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What is wrong with today's parents?
      #192379 - 07/06/05 02:37 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I need to vent, so feel free to pass if you don't want to hear me griping.

I am so tired of trying to raise teenagers in a section of town where all of the parents buy their kids every material possession available---like their little darling deserves only the BEST of everything!

I am so tired of trying to explain to our sons why we don't do this too!

An example: At a Fourth of July party, I overheard the mothers of the teenage girls in our neighborhood talking about the things they've bought their daughters for their dorm room. Two of them let their girls pick out a $150 Nautica comforter, the matching sheets (I think that was another $50), $40 pillowcases, and the coordinating throw pillow at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I thought I was going to go for their throats when I heard them say they had also bought the girls the nice big, fat towels there----and then spent $48 to have them monogrammed.

For a DORM room? Are they crazy?

My husband makes good money, and we don't have bedding and bath things that are that nice! What are they setting these girls up for?

Last night, I talked to our 18-year-old son about this. He agreed with me that it has gotten out of hand. He knows these are the same girls whose parents let them get manicures, pedicures, $150 jeans, etc. I told him I hope he doesn't marry someone like this, or he would be broke trying to make this kind of girl happy! He laughed and said, "Don't worry, Mom!"

Our boys are not neglected by any means, but we have never let them buy things like this. If they thought they HAD to have the most expensive sneakers or jeans, we told them we would pay half---if they paid half. Many times they would pass, saying it wasn't that important to them.

I don't want them to think money grows on trees! I feel like everyone needs to stick to a budget, no matter how much they make.

Oh, this has been so hard trying to teach them this when the teenagers at their high school were given brand new cars when they turned 16. Some were given SUV's and BMW's (some even a BMW SUV! Can you imagine?) And this is at a public high school.

My neighbor's daughter just returned from a week in Florida with another high school girl---whose parents have a YACHT! I could go on and on.... It never stops!

Funny thing is we allowed our son to choose the college he wanted to attend (within reason), and he has decided to go out of state, which of course, is more expensive than in state tuition. These same parents are bashing us, saying they can't believe we would allow that.

They say they can't afford out-of-state tuition. (I guess not. One of them just bought a $50,000 BMW)!!!

I'm sorry but our sons' EDUCATION is more important to my husband and I than any car we could buy for ourselves.

And by the way, we wil pay for our son's education (as long as we are able and they make good grades), but they are required to earn their spending money. They both have good jobs and are saving it for extras they want during the 9 months at school. All the other parents we know say "Oh, we just couldn't do this to our son/daughter!" What in the heck is wrong with the student being responsible for something?

Whew! I feel much better. Thanks for listening!



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TOTALLY agree with you... new
      #192382 - 07/06/05 02:43 PM
Linz

Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England

...and so does Si. That's nuts. Poor kids. They'll hit the real world someday and not be able to afford any of the things they're used to.

You guys have a thoroughly sensible approach! I was never allowed expensive cr*p like those girls! My parent's spent money on a home and education for us instead and that's a GOOD thing.

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Thank you, Linz...I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me! new
      #192386 - 07/06/05 02:59 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I am so ready for my son to meet some students at the university who are not so materialistic. Maybe he will get to know some who are having to work their way through school and earn their own money.

He needs a good look atTHE REAL WORLD. I think he's forgotten what it's like.



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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192389 - 07/06/05 03:08 PM
melitami

Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)

I very much agree with you, BL, and I am in college! There are so many people I know here at school that are spoiled by their parents and seriously need a dose of the real world! Kudos to you for raising your sons well!

--------------------
Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent

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GEEZ..... new
      #192392 - 07/06/05 03:11 PM
barbie

Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas

Hi BL,

I work with a girl that has a 15 yr old daughter. She buys her Coach bags and clothes at BeBe, a very high end trendy shop. She also lets her get her nails done, hairlights & tanning. Sometimes I just can't believe my ears.

