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I'm not sure on my feelings of military or war in general (I don't think I'm informed enough to make any judgements), but I understand your not wanting it to be a direct part of your life. I don't think I could handle it either. I freak out when my husband has to drive long distances. I'm a worrier by nature, and that would just make me crazy.
I'm sure Adrian isn't just doing this "because". He must really have a reason and really think it's his best option. I hope you can find someway to at least talk to him about it and make sure you understand. Remember that if he DOES join, your support is going to be really important to him, even if it's hard for you to give. Best wishes, Stephie....
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Stephie
#258398 - 04/16/06 07:35 AM
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TommyNY
Reged: 04/29/04
Posts: 1530
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Stephie, I am sorry you and Adrian are going through such a difficult time. I can understand both of your sides. After 9/11, I called to see if I could join the Army. I wanted to kill the SOBs who hit us and killed so many people around the block from where I worked. My parents convinced me not to do it. Who knows, if I did, I might be dead or might never have met Tina. I personally think it is quite an honour to be a part of the military. My country has gotten into battles in history that it probably should not have been in (Iraq, Vietnam) but at least we will never rely on someone else to protect our interests when we are attacked.
What I am trying to say is that this a life altering decision for BOTH of you. You both should think thoroughly before you decide to do it. Adrian should think of all of the consequences if he joines the British army and you should think about the impact it will have on your life.
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I'm so sorry to say this but it may be time for you two to part ways.  It seems like you both want such different things in life.
I could never be married to a cop or an army guy. I'm a huge worry wart and I just couldn't handle the added stress. Sounds like you're the same way.
Tough decisons ahead. 
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Stephie...
#259333 - 04/20/06 06:54 PM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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How ya doing? Have there been any resolutions? I hope you are finding your answers and some peace with all this. It's a very difficult situation to be in.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I spent some years in the military … 19 months in South East Asia. During those months in swamps and rice paddies, and elephant grass I knew that there was someone waiting for me at home. That made a difference … knowing that someday I might be able to return to a somewhat normal life. That there was at least one person in the world who cared.
Thankfully there are men and women who still feel the urge to defend their countries. God bless them!
Where would we be without them? And where would be without the families and friends that stayed home and waited for them?
You might not be a army wife, now, but you could be. In every relationship it takes work to make it happen.
But, then … I am sorry to say that I lost friends, over seas, and at home. At home, because they could not stand what I represented. And that was the reason I enlisted in the first place. To give those folks at home the opportunity to say they did not agree, and be free to speak their minds.
You certainly have a tough problem here … I lost friends that I loved, because I wanted to protect and serve.
I am sorry, but I would be afraid to have to make your kind of decision. I hope that this has not make it tougher for you … Adrian sounds like a person that you could trust and rely on the rest of your life…
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 Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. Mary Anne Radmacher
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Hi J82901, I was drafted in the fall of 1972 but did not have
to go to Vietnam because the war ending, and have always felt
guilty about that. That's probably one of the reasons I'm a
reenactor. My 19th century gunsmith up here is a Vietnam Vet,
and also has IBS. His developed after he got repaired from
stepping on a bouncing betty. Does your IBS stem from a wound
too?
Glad to hear that you served and thank you very much for
your service! Congrats on surviving, that was no easy feat.
-Pvt. Bob, Queen's 24th Regiment of Foot and the 10th Tenn-
essee Volunteers.
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<img src="http://www.math.mtu.edu/~rwkolkka/BritPicA.jpg">
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Hey Beth,
I am doing alright, I suppose. There haven't been any new developments in the situation. We tried to talk about it, but it was so upsetting that we just haven't brought it up again... although, of course, I am always thinking about it.
When he is at home, he is so miserable and unhappy. And he takes it out on me, which hurts me a lot. He isn't mean, or anything but he won't play with me or have fun with me.. just grumps around all the time.
It is our 3 year anniversary tomorrow, and he was supposed to plan a big weekend for us but he didn't... So I did. I figured it things go pear shaped, at least we will have had some good times to remember. I was so excited about it, and he was going along too but this morning when he left he was just so negative.. it might be a big waste of money (we are staying in a nice hotel, and going for dinner and to a comedy show).
So... yeah, I don't know. I am just waiting at the moment. We are going away to Mexico on the 8th of May to meet up with his whole family and we'll be with them for just about 2 weeks so I am hoping that brightens him up a little.
I'll letcha know if anything changes.
**hugs**
Thanks for thinking of me,
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Hi there,
Thanks very much for your reply. I am trying to see both sides of it at the moment, but it is really hard for me.
I just don't think I could handle the stress and loneliness of it all. It would be different if it were in Canada... sort of, well, not really.. I don't know. 
Definitely stuff to think about!
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Hi Stephie, To relax your fears some what, the British Army is
the best army in the world! Yes, even better than the US Army,
not as big, but better equiped and trained. If they weren't so
detestable, I would pity the terrorists going up against the
British Army. You needn't worry about your DH being in poor
hands. Count your blessings that it's not the Canadian Army,
what's left of it after that creten Cretin demolished it.
It's also not very likely that your DH would be deployed
to Iraq, that is a very small fraction of the Army. Because
of his security experience, he would likely be deployed in
in the UK at a sensitive military base.
As to your problem with people who enlist in the army,
likely a result of Canadian liberal propaganda. It seems
to me, from what you've described about your DH that his
views on the military should've been obvious to you since
the beginning of your relationship. I can't understand how
you missed it. Since your relationship seems otherwise fine
, I would go with his decision. Take it from me, there's
nothing to worry about. You'll probably find England very
pleasant to live in. -Bob
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<img src="http://www.math.mtu.edu/~rwkolkka/BritPicA.jpg">
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Quote:
As to your problem with people who enlist in the army,
likely a result of Canadian liberal propaganda.
LOL - Bob, believe it or not, not everyone is pro-military ("liberal propaganda" aside)
For example... if I was in Steph's position right now, I would have some major ideological problems - not just the fact that her life would basically be uprooted or the stresses of being an "army wife," as you call it, or whatever. I don't want to get into a big ideological discussion here or anything, so I'll just say, not everyone is pro-military.
Edited by retrograde (04/21/06 05:55 PM)
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