New Year's Resolutions Everyone?
#234650 - 12/30/05 01:35 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Happy (Almost!) New Years Everyone!!
In that spirit, just wondering what everyone's resolutions are this year?
I have never been big on these 'cause I am so scared I'll break it, but I would like to try to make one this that I can KEEP.
Just thought some people might like the share theirs!
Cheers!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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...because I think that this time of year (the worst of winter) is HORRIBLE for making promises to yourself.
But I have one this year. I really have to go back to eating well, exercising, and STICKING WITH IT. I'm now 40lbs overweight and that's gotta stop... but it's not just that, I'm also very conscious now of the health problems that run in my family, and I'm hoping to avoid some of those later by making healthy changes now.
I think I'm going to be off to a good start. I'm refusing to let myself start until January 2 (Monday), and I've eaten so much crap food the past month that I CAN'T WAIT to eat healthier again.
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Holy cow! I have abstained from the habit of smoking cigarettes for 4 WEEKS, today. I plan to make 2006 smoke-free. NO, I will just "make it so" (sorry, I had to borrow a Jean Luc Picard-ism from STAR TREK: TNG to indoctorinate/reprogram my mindset).
The game plan? I am successfully using Nicoderm Patches at the moment. Intend to do laser accupuncture WITH follow up sessions versus falling prey to hubris. The laser treatment
worked, but I didn't go for tune-ups every few months to keep that qi flowing.
I had one of those moment of ultimate truths, today. I am no longer addicted to the habit of smoking cigarettes. I am still addicted to Nicotene. It's a powerful drug. So, I guess, I've broken the habit of orally using nicotene. Now, I'm using it dermally.
Warped, huh? Such is addiction.
Kate.
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Something about the phrasing helps some...
Back in November, I set a goal to gain 10 lbs by my birthday (Feb 8), not sure if that's going to happen though.
My "New Year's" goal is to organize my desk and start using it. When we moved back in August, Mac and I set ourselves up an office with a desk for each of us. However, he uses his, while I tend to do work on the kitchen table, the couch in the living room, our bed....you get the idea, anywhere by my desk.
On the note of resolutions, I got this great email from CIcoach.com, it's a woman who coaches people with chronic illnesses and dealing with the workplace. Here's her resolutions which I think are well-phrased and well thought out:
Quote:
In the year 2006
1. I will not limit what I do because of fear of pain or more illness. I will take more risks and stretch my body 's limits and my soul because that will help me feel good.
2. I will not, however, ignore my aching self during the day and just keep pushing. I will remind myself that it's not just important, it is critical to take more breaks at the computer, walk early, mid and late in the day, and do my physical therapy exercises as prescribed.
3. I will not use fatigue and pain as an excuse to be crabby with others. I will recognize that I'm really only angry at me for letting myself get to the point where I feel so badly.
4. I will not wait until I'm desperate to ask for help just because my illness is getting in the way again. I will ask for what I need WHEN I need it.
5. I will not become sad or frustrated by how bad it feels when I am sick, tired or in pain. I will work harder and smarter at what it takes to make me feel good.
6. I will not resent others who seem to complain about the small stuff, especially when it's a health problem. I will do a better job of reminding myself that life really is a relative experience.
7. I will not become angry with the people whom I love when they don't notice that I'm not feeling "well". I will share what I need to share and remember that others can't really walk in my shoes.
8. I will meditate each day, even for only 10 minutes, because it will make me a more joyful and calmer person.
9. I will not tense with fear when I see that I'm on a path where there is only black ice on the ground. I will practice staying aware so I don't fall flat on my face.
10. And, finally, I will not forget to give myself a pat on the back at the end of each day. I will remember that if I am not my own best coach and cheerleader, who will be?
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I really suck at making resolutions. In fact, in my entire life I can't recall ever actually making one.
