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thoughts and prayers needed
      #249913 - 03/03/06 07:48 PM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

I have been going through a very difficult time with my Mother. She is addicted to prescription pain pills and has been for about 15 years now. She is 72 and things are getting much worse.

Her addiction was very bad until about 6 years ago and after an intervention she decided to start going to AA which helped her. She was sober until about 2 1/2 years ago when she found a new doctor who diagnosed her with fibro and put her on oxycodone. Being an addict she took this ball and ran with it. Every ache was an excuse to take the pills and now it is just a normal existance for her. She takes them all day every day. There are hours each day when she is so out of it that she can't talk. She is in major denial right now and refuses to believe that there is a problem.

I have been through many different emotions and right now am at the point where I have to look after myself and my family. I don't want to talk to her on phone because I can't stand hearing her slurred words. I know that she is killing herself with these drugs. A body cannot take but so much and there is nothing I can do about it. Many days I feel this way and then other times I feel so guilty.

Does anyone have experience with a loved one being an addict? If you can please send good thoughts or prayers my way I would appreciate it.

Thank you for listening.

--------------------
Janey

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This is a tough one. new
      #249916 - 03/03/06 08:12 PM
Wind

Reged: 04/02/05
Posts: 3178


I extend my heartfelt prayers to all involved. I am sorry that I do not know what to say.

Kate.

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You Got It, Girlfriend new
      #249917 - 03/03/06 08:13 PM
Bevvy

Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State

Janey, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Tough stuff, that drug addiction. My father divorced his first wife (before my mother) because she was a drug addict. It was hard on him, I know, because he never talked about it; she ultimately died in St. Elizabeth's Hospital.

I'm sorry, I can't help you because I don't have any experience with drug addiction. I do know, though, that your mom has to sign herself into rehab. No one can help her but herself.

I'll keep you in my prayers, Janey.

--------------------
<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy


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Thanks Bev new
      #249918 - 03/03/06 08:16 PM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

You are right about that, she is the only one that can change this and if she won't admit she has a problem there is nothing we can do. The sad thing is that she no longer has a relationship with any of her family or friends.

I appreciate your prayers.

--------------------
Janey

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Kate new
      #249919 - 03/03/06 08:18 PM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

Thank you for your prayers. It is difficult to know the answers in this situation. I am involved and have no answers.


--------------------
Janey

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Re: thoughts and prayers needed new
      #249922 - 03/03/06 08:35 PM
hohoyumyum

Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA

My mother, my father, and my brother have all been or still are addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. My mother is the only one who has pulled herself together and admitted to having a problem and has started to take care of herself. My parents have always been drinkers and when the marriage started to break down, they both turned to alcohol to escape. Alcohol made them different people, very angry people, in serious denial who hated everyone and everything around them. My father beat my brother mercilessly and he turned to drugs and alcohol. My sister fortunately never become addicted to either if these vices but she has gotten herself into a horrible situation and is just as much in denial as our parents ever were. I started drinking when I was 13 and quit when I was 17 because I didn't want to follow the same route. Instead of drinking I then became the enabler. I cleaned up after my family and helped them out of problems. I did that for years before I realized what I was doing. Then I had to come to terms with the fact that the only thing I could do for any of them was to walk away and allow them to take care of themselves. My father is still an alcoholic and will be until it kills him. My brother is still and alcoholic and addicted to a couple of other things and he is already starting to deteriorate and he is only 32. As difficult as it is to see loved ones hurt themselves this way there is nothing to do but walk away and be there for them when they come out the other side. I have accepted that that may never happen for my father or my brother. I know that they are killing themselves. My mother, I am happy and proud to say, is now sober and supporting herself. I'm so sorry you have to see this. People who do these things are never aware of how it effects the ones who love them. They don't mean to hurt us, but they are not themselves. The are the drug. They are the drink. They are the vice. It is not our faults they do these things. It is not our responsibility to protect them from it, to stop them, or to switch roles with those who should be our caretakers. The only thing you can do to stop it is nothing. She has to decide on her own that she wants help. She has to seek the help. And she has to commit to it. Make sure that you keep on with your life. Don't let this consume you. It will be okay. It is out of your hands.

--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.



