My grandpa died last night
#248318 - 02/24/06 08:26 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi everyone,
My grandpa died last night. We were sitting at home and my mom rushing down the stairs and said my grandpa had had some kind of attack and she needed my cell phone for the paramedics to call her on for on the way out there. Apparently the paramedics told her that he may not make it to the hospital and they live about 30-45 minutes away from us. So we all went together, my Dad and mom and Adrian and I and when we were about 10 minutes away, the paramedics called and said he had just passed.
We got there and it was the most awful, awful thing... there were ambulances and firetrucks outside. We went in and I didn't want to go in the apartment. All the paramedics were leaving and one of them told me what had happened.. but I was still too nervous to go in.
Eventually, they saw me in the hall and made me come in and my grandpa was on the floor in the middle of the living room under a sheet with all the tubes and stuff in his mouth... I have never seen anyone after they've passed before up close, it was really terrible. I can't get it out of my head.
We stayed for a long time while the police were there, the coroner called, the victim services people came and then the people came and took him away to the hospital. That was probably the worst part...watching them wrap him up and take him away. I did not want to watch, but everyone else did so I didn't feel like I could leave.
Then we went and I packed up stuff for my grandma so she could come here and stay with us, and that was really hard because I just didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say the whole time we were there.
I cried a lot last night, went to bed about 1 am. I have the day off today, it's 8:30 in the morning but I can't sleep.
Everyone is upstairs right now, the rest of my family will probably be here later.. my aunt is driving down, but it is about a 4 hour drive. I don't want to go up because I don't know what to say to anyone... Adrian isn't here, he is at work, so I feel a bit stranded.
Needless to say, my already bad stomach is not doing well. I constantly feel like I am about to throw up, and my lower half isn't doing so great either.
It's just one thing, and then another and then another and then another.
Thanks again for listening, guys.
Steph.
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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How awful!
#248322 - 02/24/06 08:32 AM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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I'm so sorry, Steph. I'm sending you a {{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}! Please try to get some rest. I know it must have been just awful for you. I'm thinking of you.
~nelly~
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I'm so sorry!
#248324 - 02/24/06 08:37 AM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Oh Steph, what a horrible experience. I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you went through. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself. 
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Gee, this is tough. How old was grandpa? I'm so sorry, Steph. I know how you feel; I lost my beloved daddy a very long time ago, and I never got over it. It's something that stays in your heart the rest of your life. I was insistent that he have a close coffin because, to this day, I can't get the image of my dear grandmother lying in that coffin out of my head. Thankfully, my mother did as I requested. I remember my daddy's funeral, but at least I don't have to remember him lying there.....
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you and your family. Do you think your mom will have grandma come to live with you guys? If not, what do you think about the possibility of you and Adrian moving in with grandma? I know your parents are planning to move, so you need a place to live, and grandma now needs someone to watch over her. It's premature to discuss right now, but just think about it.
I hope grandpa lived a ripe old age and was happy. I also hope it was quick and he was in no pain. My deepest sympathy, Steph.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I am so sorry for you loss honey! I know the feeling. I was with my grandpa when he took his last breath. It is so hard. You and your family are in my prayers!! *hugs**
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I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. My symathies to you and your whole family.
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I'm so sorry Steph.... I'd give you {{big hugs}} if I could. I know the image you have in your head..... your story was like reading the pages of my diary.......you were so strong last night to be there and to help your Grandma...... she will never forget that either. Take some deep breaths.... and head upstairs.... your family is all there to support each other....hope that makes sense. {{hugs}}
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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I'm very sorry Stephie, that's terrible.
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i feel for you...
i was there when my granfather passed too, but we knew it was coming. it was scary to see the last few minutes of life, and there is nothing you can do. I left the room when they took his body, becuase i knew that image wasn't an image i wanted to keep in my head. to say the least it was a humbing experience.
but you don't have to say anything to your family, everyone deals with everything differently, just you being with them says alot!
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I'm so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and light a candle for your Grandpa tonight. Love and Hugs
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Try to take deep breaths and try to stay calm, I know it wont be easy. I have not lost any of my grandparents, but I did lose my Great Grandmother who was closer to me then my grandma and I remember how I felt. Just remember he is in a better place and you two will meet again someday. Let us know if there is anything else we can do to help you.
Brandy
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I'm so sorry. Hugs & prayers to you & your family. Condolences. I'm sending you strength in my thoughts today.
Kate.
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I'm so sorry, Stephie. I hope you get some peace in the next several days and months. Remember, silence is OK too. You don't have to say anything. Just being there is enough. Don't feel like you have to contribute to a conversation if you don't want to. You can also busy yourself making tea, etc. if you feel you need something to do.
