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Because that's what I feel like I'm going through right now. I am such an over-achiever and perfectionist that I just don't think I'm capable of really dropping out of school and changing my mind like some people seem to do so easily. I've wanted to be an interior designer since I was little, but when last fall semester started I was a wreck and really didn't want to do it anymore. Not that I didn't like it, but I just saw myself going in another direction. Needless to say I felt like I would be letting people down if I changed my mind and being so close to the end, I would have felt awful to have wasted THAT much of my parents money.
I've always seen myself as being a career-ish type women, but then being able to work from home once I have kids whether it's designing window treatments for people or crafty things.
I guess at this point I'm glad I'm sticking it out because even if I only want to actually practice interior design for a couple years, the education is something that I can really apply to so many things and I think I'd always be a little disappointed with myself if I'd quit.
But I've really decided that when I do my internship in the spring, I'll move up to New York City or Connecticut and then do the 2 more years of internship I have to before I can take the test for my license. But then I want to buy an old house somewhere up there and renovate it all myself and eventually turn it into a bed and breakfast. I've decided that that is the perfect application of all my passions. Then I'll move back down here to raise a family near my family and open a store to sell my crafts and purses and all that good stuff in. 
We'll see how all that pans out, but I guess it must be common to have that freak out time where you just really don't want to do what you're doing and only continue because you don't want to disappoint other people (or yourself for that matter).
I'm glad I'm not alone in this!
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I can only try to understand your position as I never went to college and I've never really had a "career." I came from a relatively poor family. I mean, I had plenty of food and clothes but we shopped at K-Mart kinda thing. I got married right out of high school and just kinda fell into the optical world. I did work for a pharamcy for about a year and loved it. I would have liked to go to college to be a pharmacist but its pretty much ALL math and well, I suck at math!! 
My first husband cheated on me and got another girl pregnant (seems everyone can get pregnant besides me!  .) As we were in the process of divorcing, he was murdered. At which point, I was in my early-mid 20's and kinda went wild for a while. I just couldn't handle everything that had happened and turned to alcohol and drugs. I had gotten into a VERY abusive realtionship and felt pretty much hopeless. I woke up one day and realized I was going to die if I didn't do something.
I finally pulled my head out of my butt, got cleaned up and spent some time alone. I guess I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life at 27-28 years old. I was working full time for a different eye dr but barely getting by. I had to distance myself from all my friends because most of them still "partied" and I couldn't be around that.
One day I heard of a job about 2 hours away from one of my sales reps and I thought "why not?" This was on a Thursday, I interviewed that Saturday, was offered the position and moved two weeks later! The job turned out to pretty much suck and I left for my current job in a few months.
When I moved, I didn't know ANYONE at all but made myself go out occasionally to dinner and such and after a couple of months I ment Will, we were married a year later! I like the doctor I work for now (most of the time anyways! ) and don't really know how to do anything else. I make ok money but I wouldn't be able to afford the house I'm in and all the bills by myself.
My girlfriends here are all career girls. One works for NCR (national Cash Register) and travels all over, she is currently working in London. The other is civil engineer. And the other is in her last year of residentcy, she will be a full, fledge doctor this winter!
I guess I sometimes feel "less worthy" or whatever because I just work FOR a doctor and I don't really change people in anyway. I mean, sure I sell the best glasses in town HEHE but if I didn't do it, someone else would!
Anyways, not sure why I felt compelled to write out my life story but if you got this far, thanks for reading! I'm not even sure I had any particular point in there but I guess I would have to say, don't be afraid to be YOURSELF, a lot of people spend WAY too much time worry about what others think. Do what makes you happy and never look back! 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Wow, you have a great plan!! Forgive me for getting personal, but are you in a committed relationship?? I LOVE my life now, and love being married to my husband, but if I wasn't with him (or anyone), I'd definitely have done things differently. I'd probably move away. I LOVE B&Bs, that sounds like such an awesome thing. I've been with my husband since we were 17 and 18 so I've kind of been in the get married/have kids frame of mind since then, you know?? I kind of envy your freedom to go to school in New York, start a B&B....I hope it all works out the way you want!
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Whoa!!
