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Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | (show all) Sinking       #225358 - 11/16/05 06:47 AM Edit Reply Quote BL Reged: 06/01/03 Posts: 3522 It's almost 10 a.m. and I'm still in my pajamas. I'm trying to get motivated to get in the shower and get dressed. Why is this such an effort every morning??? I guess because I have no where to go----and nothing to do once I do get dressed. I think depression is creeping up on me. I have lost interest in everything, and I feel like crying all the time. The other night I just cried myself to sleep. I called 3 friends this morning to see if they wanted to get together today. All of them have such busy lives. One is getting ready for her son's birthday party. Another is helping her husband get ready for a trip to Europe. The other gave me a long list of things she HAD to do. I feel like screaming. Do I have to say, "I'm drowning" to get people to realize that when I call, I just need to be with another person? The empty nest syndrome is now hitting me hard. Ok, I'm crying again, which is so unlike me. (I usually can't cry when taking the med.) When you have no kids at home, no family in town, a husband out of town, what in the heck is there for me to do? I feel like I have no purpose to my life. Why can I not quit sobbing? I just wished my mother or sister was nearby. I would love nothing more than going over to their house and talk to them. They are halfway across the country. Sorry to vent. Everyone seems to have an extremely busy life.....and I don't have a thing that I have to do today. I know that may seem like a luxury to many of you, but to me, that just reminds me how empty my life is. How do I pass the time? My favorite part of the day is going to bed because I know that's the end of my day. I have gone to bed at 8:30 p.m. twice this week. Is it time for bed yet? Maybe I should just take something that will make me drowsy and crawl back in the bed. Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225360 - 11/16/05 06:51 AM Edit Reply Quote Kimm Reged: 03/10/04 Posts: 1171 Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is no easy answer here except to say that you are in control and you can make the choice to do things that make you happy!! I know it's much easier said than done sometimes....I've been trying to tell myself the same thing the last little while and it doesn't always work as well as I would like. What about taking up a hobby? I'm starting to take up figure skating again because it's something that makes me happy. Is there anything like that you might like? A book club?, etc.? *hugs* I hope you feel better soon.....you're not alone....you can always come here and talk if you need to. Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225363 - 11/16/05 06:57 AM Edit Reply Quote michele Reged: 06/02/03 Posts: 6886 Loc: southeastern michigan BL I'm sorry your having such a terible time right now. You need to find something to keep you busy, to give you something to look forward to. Can you take a class? I thought you recently said you were tying to get into scrapbooking, call some of the local scrapbook stores and find out when they have classes. How about joining the Y and get into a yoga or swim class? My Y has classes just for people with arthritis and stuff and with your back problems, that might be just what you need?! How about looking in the paper to see who needs a part time babysitter? Can you volunteer some time at your church? I'm sorry your friends are all so busy, especially when you need them most. I wish I could help more. Email me if you want to talk, I'm here all day. Love and hugs. -------------------- Taking it one day at a time..... Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225369 - 11/16/05 07:23 AM Edit Reply Quote Snow for Sarala Reged: 03/12/03 Posts: 5430 Loc: West Coast, USA BL, My parents were not there for me when I was abused. Not to mentiont that they live in FL and I live in AZ. I have ZERO friends where I live. Period. (This is why we are looking for a place to move...). I don't have to kids. Never had any. ALL my friends do. At least 3. I can relate. I would love to chat on the phone. Drop me a line in my inbox if you'd like to (if you forgot my e-mail, it's in my profile). Can you take your dogs to the doggie park? I know on days like the one you are having, I couldn't get to myself to do that!! Maybe you can? Do you have a hobby you can work on? I totaly know where you are coming from. When hubby DOES come home at night...we eat dinner and go to bed. I love you BL. If I lived there I would LOVE to spend time with you. Sending you all the love and hugs I can through cyberspace, Ruch -------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225370 - 11/16/05 07:24 AM Edit Reply Quote bamagirl Reged: 04/02/04 Posts: 1407 Loc: Alabama I'm so sorry you are struggling! My MIL went through a similar time when her kids were in college - she had always just been with them - and it was tough. But, like the other have suggested, she began volunteer work at the hospital, joined a DAR group and took an office, and a few other things, and she never lacked for things to do. I hope you feel better soon! Look at this as an opportunity to learn something new - go back to school - help others around you that perhaps you didn't have time to reach out to before. There is a huge world waiting for you love and support! I hope you find your new niche! Hang in there!! -------------------- God is Faithful! Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     BL       #225371 - 11/16/05 07:29 AM Edit Reply Quote ecmmbm Reged: 02/23/03 Posts: 1622 Loc: North Carolina Tomorrow sounds like a good day for that Chic Fil A date, what do you think? Email me and we can see about that. Sarah's dance class is over at 10:30, we could head "south" afterward. I've had these spells. I've been to my Dr explaining that I feel like all I want to do is sleep and I can't make myself stop crying. In those times I don't even know what it is I'm sad about. There's a physical component going on of some kind and in my case I dont' yet know waht that is - hormones, exhaustion, who knows, but in your case, I think you need to give yourself plenty of time to rest and take it easy but ALSO plenty of opportunities to be out there doign something, anything, that makes you feel happy, or at least relaxed. HUGS!!!!!!!!! Email me! -------------------- Take care, Michelle ...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13) Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     BL....       #225376 - 11/16/05 07:34 AM Edit Reply Quote poochibelly Reged: 04/27/05 Posts: 1614 What about going to help your friend with the long list get through her list? Is there a movie theater near by? I have time for lunch...I wish we could do lunch together! -------------------- Have a blessed day!...Rachel stable and sooooooo thankful! I have IBS but it doesn't have me! Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225377 - 11/16/05 07:36 AM Edit Reply Quote Snow for Sarala Reged: 03/12/03 Posts: 5430 Loc: West Coast, USA BL, we all love you soooo much we are all vyying (sp?) for your time and affections Might I make a suggestion? Hobbies are often something that you do once a week. I'm sorry I mentioned it before. (Unless of course your hobby is reading or something...) Sometimes we need something we can do TODAY! And when bipolar meds stop working...we cannot always pick ourselves up and make choices. I should know better This is why many times bipolar folks do need hospitalization (NOT saying this is what you need here at ALL BL!!! Just explaining for both our sakes... I am glad you are here posting! That's a sign you ARE making good choices. You are so brave! i am SO proud of you *hugs*) I am learning a LOT about bipolar cause I have it... One of the biggest things I am learning is to have a routine. This way we always have something that needs doing. And when we slip and slide and sink, we have something to keep us going (again this doesn't always work and it is NOT our fault!!! I spoke to my Rabbi last night. HE is the only person that could convince me it isn't my fault! He said if I prayed the book of Psalms 20 times a day that I shouldn't need glasses and I stop wearing my glasses, I will not be able to see any better! So too with bipolar, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain and that is why the right cocktail of meds works so well for it. BUT the meds do not always work). Do you have a routine BL? I'm gonna tell you the routine I'm trying to get into. Take what you like, leave the rest, and adopt your own. I love you *hugs* Wake up. Get dressed head to toe, a bit of make up too! Put on my sneakers. Pray. Clean dishes. Make bed. Tidy up in general. Go out for groceries if needed and run neccesary errands. Cook. Rest. Exercise. Rest. (Don't forget to eat!) Laundry. Etc. The BIGGEST thing that has helped me is flylady.net. I implore you, BL, to check it out!!! I CANNOT even do my routines without this site! It encourages me even when I am at my lowest. SLOWLY I am beginning to have a routine I can follow. It does NOT happen over night. At my lowest, I checked out her site. And it got me moving. Whatever you do BL...we all love you *hugs* You are a wonderful, special, kind, caring, giving, fantastic woman! I am so thankful you are in my life... I love you *hugs* Ruch -------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225384 - 11/16/05 08:14 AM Edit Reply Quote Yoda (formerly Hans) Reged: 01/22/03 Posts: 3682 Loc: Canada BL - the best suggestion I have to offer is when I'm slipping into a depression, distraction is the BEST thing. My usual way - a good book. Curl up in your fuzzies and get lost in a good book. I know it's only a temporary solution, but it will give you something to do today. Empty nest is the perfect time to get active in the community and take up new hobbies. See what's available. Hugs, Alicia. -------------------- Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3. Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Sinking -- or Withdrawals       #225388 - 11/16/05 08:52 AM Edit Reply Quote Bevvy Reged: 11/04/03 Posts: 5918 Loc: Northwest Washington State Hey BL, Come on, this doesn't sound like you. I kinda know how you feel to some degree. Retirement did it to me. It's called "withdrawals." I went through it for the first two years after I quit working. Hubby went through it too, couldn't stand it and returned to working part-time. Now my friend, Virginia, is going through it and leaning on me for support. This is a real good opportunity for you to organize your life. Try cleaning out the attic, getting rid of lotsa clutter and stuff that's just been accumulating over the years. Re-purpose a bedroom, turning it into a den or a workout room. In fact, check out the cost of used workout equipment and move it into that old bedroom. Put up mirrors on the wall and maybe even a ballet bar. Get out the old workout videotapes and make an aerobics studio out of that room. Go through your kitchen and reorganize the cabinets, making them more user-friendly. Organize all those recipe clippings into cookbooks and get yourself a label maker to label the volumes. Check out classes being offered at the local junior college -- pottery classes are AWESOME! And, BTW, anything hand-made are fabulous Christmas gifts. There's usually a local shop that does ceramics, and you can paint them and fire them for gifts. Offer to volunteer at the Senior Center, adult home, or local hospital. Think about what you would like to do with yourself. Maybe get involved in a physical fitness program? Join the Y? YOU CAN DO THIS. I know you can. It's just a matter of finding your niche, and that takes a lot of thought. I'm gonna keep following you on this, Girlfriend... {{{{Hugs}}}}} Bevvy -------------------- <img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking -- or Withdrawals       #225392 - 11/16/05 09:03 AM Edit Reply Quote Snow for Sarala Reged: 03/12/03 Posts: 5430 Loc: West Coast, USA Y'know Bev....you're brilliant! I LOVE the ballet bar idea I was gonna come back on here and suggest getting ready for the holidays to BL...but ya beat me to it You rock!!! I was actually going to suggest shopping. I know that some days if I go shopping ( I LOVE Super Walmart...clothes, candles, purses, groceries, and blankets all in one place!!!) it lifts my spirits. Don't have to buy a thing! just looking at the candles esp. makes my day! I also will go to the hfs (I know I'm werid!!) and smell the oils...maybe I'll even purchase something special for myself if it's in the budget! I also like to go to Franklin Covey (for getting organized). It gets me feeling more organized just hopping in the store for a quick visit...and it motivates me to go home and rearrange things Hope we've inspired you a bit...and that you feel all the love in the post *hugs for BL) Love you!!! -------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225405 - 11/16/05 09:52 AM Edit Reply Quote *Melissa* Reged: 02/22/03 Posts: 4508 Loc: ; Hey BL, I was going to suggest what some of the others did...starting a new hobby or taking a class (to start the new hobby even). I know around here they have them at the craft stores, the library, local college campuses, and even at the high school. Although the high school one is in the evening (it's where I'm taking my quilting class). You can meet new people and stay occupied. Hope you feel better soon! Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Re: Sinking       #225423 - 11/16/05 12:21 PM Edit Reply Quote Dr. Spice Yamin Reged: 04/15/04 Posts: 3286 Loc: Maryland Hello, I agree with what everyone else has said about finding an awesome activity you love. My mom is a stay at home mom, except all of us kids are out of the house. She joined the welcome wagon club (even though she's not new.. they let anyone join to help out) where she met a ton of new friends. She also took up tennis, where she met other ladies with empty houses now that there kids are away. Through the welcome wagon she also had alot of dinner parties, lunch dates and even joined a canasta group and plays cards for lunch once a week. If anything, she's met alot of new friends all in similar situations which has really helped her alot. -------------------- Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Thanks, ladies!       #225445 - 11/16/05 01:07 PM Edit Reply Quote BL Reged: 06/01/03 Posts: 3522 I am feeling better now. Sorry for the meltdown this morning. I didn't mean to dump on everyone, but it sure is nice to have all of you listen. I don't know why but mornings are the worst for me! I made myself get in the shower and I went to Barnes and Noble and looked at magazines and books. I couldn't find a good book to read, but I had fun looking. If nothing else, it kept my mind off things for awhile. Of course, true confessions here, I guess I should tell you that there is a liquor store next to the bookstore. I bought some Jack (Bevrs, this is your fault. I've been craving it ever since you mentioned it last week) and some vodka. I don't even know what to do with the stuff! Ha! The only liquor I usually drink is beer or wine! No, I didn't open the bottles (saving that for tonight while tv watching), but I drove by our new house under construction ----and that lifted my spirits! It looks like a home now! They have the roof on. I can visualize myself sitting on that front porch!!!! My husband called and his meeting tomorrow was cancelled, so he's going to try to catch a plane home tonight. So I may not have to spend tonight alone afterall. Bevrs, as for the cleaning out/organizing, I've already done that recently. We sold our house about a month ago, moved into an apartment several weeks ago, and most of us "stuff" is in storage. We are living with the bare necessities which I think is part of my problem. I feel like my life is in limbo. I have one foot in the apartment and one foot in our new house! I love shopping for the house/decorating but there's not a lot I can do about that now when we're living in this small space and waiting for our house to be done. I miss my personal "stuff." Oh well, my new house will be beautiful, I'm sure. I'm just so dang impatient! Praying for the end of February to be here soon! Thanks, ladies for your incredible support. I love you all. Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Glad you're better.....       #225465 - 11/16/05 01:52 PM Edit Reply Quote barbie Reged: 04/22/04 Posts: 2435 Loc: Texas Hi BL, I just read your first post and glad to hear that you are doing better. Barnes & Noble....good idea. I love that place. I went through withdrawals when I didn't have a job anymore, I didn't feel like I had a purpose either. My boys were both grown and had lives of their own. What was I going to do all day....I had always had my day full with work and then.....nothing. I was looking into volunteering somewhere and actually really was really interested in helping out at the SPCA. Then a friend of mine called and said they need someone to do secretarial work part time two days a week. It was close to home so I said yes. That helped me so much to be busy again but not too busy as I was in full time work. I think you got some excellent ideas from the others....just wanted you to know that I can certainly relate to your feelings. Great news about your new house. Barbie -------------------- Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Michelle, I emailed you. --nt--       #225493 - 11/16/05 03:26 PM Edit Reply Quote BL Reged: 06/01/03 Posts: 3522 Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     No Time For Nothin', 'cept Maybe Jack....       #225497 - 11/16/05 03:49 PM Edit Reply Quote Bevvy Reged: 11/04/03 Posts: 5918 Loc: Northwest Washington State Hey BL, did I know about your impending move? I don't recall. I must be having a Senior Moment.... This should be a FUN time for you! We went through all of that 2 years ago. We had to "sit tight" in our little condo while the new house was being built (and we too have a porch -- you'll LOVE it!). What I did to "while away my time" was get out the sewing machine and go to town. I made all the curtains for all the rooms in the house, I took apart old jeans and cut up squares, overcast the edges, and sewed them all together, making a new dining room tablecloth. I took all my scrap fabric and did essentially the same, making throw pillows for all the bedrooms and the living room couch. I made a cushion "bench" cover for the cedar chest for my new sewing room and upholstered a small wooden chest, making a new footstool for the family room. I also got out my plastic canvas and leftover yarn and made some new coasters for the living room. Girl, you need this time to do all that kinda stuff. You ain't got no time for depression! Get goin', Girl! Bevvy P.S.: Love to hear that I've been a good influence. You bought the Good Stuff! Think of me when you pour that over ice and sip it down. Oooooh baby! -------------------- <img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     I'm not a crafty person, at all!       #225510 - 11/16/05 04:44 PM Edit Reply Quote BL Reged: 06/01/03 Posts: 3522 In fact, doing things with my hands is very frustrating! If I have to sew a button on a shirt, I usually end up in tears! These kind of things are not relaxing to me---they're frustrating. I don't think I have the manual dexterity that others have. I took a sewing class once, and the instructor told me I was the worst student she'd ever had. I'm an IDEA person! I can decorate a room---pick out paint, rugs, drapes (ready made), fabric, pillows and accessories, but I can't do DANG with my hands. That's what's missing----I'm a gal without any accessories---- and no house to shop for accessories for. I have decorated this new house over and over again----in my head! I've thought about taking a class in staging (fixing up homes and getting them ready to sell). They're usually offered on the West Coast, but recently, I got all excited because they were offering one about 3 hours from me. Then I realized it is scheduled for the last week in February----the week we're supposed to move into our new house! That figures! Going to fix a Jack.....maybe that will help me think of something! Thanks for the suggestions. Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Neither am I!       #225512 - 11/16/05 04:52 PM Edit Reply Quote Snow for Sarala Reged: 03/12/03 Posts: 5430 Loc: West Coast, USA BL, I'm with you! Can you imagine...Bevers offered to teach me knitting and every time I tried the on-line thing I was in tears too!!! But I can't even pick out curtains for a room! I'm getting better at that though...(I think for me that's because my personality was so squelched as a kid...I was always told what I did and did not like!!) I'm sooo excited for you with the new house!! February huh? It'll come soon...you'll see :-) I'm sorry if my post made things worse. If you are coming from an empty-nest withdrawl, I cannot relate...I hope that is what it is though! Looks like you've got TONS of support for it. And I'm proud of you for talking about it and reaching out...you rock *hugs* Love you! Ruch -------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     I'm Not Giving Up On You, BL!       #225539 - 11/16/05 06:08 PM Edit Reply Quote Bevvy Reged: 11/04/03 Posts: 5918 Loc: Northwest Washington State Okay, not a crafty person, eh? Well, that's okay. You have a flair for the decor, though, yes? Get yourself down to the nearest paint-wallpaper store and go through all them there books! Are ya gonna have any rooms wallpapered? You'd better get started picking it out now! At least you need to pick out the paint colors. And the carpeting. And the flooring. Girl, you ain't got time to sit around and sip Jack! (At least not without me.) Come ON! Lets get MOVING! Move, MOVE, MOVE! Bevvy P.S.: So how was the Jack? -------------------- <img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Bev, BL's # 1 fan(along with all of us of course!!) n-t       #225548 - 11/16/05 06:44 PM Edit Reply Quote Snow for Sarala Reged: 03/12/03 Posts: 5430 Loc: West Coast, USA -------------------- Formerly known as Ruchie Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Bevrs, I already picked everything out!       #225553 - 11/16/05 06:55 PM Edit Reply Quote BL Reged: 06/01/03 Posts: 3522 Now's the hard part---waiting to see it happen. As for the Jack, well I put it in my Diet Coke with Lime, and I couldn't taste it, so I poured some more in there. I think I overdid it, cause now my head feels very wuzzy!!!!!!!! Do you drink yours straight? Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Wuzzy! LOL I like that word! -nt-       #225588 - 11/17/05 03:36 AM Edit Reply Quote *Melissa* Reged: 02/22/03 Posts: 4508 Loc: ; Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Oops! I meant woozy! Maybe I shouldn't drink that stuff.--nt--       #225589 - 11/17/05 04:31 AM Edit Reply Quote BL Reged: 06/01/03 Posts: 3522 Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     This is why I like vodka - can't even taste it but in an emergency it does the trick! nt       #225592 - 11/17/05 04:53 AM Edit Reply Quote ecmmbm Reged: 02/23/03 Posts: 1622 Loc: North Carolina -------------------- Take care, Michelle ...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13) Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     It's a CRIME!       #225603 - 11/17/05 05:54 AM Edit Reply Quote Bevvy Reged: 11/04/03 Posts: 5918 Loc: Northwest Washington State OMG! I can't believe you mixed it! YIKES! Jack is always served alone; it's too good to mix with junk! If you wanna mix your drinks, buy the cheap stuff; otherwise, you've wasted your money, not to mention really, REALLY good booze! What a shame. BL, do me a favor. No, do YOURSELF a favor. Next time, just pour a small jigger of Jack over a few cubes of ice. Don't add nothin'! Then sip it, let it roll around your tongue, and feel it warm your tummy and soothe your gut. It's better than sex. Girl, you'll thank me, I promise.... Bevvy P.S.: I was always told that mixed drinks cause headaches and SEVERE hangovers. I don't know if that's true, 'cause I've never had mixed drinks. But I've also never gotten a headache from one, two, or even three Jacks. Damn, that's good stuff....... -------------------- <img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Better than whaaat?       #225640 - 11/17/05 08:59 AM Edit Reply Quote poochibelly Reged: 04/27/05 Posts: 1614 I am going to go get me some Jack! -------------------- Have a blessed day!...Rachel stable and sooooooo thankful! I have IBS but it doesn't have me! Print     Remind Me     Notify Moderator     Pages: 1 | 2 | 3 | (show all)

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