gone well over the past year, and I think he is finally ready to call it a day here.
He got a letter from the Vancouver Police saying he was "terminated", which means he can never get any policing job in Canada (according to them, I think it might just be Vancouver and they are saying that to seem more important but whatever) which really upset him. Then he got a correction letter saying, "No, sorry, wrong letter, you have been CLOSED, not terminated". Closed means he has to wait 2 years, but can then apply again.
He is so tired of working in security and struggling for money month to month whilst working crazy overtime shifts and not having time to do other things.
He has found out that even if he goes back to England now, he will have a hard time with work because he has been out of the country so long and for the kind of work he was in (intelligence), they are very strict about security and you must have been in the country for no more than I think 60 days in the past 3 years.
So now he has put forward his interest to join the Army. The British Army.
I have never wanted to voice too many strong opinions on this board or anything, so I say this just so you guys understand where I am at and not to have anyone agree or disagree with me but I have strong feelings about the army that would mean that I could never be in a relationship with anyone who would voluntarily enlist. It's not just a fundamental problem that I have, but the thought of being an "Army wife" makes me feel like I might throw up. I am nervous person, and that would just ruin me completely.
Plus, I would be in England where I would be more seperated than I am here so when I need someone to lean on, it would be him... and where would he be? Well, who knows? Iraq, possibly? No way, no thanks.
So I found this out yesterday, and I couldn't stop crying. My head is just pounding. Every time I think about it, I feel like I might just lose it completely.. my lunch included.
I had no idea this was one of his options, but after pressing him about it, it is apparently his serious option now. He said he didn't want to discuss it with me at length when he made the decision because it would be too "distressing" for me.
I am kind of in shock at the moment, I just don't know what will happen.
I was ready to prepare myself for having to choose between staying in Canada without him, and going with him to England but I was not prepared for this.
To make matters more confusing, my parents want to put their house (which we are living in now) up for sale at the end of this month, which is fast approaching.
We have been looking like crazy (Well, I have) for a place to live but it is so hard with the dog, being that he is a large dog. Most places that will let us have him, are way out of our price range.
Adding to that, if Adrian leaves to join the army and I stay here, I won't be able to stay in a place that we have rented for the 2 of us, so I have that in the back of my mind as well.
I am pretty sure it is all this that made my stomach so bad and I had to post two days ago about being late for work 'cause I couldn't stop tummy attacks.
It seems like whenever I think that things are as stressful as they can get for the moment, and I start to try and figure out how I'll deal with it all, something else comes up and kicks me right in the butt!
My mom has been really hard on me about the whole thing, and I haven't even mentioned this whole new "army" idea. Oy.
Oy, oy, oy.
Any feedback, or just hugs would be appreciated.
Cheers!
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Sometimes we all have to make these choices and it seems like we have no time to consider the options. I think in your situation the only thing I would consider is can I or can I not live without this person? I'm a strong believer in following your heart. Everything else will fall into place either way. Of course, I really don't know you or your beliefs, it's just what I would do. Whatever happens I hope that the stress dies down and you feel better. Just curious (and definately not arugmentative), what is it about the army that you don't like? Feel free to tell me it's none of my business if you don't want to share. I've felt the same way with stress before. It seems like one thing after another and if you ask what's next, you'll have the answer before you finish the question. Sometimes things are just out of our hands. Some things you just have to let unfold.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Hi there,
Thanks for your reply. I feel the same way about following your heart, and I think it is an important question about whether or not I can live without him. I mean, I'm sure I COULD in as much as I wouldn't stop living if he was gone, but I want us to stay together.
As far as the army goes, it's not that I don't think it is anyone's business it is just that I worry about offending people. I have a great deal of respect for people who want to protect their own country and families that support them doing so, but I do have my own reservations about it.
Without going into it to much, I do have... problems?... with the way things are politically in the world at the moment and I feel like sometimes people are fighting, and they don't even know what for. I don't feel that it is a matter of protecting your own country, as much as getting involved in something that maybe we shouldn't be involved in.
More than that, though, I have a problem with living without my spouse for 3 years because he is at Sandhurst and I can only living "nearby" so he can visit on weekends. I have a problem with not wanting to have children, because I won't want to be a single mom for when he is away, or if something terrible should happen. I have a problem with sitting by the phone while he is overseas and wondering if he's okay to the point of making myself sick.
I have actually done quite a lot of research on PTSD and a lot of research is done on soldiers who return from war, and it just is too much for me to imagine someone I love so much going through something like that.
I hope that makes sense. I know it sounds selfish to a degree, but it is how I feel and I don't think I can make any apologies for it. There are very few things that I would stop and put my foot down about but this is one of them.. and I never thought it would be an issue.
I really don't want to offend anyone, I hope you can understand where I am coming from.
Cheers!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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and I feel the same way. I don't think it's selfish at all. Especially because you are taking into consideration the future of your family as a whole. Concerning the military, I think that there are too many people who want to jump into fighting without knowing why and some of them don't seem to even care why. So I understand where you're coming from on that. Even country needs a method of defense (unfortunately) but whenever possible, violence shouldn't be the method.
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Thank you very much for understanding.
I really worry about saying things like this sometimes because of how it comes across, it's just that he is very precious to me and it hurts too much to even think about it.
The other thing is, I am a fragile sort of person and I think I honestly would have a break down quite regularly if I were to put myself in that position, especially because I would be in England and not in Canada so if I lost him, I would basically lose everything in a sense.
I appreciate the feedback, I am glad to know I am not the only person who feels this way.
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I feel pretty confident in saying that you're not alone. I'm sure a lot of people feel the same way.
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If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Have you two thought of giving the Ontario job market a try? It is usually better than the other provinces, and there is a shortage of police. I think the Premier announced he was going to hire more police in the province.
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Oy indeed  I'm sorry all this is happening! For the record, I'd definitely feel the same way you do about my partner joining the army - I don't think I could do it either. (At any rate, it would definitely make me majorly reconsider some things.) I don't really have much advice, just sending lots of hugs and good thoughts right now, and hoping everything works out for the best for you (((((HUGS))))))
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Hey Steph,
Sorry to hear that you're still going through such rough times I completely understand what you are saying about the army, I wouldn't be comfortable with my fiance joining either...I don't know what I would do but I definately think the stress would wreck me (plus I feel the same way you do I think with regards to fighting without knowing why and stuff).
I don't really have any suggestions (I'm sorry) but I'm sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way. One thing that did come to mind was just that my Dad was telling me that Alberta and Saskatechewan are currently really recruiting for a lot of jobs (mostly for smaller towns though, not the major cities). They are desperate for employees and apparently in some regions paying people who work at a Tim Horton's $12/hour whereas in Ontario you would only make minimum wage. Would you guys be willing to try a different province where maybe he'd have more job prospects?
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I thoroughly enjoyed the military life...I am not sure if there is a huge difference between the USA and your country but our 10 years in the military were full of adventure and fun...lots of great friends and experiences I wouldn't trade for the world.
I pray you find peace in your decision...whatever you decide.
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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