#195508 - 07/14/05 07:25 AM
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epa_ginger
Reged: 02/23/05
Posts: 1158
Loc: Chicago, IL
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I had no idea!! I can't even begin to fathom how all that felt...how traumatic! All things considered, it seems your life has turned out pretty great. And who cares where you work?!!? It certainly doesn't make you a lesser person just cause you make less money. My mom didn't go to college either, started as a secretary at a company and worked her way up to management and has mega respect where she is now.
We grew up a little poor too (to this day I cannot eat Potato buds), my dad worked for GM and kept getting laid off, my mom had mediocre jobs at stores and stuff....but we were so happy! I had a great childhood.
Sometimes I think that's why my mom and dad really pushed us to go to college and be successful. I'm sure for them, my "Fun" childhood, was stressful because of money and they just don't want us to go through the same.
Anyway, degrees aren't everything. If you're doing something you can feel positive about, and overall---have a life that makes you happy, then really that's all that matters!
BTW: I thought of you yesterday, I met up with friends I've known since highschool and college, who I've recently been keeping in better touch with, and found out she's been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half. She's right now on Clomid (sp?). She's not totally desperate feeling yet, but if this doesn't work she's going to see a fertility specialist.
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Haha nope I'm not in a committed relationship, or any relationship for that matter. As much as I'd like to be, I just haven't come across the right person and I'm certainly not trying to look. In the past few years from leaving high school and starting college, then spending last summer in Italy by myself, and now trying to get ready to take the huge step of leaving all my family behind here (we're all really close and my school is one of the best and just happened to be in my town) and live all my own somewhere else, I really just think I'd be a different person and maybe not get to where I want to in life if I had a boy in my life right now. I just think I need some more time and more experiences before I'm the person I want to be before I find that person to live the rest of my life with. Haha does that make sense? Like I'm a fairly shy person and it's really important for me to really take that big step and gain independence and confidence.
So hopefully my plans work out because I just know that it's what I want to do. I'll have to post some pictures of my newest creations I've started making. When I get back from my trip in a couple weeks I'll be running around town trying to find stores to sell them in. Plus on top of that we're still getting this leather purse thing of mine off the ground.
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Quote:
I've always been the "organized" one ...But lately, I've realized that I'm not ACTUALLY that organized. I mean...yeah, I know when everything is happen, when I need to be there, what needs to be done...etc, but it's not because it comes naturally, it's almost because my life is chaotic and I guess obessessed over details.
I feel like I'm looking in a mirror! That is exactly me. Exactly. Everyone thinks I am so organized, etc, but really it's because if I'm not hyper-vigilant, I'm a total disaster. The places that people don't see, like my closet and my desk drawers, are total health hazards. I don't even want to talk about what's in my fridge right now. But outwardly, I am the most together person anyone knows. Wow maybe I'm not as crazy as I thought, if so many of you are like this!
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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I LOVE potato buds. I eat them for breakfast sometimes. And I grew up with plenty, so who knows. My mom always made the buds instead of mashing her own potatoes. I'm sure she'd put in broth and yummy stuff, but it was always the buds, and I ADORE them.
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Amanda
I live in the Big Apple, but I don't eat the skin
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Nah- everyone always tells me how organized I am too, but I am also a mess. My parents tell me how lucky I am that I always knew what I wanted to do, while my poor little sister struggles to pick a college major. The thing is, I just picked something and stuck with it. Somedays (lots of days) I actively hate graduate school and think it is trying to destroy my soul. But I just keep chugging along. And luckily I remember tons of things, which allows me to seem organized when really I have papers all over the place.
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I like the buds too. There's just something... interesting about them. Like, how Kraft Mac and Cheese is that frightening orange color? Potato buds are so... smooth. And moldable. 
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At my house closets must be kept closed at all times. Our pantry? Disaster. I actually made notecards for myself of all the "chores" I need to do at home to keep it clean and hygenic, so that I could just pull a notecard each day, and get things done without being so overwhelmed that I do nothing at all. It's sort of helping. I haven't had any 4 hour cleaning sprees lately, it's more spread out.
And everyone all says I'm so good at planning ahead, especially for vacations and stuff. Because if I don't plan ahead, it will escape from my brain and I'll realize too late that I forgot something monumental.
You know, I still have dreams that I'm at school and forgot to study for a big test, or do some big homework assignment!
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