for the religious church-going people
#253733 - 03/22/06 10:31 AM
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jen1013
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 1322
Loc: the wabe
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OK, this is a practical church question, not a religious debate question.
I decided awhile ago that I wanted to start going to church. Our preference is Episcopalian but we would also try Lutheran.
We live way out in the middle of nowhere. We're about 45 minutes away from two different cities that both offer a variety of churches, including Episcopalian. We are also about 15 minutes away from a rural town with a Lutheran church. This town is more blue-collar, farmers and factory workers etc. We're about 20 minutes away from another small-town Lutheran church, but this small town is wealthier because most of the residents work in one of the larger cities.
First of all, I'm nervous about going to church at all, and since we don't know anyone at any of these churches, I'm also nervous about walking in some place and feeling like a gate-crasher.
Second, I don't know where we should go. (Going to a church that is not Episcopalian/Lutheran isn't an option, and we'll just leave it at that.) I would really like to go to a church that's close, particularly if we get more involved than just the Sunday service.
And I am trying to find a way to say this without sounding like a horrible snob, but ... I live in Iowa and have been raised in strictly metropolitan areas. I'm a quiet little liberal book geek. When you get into these rural Iowa farm communities, I don't fit in. My husband comes from a place like this and every time we go back to visit I spend the whole time biting my tongue. Part of why I want to go to church is for the social aspect, and how can you make friends with someone when you're too busy gnawing on your tongue to talk?
I know that logically I should just start out at one place and if I don't like it then move on to another, but it seems sort of distasteful to go "church-shopping" and I'm not so sure I could do that unless I really hated the people in the church -- because of course you also think, well, I'm at church for spiritual reasons, not to make friends.
Anyway, I guess I'm probably worked up for no reason, but would like some advice anyway.
Thanks for listening...
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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Hey Jen,
Well thats good that you want to go to church.
I'd have to advise first things first. If you really want to know where you should go to church, pray. God will show you where He wants you, where you belong, & where He can use you. I know, chuch shopping isn't a natural thing, so keep an open heart to WHATEVER He might say. He'll guide you. He knows your needs. Don't be in a rush either.
When you walk into a church, keep in mind every church is full of the same thing-SINNERS. No one's perfect, so don't get scared if the people seem to run up to you, or if they don't take notice of you.
When your ready to go, try to keep your eyes on the focal point of church-to worship God. And, no you don't sound like a snob. We're all different. It's natural to want to be in a comfortable place. In situations like that, it's a good idea to just sit back, watch the people, listen to what they are saying, & take your time getting to know them. Not that you shouldn't be yourself, but know enough about them not to say something that you know would offend them. Maybe try asking them "so, why do you beleive that?", during a conversation.
As for the friends part of it, just try to find common ground. Like "what brought you to this church?".
I hope this helps. I'll be praying for you.
P.S.When you pray, remember to beleive that God will answer you! Thats a very important part of prayer.
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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Hey Jen..
We have moved around a few churches since we moved into our house 2 1/2 years ago. We are Catholic and I wasn't happy with the church that was 5 miutes from our house. No disrepect but the priest was a lunatic. We found another church 15minutes from our house and instantly knew we belonged there. (by the way the other priest at the 1st church was removed from the parish shortely after we left) Why not try them out for a couple of weekends before you join? I think your gut instinct will tell you if you will feel comfortable there or not. Nothing says you have to join immediatley does it? I am not familiar with Episopalian but I am with Luthern because part of my family is. I know they are pretty accepting of people. I think it is a good thing that you are seeking out a church. With all that you are going through faith is a huge comfort. Let us know what you decide and good luck!!
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Jen
#253828 - 03/22/06 05:49 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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First of all, congrats on looking for a church!
I can understand where you're coming from. I'm a metro girl and would feel a little awkward in a "cowboy church" as well.
My suggestion to yuo IS to church shop, and to check out the BIGGER churches first, so you can just blend in and not feel like the new freak in town, KWIM?
I know it feels bad to church shop, but how else are you going to know what suoits you best, right?
Good luck. I'll be praying for you. 
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Keep on keepin' on...
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are a pretty friendly group!  I don't particularly care for the Missouri Synod...but I love the Evangelical. Do you know which one these churches are? The Missouri-Synod is seemed much more strict and the sermons were more about fearing God than His loving, compassionate gifts. I don't know...maybe it was just that particular church. I shouldn't base my judgement on one church.