Thank goodness my boys were never that way. I'm buying my grandaughter things at the re-sale shop and she looks darling in them and my DIL agrees.

These girls are never going to find a husband to keep them in this lifestyle.

Barbie

--------------------


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Re: GEEZ..... new
      #192395 - 07/06/05 03:14 PM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

I have to admit that I was pretty spoiled when I was young, however I had nothing but respect for everything I received. And the "spoiledness" only lasted until I graduated from high school and then I was on my own. I learnt the value of things still, and I, in no way, expect my DH to pay for anything of mine!!!

I don't know maybe I am the exception to the spoiled rule LOL - but I hope these girls turn out to learn the importance of what they received and how much work it took to provide that for them!

It sounds like you are more than fair with your rules for your sons though. But also don't forget that girls are different than boys. Material things and manicures are not half as important to boys as it is to girls in high school. It passes, but girls do get bit with the materialistic bug.

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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Re: GEEZ..... new
      #192396 - 07/06/05 03:15 PM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Well, perhaps the girls will find themselves careers, such as being a doctor, lawyer, or in the business world that will allow them to continue the lifestyle they value.

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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192397 - 07/06/05 03:23 PM
LittleLisa

Reged: 06/22/04
Posts: 2018
Loc: USA

Oh I can top your story! My neighbor's 14yo cousin got BOOBS for her confirmation present! BOOBS at 14
Can you imagine. First of all she's not done growing and second of all what doctor in their right mind would do breast surgery on a 14 year old?????? Oh never mind, if it's cash he's getting, he'll do anything!!!!

Next, the other neighbor's 15 year old has been searching for a car for a year or so. Every car she found she had a problem with. Didn't like the front end, didn't like the pinstripe, didn't like the wheels, color and on and on. So the parents went out and bought her a 1999 Convertible Sunfire (which mind you isn't a corvette or anything but still.)Bright red. Cute car but for your first car? A vette is what she'll want for her second car at this rate. Technically though I think the mom is simply living through her daughter as she wanted the car as a "fun" car for herself this summer until her daughter could drive it in Oct. I drove a black and yellow bumble bee looking Dodge Duster as my first car that stalled at every stinkin light when it rained. NEVER did I have anything remotely nice to drive until I could afford it myself.

So yes, I can rant and rave with you on this topic as I can not believe what these kids get these days. I do think that you do want to give your children more than you had as a child but come on. I will HELP my children out in getting a car, however, it's not gonna be the Mustang GT that he thinks he's getting for his first car. It's gonna be some cheap type of car to get him around so that some day he can appreciate a nice one



