Sinking
#225358 - 11/16/05 06:47 AM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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It's almost 10 a.m. and I'm still in my pajamas. I'm trying to get motivated to get in the shower and get dressed. Why is this such an effort every morning??? I guess because I have no where to go----and nothing to do once I do get dressed.
I think depression is creeping up on me. I have lost interest in everything, and I feel like crying all the time. The other night I just cried myself to sleep.
I called 3 friends this morning to see if they wanted to get together today. All of them have such busy lives. One is getting ready for her son's birthday party. Another is helping her husband get ready for a trip to Europe. The other gave me a long list of things she HAD to do.
I feel like screaming. Do I have to say, "I'm drowning" to get people to realize that when I call, I just need to be with another person?
The empty nest syndrome is now hitting me hard. Ok, I'm crying again, which is so unlike me. (I usually can't cry when taking the med.) When you have no kids at home, no family in town, a husband out of town, what in the heck is there for me to do? I feel like I have no purpose to my life.
Why can I not quit sobbing? I just wished my mother or sister was nearby. I would love nothing more than going over to their house and talk to them. They are halfway across the country.
Sorry to vent. Everyone seems to have an extremely busy life.....and I don't have a thing that I have to do today. I know that may seem like a luxury to many of you, but to me, that just reminds me how empty my life is.
How do I pass the time? My favorite part of the day is going to bed because I know that's the end of my day. I have gone to bed at 8:30 p.m. twice this week.
Is it time for bed yet? Maybe I should just take something that will make me drowsy and crawl back in the bed.
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Re: Sinking
#225360 - 11/16/05 06:51 AM
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Kimm
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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I'm so sorry you feel this way. There is no easy answer here except to say that you are in control and you can make the choice to do things that make you happy!!
I know it's much easier said than done sometimes....I've been trying to tell myself the same thing the last little while and it doesn't always work as well as I would like.
What about taking up a hobby?
I'm starting to take up figure skating again because it's something that makes me happy. Is there anything like that you might like? A book club?, etc.?
*hugs* I hope you feel better soon.....you're not alone....you can always come here and talk if you need to.
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Re: Sinking
#225363 - 11/16/05 06:57 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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BL I'm sorry your having such a terible time right now. You need to find something to keep you busy, to give you something to look forward to. Can you take a class? I thought you recently said you were tying to get into scrapbooking, call some of the local scrapbook stores and find out when they have classes. How about joining the Y and get into a yoga or swim class? My Y has classes just for people with arthritis and stuff and with your back problems, that might be just what you need?! How about looking in the paper to see who needs a part time babysitter? Can you volunteer some time at your church?
I'm sorry your friends are all so busy, especially when you need them most. I wish I could help more. Email me if you want to talk, I'm here all day. Love and hugs.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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BL,
My parents were not there for me when I was abused. Not to mentiont that they live in FL and I live in AZ.
I have ZERO friends where I live. Period. (This is why we are looking for a place to move...).
I don't have to kids. Never had any. ALL my friends do. At least 3.
I can relate.
I would love to chat on the phone. Drop me a line in my inbox if you'd like to (if you forgot my e-mail, it's in my profile).
Can you take your dogs to the doggie park? I know on days like the one you are having, I couldn't get to myself to do that!! Maybe you can?
Do you have a hobby you can work on?
I totaly know where you are coming from. When hubby DOES come home at night...we eat dinner and go to bed.
I love you BL. If I lived there I would LOVE to spend time with you.
Sending you all the love and hugs I can through cyberspace,
Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I'm so sorry you are struggling! My MIL went through a similar time when her kids were in college - she had always just been with them - and it was tough. But, like the other have suggested, she began volunteer work at the hospital, joined a DAR group and took an office, and a few other things, and she never lacked for things to do.
I hope you feel better soon! Look at this as an opportunity to learn something new - go back to school - help others around you that perhaps you didn't have time to reach out to before. There is a huge world waiting for you love and support! I hope you find your new niche! Hang in there!!
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God is Faithful!
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BL
#225371 - 11/16/05 07:29 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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Tomorrow sounds like a good day for that Chic Fil A date, what do you think? Email me and we can see about that. Sarah's dance class is over at 10:30, we could head "south" afterward.