I think the best thing for you and your husband to do is visit each church a couple times. You need to experience the pastor's sermon. You need to see how you "feel" with the congregation.
Good luck...I think you are giving yourself a great gift. I wouldn't be alive today without my faith and the weekly inspirational messages that I hear every Sunday! Good way to start out the long week ahead.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Would your husband consider a move to the city instead of being out in the middle of nowhere?
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Look for the beliefs to be in line with your convictions, and for genuine people who are living out what they teach, serving the needy in the community, and who treat you with kindness and hospitality. Then of course remember no one is perfect or we wouldn't need the Lord OR church, now would we? 
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I think I'm going to try a new church soon. I didn't go to any others...but perhaps a different church would offer me something this one doesn't....like people my own age. I love my pastor...but I never gave another church a try.
It wouldn't even have to be a Lutheran Church. I've been to non-denominational churches as well.
My coworker visited 4 different churches before deciding on one. Her father is a pastor and so is her FIL...so I would say it's perfectly fine to do this!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I don't believe in leaving a church you have committed to just because something rubs you the wrong way, so you get upset and just leave... that's what some refer to as "church hopping", but on the flipside I don't believe in committing to a church before you've given it time, thought, and of course prayer! If you are truly seeking the Lord's guidance I believe He will help you in your decisions... our church is like our family so it was a serious thing to settle on.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I've just always wondered if another church would suit me better. As you know, I don't exactly feel like I belong anywhere yet. I went to this church because a few people praised about the pastor...and I agree, the pastor is awesome.
But, I never considered the other important aspect of the church...like groups or classes or the congregation.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I don't think you should feel bad for looking for a church that feels right to you. When my husband and I got married, we starting going to the nearest catholic church (we are both catholic) and it ended up that we liked it a lot. But I would have been willing to try a nearby one if it didn't click. I wanted the church to be a part of our life so I wanted to make the right choice. I think a church is one place that you shouldn't ever feel like a stranger or outsider, or unworthy.
I would sort of consider myself metropolitan and liberal too, but for some reason that all goes away when I go to church, and I just feel like part of the community. Especially now that we are having a baby I am glad we found a good place. I think our kids will probably go to school there too, so I'm excited about that.
Anyway, I hope you find a church you feel comfortable with, and in any case I think it's a good idea to try. What does your husband think? Or are you the "thinker" in this marriage, ha ha. (I know I always overthink things and my husband just goes with the flow.)
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I don't believe in "church hopping" either but I do believe that you need to feel comfortable with the person giving the sermon and leading the congregation. Along with the fact that you need to feel comfortable with the parish people. At our old church there were no little ones and we always got dirty looks from the people (inlcuding the priest) when Noah made noise during the service. Too me that is not welcoming or comforting. But now we are in a parish that has many young families and the priest will comment on the young ones that might be talking out in church by saying "I believe they have something to add!"
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I've just finished reading this thread, and I feel like you have been given sound answers from all...pray about it, visit a church that holds to the doctrine you are led in...and God will place you exactly where you should be!
We have visited many churches and currently travel quite a great distance to attend a church that we feel comfortable that God has led us too. It is a search process of sorts, but you have the BEST guide to lean on during the process! Let us know how things turn out!
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God is Faithful!
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I'm thinking we will probably give the Lutheran church 20 min away a shot first ... our kids (if we ever have them!) will be going to school in that town, so it would make more geographic sense. If that one doesn't feel right then we'll start trying other churches, probably in order by geographic proximity. I just don't know how long to give a church before giving up. I don't think it's probably as easy as "knowing" as soon as you walk in the door. So I guess I will see what happens! Thanks again.
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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nope, we are planning to be here for quite some time. (by mutual choice.)
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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Hi Jen, the best way to find a church you will be happy in is to visit different ones until you find the one you love
!
Not only does the pastor, preacher,...., make a huge part in your decision, so does the congregation. You must always pray about each and every one first. For the Lord will show you where you need to be.
Then again, you could find yourself in a church and ask the Lord, Why am I here?, and feel so out of place, if it is his will, he will show you! I hope you understand my wording, it is not always the best.
I know you will find the right place, pray about it every day! I will say a prayer for you also.
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