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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Hi Michelle,
I agree with what most others have been saying. Esp. b/c of the recent RA diagnosis - she should understand this would not be a good plan for you. Explain to her nicely, offer an alternative lunch or something and see what she says. You shouldn't feel bad about it either - you need to take care of yourself and try to get better - both from RA stuff and from all the pain to heal after loosing the twins.
By the way - I meant to tell you that depending what meds they put you on for RA, I may have some experience. Imuran, Remicade and Humira are all currently used for both RA and Crohn's but were originally developed for RA. I've heard humira is a really good drug too. You'll be in my prayers with that diagnosis.
Hope you have a good day, Michelle!
Min
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she should understand that it is too much for you right now. Explain it to her like you did to us. It isn't worth your health, you've been through too much already. Just my $.02
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Carol
nós somos o que nós somos e o descanso é merda
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You've gotten so much good advice! I just wanted to add that life's too short to keep people in your life who cause you distress. I find it much more satisfying and fun to have a few really great friends (or even only one), then people who don't understand the true meaning of friendship. Quality over quantity for me!
I think the most graceful way out of this is to just be honest. You're dealing with a lot right now and if they think you're a party pooper that's their problem. You're a great person, Michele, and I think you're probably a really great friend too.
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Your right! I just don't know how honest I should be? I don't want to ruin her b-day with my problems but I want them to understand. I guess I'll wait for her to call me and see how she reacts. If she is upset, than I'll go into more details. I know I shouldn't be worried about what everyone else thinks but I guess thats my nature. Thanks!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I thought for sure she would have said something about going out all night and being in the cold when I told her about the RA diagnosis last week but it didn't seem to register to her at all. 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Thanks Min
#243073 - 01/31/06 09:44 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Right now he has me on a combination of Ambien and high doses of Zanaflex (muscle relaxer) at night and Placquenil. He said it may take 3-6 months for the placquenil to really start working. I am sleeping better though which makes everything a little easier to deal with! Its just frustrating, I want to get down and the floor and play with Harley but its so hard to get up and down. He loves to play fetch and I can hardly grasp his ball to through it. I'm hoping these things will get better once the placquenil starts working.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Oh Michele -
My husband and I have had to deal with this type of situation. The health reasons, the money.....it is hard.
My husband's two best friends have been doing very well financially for the past 6 years and we have not been at all! We are very happy for them and for their successes, but we simply cannot afford the type of entertainment, vacations and presents that they can.
A few years ago, they had this "brilliant" idea for the 6 of us (3 couples) to go stay at a cabin together. We split the cost of the cabin and the food. I'll spare all of the awful side details, but let's just say that it was a disaster for us financially and we went into debt over it. My husband was too ashamed and embarassed to admit that we simply could not afford it. So we had to pay off credit cards for a while because of it.
Additionally, my husband and I had our chronic health issues flare up (probably due to the stress of it all) and caused problems for us the entire time and the other couples were not understanding at all. Their irritation was very apparent and it was tense. I spent most of the vacation in the bathroom with IBS-D.
I stay at home with our children. It is a huge sacrifice for us financially, but we have decided that it is the best for our family. We don't go out to eat, we have only one car, we don't go see movies, we don't buy the latest fashions......we are trying to focus on our family instead as best we can.
All of our friends have both spouses working, make lots of money, go out to eat all the time, have fancy new cars, wear designer clothes.....which is great! I am glad that they are enjoying themselves. BUT, they just don't understand where my husband and I are coming from and it has definately strained our relationships. I have a feeling that they might not last over the next few years. We simply cannot keep up with their chosen lifestyles.
Quite frankly, if we lose these friendships because we cannot have dairy laden cuisine that makes my IBS flare with them every week in our new palatial home and drink fancy wine while cruising the bay on our yacht....then I suppose they really don't care about US, they care about their "connections". It is sad, but I feel it happening.
If our friends really love us, they will be willing to work together for mutually fun and affordable activities. If they really love us, they will want to understand our IBS and help us feel better and thrive.
Just my two cents!
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and got voice mail so I just left a message to call me. I also replied to an email sent out to all of us with the plans outlined. I was very nice and very apologetic and just said I'm not up to it. I explained I'm still dealing with the loss of my babies and the new daignosis of fibro and RA and I just can't physically be in that big of a crowd of peopel, outside in the cold for hours on end. I think I did a good job explaining things without going into too many depressing details and asked if they decide to do something else to please let me know. I also told the b-day girl that I wanted to do lunch or dinner with her to make it up to her. I'll let you know what kind of response I get! Thanks everyone! It helps to know that I'm not just being an old fart and a party pooper! 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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That sounds like a really nice email! I think your offer to have lunch with the b-day girl was very thoughtful. 
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