Todays is a little harder
#231973 - 12/16/05 07:10 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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not sure why, just feeling more sad today. I'm having a lot of abdominal pain still but the dr said that was normal but I guess the pain and "empty" feeling inside remind me even more of what happened. I also woke up at about 4am and my eyes were matted shut, ick. Its this stupid recurrent Iritis I have, I guess it goes along with the connective tissue problems I have. Its just one more reminder that my body has a lot of problems. I know that I can't control these problems but its still makes me sad and angry. I saw on the news last night a young girl got hit by a car, she was 12 weeks pregnant, she is in rough shape but the baby is fine. I'm very happy that she and her baby will be ok but if a pregnant women can get hit by a car and still have a healthy baby, why can't I? I know when I get these feelings, I need to remember "acceptance" as I've been trying to call it. Acceptance that this is my body and my life and I have to make the best of what I have and try not to dwell on what I don't or the things I can't change. I know this in my head but sometimes but heart forget or just doesn't want to listen to my head!  I know there will be good days and bad and thats normal but I'm just tired of hurting. Both physically and mentally.
On a happier note, I get to go choose my new fur baby tomorrow! I plan on bringing my camera so I can post some pictures next week.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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You are going to have those days from here on out. But they will get easier trust me. Just remember to allow yourself time to grieve every day and then try to go about a normal day as much as possible. Having that little fur ball will be so much fun and will help you get through this.
I am still feeling crappy today and after trying to get an outfit for hubby's work party I ended up not going. I was so mad but I did not feel up to it at all. I hope I am better tonight since I have a wedding and my work X-mas party to go to!!
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I don't understand either, dear lady. I wish we all did. Hang in there! The weekend sounds promising! Look forward to that!
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God is Faithful!
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I'm sorry you had to miss Marks party but its probably best if you don't push it too much. You have been very busy and under a lot of stress lately also. Remember to take time for you! I really do want to be sure we get together after the holidays. Like I said, even coming over and letting the puppy play with Noah and cooking dinner or something. It might be nice for the boys to meet to! Thanks for being there and organizing the whole "operation card" endevor, I really appriciate it!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Bamagirl. And thank you for the sweet card. All of you guys have helped me more than you will ever know. When I was having some pretty dark thoughts, I would think of all of you and it would help me get through. I know my sadness will ease with time but it helps to write it out here. Thanks for the hugs, I really need them today.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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*HUG*
#232007 - 12/16/05 08:22 AM
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khyricat
Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan
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I still have those days, but they get less frequent as time goes on.. wish I could tell you they would go away... I do second the not understanding how some babies survive amazing circumstances and others don't make it... from my own experience. I wish you lots of luck and love and kisses from that new furbaby!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Re: *HUG*
#232008 - 12/16/05 08:24 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Thanks Amie, I definitely need the hugs today. Its just such an emotional rollercoaster right now.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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With time
#232028 - 12/16/05 09:03 AM
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Lyndsey
Reged: 02/16/05
Posts: 581
Loc: Bay Area, CA
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michele i'm sure last week you were shocked, this week your more at a different level of grief. I'm sure your counsoler has talked to you about it. I can understand thinking why not me?? or why me? because we've all felt that, legitimitly. there was a child last month hit by a train, he was 2...the mom dropped her son to a babysitter, and that babysitter dropped the boy off to another person, she was crossing the tracks in the not designated area, and the boy got hit. i felt sick to my stomach when i heard that. that someone was so incompetent, and ignorant to be so stupid to have been so careless. and it's sad because the mom trusted that lady to watch her child..and the babysitter hands the boy off to some lady the mom didn't even know. sometimes there is no explination on why things happen the way the do. but michele, you tried. and from your posts you did your darnedest. as everyone my heart goes out to you, but i'm so glad you have kept us posted and used us as an outlet, becuase i know (though i caused some craziness earlier this week) everyone wants whats best for everyone else.
take care
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You are a very strong person, Michele. You'll have good days and bad days, and just know that you have the strength and support to get through the bad ones.
Can't wait to see pictures of your future puppy!
