When is it time to give up?
#215886 - 09/26/05 09:58 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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I'm having a really hard day. My Re's appt this morning didn't go well. I'm having yet another "mystery" cycle. I had a 14, a 12, and two 9mm follicles on Friday. I continued the gonal-f injections over the weekend and was hoping I'd be ready to do the hcg trigger shot tonight and iui tomorrow and Wednesday. Well, my follicles are gone. I had two 8mm this morning. I'm still waiting on my estrogen blood test and for the RE to call me. The gonal-F should have prevented me from ovulating until the trigger shot and they can usually see the collasped follicle on ultrasound if you did ovulate recently. They didn't see any collasped follicles this morning and I didn't "feel" ovualtion at all either. Neither one of the two nurses or the ultrasound tech has any explanation of what happened, again. But, I think its a safe bet I won't be doing the scheduled iui tomorrow and Wednesday and I don't even think I have any chance at all of getting pregnant this cycle, again.
This is causing a LOT of strain on my marriage. I'm tired of all the shots and hormones and appointments and dissapointment. I don't know how much more I can endure. However, I just can't imagine not having a child either. Nothing feels right. My life feels useless and I'm unhappy. I can't stop crying and feel like I just can't deal with one more single thing. I feel like if I went to sleep and never woke up, it would be ok. I don't think I'm sucidial but I just don't have the streagnth, energy or desire to get up everyday and pretend everything is ok.
I'm tired of feeling sick. I'm tired of something always hurting. I'm tired of complaining. I don't want to be this person. I just want to feel some peace and some happiness. But I just don't feel like I ever will.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Post deleted by Jeano
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Michele,
You don't have to give up. If you can't take the hormones anymore then you need to give yourself a break from that. It must be very hard on you to pump those drugs into your system every day. I know about the roller coaster because I was on it for almost 7 years and at some point I had to get off and take care of me. I decided to look into adoption and I did become pregnant about 2 months after I strated to explore adoption. Just to let you know, it is possible. I had 3 miscarriages. I have lupus which makes the probability of miscarriage much higher, but I had a daughter with absolutely no drugs involved. One important thing you know is that you can get pregnant. Hang on to that. I don't know what else to say but I'm so sorry that you are so down. Believe me I have been there too. When you do have this baby, you will appreciate the experience deeply. I just know you will be successful, Michele, so don't give up.
Laura
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Michele
#215898 - 09/26/05 10:20 AM
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There is a big difference between taking a break and giving up. I have been there and it stinks to say the least. Why not take a break and enjoy Will a while? Perhaps a weekend away and a few nice dinners here and there...this fertility stuff takes a huge toll on a marriage.
You have my phone number...call me if you need to talk OK?
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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Rachel gives great advice here... I've never been through anything like this...so I really have no idea how you are feeling...
Quote:
There is a big difference between taking a break and giving up. I have been there and it stinks to say the least. Why not take a break and enjoy Will a while? Perhaps a weekend away and a few nice dinners here and there...this fertility stuff takes a huge toll on a marriage.
You have my phone number...call me if you need to talk OK?
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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Many hugs Michelle! I wish I knew what to say. I will be praying for strength and peace for you and your husband. Know that I care and hope you can find answers soon.
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God is Faithful!
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I'm so sorry, Michele.
Maybe you and your husband need to have an honest talk with the RE. This might help you decide what to do. I think you'd said you had agreed to try until the new year? This is only three months away. Do you think you can stick it out that long? Sometimes focusing on a tangible deadline makes it a little easier.
Don't have any advice to offer otherwise, I'm afraid.  Try to take care of yourself, and keep the lines of communication open between you and your husband. You're a strong person and you WILL get through this.
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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Michele,
I really feel for you with all of this. I can imagine that your entire life has become consumed by the goal of pregnancy. I know you've said this yourself before, but maybe you should just take some time and focus on your marriage, before revisiting the issue of children and how to achieve that goal, whether it's biologically or through adoption or however is best for your husband and you. After all, a good marriage is the starter for a good family, right? I don't think you can have one without the other. So it's not giving up to take a break from the shots and make being a wife a priority. You're not turning your back on any future children, or making yourself any less worthy. it's a hard road you've traveled and you need to recuperate.
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Michele, I have followed your fertility struggles from the start (I think) and my personal opinion is yes, I think it is time to give up. Not all woman can have children.
Maybe consider adoption. You're not a failure AT ALL and maybe it just wasn't in the cards for you.
Big hugs.
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WHOA!
#215939 - 09/26/05 12:02 PM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Hold on there, Girlfriend! Don't talk like that.
I've seen so many gals go through what you're going through right now, and I recall several who finally chose adoption. They surprised themselves with their ultimately incredible happiness with their new baby(ies), and one gal in particular, once she relaxed and started enjoying her adopted daughter, even ended up pregnant! Yep, it's true. And she eventually delivered twins.
Sweetie, this should not be something that causes a strain on your marriage. You should not feel "useless and unhappy." "If I went to sleep and never woke up it would be okay," is NOT acceptable. You must know that you have a lot more to offer than a uterus! Believe me, if that were the case, I'd be worthless -- remember, I was born without one!
The most important things are your happiness and your marriage. They come first, above everything else. Why not put the pregnancy thing up on the shelf for now -- just for now, you can always take it down later -- and quit with the shots and hormones and appointments -- just for now? Put it all on the shelf. Barbie told me about The Shelf. I have a girlfriend up on it, and I know she's there, so that if she ever comes back to me, I can bring her down if I want to.
Try to find some time for just you and hubby, go out to dinner, go to a show, get away from it all, even if for only an hour or two -- ENJOY each other again!
Then, AFTER AWHILE, maybe you might consider adopting a little child who desperately needs someone like you to love them. I would have done that, but hubby remained adamant: no children! How wonderful to give a loving home to a lost child who has nothing and no one to love him!
{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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