--------------------
~~~Lisa~~~


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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192399 - 07/06/05 03:32 PM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

All I know is that I thank God my parents raised me right. I was always provded everything I needed, but by no means were we on easy street. I remember I worked EVERY summer since I was in grade 8. I saved almost ALL the money to pay for university. My parents helped, but I payed my share too. I never had brand name stuff. And you know what? I'm GREATFUL. Those kids that get everything - their parents are doing them a disservice. What happens to them when they get into the real world? Are their parents going to continue to give them everything on a silver platter? How are they going to make their own way????? I could go on and on about this. All I know is that my son is starting JK in the fall and he will NOT be wearing name brand clothes. We live in a good neighbourhood, next to a low income neighbourhood. I'm afraid he'd get teased if he showed up with name brand clothes. We can easily afford them, but I choose not to buy them. Our son is going to earn his way. He already helps out around the house and he's not even 4!!! NO spoiled kids in this family! They'll be contributing members that will have to earn their way THE HARD WAY!!!!

--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192400 - 07/06/05 03:33 PM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

Ok, the boobs thing completely blows my mind!!! What is this doctor thinking - and that poor child to have parents like that - disgusting!

The thing about the car too - cracked me up - my first car was a Dodge Aspen 1976 (I was BORN in 79) and this thing was so rusted out it had no trunk!!!

I didn't have a nice car until I money of my own when I bought a brand new Cavalier. Which I had to work two jobs to keep LOL

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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I absolutely 100% agree with you!!!! more... new
      #192402 - 07/06/05 03:39 PM
ecmmbm

Reged: 02/23/03
Posts: 1622
Loc: North Carolina

A lot of what you say here is why SIL is the way she is , by the way! She is 6 years younger than dh, when he was a pre-teen/teen designer clothes were not an option, but when she came along things were DIFFERENT... and it was NOT good for her, if you ask me! Good for you - sounds like you've raised some level headed boys!

--------------------
Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)


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Nah...... new
      #192403 - 07/06/05 03:42 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I think they're probably hoping to MARRY a doctor or lawyer....someone who will take care of them.

I just hope my sons don't fall for one of these girls! As my husband says, "They're too high maintenance!"

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Oh, I so totally agree with you! new
      #192406 - 07/06/05 03:45 PM
atomic rose

Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)

Those parents are completely daft. Nuts. Screws loose and everything. And then the tuition thing really cracked me up. Talk about completely screwed up priorities!

From the time I was 7 - yes, 7! - I earned my spending money "working" for my dad at his woodworking shop on Saturdays. Yeah, I know I whined here and there as a preteen, when I wanted six Swatches and Benetton sweaters like the other girls at school had, but Mom simply said, "We can't afford it, and that's that," and that really WAS that. I definitely knew that if I wanted things like that, I had to earn my own money and buy it myself. I was NOT neglected by any means - I had nice clothes, I had all the hairspray an '80s teen could possibly need - but I was definitely not spoiled.

And those girls, I'm sorry, are spoiled. And they'll likely be like that for the rest of their lives... boy oh boy, are they going to be in for a lot of disappointments in life, once Mommy and Daddy cut them off and they have to buy their own monogrammed designer towels.

And if I'm ranting this much, and I'm not even a parent, that should make you feel a little better for ranting yourself! I can't even imagine trying to raise a teenager in an area like that. I'm counting my blessings now, because up here in the boonies, everyone is poor as dirt, so my theoretical someday-children won't have quite the materialistic peer pressure... I hope!

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I wouldn't ... new
      #192410 - 07/06/05 03:48 PM
atomic rose

Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)

...call you spoiled, if you appreciated everything you were getting. Knowing and understanding the value of things, and appreciating what you have, kind of negates the whole "spoiled" thing, at least in my mind. To my thinking, "spoiled" means you expect everything to be handed to you on a silver platter as soon as you ask for it, and you throw a tantrum if you can't have it.

For their sake, though, I hope those girls DO appreciate what they have. You made me have a good thought - that we really don't KNOW what goes on in the kids' heads. They may be truly appreciative for everything their parents do for them - who knows?

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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192412 - 07/06/05 03:50 PM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

Heck! I couldn't afford a car until AFTER I had worked for a year and had gotten married!!! Talk about no money!

