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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I lost an uncle in a acr accident so I know how awful it can be.
Maybe a visit with your mom would do you wel! 
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Ok, Nelly. I hope he comes to his senses!!!!
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First, I want to say I'm glad you had a great vacation and enjoyed your trip to Dublin. You deserved it!
We don't know each other that well, but from what I've read I think you did the right thing by giving him the eviction notice and deciding that you need couple's counseling. After being together nine years, you don't want end up being the one growing and maturing while he stays the same. You'll end up resenting each other and maybe have an ugly end to the relationship.
I think what you've decided shows you're a strong woman, who's setting boundaries so that you don't have to pick up his slack or spend your time worrying so much about his safety. You well-being is just as important. He might not be worried about the various dangers (physically, legally, financially) of his decision, but your concern should be important to him and enough to make him re-think his plan.
The way he behaved when you arrived home, it seems like he was feeling guilty, didn't want to feel guilty, so he decided it was your fault for making him feel bad (even though you had no idea what he was up to). That's not fair to you!
Stay strong, Nelly!
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Poor Nelly
#208492 - 08/25/05 11:14 AM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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Honey, sorry things are so tough right now. You are being so strong, and BF should realise that your reaction (what he consider overreaction) is because you care so much about him)
Try to look after yourself, the next 30 days aren't going to be pretty. Going to visit Tommy and the gang in NY (funds permitting) might be a really good idea.
Take care,
S.
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S.
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Nelly, I think the bigger issue here is that he will be driving around without a license or any insurance. That is very irresponsible. And the fact that he is buying something so impractical with no regard to your feelings also shows his immaturity. He may be almost 30 and "want it," but when you get older, you should realize you can't always have what you want!
The fact that he's gonna do this whether you want him to or not is very selfish of him. He's not thinking of anyone but himself.
Sorry, but I think he needs a big kick in the butt! I hate that he's hurt you so much. You don't do this to people you care about---unless you're just so self-absorbed that you can't think of anything but your own wants!
Goodness, don't ever have children with this guy! Because when you have kids, you always have to put your wants ahead of your childrens' needs.
Maybe kicking him out will help him to grow up....and then again, maybe not. But you can't keep picking up the pieces for him when he makes mistakes. If he chooses a stupid bike over your relationship, that doesn't say a lot about him. I can't believe it's that important to him!
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Hey,
It looks like you and I are in the same boat... albeit a really cr@ppy boat, with no paddle!
I know exactly what you are going through, as I am almost there too with Adrian.
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time. It's not just the bike thing, but the way that he is dealing with the whole thing sounds extremely childish and selfish, in my opinion. I don't want to fuel the fire or anything, but if you are looking for confirmation that you have every right to be totally upset - here it is!
I really do understand where you are coming from, Adrian used to ride a bike in England. He had a big wipe out and could have been killed - he still has some scars from sliding along the pavement on his hands and stuff. Now he wants to get a bike "as soon as we have enough money". Uh, no.. as soon as you have a new girlfriend, more like!
I said that just what you said, that I will be up at night worrying he HAS killed himself this time in a wipe out or something. He wants to be a cop, and I said that will give me enough to worry about!
They just don't seem to understand, though. It's like that 'staying up at night, wondering and worrying' chip isn't in guys' brains (how totally unfair, by the way!). It's like they see it as a choice, "So don't worry".. like it's that easy!
I don't know what to suggest exactly.. I mean, maybe some time apart might smarten him up a bit, but it's so hard to predict with guys! It seems awfully foolish to be jealous of your girlfriend going away on a fab holiday, and then having your own good time by buying a bike and pissing her off and then walking around like a big man about it. But then, a lot of things men do I find just baffling. (Not all men!).
I really hope that you guys can work it out, couples counselling doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. Maybe if someone else tells him with professional lingo that he needs to smarten up, he'll be able to hear it.
Good luck, Nelly!
**hugs**
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Hi Nelly,
I just want to say one thing. If your BF could see what a motorcycle accident did to a neighbor of mine he would not be riding one. He had the accident about 3 yrs ago and is just now beginning to walk again and his speech is still slurred.
I can certainly understand your concern.
Good luck in getting this situation resolved.
Barbie
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