The IEP meeting
#23571 - 10/16/03 07:42 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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Well, this is the first time I've cried in an IEP meeting. I want to almost every time but I never let myself, I am intent on playing the part of the confident mother who is a former teacher, who is educated and informed, and who is very capable of making rational decisions. But today it was just hard, this class I've put him in is not a good fit alnd I feel like it's my fault for making a bad decision, for not knowing better from the beginning, or investigating all the options. I have to believe that the Lord has been in control of all of that, it's just hard for me not to feel personally responsible. What they are suggesting for him is a Self Contained classroom for EC preschoolers that includes a broad range of children, and also time with mainstreamed kids, too, but it would be at a different school. I can't disagree with their recommendations but I'm sick to my stomach at the idea of changing things for him again. Anyway, I haven't made any decisions yet, I have to go observe this other school and go from there. The team meets again in 2 weeks to write up the formal IEP based on what Eric and I have decided to do. Thanks for your prayers in the meantime.
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Michelle,
I am so sorry to hear you broke down in the meeting...don't beat yourself up over your decisions. You didn't know it wouldn't work for Luke until you tried...you are a wonderful mother!
I hope are you able to find him a placement that he is happy with...it will take sometime though. Don't be discouraged.
Take care,
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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I would have broken down too. It has to be so hard to be the mom at an IEP meeting. At least you went some parents don't even go. Some of the teachers who I worked with, when I student taught, were disgusted with the parents that didn't come and then at the same time they were happy becuase they wouldn't have to deal with any conflicts and it didn't take as long.
I pray God gives you the direction you and Eric should go with Luke. Sometimes it is trial and error on what will work. I pray Luke isn't affected too much by any changes.
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Michelle, I really feel for you and Eric. We too are having problems with both children at school at the moment, after changing their schools midway through the summer term. I feel so bad that I thought we were improving things, whereas it just seems to have opened up a new set of problems!
I sometimes wish I could home school them, but it's just not possible, and anyway I need to teach my children to stand up for themselves and take responsibility for their problems instead of running away from them.
I'm sure you are doing the best you can - no parents are perfect, we're only human and all you can do is your best. You give that boy lots of love and you'll figure it out together.
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Sarah
Looking for inspiration...
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Oh, Michelle, I feel for you. I'm so sorry it didn't go well. Don't feel bad about crying or beat yourself up about making the wrong decision. You didn't know until you tried whether it would work out or not. If you hadn't tried this first, you would have always wondered "what if." If this has not been the right environment for him, maybe he will be happier in his new school. I know it's a lot for you to think about and digest. Thank God you didn't have to make a decision on the spot. At least now you do have time to check out the other school and to pray about your decision. Like you said, it's in God's hands. I will continue to pray for you. And give little Luke a big hug for me! I know he's precious to you---that's why you cried. We all want what's best for our kids. That's only natural. Keep your chin up! Big hug from me.
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As a fellow teacher - boy I felt your agony! I hate sitting in on those meetings! Please, please, feel reassured that YOU know your son best. Go with your instincts and what both you and your husband feel is best for your son. Going to the other school will certainly help you both make some informed decisions also.
I"m not trying to throw a spanner in the works here, nor am I trying to dilute the IEP process, however, unknowingly, people can often come into these meetings with different agendas for the child - though they all may want what is best - what you consider 'best' may differ. Some educators look at the overall picture or diagnosis (the one size fits all model whilst others really do try to individualise the process) - be confident in discussing your views, because you are at the core of your child's development - you are the one with the most insight into your child at this meeting 
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Hi Michelle, So sorry to hear about the disheartening IEP meeting. As a school psychologist, I have some thoughts (and please know you are in good company in your tears at these meetings - they are soooo hard BECAUSE they are about your child - I have nearly been in tears myself with parents when they cry because I know how protective and emotional we feel as parents!) First of all, I am wondering if you have seen the class they are talking about for Luke. Once you see it, you may see why they think its a good idea for him, or you may see that the other students in there would not make it a good fit for him and can go back to the school to explain why. Perhaps they could work out something for him to remain where he is with an aide that could support him in the areas of need. If they were making this recommendation in their planning last spring or summer, before having even worked with Luke , I would wonder if they were assigning him to a "one size fits all" program based on his diagnosis. Since they are recommending it now, are they seeing that the classroom he is in can not adequately meet his needs? I know this latter scene would be so very sad for you to acknowledge, but I can tell you as a practitioner who works at the high school level (but have worked many years at the elementary level), it is so worth it to bit the bullet, if you will, and address concerns now rather than just go with an inclusion model because it seems like it will help him socially without taking into account all his needs. I have seen too many students come to the high school with a history of inclusion for inclusion's sake who are so far from having the skills they will need to be happy, productive adults. Really give this some thought, think about what Luke's needs are from his education, and go from there. Not everything has to be addressed this year. If he has some needs that should be addressed intensively now, make those the priority for this year,and once they are at a better place, more and more inclusion could occur when he is more ready for it. I realize I know little to nothing about your son and could be really out of line here. Know that this was offered from a caring place. I will pray for your wise discernment on this really important decision. You sound like a smart, "faith"-ful person and very loving mom. I know you'll do what's right. God be with you in getting there!
Andie
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Michelle,
What a tough time for you all and it's only natural for you to be anxious. I understand what you mean about trying to look at things as a "teacher" as well as a mother.
When you a replaying the teacher only role it's much easier to look at educational goals and what is best for a child in that respect. As a mother and a teacher you can probably see those things with your head but also a heart that aches for your son and his well being.
I can understand that you don't want any more changes for Luke and you are definately not to blame for the choice of current school. you made the decison you thought was best (and I'm sure you agonised over it as we mothers do) and that's the best you can do.
I would visit the new school and then see what you think after that. If it seems really good you might decide the change is worth it.
Let us know how it goes.
all the best,
Kerrie
xx
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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