New day, new plan!
#246192 - 02/14/06 08:57 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Ok, I got through yesterday but it was pretty rough. Thanks for everyone's well wishes. I went home, had myself a really good cry with Harley and went to bed at 7:30pm!!
I got myself up early this morning and did all my stretches they gave me in physical therapy yesterday and a few extras. The steroid pack I just took really seem to help with the swelling but I'm very sore still and my muscles are very tight. I plan on getting up early every morning to stretch and then in a week or two, when I'm feeling physically strong enough, I will start back on my elliptical trainer. A few years ago, I could do 6 miles in 22.5 minutes! I think that would kill me if I tried it now!   So, my plan is to start with 5-8 minutes at a slow pace and work myself up slowly. With the RA and fibro I'll have to do it carefully and slowly but I'm determined to do it! I don't know if I'll ever get to the ability to do 6 miles that fast ever again but thats ok. I just want to feel healthy again and lose some weight. I don't need to be a size 6 again, I'd be happy with a 10! My goal is to lose 38 more pounds. I'm down 12 pounds since I lost the twins but my goal is 150 pounds, I'm 5'8 so thats fine, I don't need to be stick skinny, just healthy and not so jiggly! 
I saw the infectious disease dr yesterday afternoon and he was very nice. He has ordered another billion blood tests, I didn't think there were this many left that I haven't had!  He is rechecking to be sure the Hep C hasn't returned, he is checking again for Lymes, he's doing the Celiac panel, chlamydia which I've been tested for but just wants to be sure. There a bunch I'm really not sure what they are, ones a T cell study-has to do with the natural killer cells in our bodies, a CIQ????, Immunoglobulin, myoplasm I6m??, Babesia???, Coxsiella??, C-6 peptide?? and H6E/HME?? I'm about to google some of these as I just can't remember what they are all for but I've come this far, might as well go for broke!  Its a good thing I have good insurance!
As far as to try to have a baby again or not, I haven't fully decided. I figure in a few months when I'm feeling better we will try but I refuse to go through all the hormones and crap again! I refuse to let myself get so obsessed with it again. I need to not waste my life trying to create another life. Don't get me wrong, I still long for a child but I need to realize that it isn't worth giving up my life for. So guys, if I become to obsessed in the future with "making baby" please remind me of this!  I'm trying to think of my furture without a child and be ok with it. Its hard and will take time but I figure if a miracle happens and I am blessed with a child than WONDERFUL but I need to start dealing with the real possibility that it just may not happen for me and I need to make my own peace with that. Not sure how yet but I'm working on it!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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once you get your body back to healthy- who knows.. you may not even need help and you may just have a healthy baby because something else was preventing it.. sometimes our bodies know when they aren't right and can't handle somethign before we do!
I hope everything works out with all those tests!
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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*gentle HUGS*
#246262 - 02/14/06 12:39 PM
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melitami
Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)
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And a big thumbs up! I think that's an incredibly healthy, fantastic way to go about things. You are an inspiration, you wonderfully strong lady!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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Great Ideas Michele!!! you go for it!
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Hugs to you Michelle!
I really hope you can continue to make good progress, physically and emotionally! I'm sure there will be lots of hard days, but it seems like you are keeping your perspective overall. We will be here to support you with whatever decisions you make.
Good luck with the eliptical. I know that exercise is really important for me with the arthritis type symptoms I get from Crohn's - not anything like actually having RA, but my larger joints, like my shoulders and neck, often feel like I'm 60 years old! Stretching helps and just making sure you move around more.
How long do you have with the steroids. It's really good that you won't be on them long term. Lots of people have little to no side effects with short term packs. I've done long term (4 month course, peaking at 40 mg) and I had lots of the side effects. So if you do have questions on that in the future, I can try to be of help.
Have a wonderful Valentines day Michelle!
Min
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Hey Michele,
I think you've got a great plan. I think it's good you're being so aggressive with figuring out what all your health problems come from. Regardless of whether or not it influences your decision to try for another baby, it is YOUR health after all and that's very important!
I'm confident you'll get back up to your exercise pace in no time. I'm kind of the same way---once i stop for awhile, it's rough getting back into it. I did several 5ks last year, and a few longer races, and ran probably 4 times a week. Now I struggle on the elliptical!! (by the way, 6 miles in 22 min is phenomenal!) I really want to be in shape, while I'm pregnant, so I'm trying to ease myself into it.
And I think it's great you're not pressuring yourself to make a decision about a baby right now--like you said, YOUR life isn't less important than life you may create.
And I'm SO happy you have Harley, he is just adorable!! I get my puppy this weekend and I can't wait---expect pictures!
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Michelle,
You sound strong and focussed today. I'm sooo glad! With all of the health issues you face, it sounds like you are truly dealing with one thing at a time. Future is just that...future, and who knows? You may have children with zero complications if they get the rest of the stuff sorted out. Either way, it sounds to me like you are solid and determined to deal with things. I'm so happy for you! Not making light of your struggles, mind you - I know how real your pain and grief have been - but you just sound SOLID!!
I'm praying and sending hugs.
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God is Faithful!