This year, my resolution is to lose weight (a popular one I'm sure!). I am at least 15 pounds heavier than I am at my ideal weight where everyone thought I was skinny and beautiful. Nevermind the fact, I spent the entire day yesterday with my cousin and my sister who are both size fours (I used to be until this year as well), listening to my aunt and other cousin marvel about how skinny those two are, and how good they look, and how me, my aunt and other cousin should start trying to look as good as they do. ROAR. annoying. Luckily my sister doesn't push the envelope too much, because back when I was a twig, she was my size, and people would constantly tell her just how good I looked. Seriously, if possible, my resolution would be for people to stop telling me I look fat, and outlining everyone that looks good. Since thats not possible, I want to try to eat healthier, eat less (I tend to have large portions), and work out. I'm dying to get back into all my clothes that no longer fit.
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Hey Ashley...
My goal is the same as yours, except I'd rather be down 20 lbs. And it is all about fitting back into the pretty clothes.  Here's to us actually doing it!
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40 pounds overweight - I'm so happy for you. Seriously - this time last year you couldn't eat enough to stop losing weight, so that says how much better life has got.
I'm like you though - must stop eating lots of chocolate and get fit again. My mums side of the family is prone to high chloresterol and diabetes, so I don't want to risk that.
My goal - to stop being afraid of going to the theatre and to stop taking in too much work because I am afraid of saying no.
Also to horse ride more - I'm going to see someone tomorrow who wants me to ride her daughters two horses for free and its only 10 mins down the road. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
Another resolution - to accept the fact that I am and always will be a terrible knitter!! I find it sooooo stressful :-)
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Casey
#234671 - 12/30/05 03:34 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hey Casey,
Looks like you and I have some things in common! I too am not usually a resolution kinda girl, but I thought it would be a nice positive post.
Anywho, the other is that I too am about 40 lbs over weight right now.
Maybe we should make a go of it together? I would like to try and start Reporting In again on the computer, I do like to be held accountable. 
40 lbs seems kinda daunting, but I really wanna lose the weight so I can get my boob surgery and feel good about it!
Let us know how it goes, and good luck!
Cheers,
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Thanks Chinagrl! I'm so glad to see you back around here.
90% of my clothes dont' fit and its sooooo discouraging! I'm crossing my fingers that BOTH of us actually do it, and do it right.
I usually say i'm going to diet, and then the next day i'm eating too much. This time we need to stick to it
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Thanks. I have a little spare time now, as it's the holidays (and I'm avoiding working on my dissertation proposal). But I'll be heading out of town for a week and then school will start up again and I'll probably disappear once more.
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My mom thinks the same.. she says I'm just curvy now and she likes it.
I don't hate how I look (although it sucks when others point out how you looked better before). However, I do want to get back into all my other clothes. I have a walk in closet full of them, and they are going to waste. Thats my motivation!
What is your resolution?
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totally understandable. I have a break from school now until Jan 22nd. I still need to go to my internship starting again Jan 3rd, but luckily it is only three days a week (ha, I'd rather have it be zero, but we can't have everything can we). I love freedom!
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I'm probably not going to kick myself too hard if I don't lose 40, because it really is a lot harder to lose weight than it was 10 years ago, but I have to at least give it a try. And either way, getting control of my EDs would be good, too. I'm sick and tired of being a compulsive overeater.
So yeah - starting Monday, I'll report in if you do!
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I'd like to make more friends, and keep in touch better with those that I do have.
Being in grad school, I really seriously have very very few friends, and its kinda depressing. Most of my friends from college are scattered around the country, and I should call them and keep in better contact. Unfortunately, most of my favorite friends live miles and miles and miles away.
Ideally, i'd love to have a bestfriend in Boston, and find a great group of girlfriends to go out with, see shows, hit up a movie. I'm lacking that now, and I miss it a lot.
I dunno how to actually accomplish this resolution.. but I'm gonna try my best!
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I've got another 25 pounds from pregnancy I want to lose. Actually, 30 would be ideal. I don't feel like I look THAT much heavier, but the scale tells me so!
Last year I gave up smoking! Yay for me I actually gave it up in November, so now it's been over a year.