--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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Boobs? new
      #192416 - 07/06/05 03:59 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


For a 14-year-old? OH MY GOSH! that's not only stupid, that's irresponsible of the adults.

I guess that shouldn't surprise me! My son's friend got a new BMW when he got his license at 16. What in the heck does this young man have to look forward to? It's all downhill from here!!

One local Mom ordered a custom-made bedspread, dust ruffle and matching window treatments---from an interior decorator for her son's dorm room. (My son was horrified by this thought! He said that poor guy would be teased to death.)

I had no car in high school or college, and I have to say I appreciated so much that first car I bought with my own money. (I had to get one with only 2 doors and no AC or radio, because that's all I could afford.)

LittleLisa, my sister had a Dodge Duster!!!

I don't mind young people having nice things, but they don't appreciate it when it's handed to them on a silver platter!

My son will be getting a twin comforter in the $25-$30 range---and I will use my 20 percent off coupon. It's a DORM room, not a castle!

Sorry, but this bugs the crap out of me.





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Allcia new
      #192419 - 07/06/05 04:03 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


What's so sad is that most of the recent college grads are back at home (living with their parents) because they can't afford to live on that measly little salary they were offered for their first job.

I'm sure they can't maintain the lifestyle they were accustomed to! They don't want to do without the nicest things!!!

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Spoiled and oblivious, aren't they? new
      #192420 - 07/06/05 04:04 PM
Nelly

Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC

I try not to be condescending to people whose parents bought them their first car, paid for their education, bought them fashionable crap they didn't need, took them out to restaurants, took them on vacations, paid for ski and beach trips for spring break, and gave them allowance even way into adulthood. But sometimes I get short with them anyway and roll my eyes when they say "money's tight."

*rolling eyes*

~nelly~

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I dunno new
      #192422 - 07/06/05 04:05 PM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


My pet sitter is a college junior. She has extremely well done and expensive hair, make-up, and clothing- including designer purses and a Chanel diamond necklace. If I just looked at her, without knowing her, I would make a lot of judgments. However, she pet sits constantly to make her own money, often over school vacations when she could be with her family, and my animals (the best judges of character I know) love her. I do not agree with the way she spends her money, but she does work to be able to buy those things for herself, and though she comes across at first as spoiled and shallow, she's not. You can't judge a book by its (designer) cover, you know?

Oh- and she has a boyfriend, but he's a lowly vet tech, so she's clearly not looking for a sugar daddy.

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Michelle new
      #192423 - 07/06/05 04:05 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


That doesn't surprise me! That's what scares me about my boys choosing a mate. I don't want them to marry some spoiled brat who's used to getting everything she wants---and more!

Love is blind, but I hope they will go into a relationship with their eyes wide open.

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Barbie new
      #192427 - 07/06/05 04:10 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


Yep, what is it with these parents buying their teenage daughters $200 handbags? And I almost forgot about the tanning booth!

Good for you for buying things for your granddaughter at the resale shop. You can get great buys there! I love shopping at the local Goodwill because I see designer clothes there for $3.95 that look like they've never been worn. (I've bought Ralph Lauren, JJill, Ann Taylor Loft, Chico's etc) stuff there and no one knows the difference.

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Re: BL new
      #192431 - 07/06/05 04:17 PM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

You have raised 2 good boys with a good head on their shoulders. They aren't likely to have their heads turned by some flossie who wants only the most expensive of everything. Thanks to your teaching, they'll see through it in a heartbeat. Those types are pretty easy to see through. Don't worry. Your boys will be fine, and they'll bring home nice daughter-in-laws for you. Hugs, Alicia.

--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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Lana Marie new
      #192433 - 07/06/05 04:19 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I agree that girls are worst than boys when it comes to things like this (thank goodness I have boys!), but the boys want plenty of their own "toys" too.

It just comes in different forms: fancy cars and trucks (many of them customized), the latest video game systems, big screen tv's (yep, in their bedrooms!), hunting and fishing equipment, stereos, workout machines, and designer clothes and shoes.

It never ends!

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A Kid's Opinion new