I've had these spells. I've been to my Dr explaining that I feel like all I want to do is sleep and I can't make myself stop crying. In those times I don't even know what it is I'm sad about. There's a physical component going on of some kind and in my case I dont' yet know waht that is - hormones, exhaustion, who knows, but in your case, I think you need to give yourself plenty of time to rest and take it easy but ALSO plenty of opportunities to be out there doign something, anything, that makes you feel happy, or at least relaxed.
HUGS!!!!!!!!!
Email me!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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BL....
#225376 - 11/16/05 07:34 AM
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What about going to help your friend with the long list get through her list? Is there a movie theater near by?
I have time for lunch...I wish we could do lunch together!
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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BL, we all love you soooo much we are all vyying (sp?) for your time and affections 
Might I make a suggestion? Hobbies are often something that you do once a week. I'm sorry I mentioned it before. (Unless of course your hobby is reading or something...) Sometimes we need something we can do TODAY!
And when bipolar meds stop working...we cannot always pick ourselves up and make choices. I should know better  This is why many times bipolar folks do need hospitalization (NOT saying this is what you need here at ALL BL!!! Just explaining for both our sakes... I am glad you are here posting! That's a sign you ARE making good choices. You are so brave! i am SO proud of you *hugs*)
I am learning a LOT about bipolar cause I have it... 
One of the biggest things I am learning is to have a routine. This way we always have something that needs doing. And when we slip and slide and sink, we have something to keep us going (again this doesn't always work and it is NOT our fault!!! I spoke to my Rabbi last night. HE is the only person that could convince me it isn't my fault! He said if I prayed the book of Psalms 20 times a day that I shouldn't need glasses and I stop wearing my glasses, I will not be able to see any better! So too with bipolar, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain and that is why the right cocktail of meds works so well for it. BUT the meds do not always work).
Do you have a routine BL? I'm gonna tell you the routine I'm trying to get into. Take what you like, leave the rest, and adopt your own. I love you *hugs*
Wake up. Get dressed head to toe, a bit of make up too! Put on my sneakers. Pray. Clean dishes. Make bed. Tidy up in general. Go out for groceries if needed and run neccesary errands. Cook. Rest. Exercise. Rest. (Don't forget to eat!) Laundry. Etc.
The BIGGEST thing that has helped me is flylady.net. I implore you, BL, to check it out!!! I CANNOT even do my routines without this site! It encourages me even when I am at my lowest. SLOWLY I am beginning to have a routine I can follow. It does NOT happen over night.
At my lowest, I checked out her site. And it got me moving.
Whatever you do BL...we all love you *hugs* You are a wonderful, special, kind, caring, giving, fantastic woman! I am so thankful you are in my life...
I love you *hugs*
Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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BL - the best suggestion I have to offer is when I'm slipping into a depression, distraction is the BEST thing. My usual way - a good book. Curl up in your fuzzies and get lost in a good book. I know it's only a temporary solution, but it will give you something to do today.
Empty nest is the perfect time to get active in the community and take up new hobbies. See what's available.
Hugs, Alicia.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Hey BL,
Come on, this doesn't sound like you.
I kinda know how you feel to some degree. Retirement did it to me. It's called "withdrawals." I went through it for the first two years after I quit working. Hubby went through it too, couldn't stand it and returned to working part-time. Now my friend, Virginia, is going through it and leaning on me for support.
This is a real good opportunity for you to organize your life. Try cleaning out the attic, getting rid of lotsa clutter and stuff that's just been accumulating over the years. Re-purpose a bedroom, turning it into a den or a workout room. In fact, check out the cost of used workout equipment and move it into that old bedroom. Put up mirrors on the wall and maybe even a ballet bar. Get out the old workout videotapes and make an aerobics studio out of that room.
Go through your kitchen and reorganize the cabinets, making them more user-friendly. Organize all those recipe clippings into cookbooks and get yourself a label maker to label the volumes.
Check out classes being offered at the local junior college -- pottery classes are AWESOME! And, BTW, anything hand-made are fabulous Christmas gifts. There's usually a local shop that does ceramics, and you can paint them and fire them for gifts.
Offer to volunteer at the Senior Center, adult home, or local hospital.
Think about what you would like to do with yourself. Maybe get involved in a physical fitness program? Join the Y?
YOU CAN DO THIS. I know you can. It's just a matter of finding your niche, and that takes a lot of thought.
I'm gonna keep following you on this, Girlfriend...
{{{{Hugs}}}}}
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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