I am giving up sugar. I started today....my head is POUNDING. I am the biggest sugar addict on earth. Yesterday I ate a pound of skittles...and every meal I eat has sugar! I am just so addicted, it's awful...and I'm worried my breastmilk will get Grant addicted! I will probably be having some horrible withdrawel symptoms coming my way. This headache is enough to about give up!
Good luck everyone with your resolutions!
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~Cara~
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I'm gonna do it too! My doc's appt. is in Sept. I have 8 months before he forces me to take cholesterol meds, and damnitall, I ain't gonna do it. I'm gonna walk into his office, healthy as a horse, and he's gonna tell me, "get outta my office; you're too damn healthy -- oh, and stop taking that BP meds; you don't need it now!"
That's my goal. That's my New Year's Resolution. How am I gonna achieve it?
Beats the hell outta me.....
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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I could never give up sugar.. I love my candy too.
I've been trying to cut down though. I figure i'll feel better if I just cut back instead of deprive myself of it. That only makes me want it more! haha
Good luck!
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LOL!!
#234698 - 12/30/05 05:13 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I'm laughing at the terrible knitter part, because I've just finally come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to sew - I've only been trying for the past 15 years. Time to give up!
And yeah... I've come a long way in a year. I'm still in good health - good BP, good cholesterol, everything normal - but everything from cancer to heart disease to diabetes runs in my family, and I think it's a good idea to start taking care of myself now.
Gosh, I'm getting mature or something. 
I'll be jealous of your horse-riding! I haven't gotten on a horse since I was 13 or so, and I miss it.
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I think if you're going to make a change for the better, it should be reason enough, not just because of a day on the calendar. However, I do have a few "goals" for the new year to make myself feel better about myself. I consider them goals - they're a plan. Not an iron clad promise.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Just remember....it took 9 months to gain that weight and it may take 9 months to lose it so don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't come off right away! I gained 30lbs with my first and I remember doing 75 sit ups a night to try to lose the weight. Gosh what I'd do to have some of that weight on me now!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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I kinda started mine a few months ago. I stopped biting my nails after 15 years and am doing very well with it. I don't normally make resolutions for New Years but I think maybe I'll consider letting my nails grow my resolution.
My hubby's phrase is that he made a New Years resolution long ago to never make a resolution. What a cop out! Anyway, it is very hard to make them and keep them and cheers to all who follow through with them!!!
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~~~Lisa~~~
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How did you get 40lbs overweight?????? I thought you were a skinny minny when I first came on these boards. I need tips, please, please, on how to becoming even close to my "supposed to be weight!" I thought I remembered you saying that you were having trouble gaining?
P.S. Love your new pic. Your hair looks cute that length. Of course your hair looks good at any length
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~~~Lisa~~~
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I'm going to print this out and try and remember to read it everyday...or at least on the days I'm really struggling.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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....if I did they would be (in no particular order):
1. learn to knit
2. Organize and clean the cluttered apartment
3. gain at least 10 pounds
4. let go of my anxiety over having IBS and pray more that God helps me deal with it instead of me fighting it.
5. Find a man!
6. Get in touch with my childhood friend...and another friend who lives close by
7. Get a better paying job
8. Make a decision about where I want to live...and then do it.
9. Spend more time reading the Bible.
Oy, I have too much to work on...this is why I don't make resolutions! Too overwhelming.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Re: Casey
#234746 - 12/30/05 08:10 PM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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I *was* a skinny minny... a bad spell of IBS attacks triggered my anorexia and I stopped eating. I never had trouble gaining - I had trouble eating. Once they put me on meds for my anxiety problems, I stopped being afraid of food and the weight came back on VERY quickly.
I've really had a hard time with it - I liked being underweight, even though I know I was sick then. As long as I'm on these meds, I'm never going to be skinny like that again. Sigh.
