In-Laws vent!!!!
#196986 - 07/18/05 06:46 PM
|
|
|
|
epa_ginger
Reged: 02/23/05
Posts: 1158
Loc: Chicago, IL
|
|
|
WHY OH WHY does my husband's family---including his sister who is 29, has LOADS of money, but refuses to move out, his parents, and his little brother and sister ages 9 and 11, CONTINUALLY stop by unannouced??? My parents would NEVER do that to us. Here they come by, I have just gotten out of the shower after our 3 mile run, dying of heat, wearing skimpy pjs because it's resting, dinner and bed for the rest of the evening, and they plop themselves down on our patio like they are going to stay all night. It's 8:45!! I haven't eaten dinner!!! I'M SO MAD! They live 20 min away, we see them ALWAYS, but they feel like if a weekend has gone by where they haven't seen my husband (they went to their cottage), then they MUST come immediately.
I am seriously so fed up. it's just totally rude. They KNOW we eat late, and once they find out that yes, indeed we ARE cooking dinner, why can't they make it a short trip?? And I don't WANT to put on hot clothes and sit out in the humidity!! I'm clean, and finally cool and want to eat and sit on my couch and watch a movie!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRR!!!
And now, my stomach royally hurts. So I'm going to go have some fennel tea.
--------------------
 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Dude, that sucks. To be completely honest, my husband and I don't really like people in our house for long periods of time- we really value our routine and private space. So I can imagine someone disrupting that, who you didn't even invite, would be that much more horrible. I'm sorry Ginger! Hang in there!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I told my husband it was bad manners and he said "Not if it's family". He said my family was welcome any time, and I said they had good manners and would never call without asking!! I told him I just wasn't up for entertaining, I was literally still wet hair from shower, wearing my pjs, ready to relax. Instead we ate dinner late. He thought I was "rude" by not sitting out there with them in the humidity the whole time. I should mention that there WERE no extra chairs so I was standing. UGH! I think at least his sister (my age) could tell I was annoyed. I don't care. I WANT them to know! I mean, they left after 9!!
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Well, I totally agree with you, and your hubby is wrong! It is bad manners to drop by unannounced, and often!! BF and I never got any furniture, so people don't generally drop by cos there's nowhere to sit. But I suppose that's going to change now that we're getting furniture...
{{{{{{{{BIG HUGS!}}}}}}}}}
You deserve your privacy!! Your home is your castle and you have to defend it! 
Good luck to you--
~nelly~
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
ugh..I totally understand. All of my family lives far away, so I don't have that issue, but I still know how you feel. It is funny though. If we weren't related to these people we probably wouldn't be friends with them. I would never be friends with my own parents...yuk! What awful people  Well, hang in there. Maybe you can find a tactful solution
--------------------
*Karyn* IBS D
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
...in that you should be able to kick them out, ignore them, get on with things around them, etc if they're going to pull the family card and be rude.
Our familys live a way away so we don't mind visits whenever, but then they'd NEVER except to be entertained AT ALL. I normally have the opposite problem of stopping them cleaning/cooking/doing all the chores.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
he kept saying it was rude and didn't see my side. Granted, he's more easygoing than me. And HE didn't care that they stopped by so late without calling. (I saw their van and literally RAN to the bedroom). But I think my comfort level and what I want should matter more than what THEY want, since I'm MARRIED TO HIM.
and I guarantee--had we been doing something more...."private", so to speak, he'd have been PO'd!!! Then what?!?! I wanted to say that last night---"What if we had been..." but he'd have had some snide remark about that like "not likely". Ugh.
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
My in-laws live less than a mile away and stop by quite freqently. My family doesn't stop by often at all. I love my in-laws, but quite freqently they annoy the CRAP out of me. They have a dinner or movie radar. If ever my husband and I actually sit down to dinner or start a movie, my MIL calls. And she doesn't get off of the phone either. I have stopped answering at all during those times. I am going to leave it to my DH to eat a cold dinner or miss part of a movie.
Sorry, I definitely know how you feel.
Joy
--------------------
lovejoy_22
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Try...
#197083 - 07/19/05 04:52 AM
|
|
|
|
Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
|
|
|
...pointing out that if they're given special rights b/c they're family, that needs to work both ways. Him saying that they were family so it was okay them dropping by doesn't tie in with him getting annoyed that you didn't spend the evening with them. He can't have it both ways!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
It seems he can excuse their behavior quite easily, but my discomfort he doesn't feel deserves to be "forgiven". Although, he was fine this morning, so as long as he doesn't bring it up again, I'll be fine. Because now he knows how I feel. But get this---my sister in law, emails me this morning and says "I was worried about you yesterday, you seemed so out of sorts! Are you ok?"
GIVE ME A BREAK! This girl does NOT worry about me, that's utter BULL. (I haven't heard from her at all the last few weeks, no responses to my emails). I told her I was utterly exhausted, hungry and tired, and still trying to cool down from my run and I needed to be resting inside to do that. I told her the heat and humidity were giving me a headache. OH I wish I'd had the guts to tell her to let her parents know we'd appreciate a phone call warning. I did tell her that when they showed up I was scantily clad and in a near catatonic state on the couch, so maybe she'll get the hint. 
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
So next time just stay scantily clad and on the couch.  Like Linz said, if they want to be that kind of family, don't alter your behavior for them. They can join you watching the movie if they like.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Ack, this would drive me crazy!!!! It IS rude to just pop in unannouanced, family or not!!  I think your hubby is out of line and should have a talk with them. It is not to much to ask for a "warning" call!!!
--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