      #192466 - 07/06/05 06:17 PM
Vicam

Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada

I can totally understand what you're saying BL. My Dad actually bought me an SUV my first year of University...I had a car at the time but it wasn't very reliable and he wanted me to have something better.

Anyways, I loved the car (of course), but after that first year of University, my Dad said he couldn't pay my tuition anymore. It all came down to the car, because he paid for the car, he couldn't pay the tuition. So, believe me, from a teenager (at the time) perspective, if I had known it would have been the car OR tuition, I definately would have chosen tuition.

So, that's just my long-winded way of saying I think you're doing the right thing

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Re: A Kid's Opinion new
      #192529 - 07/07/05 02:22 AM
thepurplelollie

Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 374
Loc: Wellington, New Zealand

Weeeeelllllll.... there are definitely different levels of spoiled. We never really had any money growing up, because my parents had me really young (they got married at 19 and 20, had me at 23 and are still together thankyouverymuchnaysayers!).. but I have to say the best things I have ever purchased were my 400 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, and my $40 fluffy sosososoft bath towels. They honestly make my life bearable, especially if I'm feeling crap. I could see how people would consider them necessities.
You only live once - if you can afford the finer things in life - I say do it!

Having said that though, I definitely agree that boobs before 20 are wrong. Not a fan of fakies at any age, really... but especially wrong in an adolescent. I don't really agree with nails or tanning as a teenager either, I think it's kind of unnessecary sexualisation.. but then again, being the flatchested plain girl at school, I can see why girls enjoy that sort of treatment.

Also with cars, a first car should be something you don't mind seeing wrapped around a power pole (with precious offspring safely outside of course). I don't think I could purchase a "nice" car for a learner or new driver. However, I have no qualms about getting myself a BMW. They're really nice to drive. And leather smells good.

I don't really know what I'm trying so say here... except maybe go easy on people who live different to you. The hard way isn't ALWAYS the best way to live.



--------------------
*Emma*

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I totally agree with you Purplelollie. new
      #192576 - 07/07/05 05:49 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Except about the leather.

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Re: A Kid's Opinion new
      #192622 - 07/07/05 06:49 AM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

I don't think that that's what we're trying to say here. I think the point we're trying to make is that these kids who get EVERYTHING on a silver platter don't really appreciate the good things in life, nor do they appreciate what hard work it takes to earn those things. I have 400 count sheets too, and I love them. I never had them as a child, and now that I can afford them as an adult, OHHH! Do I ever enjoy and appreciate them!!!!!!! I just think that kids should be taught to appreciate these things and not take them for granted.

--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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Re: A Kid's Opinion new
      #192630 - 07/07/05 07:13 AM
Kimm

Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I have to agree with you about your only living once attitude.

I easily spend $100+ on a pair of pants if I really want them. If I want something I buy it....because I can afford to so why not right?

My dad bought me a brand new car when I started University (although it was in his name, etc.) and then once I finished school and started working and could afford to pay for it myself I bought the car off him.

I can totally see how some kids get spoiled by their parents but I think that you can give your child things (that may not be needed for survival only) and still teach them the value of money.

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Re: I totally agree with you Purplelollie. new
      #192633 - 07/07/05 07:22 AM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

haha I agree too!

My parent's had very very little growing up. Their parents wouldn't pay for their colleges, made them work since they were 14 etc, so my parents wanted to make sure that us kids had the opportunities they never had.

My parents were also married at 22 and had me at 23 (also still married and more in love than ever) and at first they couldn't do a whole lot for us.. but as my dad worked harder and advanced in his job, they wanted to make sure we had what we needed.

I wasn't offered life on a silver platter at all.. and through their help they've also taught me the importance of work, and I can see their pride when they talk about the fact that they were able to send all three kids to whatever college we wanted to, when they weren't able to because of zero funds.

I think they taught me well.. but I can't lie.. I walk around in 150 dollar pants and 250 dollar coach purses.. BUT i bought them all myself, and I've worked partime since I was 16 to learn the value of money. I'm not spoiled.. I just have very good taste

--------------------


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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192637 - 07/07/05 07:32 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