Anyway - what put the pounds back on me is ignoring portion sizes and pigging out, especially on cereal. Rice Krispies, Cocoa Crispies, and Corn Pops, especially. They don't fill me up, and I can seriously demolish a box of cereal in 2 days' time - or less. For that reason, I CANNOT have cereal in the house anymore.
The only way to gain weight is to take in more calories than you're burning. It sounds like you have a pretty fast metabolism (you lucky duck!). You need to eat more. Don't be afraid to snack more, eat higher-calorie foods, and bigger portion sizes than you are eating now.
If you've already tried that... then darnit, I guess you're stuck being small. I hate you. (JUST KIDDING!! But god, I wish I had that problem! I've struggled with my weight since I was 10!)
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That will help me start on one of my resos!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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i'm adding more to it. More later.....
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Keep on keepin' on...
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(I have avery hard time because I have really really severe asthma and anything beyond walking outside in warm,non-allergen infested air nearly kills me) but anyhow, I promised myself long ago that if I lost the weight, I could go shop at Banana Republic. I LOVE that store, it's SO expensive, but it's gorgeous! So there's one goal...
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Ladies....
#234755 - 12/31/05 12:14 AM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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Hey!
I have to say that I would love to be a support system to you too, and you for me, because I ahve MORE than 40 to lose, but man, 40 would be very close to feeling fantastic for me. I think I'll be taking up yoga or going to a class...haven't decided, all depends on how much money I end up with and how teaching goes etc.
Anyhow, I'll support you, you support me. And get this dang chocolate away form me! I ahven't had a bad IBS attack in weeks and have been SINNING so badly!! 
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Keep on keepin' on...
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1. Learn how to properly type the word HAVE on the computer. Drives me nuts.
No, really.... 
1. Try not to let my perfectionism rule my life.(see above)
2. Remember to love myself and look out for myself.
3. Spend more time PLAYING with Kayleigh.
4. Have a classroom of my own.
5.Lose 50 pounds.
6. Find a type of physical activity that a) I can Do without having an asthma attack three times and b)that I really LIKE!
7. Learn to cook, and cook more OFTEN. I cook very healthy but eat out a ton of the time, and always eat crappy foods.
8. Work out my demons about my family/past.
9. Stop shopaholism (not that I'm bad, but do feel the need to buy things often.)
10. Get closer to God.
And hopefully I'll get to see that therapist again soon-it's so expensive without coverage.....:( She was really beginning to help me figure out how to get the broom up in my brain and sweep out those psychological dust bunnies!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Me too!
#234760 - 12/31/05 05:36 AM
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atomic rose
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)
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Hey, if you want my extra, you'll be overweight in no time! Haha. 
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Or maybe it's "misery loves company"... haha.
I know what you mean about sinning. I've seriously been pushing my luck for the past couple weeks. I've had some snarky days, but no full-blown attacks, and honestly, I'm amazed. I've eaten so much crap lately that I'm seriously looking forward to eating well again!
(Yeah, we'll see how long THAT lasts - LOL!)
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I gained DOUBLE that!!!!!!!!
I lost 40 really quickly, in a week and a half - so I know a ton was water weight - I had preclampsia at the end. But I know the rest might be harder to take off. BLA. I am so motivated when it comes to weight though. I LOVE working out, I can't wait for the doctor to give me the go-ahead!
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~Cara~
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I knew you'd respond about the sugar!! LOL.
My headache went away with sleep...but I bet it comes back today. I want to get all the sugar out of my system for now...I want to be able to eat it in moderation later on. But if I just 'cut back' now...I would end up eating a ton in like a week again. Any amount of sugar makes me crave more.... it stinks! My sister gave up sugar a year ago, she's lost 35 pounds and looks amazing! She's my motivation....:)
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~Cara~
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I printed out a few copies of it myself (managed to leave them at work on Thursday), to remind myself on bad (and even on iffy ones) days too. Hope it helps!
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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I know everyone says they don't want to make and then break resolutions, but even if you don't follow through on them all I think its worthwhile to take stock of your life and think about the changes you at least hope to make.