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Sounds like you've got yourself a pretty good plan Michele  I'm glad you are trying to make peace with the baby thing...and I really hope that it will just happen for you without you having to make yourself crazy over it
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Re: Thanks Min
#246320 - 02/14/06 02:13 PM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I know that the stretching at pt really help yesterday even though it made me hurt later so I'm really going to try and get motivated. I think it'll help me feel better overall!
I actually took the last steroid pill this morning! It was one of those 6 day dose pack things. It made me a bit jittery and a little funny but nothing too serious and it did help. I really don't want to take them long term so hopefully the other meds will kick in and with the exercise, I'm hoping not to need them!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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The boss is in and we are busy so I can't reply to everyone but wanted to say thanks!! Will write more tomorrow when I've got more time!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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YOu go girl!! I am so proud of you and how well you are handling things. You are such a strong person and I know that there are many good things for you down the road! Love ya!!
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Michele,
#246398 - 02/14/06 08:31 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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As always, I'm so proud of your strength and your positive attitude. I hope your blood tests come up with something, and that you allow yourself to keep loving life, whether a child is part of it or not.
love and hugs,
Shannon
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Keep on keepin' on...
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It sounds like you are ready to put some energy into caring for physical self, and I am so happy to hear it! As others have said, you are so strong. You're truly inspirational!
{{{{hugs}}}}
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Christine
Those who can do; those who want it done better teach.
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Re: Michelle
#246415 - 02/14/06 10:01 PM
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gigi
Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas
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I am in awe of you right now, you are so much stronger than you realize. One of my dearest friends always has to have a "plan", when she does she says she feels better about everything, when not, she is a mess. After all of the years I have known her, I have not caught on until I just read your post. Gotta have a plan, it is motivating, a thought to keep in your heart at all times, a way to move on. Where has my brain been??? I thank you, for sharing this with us,everything that you have been through has touched me in ways that I cannot explain. You are moving me to tears Michelle.
I like the sound of this dr., I hope he finds whatever he needs to know to help you.
You can loose that weight, you are a strong, determined woman! I am loosing on WW, whatever you are doing just stick to it and do it good. You will loose that weight, I am confident of it. I know you can do it !!
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Good for you! And good for your docs! You sound like you're gettin' it together, Michele. I'm proud of ya! I like your fitness plan, and your goals seem reachable. You'll do it, I'm sure.
Sweetie, my hubby and I have been married 39 years. We've lived a WONDERFUL life, far happier than I ever imagined I would ever be. And it has been a life with no children. While I love babies, God chose for me not to bear them, so I had to accept it. I just happened to luck out with my hubby, who never wanted them, and in fact never once changed his mind in these 39 years.
For us -- not for others necessarily, but for US -- the older we got, the more selfish we became, the more we did not WANT children. We have done a lot of travelling and had a LOT of fun by ourselves. I know, it's selfish, I understand that, but we handled what God dealt us in a very positive way.
Looking back, I could not have asked for a more fulfilling life with a greater guy, or had more fun and excitement than we've had.
I'm really glad to see you are "making your own peace" with things you may not have any control over. Note that I said "MAY not have." The fat lady hasn't sung yet, Michele. I'll keep a positive thought for you.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I keep telling myself that I CAN have a happy life without children if that turns out to be the case. I still cry when I see little babies and diaper commercials sometimes but I'm getting there! Harley has been a big help!
I'm determined to stick to the fitness plan! I did my stretches again last night and I did 40 minutes this morning and I feel a bit sore but I do feel "looser." I'm hoping to get the "exercise room" cleaned this weekend, its been more a storage room lately and there's coats and stuff piled on the eliptical. I'll just start slow and work my way up!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Excellent!
#246494 - 02/15/06 09:42 AM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Michele,
I haven't been able to post much lately, but I have been trying to keep up to date on your posts and I can't believe how strong you have been when you are going through such a difficult time. I think you are very much an inspiration to all of us, and I hope you know that!
Your plans all sound really great. I'm glad the steroid pack is helping with the swelling, that must make the stretching easier? Starting with stretching every morning sounds really good - my Dad has a bunch of problems with his back and he does some exercises and stretching every morning and his back has been waaaaay better for doing them - and I'm talking for YEARS now so hopefully you'll feel a difference too!
Yeah, I haven't heard of anything you listed off in that second paragraph there... so... hmmm... At least the doctor was nice and seems to be very thorough, and that's what you want in a doctor I guess! Keep us updated on how the tests go!
As for the baby plans, I think you deserve a little break from all the stress and worry of having to think about it every minute - you must be exhausted! Whatever decision you make right now doesn't mean it will be your decision forever, so you can just relax for a while. Either way, we will be here to support you whatever you decide.
Glad to see you are feeling positive today, I think you're doing so so well!
**hugs**
Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I'm trying to redirect my "baby making" energies into "getting healthy" energies, lets hope it works!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Yes, I couldn't have done this amount or really any stretching before the steroid pack!! I still have some selling but its noticeably better. I've even noticed an increase in my range of motion just from the last couple of days!! I feel really good about my decisions and hope I can stick to them! I'll keep you posted on all those tests, I'm getting the blood work done tomorrow!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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BIG Hugs, Michele
#246499 - 02/15/06 09:54 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Michele, I gotta be honest with ya here.
