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but when my husband I were dating while in college, I hated when he went out with his "friends" there. They were guys from high school, and they didn't have girlfriends, and all they wanted to do was drink and meet girls in bars. And besides all that---they were just losers. (He isn't friends with them now, and through no interaction on my part.)
I KNEW he wouldn't cheat on me. But I knew his friends would put him in situations, on purpose, that would come close to crossing the line. So every time he went out with them, we nearly had a fight. He always said "Why can't you just tell me to have fun?" which is what he always did when I went out. But it was hard. And then I always felt the need to grill him when he got back. And believe me there were a few times where he didn't necessarily cross the line, but he didn't put up a stance I thought he should have (and he agreed with me) and that just fueled my fire.
Anyway, our relationship matured, with major bumps---ok, mountains!---and he realized those guys were losers. as we got older, we started to hang out with the same group of people, so we each know all our friends really well, and going out alone is nothing. Even when he sees one friend from highschool who wasn't such a loser, I don't even think twice. I say "don't get arrested!" and that's it. But I never even think about it now.
Part of it the security of marriage and just knowing we are both grown ups and can handle ourselves and be mature. And I think just ultimate trust. Hard earned, but it's there.
Ginger
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Really interesting question Ashley. Like you I've seen so many of my friends get into these ridiculous and damaging cyles of jealousy and have relationships totally fall apart because of it. I think that's just so sad.
In love/sex relationships I think communication is just sooo important. If you're jealous - talk about it. Why do you think you're jealous in this situation? Talking it out like this really gets to the root of the problem, which is usually a problem somewhere else in the relationship. The jealously is just like the symptom.
Personally, with my partner A, we are more or less polyamourous, which means that have secondary relationships (personal and sexual) with other people. Obviously jealousy is going to come into play quite a bit in this kind of relationship. I am not a jealous person by nature and I rarely have problems with jealousy. I think this makes me pretty lucky. Just the same, we are always talking to each other about how the other feels, if the other is jealous etc. to make sure that everyone feels safe and trusting and happy. We have a fantastic, loving, solid relationship. We've been together 3 years now, monogamous for about the first year of that.
The way I see it, jealousy - to varying degrees - is something everyone feels at some point, especially in relationships with other people. Acknowledging that feeling and finding out why it's happening has been really key for me though. Otherwise you just get into scary cycles of guilt and manipulation, which I've definitely seen happen to my friends.
Phew! OK /steps off soapbox/ 
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good idea about the communication! I actually think that that is key as well.. It's better to dicuss why you may be feeling jealous/insecure and how to help it, rather than let it ruin a perfectly good relationship otherwise.
I know for my friend Kate, she's tried this. Unfortunately, a lot of the times they talk he thinks shes jealous bc she's a "jealous person" whatever that means, or because she's insecure, and thats it. Not necessarily bc of anything he's done, or they have problems with together as a duo. How do you get the guy to get past the fact that you're just a jealous person or insecure and actually discuss these things.
haha I guess this should be added to my list of my life isn't so awful single afterall. haha jk  .
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