Keep me sane tonight....
#204764 - 08/11/05 07:16 PM
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BarbaraS
Reged: 02/12/03
Posts: 1939
Loc: Wisconsin
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my dear Alex is at it again. He lost his temper with me and being very defiant (sp?)  I finally lost it after two hours of trying to control him and now he thinks he is the worst kid in the world and wants to kill himself.
Being a mom isn't easy. How come we didn't get a hand book before the kids came?
As I'm typing I've had to get up a few times to calm Alex down. He seems to be getting better.
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kids came with instructions. They're all SO different and need so many different types of discipline it gets utterly confusing at times. Don't worry, we all lose it at times, especially when it falls on us to cope alone. I hope you are both feeling better soon.
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Amy
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Oh, you two....I feel so badly for you both. Has Alex acted this way before? Or is only since the separation?
If it's feasible, financially, it couldn't hurt to take him to counseling...at least with the school social worker which would be free (once school starts again).
You must be feeling awful, Barbara. I can imagine it really hurts to hear your son say he wants to kill himself. But at the same time, you still have to be the mom and discipline him when he acts up. Tough situation.
Just keep talking to him, once he settles down a bit...let him know how much you love him, but that it upsets you when he doesn't behave nicely.
How old is he? Maybe when school starts again he will do better with his old routine again..something that is familiar. Will he be going to his old school with his old friends?
I'm not a parent, so I probably shouldn't be trying to offer you advice on this one...but I just feel badly for both of you. I hope you had a nice vacation at least.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Augie..
#204778 - 08/11/05 07:42 PM
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BarbaraS
Reged: 02/12/03
Posts: 1939
Loc: Wisconsin
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Great advice for not being a mom!! 
This is an ongoing problem with Alex, but it has been along time since he has acted this badly. He was seeing a behavior couselor for awhile, but took a break for the summer. We got back from vacation today and I'm sure that contributes to the behavior. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to Alex about getting back into the reward system until he is back in sync. again.
I've hadn't heard any noise from his room for the past 5 minutes and too afraid to stick my head in his door.
My kids will all be back at the same school and hopefully the old routine kicks in and back normancy in his life.
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Thanks for the kind words. A parent manual would be awesome if it work the same for each child.
Alex has settled down and tomorrow is a new day. 
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*Ugh* Barbara honey - I feel for you. Unfortunately - or luckily I haven't decided yet, I don't know what you are going through, however I hope that he gets better soon.
I wouldn't stop going to the counsellor and I would try some family counselling with you and him and his siblings. Be sure to sit down with the counsellor too so you can understand his feelings as he is probably pretty confused right now.
My parents sent me to a counsellor when I was in high school and I felt really shipped off - like I was the bad one and "i" had to take care of it alone. When you are a kid you want to know that you have a family who is behind you and helping you.
Please know i am not offering advice you make you feel bad - I know you are an amazing mother. I am merely offering some advise from the kids point of view, whom parents are also divorced and I had a terrible time with it.
Good luck and big hugs to you
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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All I wanted was love. To be held. Now, I'm a girl...so it may be different.
Do you trust the guidance counselor and feel they are helping? Can you get your son a mentor/big brother he could spend time with?
You're such a super mom Barb...Alex is soooo luck to be your kid *hugs* I love you Ruch
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Barbara
#204840 - 08/12/05 06:41 AM
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My daughter had a sensory problem when she was little and would flip out at the drop of a hat. I often sat down, pulled her into my lap and rocked her (like an autistic person rocks) until she settled down. It was as if she needed to feel safe.
You and your boys have been through much this summer and I am sure he feels as if his life is out-of-control and the "safe" feeling has been compromised. I say this because my parents split up when I was 17 and I went through these emotions. It is probably scarier since your son is younger than I was. Feeling safe and that your life is in order is key for a young child...I agree with you that a normal routine will help him immensly.
My daughter is loyal to me to this day...more so than most kids because she knows that I love her unconditionally and that she is always safe with me. She had consequences for unattractive behavior but always had the "safe" feeling.
We did seek help from a counselor...it was such a blessing. He was a Christian and old enough to be her very young grandfather  ...I wouldn't trade those years for anything.
I hope somehow my words help you...will be keeping you in my prayers.
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Have a blessed day!...Rachel
stable and sooooooo thankful!
I have IBS but it doesn't have me!
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I'm glad ALex has settled down a little and hopefully today will be a better day for both of you! Hugs!!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Barbara,
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Unfortunately parenting is a fly by the seat of the pants kind of thing. I have 3 kids, 25, 19, and 16. There are many times when I don't know if I am doing the right thing. We do the best that we can and you are both going a difficult time.
I think it sounds like a good idea to get back into the reward system with him especially if it worked before. Kids have so many emotions as they grow up and they don't always know how to express these emotions properly.
Hang in there.
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Janey
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