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My husband would go nuts staying at home with the kids -- not an option! We considered it for probably about 4 or 5 seconds.
I started my current job when I was 20. (I have a two-year technical degree.) But it's not just catching up, it's retaining knowledge. It's tough to retain technical knowledge unless you're using it constantly. And really ... I don't want this kind of job again once I have a family. When I have kids I don't want to be called at 3 a.m. -- or postpone a vacation at the very last minute because a customer's system went down -- or work the weekend -- or consistently come home late every night. But if I don't want this kind of job, what DO I want? Especially when all of my schooling and knowledge is all tech geek stuff. 
Argh, this sucks! Thanks for the response. I have always been kind of envious of you, you seem so confident and focused on what you want to do.
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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I didn't mean to imply you were a bad person -- OR any other working mother. I know lots of mothers work, whether because they want to or because they have to, and their kids grow up just fine. And there are lots of mothers who stay at home and whose kids are real terrors!
I guess my situation is a little different from most people, too. My job requires long hours plus I have an hour-long commute. So, I leave around 6:45 a.m. and on the days when I leave work at a decent time I get home around 7:00 p.m. There are days when it's 7:30, or 8:00, or 9:00. I cannot imagine being able to find time to raise a kid in that! I'll be lucky if I manage to even feed him something other than cold cereal for dinner.
The decision whether or not to work is a very personal one, and I am still struggling over it. If it were as easy as "you're a bad person if you work", then obviously I wouldn't have felt the need to post in the first place. I want the input of working moms just as much as the stay-at-home moms -- and I hope that others aren't discouraged from weighing in. I am glad you did speak up. 
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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Cara
#195397 - 07/13/05 08:11 PM
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jen1013
Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 1322
Loc: the wabe
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Do you intend to start working again someday? If so, do you have any concrete "age", like after the last one's in pre-school or kindergarten?
BTW, saw your sonogram pics. So cool!!! I am so jealous. I am on my "placebo" pill week and I am sooo tempted to just "forget" to start taking the pill again next week ... 
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jen
"It's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off." -- LC
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I think I understand what kind of job you're talking about- my husband had one that sounds pretty similar. And I would say that kids and that job would have been incompatible. For one thing, he had to travel all of the time, with no advanced warning. But he transitioned over to a much better company with a much more organized schedule. Would it be possible to look for a job that uses your same skills but in a different, more organized setting? He can work from home now if he needs to, and these sorts of things would make it a lot easier to keep both your job skills and have a baby who gets to see you.
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I'm not really sure when I'll start working again - I might start working part time somewhere while I have my babies at home...it'll depend on what hours I can get, or who can be there to watch them...I'm just very catious about that of course - for very good reasons!
As far as really going back to work full time- I'll wait longer than when my last one is in kindergarden...but I'm not sure how long! My guess is that once they are all in school, I'll find a part time job for the hours that they are gone.
Like you, I don't know if I really want to go back to engineering - there is so much demand, SO much stress, and so many hours with large projects. I'd love to teach - and maybe I'll substitute teach for awhile at least.
I went for a long time trying to figure out what I actually wanted to do with my life - after I quit my engineering job. It was a bad time, because I felt like I had wasted so many years in college, and worked my butt off to get where I was, etc. What it comes down to is that I really want to be a MOM! I love kids, anything to do with kids. I am really lucky because my husband feels the same as I do about kids, and me staying home (or him staying home - but one of US)...maybe he's old-fashioned, but that's how I'd rather he be these days! Oh and BTW - my hubby wouldn't last a day at home either, he needs a job for his body to function..otherwise he'd sleep the whole day.
This probably didn't help you...my post is all over the place! Sorry - I just don't have everythign worked out yet either...I'll just see what happens when it happens, but for now - being a SATM is my top priority, and will be for awhile!
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~Cara~
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Quote:
I have always been kind of envious of you, you seem so confident and focused on what you want to do.