I 100% agree with you. Spoiling kids is ALWAYS BAD!

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Conversely... new
      #192641 - 07/07/05 07:34 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


My parents lead me to believe we were always one loaf of bread from the gutter, if you had any debt you were doomed, and that if you took student loans Satan came and collected you on graduation day. I grew up convinced that if my mother bought me some clothes for back-to-school I would suffer for it later. Now they have a lot more money and want to buy me things, but I don't trust them and I can't talk about money with them. They say they were teaching me the value of money, but I say there has to be somewhere in between the two extremes.

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pants... new
      #192643 - 07/07/05 07:36 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


I have an addiction to pants (trousers for you brits) from Express. They're expensive, but they fit SO well. I've worn my seersucker pants just about every day this summer... so I figure they were worth the expense!!

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Re: Conversely... new
      #192644 - 07/07/05 07:36 AM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

OHMIGOSH!! This is my DH's parents too - and DH - it annoys the heck out of me!! I always tell him - you are only as rich as you feel. You act like you're dirt poor and you will be.

Feel ok with your finances and you will be. I hate that feeling. DH thinks it makes it so I don't spend as much - but honestly I hardly spend anything so I don't know what he's trying to prove!!! LOL

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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Re: Conversely... new
      #192650 - 07/07/05 07:41 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Yeah, I try not to act too much like this, or take it out on my husband. Unfortunately he was raised by parents who didn't teach him to save at all (they have NO retirement savings) so we do fight about money. We try to balance our two sides, we don't always do the best job, but I try to enjoy the money we have, not panic, and remember how blessed we are that Eric has a great job.

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Re: pants... new
      #192653 - 07/07/05 07:43 AM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

haha very very true!

I love seven jeans.. or citizens of humanity.

I thought old jeans were comfy.. but I tried those on and its like wearing sweats that make your butt look very good!!

I figure you wear jeans at least a few times a week so I might as well get ones I love.

but I know about the express pants.. I love them too! I buy the editor fit and they fit like a glove.

I figure if its quality do it up. I'd rather spend 100 on quality, than three pairs from target that rip, tatter, or shrink three inches in length for the same price. (I know from experience.. when I tried to be thrifty.)

--------------------


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Re: pants... new
      #192654 - 07/07/05 07:45 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Amen. And I do try to be around Express during sales... I bought 2 pairs of cords I had wanted (previously $50) for $10 each. I'll have to try those jeans... I have some Gap jeans that are pretty good, and I had been getting Express, but it's hard to find a pair that fits right when you have a small waist and big hips!

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Re: pants... new
      #192657 - 07/07/05 07:52 AM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

bloomingdales.. nordtroms..saks.. and little boutiques sell the jeans.

I have friends that go to to stores just to try them on and pretend they could afford them haha. (amandapanda wears them all the time too!)

*disclaimer* they run from 125-175 so try not to fall in love too fast, because I swear I count down to when I can afford to buy another pair.

I do at least buy at the cheaper end of the sevens spectrum though.

as for express.. I'm the same.. I try to wait until the sales go down to 29.95 etc. I also do wear express jeans.. EXCEPT.. my fashionista sister informed me that if you have a flat or barely existant butt you shouldn't wear express jeans.. because the pockets are so small.. so they don't flatter girls without bubble butts. haha now whenever she sees me in express jeans (yes I do love her haha) she's always like ASHLEY!!! Those pockets are too small for your booty. haha.

now when I look at my butt in the mirror, I totally get what she's saying.

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Re: pants... new
      #192660 - 07/07/05 07:56 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Hmm... I suspect I do have a bubble butt. Have you tried buying any off of eBay? I often buy clothes I wanted that cost too much in the store new with tags cheap on eBay.

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Alicia, well said new
      #192662 - 07/07/05 07:58 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


That's exactly what I meant. I don't mean to say we shouldn't have and enjoy nice things. But handing young people EVERYTHING ---without regard to how much it cost---is doing them a huge disservice.

Life is about choices. No one can the BEST OF EVERYTHING. These parents never tell their kids "NO." They don't know the meaning of the word.