Hugs.
A.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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oh steph! I'm so sorry! I know what you mean about the images.. I've had my grandmother's death in my head for the last few years. Deepest sympathy.
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Stephie, I am very sorry tto hear about your GRandfather. How horrible it must be for you right now. I am really sorry that you had to witness the aftermath of his passing in such a way. My prayers are with you and your family.
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Oh my gosh Stephie, Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. That you had to see him like that, it's terrible. I remember when my granpa had a heart attack in our living room one night. I was sleeping & my brother came & woke me up saying "Grandpa dying!". I was only 7 or so, but we waited at my bedroom window for the ambulance & after they left, we went out into the living room & saw all these wrappres & stuff all over the place. That in itself is bad enough, looking back now.
I wish I could do something for you. Just remember to breathe. I'll be praying for you! {HUGS)
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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Oh, Steph...I'm so sorry you have lost your grandpa and that you had to see your grandpa like that!
Maybe take out all the pictures you have of him to try and erase that image and remember him the way he was his whole life!
Big hugs as you go through this mourning.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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So sorry to hear about your Grandpa, Stephie. Times like these are so HARD and SO STRESSFUL. You are perfectly normal for being scared and leary and not knowing what to say to people at a time like this. Just be who you are and don't worry about it. Your Grandma knows what you don't say. Just your presence is enough. She can see on your face what you're thinking and that is comfort enough; she'll know how much you loved your Grandpa. Just give her hugs, you don't even have to say anything.
I know how you feel about not wanting to look. When my Grandma died 34 years ago, I was 17. I couldn't even go to her funeral. I couldn't handle it. I have never regretted not going. I just wanted you to know that you're not weird for not wanting to see your grandpa like that.
Big hugs to you sweetie,
Terri
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Stephie!!
#248487 - 02/24/06 04:09 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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You have had so much turmoil this year. I can understand, as I have too. It's awful to lose a grandpa-i've lost four! It's never easy.
But, that final memory will fade-last time I saw my most recently deceased grandpa he was shaking and speaking nonsense, wheezing like crazy, and it was just awful. But I made a choice to remember him in his better days.
As for dealing with family...Stephie, don't feel like you have to say, or do, anything. Grieve in your own way. Go down there and don't say anything, talk your face off, or don't go down there at all. It's so personal and painful and everyone deals differently.
I'm so sorry you have to be going through this right now.
((((((hugs))))))
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Keep on keepin' on...
Edited by Shannon! (02/24/06 04:12 PM)
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Oh Steph I'm so sorry to hear this! Both of my grandpas have died and those images you get are really the worst part because that's not the way you want to remember them. My thoughts are with you and your family and I hope you take care or yourself! Big hugs!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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***********************
If you're not dead, you've still got time.
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Thank you everyone for your warm words, I really appreciate it. I would like to thank every one of you but I am afraid I am a little exhausted right now, I know you all understand.
Right after I wrote my post and said I didn't want to go, I went straight there and have been with my family since then (it's 8 pm now, I am just taking a little break to have something to eat). I did feel really awkward and useless every time someone who would start crying.. I managed to make it through without any more tears, but I am still very sad.. I just don't feel comfortable crying in front of people.
For those who said about staying with my grandma, she is here and staying with us. I don't know how long she will want to stay for, but we have said she can stay as long as she likes.. As for us staying with her, there is nowhere for us to stay and it is very far from where we work and I wouldn't be able to commute... I will go to see her often, of course, but staying out at her apartment is not an option at the moment.. That's why I hope she will stay here with us.
We have planned a memorial for Wednesday, and I expect to see more family tomorrow.
I have cancelled plans with girls from work tomorrow night, and will cancel an appointment for a haircut in the morning. I also am supposed to be going to a baby shower in the afternoon (busy, busy) which I may still attend to drop off a gift and meet the new baby, but I doubt I will stay very long. My "ex friends" will all be there, and as I am going alone I don't feel that I am strong enough to deal with any of that at the moment.
Thank you again for all the support, the well wishes are very much appreciated.
Much love,
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I know how sad you must be. Grandfather's are just the best!!! Hang on to your wonderful memories of him!
BIG HUGS<><><><><><
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~~~Lisa~~~
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Oh my god Steph, I'm so, so sorry
{{HUGS}}
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And it sounds liek you have made a new friend or two! I'm very happy for you in that regard! 
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. I'm sending hugs and prayers for you and your family. Just talk to your Grandma and try to reassure her she's not alone in this.
God Bless
Terry
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