So, here goes:
1. Figure out how to either accept the job I've got and be grateful for the parts of it I like and the security it gives me OR QUIT and find a career that suits me better and doesn't involve and hour subway ride each way to boot. (can you guess which one I want more?)
2. Return to therapy, work on psychological side of IBS and emetaphobia.
3. Exercise at least 3 times a week. (currently at 0)
4. Speak out more, and not swallow my thoughts and feelings so much. I often find myself in the middle of an ibs attack after a situation where I was not acting true to my beliefs - such as not speaking up at work about something, or just pretending to be happy and fine, when I'm anxious or upset about something.
5. Enjoy every minute with my daughter - and work hard on myself in order to not pass down all my insanity to her!
6. Try eating wheat again and stop being such a wimp about going back to my beloved bagels and pasta! How will I ever go to Italy if I can't eat pasta!??!
Dan
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Ladies & gentlemen take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
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Good Grief, Beth!
#234803 - 12/31/05 09:42 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Girl, you're putting TOO MUCH STRESS on yourself! That list is out of control! Yowza!
How about focusing on only one or two? Numbers 4 and 6 sound really good to me. (Although I also like number 2.) Then, once you master those two, you can focus on maybe numbers 1 and 8. Remember, baby steps....
Regardless, I think your focus should be solely on FEELING BETTER SOON!
{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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That will give me some womanly curves back!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Too much?
#234865 - 12/31/05 03:28 PM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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But it all needs working on! I've been focused on trying to get better for over a year and it ain't got me diddly squat!  So, maybe I'm focusing too much on trying to get better?
Thanks for your advice Bevvy. I've always been an "all or nothing" sort of gal! 
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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my other post explains if you are interested lol
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I copied those resolutions and printed them out - they're definitely food for thought and inspiration. Thank you for sharing them!
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I hope you realize the Casey in there I love so much ....that you love her too!! You better or else I'm comin' after you!!!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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I've been overeating, not bingeing, but overeating (a bit too much) every dinner for two weeks and I'm ill, and just CRAVING yummy healthy food. And staying the hell away form the dairy. 
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Dan,
#235091 - 01/01/06 09:17 PM
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_Willow
Reged: 04/06/05
Posts: 2090
Loc: Canada.
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I can really relate to your #4, that fits in with my whole seeing a therapist more stuff. My IBS attacks are almost 100% stress related, where I ahven't spoken my gut. Or have spoken it too much,LOL!
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Keep on keepin' on...
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Didn't make any. They are useless for me because I do better when I just commit to something when I feel ready not just because it is the beginning of a new year. Some of you guys have some great ones and good luck with those!!!!
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To really try and just take it one day at a time. So much has happened and I've gained so much weight that if I think of it all at once, I panic and meltdown. So, one meal at a time, one dr's appt at a time, one day at a time. Don't know what my future holds for me and I'm learning that I can't control a lot of things so I'm really TRYING to roll with it and trying to be as happy as I can be with what I have.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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I agree! -nt-
#235304 - 01/02/06 11:02 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Wow! This list of goals for those suffering from chronic illness is great! These are things I need to work on as well. Thanks for posting this.
Edited by SPASMTASTICAL! (01/03/06 09:02 AM)
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I need to have more patience. This will help my IBS as I won't stress over stupid stuff. I will also continue to learn about what helps my IBS, Keeping a more detailed food journal. But, the one thing I've been needing to do is continue to get closer to my Lord. Our church is going thru a very hard time & I am feeling the effects spiritually.
I hope all of us continue to learn, grow, & help each other out in new ways. This site has been one of the biggest blessings to me this year!!
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Kiwi
IBS-C
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Not fat, just muscle. I seem to have a difficult time putting it on, too. I think I found some things that are helping that, though. I'm tired of being 102lbs!
