Luke's first day didn't go well
#19351 - 09/02/03 11:21 AM
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ecmmbm
Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina
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I've mentioned my oldest son has Asperger's, a high functioning type of autism. He's smart as a whip but can be very difficult to control, has a sweet temperment but is just so rigid and only focuses on certain things, expects things to happen in a certain way or he becomes disoriented and frantic. Well, today was the first day of school, he's in T-K, a prep class for kindergarten since he misses the cut off (he'll be 5 in November). It's supposed to be age appropriate but also prepare them for the routine of kindergarten. It's at a Christian school that we'd love for the kids to continue at if it goes well. Well, I'm realistic, I know he's not going to do great right off the get-go. But he was so calm and eager to go this morning, I thought he'd do pretty good, anyway. I'd at least like for the teachers to get a good glimpse of his charming personality (okay, I'm biased). Well, not today. He was very difficult, didn't respond to the teacher at ALL, didn't even look at her when she spoke to him. I think she's very nice and a good teacher, we've met concerning him, but I can tell today that she was taken by surprise even though I tried to prepare her. I know it will get better if she'll just stick with it and he's able to adopt the routine. He has therapists from the school system that come in to support him but it was her choice for them to not start until Thursday so she could have a few days to enfore the idea that she is the teacher. I said that was fine, not sure it worked too well in the long run though. I don't blame her for that - it made sense, Luke is just a hard call. She's going to call me this afternoon and I'm dreading it because I know I'm just going to break into tears and I don't want to! It's just hard to get him all dressed in his new stuff, take such a cute picture, walk him in there happily carrying his cute little school bag, and then pick him up to the news that he was the "bad kid" that day (she did NOT use that term but that's how I always feel). I don't guess I'll ever get used to it, don't we all just want everyone to adore our kids? Well, it will get better, but wanted to get this off my chest - maybe it will make me feel better before her call so I can not get all emotional like a moron, and talk to her objectively as is needed. Thanks for listening!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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Hi Michelle!
Although I don't have kids I can sure imagine that we would want everyone to love our kids....But don't worry it will take time.
I am sure that not one child in that room was "settled into the routine" today because it was, afterall, only the first day. ALLL the kids were excited with being in school and so was Luke only Luke dealt with it differently.
I hope the teacher realizes this point.....Luke was excited and doesn't deal with it the same as other kids....you explained that to her during the original meeting and she needs to remember that. 
I hope the call goes well...My thoughts will be with you and Luke. Don't worry it's only the first day...things will get better once he gets used to the routine. It will take time. He probably has to build a trust with this teacher too - which will not happen on the first day.
Keep us posted as to his progress....Don't worry, honey! 
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Oh, Michelle, I know you must be stressed out. I know you were hoping and praying that his first day would go well. I've worked as a regular classroom teacher and as an inclusion teacher (special ed teacher that goes into the regular classroom to assist with students who need extra help). And I will tell you from my experience that the teacher doesn't expect everything to go smoothly the first day, not even the first several weeks. It just takes awhile for a routine to be established and everyone to feel settled. Even the most-laid back kids (and teachers) find their lives in a topsy-turvy the first week or so. I can imagine in Luke's case that he was very stressed because he was in a new environment with an adult he didn't know. From what you've told us, he needs structure. The only way this will be established is with a very firm but loving teacher who quickly gets him into a daily routine. This will just come naturally with repetition. Each day it will get a little easier for him. He may really struggle with it for a week or two, and then all of a sudden, things will "click."
I understand what the teacher was saying about establishing herself as the lead teacher, and this was definitely her call; however, I don't think she anticipated his resistance to change. Now he will have to make another adjustment when the special ed teacher(s) are added to the picture. In hindsight, it might have been better for Luke to have them there on the first day so that he won't have a change in routine again. Hopefully, she can schedule the special ed teacher(s) to come soon.
As upset as you may be because you think he's been labeled as the "bad" kid, I'm sure that's not the case. At least not with a loving, experienced teacher and she sounds like she is. I always adored the "special" kids because they were such a challenge. I could not wait to see them the next day to see if I could bring them out of their shell. I had one little girl in first grade who was so shy that her mother warned me she wouldn't speak to anyone or answer a question when called on. I discovered that she just didn't have a lot of self confidence and when I found out what she was good out, she was more than eager to raise her hand and share with us (even if it was in a whisper!) That's been 7 years ago and every year when school starts, I think about that little girl and wonder how she's doing.
A good teacher will adore Luke and will soon bring out his special qualities. He looks so adorable in the pictures you posted! I would consider it a privilege to have him in my classroom! Of course, I'm partial to little boys!
I'll be praying that your conversation with the teacher goes well (don't worry if you cry) and that the two of you can work together to figure out what's best for him. Hang in there! It will get better. Pretty soon she will be seeing a smile out of him!
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Sorry to hear about Luke's first day, Michelle! Hopefully it will get better as time goes on.
And speaking of bad kids, hopefully this story will show you that Luke isn't a bad kid after all.