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I'm so sorry, will be praying for her and for you. nt new
      #249924 - 03/03/06 08:40 PM
ecmmbm

Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina



--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)


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Sort of familiar... new
      #249934 - 03/03/06 10:00 PM
_Willow

Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.

Dh was a heavy drinker when we met and was until kayleigh was 1. He stopped on his own when he realized how immature and expensive it was of/for him.
My sister was also addicted to speed and did acid in high school. my mom was useless for her at the time, and so I was the only source of support for her, poor girl.:(

though i supported her and listened to her talk, she did have to hit her rock bottom, and she REALLY pulled herself together andis now a wonderful human being and then some.

remember, janey-it's not YOUR problem, or YOUR fault or YOUR choice, it's your mom's. It's so painful to see them go through this, I know. (((hugs))) Have you checked out al-Anon? this is support for families of addicts, and can likely offer some great advice for YOUR position.

best of luck, and even if she never snaps out of it, keep loving her, and most importantly, love YOU.

--------------------
Keep on keepin' on...

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Not familiar with addictions but I will be praying...I am so sorry.~nt~ new
      #249941 - 03/04/06 05:36 AM
poochibelly

Reged: 04/27/05
Posts: 1614




--------------------
Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!


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*HUG* new
      #249942 - 03/04/06 05:36 AM
khyricat

Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan

I am so sorry to hear that... wish I could offer more.. but we are here if you need us..

--------------------
Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant


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Janey, you are in my thoughts..... new
      #249953 - 03/04/06 07:49 AM
barbie

Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas

Hi Janey,

I'm sorry you are having to go through this with your mom.I know it is very tough. My niece (34 yrs old) is addicted to Darvocet pain pills. It started out with taking them for back pain, then toothaches, now just anything she can come up with. She has been to de-tox several times but always goes back to the pills. She will even go to different doctors that don't know she's addicted and get them. I don't know how to help her anymore but the future doesn't look good for her.

Wishing you luck in coping with this from someone who's been there, too.

Barbie

--------------------


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Good thoughts coming your way new
      #249962 - 03/04/06 08:25 AM
Nelly

Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My friend's grandmother was in the same boat and even went to the extent of hiding pills so her daughter wouldn't find them and take them away. They found pills all over the house, under lamps and in pockets of sweaters. The way my friend described it was, "It'd be hillarious if it weren't so sad." This is so hard on families, I don't think the addicts even realize.

I'm sending good, positive thoughts your way! Stay strong.

~nelly~

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Re: thoughts and prayers needed new
      #249963 - 03/04/06 08:30 AM
Nelly

Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC

You are so strong, H!! It takes a lot of self-sacrifice and looking inward to be as strong as you've had to become. We can all learn a lesson from you, and I'm so glad you're on the boards. *HUGS*

~nelly~

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I am praying for you both! -nt- new
      #249972 - 03/04/06 09:42 AM
Tissy

Reged: 07/15/04
Posts: 773
Loc: Baltimore, MD



--------------------
Christie
~Hoping and Praying for Sleep!~

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Thank you all new
      #249975 - 03/04/06 10:02 AM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

You have helped me more than you can know. I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with me and for your thoughts and prayers.

The hardest part for me is feeling so guilty that I should be doing something to help her. Just hearing from others that I have to look after myself and that there is nothing I can do to help her makes me feel much better. I always feel such turmoil inside and it is driving me crazy. I have been having migraines every week now for some time. I didn't realize the stress that I was under.

It was very difficult for me to open up and talk about this. I feel that I have lost the mother that I knew and it isn't something you can really talk to others about.

Thank you very much for your support. It means so much to me.

--------------------
Janey

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Melissa new
      #249976 - 03/04/06 10:10 AM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

I am sorry that you have gone through all of this. I thank you very much for your advise. I have to realize that I can't help her and honestly at 72 I don't see her ever getting off this stuff. Every time the phone rings I think it is going to be the dreaded call.

I am very proud of you for realizing at such a young age that drinking wasn't the way to go. This is such a difficult situation to deal with and for you to have so many family members who are addicts I can't imagine what you must be going through.

I am lucky that my mothers addiction started when I was an adult. Unfortunately her grandchildren have grown up with their grandmother being an addict. I worry about them and how it will effect them.

