Poor Panda
#235573 - 01/04/06 07:17 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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You poor honey, that sounds like such a tough situation and decision to make. For what it's worth I think you made the right one. You are about to embark on a whole new part of your life now with your qualification etc and you needed to know exactly what was what before making any plans. You definitely did the right thing. Definitely. I know the missing him must be horrible but you have the right attitude and will get through this.
His relationship with your brother obviously complicates things but at least you can get sneaky updates on him. You are probably best not to email him, guys really need their space when they have girl issues, but it's so hard.
If you were short of patience a year ago, you were very strong to hang on that long. Your prince will come, but you are only 25 so you might have a few more frogs to kiss along the way. Don't rush into anything 
Your story reminds me of a heartbreaking conversation I had on New Year's Eve with a college buddy of mine's girlfriend. He is one of those guys who thinks that it is cool not to be married or get engaged etc. He is on top of his game when it comes to his career etc but when it comes to his GF he is such a kid. She's 30, he's 31, they are together 4 years. We started chatting about when we'd be going to their wedding etc and she went all quiet first and then got emotional. She thinks it's going to be forever before he is ready to commit.
Her sister is having fertility problems and she is scared she might have the same issues, but she cried to me that she doesn't think that he will pop the question for a long time and she is getting worried that if it's too late for her to have kids. Guys really don't think about things like that. I don't know what it is with my friend that is making him act like this, but one thing is that he is one of seven kids, he's the 4th one and only one is married so maybe it's a family thing to marry late, he just doesn't realise how much he is hurting his GF. They are together 4 years and she is so lovely. I had a serious conversation with him where I warned him in vague terms not to let her slip through his fingers, I got very strong on it, meanwhile he asked me if I liked his curtains! He is so stubborn.
I've another friend who is 30, her BF is 25. She had a chat with him lately as she wanted to know where she stood but didn't want to put pressure on him. So, he said that he wasn't ready yet but to give him a couple of years. So now she knows where she stands and can plan accordingly and they are both happy out.
People are funny, and are all different, it's funny to see such a different reaction to similar situations by two guys. I know which one I'd want!
Hang in there hon, the feelings are horrible but you seem to be able to detach yourself enough that you have identified that it might not really be him that you miss but the company etc. Keep busy, do things that you enjoy and you will do just great
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S.
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for your friend....my mother and sisters seem to be able to get pregnant if they so much as blink. I have not had the same experiece (and my eyes are tired from blinking...  )and we have adopted our kids. I don't think fertility issues are genetic. I share that with you so that perhaps your friend will find comfort in that.
I have been blessed being an adoptive mom and am thankful that God blessed me with the kids that I have. My life would not be the same without them.
Though infertility is heartbreaking...exhausting...depressing and all kinds of other "ings", there are options. I daresay that I could not have made a daughter more suited for me had I made her myself!
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Thanks Rachel.
I think it was just hitting home with my friend that she's not getting any younger and she really wants kids soon so that's adding to the whole getting frustrated with her BF, she can hear her biological clock ticking, then when she sees her sister who had no problems getting pregnant with her first child but has been trying for four years for the next one her own clock got louder.
Her real problem, or the one that is actually bothering her is the whole classic "lack of commitment" of her BF.
Didn't mean to hijack the Resolutions thread, sorry everyone
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S.
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Thanks Sinead. It seems like you really understand what's going on. I really am okay, have been surprising myself at how well I'm doing. I think it was just so easy initially because I felt so empowered by taking control, and it took a while for the sadness and dissapointment to set in. The last few months of the relationship were filled with so much agony punctuated by false hope, that the breakup really was something of a relief. Still though, I'm only human. I thought for sure he'd come crawling back, and he's not. Maybe he's too mature or whatever, I don't know. It's so hard because he really campaigned and swept me off my feet in the beginning, it's hard for me to accept that in the end, he was less into it than I was. Oh well. I've got my eye on a few other guys and we'll see what happens.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Quote:
I always forget to make New Year's Resolutions, which is probably better since I have limited will power. But I guess I start late with a couple:
- Exercise more and decide whether to keep the membership at the gym or not
- Make more "me" time
- Stop smoking (bad habit I picked up this year)
 I did not know you (used to)smoked.... you hid it well!!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
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