My mom is a teacher and has been teaching mostly 1st and 2nd grade. She loves it and always comes home with funny stories about the kids. This year she is teaching kindergarton for the first (and maybe last!) time. Since it was the first day, they took all the kids around the school to show them important stuff (like where the bathroom is.. and for boys, not to sit on the urinal!). So she was shuffling the kids inside the room after the tour, but had one little boy who wanted to go play on the playground that they had seen. He got really mad when she told him no and stormed inside. She thought it would blow over. Well, while she had her back turned to draw something on the board, the little boy came up and started hitting and biting her.  Aparently left some pretty good bite marks on her too.
I told her we're buying her football gear for Christmas!
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- Jennifer
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That is one bad kid!!!! Count your blessings Michelle!!
I'm sure Luke will do fine once he gets into a routine.
My 7 year old only functions well with routines due to his ADHD and he is starting second grade tomorrow. It has always taken him a few weeks to adjust and once he understands his routine he does very well. Matter of fact, First grade was his first year he socialize with his classmates and he can't wait to find out if his friends will be in his class tomorrow. 
I'll pray for Luke tomorrow and hope he has a better day.
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Getting all emotional does not make you a "moron," Michelle--it means you are a loving mother who cares very much about her children. I can tell you as a teacher that I have said over and over again in my classroom--and meant it every time--that I would much, much rather have a child in my room who has a difficult time adjusting (to being away from Mom and Dad, 'cause mine are wee ones) than a child whose parents are NOT completely in love with him/her. I have one mom who comes in every evening and scoops her son up and just sits down and rocks him for awhile--she says it's her favorite time of day. And even if Luke's issues are different, the same rule applies: a good teacher would rather know that you care and that you want the very, very best for your son (and your other children).
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Just wanted to say the first day is tough for everyone. Luke may have been overwhelmed by everything. He may just take a little longer to adjust. I am sure it will get better. BTW, does Luke like to have a set schedule, order or way of doing things? When I student taught children with lower functioning Autism, they never liked me. I was there only seven weeks and they stayed clear of me. I remember it being tough to see them work with everyone else but then ignore me. I realize Luke is different from that. One day does not make it or break it. Looking forward to a good report.
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Hi Michele,
Just remember, tomorrow is another day. TessLouise is right, a loving and involved parent, who is supportive of both the child and the teacher, makes all the difference. It sounds as though you like the teacher, believe me, that is huge. A compassionate, competent teacher who is willing to work as a team with the parent and support staff is key. Can you imagine if you were unhappy with the teacher?
You mentioned that you met with the teacher prior to the start of school. Did Luke get to meet her also? One thing that we found worked well for many of our autistic or Asperger's students was a video taped visit before school started. Two adults(ideally, Mom and Dad) would accompany the student to the school a few days prior to the first day. One adult would video tape and the other is a support person for the child. You can film the outside of the school and the child entering the front doors. Make sure to film the route to the classroom, bulletin boards etc. Once inside cover the entire classroom, cubbies, bathroom, meeting area, play area etc. Film your child's teacher, have her introduce herself or record a brief message for Luke. It would be ideal if his support people could also participate. You can use this tape to point out where he might put away his coat, eat snack, sit for meeting. If your child is having a positive experience with the visit, make sure you film him checking out his cubbie(mailbox), washing his hands for snack (you could bring a small snack for him), sitting at the table, practicing sitting on the carpet for meeting, etc. You could discuss the general routine with the teacher beforehand and film in the same order of a typical day. Have a clear idea of what you will do before you go, this preparation will help things go smoothly. I do not reccommend letting him play with any toys however, this can get them very much off track and transitioning away from the toys may be very difficult. If your child is not reacting well to anything, obviously you do not want this to be filmed, concentrate on the surroundings instead. You want the video to be as positive as possible.
Let Luke watch the video as many times as he is interested, even after school has started. This can provide important clues to areas he might be having trouble with. For example, the carpet at meeting is scratchy, is that why he can't sit still? Seeing and experiencing school on the first day, with all the other children, can be sensory overload without prior preparation. If he has seen it all before, at least it will feel more comfortable. I know Luke already had his first day, but perhaps you could arrange to film on a weekend or when it is convenient for his teacher. If Luke already has a few days experience, ask him to narrate the video as you watch it together.
One other thing we found worked well was a schedule board. I made laminated pictures of activities on the computer to represent different parts of the day, for example, arrival, meeting, snack, visitor, playtime, bathroom, story, bus. One set of pictures I put in order with magnets on the black board. I made a smaller, duplicate set, on a velcro board, which I gave to the students support person. As we finished each activity, I would remove the picture. The child would do the same. This showed the child that there was a beginning and end to each activity. For example, the child knew they would be going home after story. Most children with Asperger's are so set in routines that they welcome this approach; it helps them feel in control and makes transitions much easier.
I hope you find these suggestions helpful. My guess is that his support staff will have some wonderful ideas. It will get easier for everyone and Luke (and you) will be just fine. Good Luck, keep us posted. artist (Kathleen)
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Hi Michelle!
I'm sure that you've already explored this issue, but at risk of repeating information, I'll post anyway.
The gluten-free diet is commonly recommended for autism. I'm sure that there are many sites to be found on the internet for those who are interested in the findings and functions of how the gluten-free diet works with autism. I read articles all the time in my Celiac Assn. mailers and my gluten-free "Living Without" magazine.
Just a bit of quick info, wish I had more information at this point, but I don't. Just thought I would share anyway...
Warmly,
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~Deborah
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