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Check out my gallery! http://niomie.deviantart.com/
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I always forget to make New Year's Resolutions, which is probably better since I have limited will power. But I guess I start late with a couple:
- Exercise more and decide whether to keep the membership at the gym or not
- Make more "me" time
- Stop smoking (bad habit I picked up this year)
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- Jennifer
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Mine are kind of random but I think I'll be able to stick to them somewhat ...
In no particular order, they are:
Throw / give things away (I'm a packrat)
Read the daily Gospel every day / pray more
Keep a journal
Be healthier (gym / cut portions)
And this one is kind of weird but I'm vowing to continue on my own to do the things I enjoyed in my relationship with my ex-bf. For example, we travelled a ton. Now I'm planning a 4-week trip to Asia with some girls from school for after we finish the Bar exam.
I also might start writing a book (more on that later, don't really want to talk about it until it gets rolling)
Things I'm excited about for 2006
I will graduate from Law School! I will finish the Bar Exam on my 25th Birthday! I will travel the world with my friends! I will earn an actual paycheck!
Things I'm not too psyched about ...
Turning 25
Still being single
Not having a puppy or the time / money / room to get one
That's all!
Best of luck to you all in your resolutions!
Panda
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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I don't usually make resolutions but this year I made a general one- "to cop on" (not sure if this means the same thing in American/Canadian but it means to have some sense about things)
The things I am "copping on" about are:
1. Diet- I gained 6/7lbs over Christmas and want to lose most of it. I also want to get back to eating healthier, like I did this time last year which really raised my energy levels. I want to get fit again too, I was in really good shape before the wedding, today I panted up the seven stories of stairs to work.
2. Housework- it bugs me when it's not done, but I can't motivate myself to do it so I am going to make a conscious effort.
3. Finances- I consolidated college loans last year and now have my credit cards in check, so I want to keep it that way.
4.Get a new job! Tired of my current one.
2005 was a huge year for me, if 2006 is half as good it'll be great
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S.
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Panda-
I didn't realise that you and BF had split, hope you are OK, it may be some time ago as I have been off the radar a bit, but wanted to say hang in there.
Turning 25 is scary alright, I turn 30 this year (that looks so much older written down!), I think milestone ages focus your mind a lot.
It will be so great to finish law school, I qualified when I was just turned 26 and it was such a great feeling.
I think your resolution to keep doing the things that you enjoyed with your ex is a great one. It means that you won't associate all the fun things just with him and mourn the loss of the relationship and the things as one. Very healthy attitude (can I come to Asia too?)
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S.
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Thanks for the support, Sinead. We did split up for good about 3 months ago. I can't even remember if I talked about it much on the boards or not, and I think you were travelling / honeymooning. Things had been difficult for a few months, and breaking up just kind of became the obvious choice. We were both really upset about it, but it was the only thing left to do. I was at the point where, in order to continue our long-distance situation, I needed to know the relationship was definitely going somewhere. He didn't know what he wanted. I gave him months and months and months to think about it, and he still didn't know. So finally I had to make his mind up for him. It felt really empowering at the time, but a few months later I really miss him and wish we could have worked it out. Some days I'm not sure if I miss him in particular or if I'm just lonely. When you're with someone for so long it's hard to tell those feelings apart, I guess. I've gone on about a million dates and it's been mostly fun, but I haven't found anyone really worthwhile. Meanwhile I keep stupidly emailing the ex about once a month and he says he's not ready to connect with me, whatever that means. He's my brother's best friend, which makes this all so much more complicated, but also allows me to get an update once in a while from the bro, so I guess that's good for something. Who knows. My resolution last year was that by this new year, either he'd have changed our situation or I would. So I was already basically out of patience a year ago and I hung in until October. I don't think any more time would have helped, so I think I did the right thing. What's that stupid old song lyric though, tell that to my heart?!
Oh well, some day my prince will come!!!!!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Poor Panda
#235573 - 01/04/06 07:17 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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You poor honey, that sounds like such a tough situation and decision to make. For what it's worth I think you made the right one. You are about to embark on a whole new part of your life now with your qualification etc and you needed to know exactly what was what before making any plans. You definitely did the right thing. Definitely. I know the missing him must be horrible but you have the right attitude and will get through this.