I will give you an example. A lot of the teens were wanting to go on this summer trip. The cost was $800, and they had plenty of opportunity to earn the money to go. We told our son we would pay half if he paid the remainder. He did not live up to his part of the agreement, so we told him he would NOT be going.

The other parents have been griping about having to fork out the $800 for the trip ----when these kids are going off to college in a month and tuition is due.

I asked them why they didn't just they tell their child "No." They said, "Oh, we couldn't do that! EVERYONE else is letting their child go."

Don't they see that they're part of the problem? Tell the child "NO!" It's not going to damage the child to stay home for a week.

By the way, I have to chuckle at how it's all turned out. Our son was given the opportunity to help 2 families move this week (and make $300 a day)----in addition to his other part-time job.

He's now delighted that he didn't go on the trip!!!








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This strikes home with me too.... new
      #192663 - 07/07/05 07:59 AM
bamagirl

Reged: 04/02/04
Posts: 1407
Loc: Alabama

My children feel like "there's nothing to be happy about" when they get around their cousins who have much more than they do. Granted, my kids are only 10 and 11, but since when are kids that age entitled to tv's in their bedroom, 2 handheld game, in-car movies, 3 game systems at home, weeks at a time away from home at various camps ect...these will be the same kids as teens who have the cars, ect...

My opinion is, that things - all things lose value when kids are raised this way. I know a couple in their 30's who though they had to begin married life at the same status (style of living) it took their parents a lifetime to achieve. They have lost several homes trying to "have it all" and have been a huge financial burden on their parents.

I know we live in a country of vast wealth, but it seems to me that somewhere along the way you have to teach the children to value things. If they don't know what it costs, it means little to them if it gets broken, they just expect another one.

We're having our kids save their money to buy their own computer. It has been a great opportunity to show them how $20 here and $10 there add up over time. So instead of blowing money on a plastic toy that would be broken in a matter of minutes, they now have a considerable sum saved and will be purchasing their own computer next month. It has to start at home, and parents are doing their children no favors when they indulge every whim just so they "have it better than I did". Thoughtful post!

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God is Faithful!

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Chinagirl new
      #192677 - 07/07/05 08:24 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I understand that extreme too! That's my parents! If I spend any money, my Mom freaks out and thinks we're going to go broke.

Maybe I gave you guys the wrong impression. Our boys have their share of nice things. They have cell phones, a computer in their room, etc. We bought a 3rd car when they were in high school ---not a new one, but a used Honda Civic for them to share.

They don't want for anything, believe me!

But they both have good part-time jobs, their own debit accounts they're learning to manage, and we're trying to teach them to set priorities.

They can have nice things, just not EVERY nice thing they want. What adult wouldn't want that?






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Re: Chinagirl new
      #192687 - 07/07/05 08:32 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Oh no, BL, I'm sure you've done a great job with your kids! I just worry about the way people were talking about other kids in general.

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Oh, Nelly, it's never enough new
      #192688 - 07/07/05 08:32 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


My husband is a portfolio manager who manages money for the ultra-rich (those who have a minimum of $8 million.) You should hear the stories he has to tell about his clients.

Many of them are billionaires and yet, they're paranoid that they don't have enough money. They call him and ask, "Do I have 1/2 million this month to order another yacht?"

ANOTHER yacht....yes, they're always replacing their "toys" with something bigger and nicer. It's so sad!

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Re: Oh, Nelly, it's never enough new
      #192690 - 07/07/05 08:33 AM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


My husband used to do home automation for the fabulously wealthy. Our favorite was the couple that paid a quarter of a million dollars to have rocks in their backyard moved around and then glued into place.

Now that's some ridiculous spending!!!

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Re: Chinagirl new
      #192704 - 07/07/05 08:54 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I certainly don't want to sound high and mighty by talking about the way other parents spend money. How they spend their money is their own business.

My point was that it is so hard being a parent today--- when most parents never tell their kids "No."


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Yes, the way they waste it is disgusting! ---nt--- new
      #192705 - 07/07/05 08:55 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522




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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192714 - 07/07/05 09:08 AM
lalala

Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 2634


This is a really good thread, excellent discussion, and I think you're doing a great job raising your sons. I'm sure they are respectful, responsible men who know that there's more to life than "things." Consumerism is out of control when it's the replacement for parental love and interaction. Do you think those girls are really happy? When I see parents buying their kids anything and everything, I wonder what they're trying to make up for. And I wonder if those kids grow up thinking they deserve anything and everything they want just because. Or do they ever think about the sacrifices their parents made so they could have all these things?

I see this happening with some cousins of mine, and one of them, a fourteen year old girl, seems very emotionally unstable. Sometimes, I can tell she just wants someone to talk to but instead her parent buys her an expensive skirt or MP3 player. Her father ran out on her when she was a toddler and her baby brother only two months old, so her mother definitely feels guilty about that and tries to cope by buying things for them. It just makes me terribly sad and concerned for my cousin; my sister and I are trying to connect with her now and encourage her to focus on interests and hobbies not just shopping. She's a sweet girl, just really, really misguided.



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Re: Chinagirl new
      #192732 - 07/07/05 09:31 AM
Cara4503

Reged: 03/20/04
Posts: 1844


My husband always says stuff like, 'I've been waiting 28 years to tell my kids "NO" and discipline them'...because his dad would always say, 'You can do this when you have kids'.
Kids NEED to hear NO more often!

--------------------
~Cara~


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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192738 - 07/07/05 09:38 AM
michele

Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan

I agree!!! I work in West Bloomfield, which is one of the richest cities in Michigan. I see this kinda thing all the time and it makes me ill! Just the other day, we had this young girl, 13 years old, came in to get an eye exam with her mother. They were both dressed expensively and rather snobby. Ok, I'm used to that, I can play along. Well, I was trying to help this girl pick out glasses and she looks at me and says "what do YOU know about fashion?" The 13 year old gilr said that to me!! Every time I tried to show her something cute, she would ask "what brand is that? If its not a Gucci, I'm not putting it on my face!" GRRR!! I wanted to SLAP this girl SILLY and her mom just stood there and didn't say a word! This girl finally picked out a pair of frames for $325!! Her total order was over $500!! For glasses for a 13 year old who will probably have them broke in a week!

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

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Re: pants... new
      #192740 - 07/07/05 09:39 AM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

I haven't.... but I've had a bad experience with ebay.

I bought a coach purse off it.. the guy sent me a fake and when I sent it back.. he claimed he never got it and dissapeared.. never to answer another email.

so now I stay away.. I lost not only 80dollars but also, had sent in the purse and lost that too. JERK.

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Michele, I'm afraid I would've new
      #192748 - 07/07/05 09:46 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


strangled her! What a little SNOT!

That's exactly the kind of kids I'm talking about. They don't appreciate anything they have----and they think they DESERVE the best of everything!

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Re: Talk about THE BAD SEED! new
      #192750 - 07/07/05 09:47 AM
lalala

Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 2634


Michele, I'm sorry you had to deal with such a rude little girl. It's frustrating when parents don't parent. Don't they have any sense of respect or shame? That little girl's going to have PROBLEMS in the near future.

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Re: Michele, I'm afraid I would've new
      #192756 - 07/07/05 09:51 AM
lalala

Reged: 02/14/05
Posts: 2634


That's what scares me--these kids believing they deserve whatever they want. Life isn't about what you deserve or don't deserve! Or getting what you want! These kids will grow up to be demanding and self-serving. What will happen to our society, sense of community and respect for others, if we have a bunch of adults who don't care that their neighbors are hungry because they need the cash for a $500 pair of glasses.

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Re: Michele, I'm afraid I would've new
      #192763 - 07/07/05 10:03 AM
michele

Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan

Oh, believe me, I was clenching my teeth so hard, I gave myself I headache! I'm not really sure who I wanted to slap more, the girl or the mom! I mean, I have perfectly cute glasses by nine west and nicole miller and other "name brands" that are less than half the price but if thats REALLY what she wanted and she could afford it, whatever! But, she didn't need to be such a snot about it!!! I showed her a very cute and not cheap, pair of ralph lauren glasses and she said "I would never wear that" and looked at the glasses like they were a piece of dog poop or something! I pitty the man she ends up with!!!

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

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