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- Jennifer
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Quote:
there was a child last month hit by a train, he was 2...the mom dropped her son to a babysitter, and that babysitter dropped the boy off to another person, she was crossing the tracks in the not designated area, and the boy got hit. i felt sick to my stomach when i heard that. that someone was so incompetent, and ignorant to be so stupid to have been so careless. and it's sad because the mom trusted that lady to watch her child..and the babysitter hands the boy off to some lady the mom didn't even know. sometimes there is no explination on why things happen the way the do.
This was so sad. I was actually at the Wal-mart in the same shopping complex that she had left when it happened. 
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- Jennifer
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Hi Michelle,
I'm sorry it's so tough, sweety! It's so nice of you to let everyone know that it was comforting to you to receive the cards and to hear from us on the boards. We all want to reach out to you and it just shows how great a person you are to reach out to us too!
I hope that you and Will can have a relaxing weekend together and continue to heal physically and mentally - I can't immagine how hard it must be - but we are all thinking of you and praying for you.
You mentioned the connective tissue disease thing - do you know when you might start some sort of treatment for that? There's lots of stuff out there. Crohn's messes with your eyes too sometimes - it's funny that it seems for me that I often get the gunkiness in one eye or the other.
I wanted to call you this weekend - any time that it would be good to do that?
Hugs to you, Michelle!
Min
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Michele!!!
#232111 - 12/16/05 12:38 PM
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Vicam
Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada
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Hey Honey,
I'm so sorry that I missed all this and wasn't around I'm so sorry for what happened...you're in my thoughts and prayers. I felt so awful when I read your post and I'm sorry that you're finding today harder.
I just have no words, I wish I had something amazing and deep to say that would take away all your pain but I just can't think of anything other than to tell you that I'm thinking about you and I know you will get through this 
I think the idea of getting a dog is a great one...he/she will offer you a lot of companionship I'm sure. Can't wait to see pics if you do get one.
Take care of yourself,
Kelly
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Thanks Min. I'm not sure what, if any, treatment I will do for the connective tissue and fibro issues. I know my RA mention steroids but I've got so much weight to lose now as it is, I just can't imagine taking anything that I know will make me gain more. With all that's happened and the fertility drugs and everything, I'm a good 40lbs heavier than my profile picture. Although, with all the stress and everything something is really flared up and I'm really hurting physically all over so I guess I'm just not sure. I have an appt to go back the middle of February to the RA, not sure if I will call and see if I can get in before than or not.
Other than picking out my new fur baby, I have no plans at all this weekend. My house looks like a tornado went through it so I need to work on getting it cleaned up but I'm still pretty weak, I guess the dust isn't going anywhere though, right?
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Michele!!!
#232126 - 12/16/05 01:29 PM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Thanks Kelly. I was wondering where you went to, glad your back and of course we all missed you!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Jennifer. I know the good day/bad day thing is normal but right now I'm just trying to get through each day as it arrives.
Hoping to post pictures Monday of the new fur baby!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I am sorry to hear this. I wish I could take the pain away from you, but know I am crying too here in WI. Lots of hugs to you.
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I glad you are getting a dog post the pics okay?
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Puppies Are Cute But I'm Cuter
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- Jennifer
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..
#232211 - 12/17/05 04:28 AM
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Ravenndark
Reged: 11/28/04
Posts: 531
Loc: the internet
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I've never replied to any of your threads about your recent events, just because I didn't honestly know how to express all the sorrow I was feeling for you.
All I can say now is: Honey, we all love you, and are here if you need us. Anytime.
*hugs*
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Just wanted to say that my heart really aches for you. I'm pretty much at a loss for words because it's so heart breaking and since I haven't gone through it myself, I just don't know what those magic words are. I'm glad there are others on the boards who seem to know just the right things to say.
But, I just wanted you to know that I think of you daily and I feel so sad; right along with you.
Big hugs to you, sweetie,
Terri
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You're going to have ups and downs, sweetheart. Let them happen. It's OK. Just accept that you're feeling down now, but that doesn't mean you'll be there forever. Also, anger can be OK, too. Sometimes, I find anger gives me the energy I need to go on. It's OK to be mad. It isn't fair. You're perfectly allowed to have those feelings. I guess what I'm trying to say is - whatever you're feeling is OK - and don't beat yourself up for how you feel. I know you have to accept what's happened, but I think it's also OK to accept how you feel.
Hugs,
Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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