His relationship with your brother obviously complicates things but at least you can get sneaky updates on him. You are probably best not to email him, guys really need their space when they have girl issues, but it's so hard.
If you were short of patience a year ago, you were very strong to hang on that long. Your prince will come, but you are only 25 so you might have a few more frogs to kiss along the way. Don't rush into anything
Your story reminds me of a heartbreaking conversation I had on New Year's Eve with a college buddy of mine's girlfriend. He is one of those guys who thinks that it is cool not to be married or get engaged etc. He is on top of his game when it comes to his career etc but when it comes to his GF he is such a kid. She's 30, he's 31, they are together 4 years. We started chatting about when we'd be going to their wedding etc and she went all quiet first and then got emotional. She thinks it's going to be forever before he is ready to commit.
Her sister is having fertility problems and she is scared she might have the same issues, but she cried to me that she doesn't think that he will pop the question for a long time and she is getting worried that if it's too late for her to have kids. Guys really don't think about things like that. I don't know what it is with my friend that is making him act like this, but one thing is that he is one of seven kids, he's the 4th one and only one is married so maybe it's a family thing to marry late, he just doesn't realise how much he is hurting his GF. They are together 4 years and she is so lovely. I had a serious conversation with him where I warned him in vague terms not to let her slip through his fingers, I got very strong on it, meanwhile he asked me if I liked his curtains! He is so stubborn.
I've another friend who is 30, her BF is 25. She had a chat with him lately as she wanted to know where she stood but didn't want to put pressure on him. So, he said that he wasn't ready yet but to give him a couple of years. So now she knows where she stands and can plan accordingly and they are both happy out.
People are funny, and are all different, it's funny to see such a different reaction to similar situations by two guys. I know which one I'd want!
Hang in there hon, the feelings are horrible but you seem to be able to detach yourself enough that you have identified that it might not really be him that you miss but the company etc. Keep busy, do things that you enjoy and you will do just great
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S.
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for your friend....my mother and sisters seem to be able to get pregnant if they so much as blink. I have not had the same experiece (and my eyes are tired from blinking... )and we have adopted our kids. I don't think fertility issues are genetic. I share that with you so that perhaps your friend will find comfort in that.
I have been blessed being an adoptive mom and am thankful that God blessed me with the kids that I have. My life would not be the same without them.
Though infertility is heartbreaking...exhausting...depressing and all kinds of other "ings", there are options. I daresay that I could not have made a daughter more suited for me had I made her myself!
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Thanks Rachel.
I think it was just hitting home with my friend that she's not getting any younger and she really wants kids soon so that's adding to the whole getting frustrated with her BF, she can hear her biological clock ticking, then when she sees her sister who had no problems getting pregnant with her first child but has been trying for four years for the next one her own clock got louder.
Her real problem, or the one that is actually bothering her is the whole classic "lack of commitment" of her BF.
Didn't mean to hijack the Resolutions thread, sorry everyone
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S.
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Thanks Sinead. It seems like you really understand what's going on. I really am okay, have been surprising myself at how well I'm doing. I think it was just so easy initially because I felt so empowered by taking control, and it took a while for the sadness and dissapointment to set in. The last few months of the relationship were filled with so much agony punctuated by false hope, that the breakup really was something of a relief. Still though, I'm only human. I thought for sure he'd come crawling back, and he's not. Maybe he's too mature or whatever, I don't know. It's so hard because he really campaigned and swept me off my feet in the beginning, it's hard for me to accept that in the end, he was less into it than I was. Oh well. I've got my eye on a few other guys and we'll see what happens.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Quote:
I always forget to make New Year's Resolutions, which is probably better since I have limited will power. But I guess I start late with a couple:
- Exercise more and decide whether to keep the membership at the gym or not
- Make more "me" time
- Stop smoking (bad habit I picked up this year)
 I did not know you (used to)smoked.... you hid it well!!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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