For some reason, through the years my friends who became new moms all seemed to have the urge to put their babies in my lap, for me to hold them and love on them. I'm sure it was their intention to try to inspire me to have babies of my own. You see, nobody knew of my condition; I kept it a secret until I turned 50.
It was tough, cradling the little babies in my arms. I'm not gonna lie to ya. However, it's my fault for not having told my friends; they truly did not mean to hurt me, they just did not know.
When I became a Godmother to my nephew, it was a WONDERFUL experience. I got introduced to "Sesame Street," a show I had never seen before (remember, when I was a little kid, there WAS no TV, and when it was invented, the only show for kids was "Howdy Doody" (I LOVED it!). Anyway, did you know that "Sesame Street" is VERY entertaining!
I know, I know, I rambling. Sorry. It's a "Senior Moment." It'll pass....
My point is: I enjoyed my Godson every time I was with him; it was WONDERFUL. But you know what ELSE was wonderful? Handing him over to my brother and his wife when he started screaming. Then, when he became a rotten teenager, I was able to walk out of the house and leave him with his parents, for them to have to deal with.
And ya know what I did when I left their house? I went home to my little puppy dog who jumped all over me and showered me with kisses.
It's a good thing.
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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That was so sweet of you!! I agree with your friend, I like to have a "plan" for just about everything, almost to a fault though. My hubby is always telling me to just "wing" stuff and well, thats just not me! I figure if I can devote all the baby making energies into getting healthy, I'll be fit again in no time! I do tend to be like a dog sometimes, once I get my teeth into something, I don't like to let it go. I tend to get a little too obsessed about things but at least I realize that. As long as what I'm "obsessed" about it good and healthy, I figure thats just fine!
I'm glad to WW is working for you. I'm just trying to stick to a bowl of oatmeal or a zone bar for breakfast, a frozen diet meal for lunch, fruit for snacks, lots of water and a sensable dinner. I figure if I just cut my portions back at dinner and try to make healthier choices like veggies instead of cheesy potatoes that'll be a good start. I lost 40 pounds about 4 years ago so I know I can do it if I set my mind to it! I just have to stay away from the chocolate!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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HEHE, Yes, I love Sesame Street! I grow up on that and Scooby Doo!! We actually still watch the cartoon channel also from time to time, just for fun!
I'm getting a little better with babies but its still hard. People will bring them into the office and ask me to hold them and stuff. Its not that I mind, it just hurts, as you understand. I can't believe you didn't tell anyone about your condition until you were 50!! That must have made it even harder.
I just feel so much love and joy with Harley I wonder how much more love and joy I would feel for a child. But, then I try to tell myself that I wouldn't be able to sleep in on Saturdays and we would be tight on money and I wouldn't be able to just veg in my chair after work when I'm tired and all the other things that go along with raising kids. I still hope that one day I will have a child but if not, I'm really trying to come to peace with it. I'm happy with puppy kisses over poopey diapers for now!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Its funny, you don't WANT there to be something wrong with you or to be sick but you also want some sort of answers. Maybe they will find something and maybe they won't but I've come this far so I figured I might as well have all the tests done, just to know that I've done everything I can.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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You know, we need to pick a day that we can get together!! Harley LOVES little kids and he and Noah would have a ball playing!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I feel better about things when I have a plan. Its like I need a direction or something to focus on. My plan is simply to get healthy and go from there. Plans are good but my shrink reminds me not to get too far ahead of myself!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm feeling a little more solid as you put it. I do better when I have things to focus on and I've just got to learn to put the "baby focus" at the bottom of the list and my health at the top. It'll be difficult but I just have to do it, for my sanity!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I am home this weekend with just Noah and me. You could come over Saturday if you want. I don't have any plans!! Other then I thought about going shopping. But that can always be done another time!!
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As long as the dr says its ok than I think its great that you're trying to exercise while pregnant! I was WAY too sick and tired but your almost to the 2nd trimester now so that'll make it easier!! I'm already down a couple of pounds from my last pre-pregnancy weight but I have a lot more to go thanks to all the fertility meds and crap but its time I stop making excuses and just do it!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm actually hoping to make it to my moms house as we still haven't had our christmas yet!! Every weekend either she, my stepdad or me have been too sick!
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Thank you both for sharing your thoughts and feelings about being childless. I still have a long way to go with acceptance...but you both are the best "sponsors" anyone could ask for.
Thank you both...from another childless woman. (I just found out my cousin is pregnant....again! 3 Babies under 3)! It is so hard to see the babies. My coworker just returned from maternity leave and she is a totally different person. All her conversations focus on the baby. And I've seen so many pictures. The green eyed monster is trying to be happy for her...and I am. But still, it's hard, as both of you lovely ladies know.
Michele, your post is filled with lessons for us all. Thank you and I'm praying you come to peace with all of this! You are such a wonderful lady...and yeah, you deserve the best life you can have ....no matter what that includes!
Love and hugs, always!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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You can do it honey, I am older than you, and if I can you can!! I will support you all of the way!!
love to you, gayla
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