This is what I am trying to tell myself......
#23613 - 10/16/03 12:57 PM
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Nugget
Reged: 02/10/03
Posts: 2167
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Even though our contractor on our building is now back to "right" some "wrongs" that weren't passed by the inspector and the contractor is calling us "nit-picky"......
Even though our dogs who have been sooooo good, have now decided to torment our geese and have severely injured one so now we have to keep the dogs and birds separated until we can sell the birds......
Even though I am extremely stressed over all that is going on and upset that my husband's daughter from a previous marriage is treating him horribly after a brief visit recently.....
I am going to try to tell myself "it will all be fine soon and all this is happening for a reason" "things could be worse" "we are both healthy" "we have soooo much to be thankful for" "these things are extremely minor compared to what other people go through"....etc., etc.
What brought this about is that last night after I found out that the dogs had chewed on one of our geese (the goose is doing pretty good considering) I got all "worked up" because I started blaming myself. I told my husband that all these "flashbacks" from childhood come to the forefront when things like this happen. My parents were not mean or abusive, but I do remember all the yelling if my brother and I (usually my brother) would get in trouble. I remember despirately trying not to disappoint my parents because I saw how it hurt them and how upset they would be when my older brother disappointed them. So I was scared to be in the same situation. It's kind of sad that even at the age of 35, I am scared to disappoint anyone or to "get in trouble".
Thanks again for listening.
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Emotions are so hard to control, especially when there's a bit of history to them. In my case, at the moment my husband and I are not getting on so well, arguing a lot, and my daughter is finding it so hard to handle. I hate it when we argue and she gets so upset over it(she's 9) as I can really feel for her, yet I can't seem to stop it for her. I've told her that adults fight because they need to sort things out so they can move on from there. Thing is, I can't tell her we won't split up because the way I feel at the moment, I just don't know.
But I know what you mean with childhood memories like that, they stay with you and control you for so long. I still work on things from my childhood, I need to stop it happening to my daughter too.
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Sarah
Looking for inspiration...
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Nugget... we tend to get easily stressed. Perhaps it's because it has all come at once. (your husbands daughter, the cowboy contractor, your dogs natural instinct for the food chain...) ... (sorry, that was a bad joke).
But it seems to me that your worrying for nothing. I dont mean to sound harsh. I like to call it "thinking outside the box". It's when you step outside your situation and assess it from another point of view, see the problem as it is and not how it is occuring. (follow?)
For example, your contractor has no right to say your nit-picking. If he had done the job properly in the first place, he wouldn't be back again. After all, you probably paid good money for his services.
I found this as a very good stress management tactic. I'd often go to bed, sleepless for hours, thinking of things that normal people would just dismiss. In the morning, I'd wake up very tired with my IBS attacks. (usually, after a nights stress, it would result in D.)
I took the hypno tapes. This also helped. for some reason, sub-conscieciously (sp?), I realised most the time i was worrying for nothing. The problems were never as bad I they first seemed, and it was all in my head. Call it positive thinking, but I very rare have my ibs attacks due to stress these days. I worry over more 'worrying things'. The more important ones.
I could ramble on and on - but then i'd confuse you even more. Hopefully I've said enough so that you understand where I'm coming from. Otherwise you have every right to tell me to "shut it!".
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Thank you, Sarah. I appreciate being able to "vent" here knowing there are people who have gone through or are going through the same things. It really helps. I'm really not a sad person all the time. I do have my happy days....just lots of stress lately
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Thank you for your insight and suggestions. I really appreciate any help I can get. It's nice to "vent" here among people who understand.
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Oh Nugget! It never rains but it pours eh?
I think if I were you I'd be yelling at the contactor that he should've got it right first time!
Thinking of your geese reminds me of this one time at my parents. They've got 2 budgies (they were my brother's, but he got bored!) who have the spare room to themselves most of the time and fly in and out of their cage as they please. They've also got a Springer Spaniel, Jake. You might see where this is going!
Jake has always known that the budgies were off-limits, or so we thought. But one day, when I was home on my own, I heard this weird noise and came out of my room to find the dog walking out of the spare room... with a bird in his mouth! Looking back on it, it was so funny. Classic cartoon moment - he'd grabbed the bird neatly with its head out one side of his mouth and it's tail the other! The poor thing was looking up at me!
Anyway...I just screamed at the dog to DROP!!!! And for once he obeyed me and just cowered! The poor bird flew away to the other side of the landing and I bundled the dog out into the garden.
When I came back, the budgie was nowhere to be seen. I was totally freaking out at this point. My fiance rang up and I was like "The dog ATE the budgie! And I've LOST it! I've gotta go!". He laughed soooo much, but it wasn't funny for me at the time!
I searched for ages and finally found the terrified budgie hiding UNDER my brother's bed, with his little chest going up and down so fast, I thought he was going to have a heart attack! Somehow, he was fine. I guess I should thank the people who trained Jake as a gun dog. He only knows how to grab things so they're not damaged I guess.
It was the most stressful experience, but now it makes me laugh! Animals are a liability aren't they!
Don't blame yourself Nugget. These things happen...and you're not the only one! We just have to get through them as best we can - that's life. There's a favourite quote of mine from 'The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood' (a must-read book)... "Life is short, but it is wide...This too shall pass". We can get round these problems.
Linz
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thanks soooo much Linz...you have a wonderful way with words. Your story made me laugh. I love animals and I love my dogs. they have great personalities.
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Linz, your story made me think of one of my own. I had a parakeet for years that my friend Jen sold me when she wanted to buy a pair of rollerskates instead (we were twelve). When I was almost sixteen, I went to visit my aunts in California, and I called home when I arrived to let them know I'd gotten in safely. I got my sister on the phone, and she was just hysterical--somehow she'd been trying to clip the bird's nails and nicked him and he escaped outside and was perched in the pine tree and she couldn't get him down and it was getting dark outside...and here I am all the way across the country trying to comfort her! The bird turned out fine but there was blood on my wall when I got home that she hadn't bothered to wipe up, ugh. Yep, the bird lived another couple of years, until he was eaten by my neighbor's cat...but that's another story....
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