I had a strange upbringing where my mother was very self involved and usually put her interests first. I am used to that. My sister and I learned early on that the only person we could really count on was each other. We are very close now because of that.

Again thank you.

--------------------
Janey

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Re: thoughts and prayers needed *DELETED* *DELETED* new
      #250020 - 03/04/06 04:18 PM
Jeano

Reged: 03/20/04
Posts: 1392
Loc: USA

Post deleted by Jeano

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Re: thoughts and prayers needed *DELETED* new
      #250075 - 03/05/06 07:14 AM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837


Post deleted by TeeCee

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Shelby new
      #250094 - 03/05/06 09:03 AM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

Thank you for your support. I have to agree that these docs who continue to prescribe addictive pain meds for patients have to take some responsibility. It is a very frustrating situation.


--------------------
Janey

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TeeCee new
      #250095 - 03/05/06 09:08 AM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

Thank you very much for writing. It does help knowing that others are experiencing that same thing. I watched an Oprah show a while back about a woman trying to get off this stuff and she was having a very bad time. This is why I know that my mother will never stop taking it. She cannot or will not go through the detox.

The slurred conversations keep me from calling her most of the time. I just can't handle hearing her like that. She choses to believe that because her doc prescribes these meds that it is ok. Shame on him is what I say. He is a professional and should know what oxycodone does to someone. I guess you may be able to sense a bit of anger here.

I pray for her everyday because there is nothing else I can do.

Again thank you for sharing and your support.

--------------------
Janey

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Re: thoughts and prayers needed new
      #250103 - 03/05/06 09:49 AM
joslin

Reged: 03/05/06
Posts: 2


Do you have a Medical Home Health Service in your area?
they usually have in house counselors and nurses that have
seen your mothers problem before and can help. Sometimes
help from an outside source like this does wonders, especially if the nurse is extremely caring. Your mother is
old enough she qualifies for services. I'm not talking about a nursing facility, these people will come into her
home and work with her. Just a thought from someone who's
been there several times with several different members
of my family. Usually these people know who is in your area
that are the best to contact to help her.
Lots of prayers to you, don't burn yourself out. I've seen lots of that. Don't beat yourself up you did not do
this to her.
From
Someone who's been there.


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hey janey-- new
      #250193 - 03/05/06 10:43 PM
little bear

Reged: 12/22/04
Posts: 736
Loc: chicago

i am so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. it sounds as thought you've had much courage and strength through the whole thing. i have not personally known someone with an addiction problem but my boyfriend has had a couple close friends turn over to drug abuse of very dangerous drugs and ive seen how it affects him. am sending *hugs* and thoughts. take care and hang in there~

--------------------
VEGAN ASHLEY~IBS/C



www.myspace.com/dutchflowers








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Re: hey janey-- new
      #250224 - 03/06/06 09:06 AM
michele

Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan

I'm so sorry Janey, addiction is an awful thing to have to deal with but the others are right, you should not feel guilty. Until your mom realizes she has a problem and wants to do something about it, there isn't much you can do. Hugs!

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

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Re: thoughts and prayers needed new
      #250338 - 03/06/06 07:45 PM
hohoyumyum

Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA

Well, I'd be lying if I said I were totally okay with all the things that have happened in my life. I'm still working on it. But I have a wonderful husband to help me through it and as time goes on, the better it gets. I'm also very lucky to have fantastic in-laws. My MIL has gone through similar things and my FIL was a minister for a long time. Between the two of them, they've heard or seen it all.





--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.



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Re: Melissa new
      #250339 - 03/06/06 07:50 PM
hohoyumyum

Reged: 05/28/03
Posts: 2263
Loc: SacTown, CA

It's good that you're sister and yourself had each other. I learned very young that I could only count on myself. I have to remind myself that my husband really can help me with things I can't do myself. It's a hard lesson to unlearn. I've often wondered about the type of relationship my kids will have with my parents. My husband and I have decided that we don't won't want our children to know my father. He's just too mean and negative. My mother we are still undecided on. She's trying so hard now. But we have time. We probably won't have kids for a couple more years.

--------------------
***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.



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