Ha! I'm amazed I could stop laughing long enough to hit the reply key! Everyone always seems to think I am so driven, and inside I feel like such a mess. Truth be told, I'd abandon my career and my life in New York to be with my bf in London, where I'd have a hard time working. He's hesitating all of a sudden (about EVERYTHING), and I'm questioning a lot myself. I know that if I do have a career I want it to be in law, and probably at the firm I'm working for this summer, but I also never saw myself as a career woman. I always imagined I'd be married right out of college, would have a thousand babies and stay home and take care of them. When it was clear by senior year that that wouldn't happen, I decided to go to law school, kind of on a lark. Once I got there people just seemed to push me in a certain direction, and I let the current take me. Now I'm somehow editor-in-chief of moot court, which is a huge, prestigious position, and I feel like someone is going to come to their senses one day and realize that I'm a total goofball! It's reassuring, I guess, that I come off as having it all together, but it also makes it hard for me sometimes to admit that I need advice, etc. I feel afraid to shatter people's perception of me, you know?
Do you think guys think about this sort of stuff?
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Wow...
#195485 - 07/14/05 06:49 AM
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You just described me in college!
I was sort of pushed in a certain direction, and just kept going...but part of me knew I didn't love what I was doing. I could never tell anyone that I wasn't exactly sure I was doing the right thing, because everyone knew me as the smart, driven student!
I NEVER asked peers homework questions, or for any help...if I couldn't figure it out, I'd spend a long time on it, and if I still couldn't...I'd go privately to the professor and talk it through. This, of course, made the professors love me...and they pushed me even farther! I was a TA for many classes while I was a senior, and took far more classes than I could handle, just to see if could do it. I even, as an undergraduate, was hired by a professor to help a graduate student with his research for his thesis!
Anwyays...long story short, the whole time in college, I felt like I could never tell anyone, 'I'm not sure I like this! I don't think I can do this forever, I want to be married, have kids, etc...' Couldn't even say that to my parents because they were the ones that pushed engineering in the first place!
I still struggle with it, and wonder if I made a mistake by quitting...but I guess we all learn with mistakes, and we'll see what happens as time goes on...
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~Cara~
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Jen, I completely understand your confusion. I haven't met the right guy yet, so I'm not even close to that point in my life yet, but I still worry about what to do when that day comes. It's so tough for women in today's society to balance their careers and their families! Men just don't have to make the difficult decisions we have to make. I think if raising your kids is what you want to do, you should just do it! I agree with others that have said there's nothing more important than family. My mother stayed home to raise me until I was in middle school and I strongly believe that played a major role in making me who I am today. If there's any possible way to make it happen, go for it. I agree that keeping abreast on what's happening in your field is a huge plus. Millions of other women take time out to raise their kids... you can too! 
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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I have a son who is 14 months old now. In Canada we get one year maternity leave and I was all gung-ho to do this full time stay at home mom. Around month six I started to go crazy. I was/am quite a driven person when it comes to my career, but was not going to allow a daycare to raise my child.
Well, around month six I slid into a depression because I wanted to be working and was flogged with guilt because I *should* be at home with Ben.
Luckily, my sister decided to stay home with her little guy and asked me if I would like her to watch Ben too - I was estatic!! Someone who loves my son as much as do is with him all day and I get to work and further my career.
My only advice to you, therefore, is to let the road lead you where it may - I know you are probably an incredibly organized person who wants to know what is happening in six months - but just enjoy the small amount of time you have with your child and then make a decision.
Of course, I realize that not everyone is as lucky as I am to have an Auntie taking care of their baby - but for someone who was going to stay home, my tune sure changed when I was there everyday all day and missed my work so much.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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I've always been pretty driven, through school, and in pursuit of my job here (really...I could say I spent 4 years trying to get this job), and I've always been the "organized" one in my marriage and my family really. But lately, I've realized that I'm not ACTUALLY that organized. I mean...yeah, I know when everything is happen, when I need to be there, what needs to be done...etc, but it's not because it comes naturally, it's almost because my life is chaotic and I guess obessessed over details. I read a book recently about how to organize your life. I tried to explain to my husband how DISorganized my life is, and he said "No, you're the organized one." I seem like I'm on top of things, but really, I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. And while, sure, I can keep my house clean enough mostly, it's a battle each time over doing what needs to be done or watching tv for 3 hours.
I wouldn't really worry about other people's perception. What matters most is how you feel about yourself, and doing what is right for you. It's really easy to be pulled in all kinds of directions. One of the hardest things we have to do in life is make big choices. Especially when there really could be more than one "Right" choice. I think if you are taking the right things into consideration, you should just have faith in the choices you make, and not worry about what ifs, or what other people think.
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