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Dalia,
I don't think your husband did it to make you feel cheap or like just a sex object.
I feel so bad for the two of you. 
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Aww...
#198261 - 07/21/05 01:39 PM
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Well..HAPPY BIRTHDAY, first of all!! <<Big HUGS!>>
I don't think he was really 'thinking' when he got you that - really, he was thinking more of himself. I can see why he's embarrassed now....
He really loves you! Don't get too down about it...he didn't mean to hurt you. Just make sure that his only gift is a tarzan uniform for his birthday. :P Jk. Really though - I would do that as a joke and have him think it's really his only present....
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~Cara~
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Hi Dalia,
I am so sorry that your birthday isn't going very well! I know EXACTLY how you feel, being away from where you want to be on your birthday as I went through the exact same thing on my birthday in London. Adrian left for work, didn't even say Happy Birthday until his MUM phoned me to say happy birthday and he got all embarassed, hee hee.
As for the gift, hrm.. I think that's really odd that he would get you that had you not talked about it. I mean, I could see if you'd mentioned it and he'd thought "SCORE!" and got it for you but.. Hrm, stupid men. Probably hear what they wanna hear!!
Here is my little funny story: I went into this store that carries larger size bras, one of the only places around where I live. Thing is, it also carries a variety of other 'accessories'. As we were walking out (I just picked up some info to go back later), we passed this outfit that was up on the wall. I said to Adrian, "Well, there we go... I could dress up like a dairy farmer!!" in a joking way.
Adrian looked TOTALLY unimpressed and sighed and I was like, "What?" and he just shook his head and said, "Milk maid... it's a milk maid..." as if I had ruined the whole illusion of it. Hee hee.
Anyway hon, I hope you guys can make it up and salvage your birthday. I say on his birthday, get him one of those Santa Thongs or bum-less underwear and see what he thinks about that!! Hee hee.
**big hugs**
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Hey Dalia,
Sorry you're birthday didn't exactly go as planned  I don't really have any pearls of wisdom except to say that I think the whole catholic school girl thing is a big fantasy for a lot of guys, and I'm sure your hubby didn't mean to upset, embaress or disappoint you. That being said I think it could have been presented at a better time.
Anyways, I hope you have a really great birthday and start feeling cheerier soon 
Hugs,
Kelly
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Happy Birthday, Dalia. I think this is another example of how "From Mars" men can be, sometimes. I like the revenge idea!!!
Personally, I think it's a really stupid gift and they do say, it's the thought or the intention that counts...maybe I should shut my mouth, but at least he's very open about his fantasies. You would think, though, that he could have done better, maybe given you something you could actually show your grandmother! Obviously, though he wanted the two of you to share sexual fun/play. I can understand about feeling the way you expressed. What kind of role would you like him to play, should you enjoy "role playing?"
Happy birthday, again. I hope you get another post-birthday present/celebration--a sort of edited birthday. BTW, the Catholic school girl outfit is pretty tacky!!!
Kate, IBS-D.
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(Is it wrong that subject lines like this totally draw me in...? lol  )
Anyway, loads of good advice here. I wouldn't be too hard on him. He probably went out on a limb with this, trying to buy something cute and sexy, and kind of flunked at it - and now he's embarassed. I totally understand the feeling though that he doesn't understand you - gifts can do that. I've DEFINITELY had situations like that with my bf (if you really knew me why would you buy me this?)... Especially since you just got back from London so you're already kind of comparing this bday to what it would be in London, and this one pales in comparison (to say the least), right? ....But then you have to kind of step back and say, really, it's just a gift. He DOES know you and love you... clearly, since he also got you a really sweet and thoughtful gift (the ballet lessons).
Now you're in an yucky, akward situation though. I think I'd probably just gently start to joke about it a little, then make it funny so you guys can just laugh it off, start fresh etc. He obviously knows it was a mistake at this point so he probably won't be offended by the joking - if anything I'd think he'd be relieved to know that you're not upset with him about it. Then maybe sometime a few weeks from now (so it doesn't seem related) you could ask him if there's anything new he'd like to try in the bedroom (maybe this was supposed to be a really misguided hint? If so, your birthday probably wasn't the best choice, but oh well...)
Anyway, hope things are better for you two soon! And happy birthday again!!! 
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Hola Darling!
First off... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Second thing... what ended up happening between you and asaf?!? Did you get to do anything fun for your birthday? I hope you were able to stop the tears and that asaf came to his senses and took you out somewhere nice for your bday. being alone on your bday sucks. I wish I lived closer then we could hang out, because I also have a lack of friends around here. In fact, my birthday is in august, and I'll be 24. I've already asked my mom to take me away for the weekend on a little girls vacation because I know that if I were here I'd probably spend my birthday all alone and crying in my bedroom (my parents like about 6 hours away). so I decided to stop that before it started and asked for a vacation. My mom has always been a stay at home mom so she happily obliged.
Anyways.. as for the present, I think you had every right in the world to be pissed off, especially after his reaction on your birthday. ugh. its one thing if he gave you lingere.. something pretty and sexy.. but a school girl outfit. thats pretty hardcore and a little tacky, so I think you had a right to be angry. especially becuse you are so far away from your friends and family which was obviously contributing to your sadness already.
I hope things were able to be worked out and that your bday was enjoyable!
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I hope things improved for you for the evening. Hugs!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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First, happy belated birthday!!
Second, I don't think you should feel bad about not wanting to dress up in that outfit. Some people just aren't open to that kind of thing and there's nothing wrong with that so don't feel bad.
I do, however, understand why he would be feeling so embarrassed. You guys should be able to share openly with each other and I can only imagine if I told my boyfriend about a fantasy (or gave him a "sexy" gift) and he laughed....I would be feeling pretty embarrassed and guilty about it.
I don't think he did anything wrong by giving you that present. He did, afterall, buy you ballett lessons!! He was obviously trying to express his fantasy to you....and probably won't express himself like that to you ever again out of embarrassment.
I would talk to him about this after he's had some time to get over it and make sure he knows that you want him to communicate his desires to you and that you were just surprised and reacted that way out of surprise...not because you find him perverted or anything like that.
Hope everything works out!! *hugs*
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Thank you all for your birthday wishes and allll your wonderful advice. Asaf ended up coming home early from work after a huge screaming match down the phone with a huge bunch of flowers and a card saying sorry. We started to laugh about the whole thing - and I even tried on the skirt as a joke! We went to central park and then out to a thai restaurant in the evening! Thank you all so much. You are all INCREDIBLE!!
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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