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What is wrong with today's parents?
      #192379 - 07/06/05 02:37 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I need to vent, so feel free to pass if you don't want to hear me griping.

I am so tired of trying to raise teenagers in a section of town where all of the parents buy their kids every material possession available---like their little darling deserves only the BEST of everything!

I am so tired of trying to explain to our sons why we don't do this too!

An example: At a Fourth of July party, I overheard the mothers of the teenage girls in our neighborhood talking about the things they've bought their daughters for their dorm room. Two of them let their girls pick out a $150 Nautica comforter, the matching sheets (I think that was another $50), $40 pillowcases, and the coordinating throw pillow at Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I thought I was going to go for their throats when I heard them say they had also bought the girls the nice big, fat towels there----and then spent $48 to have them monogrammed.

For a DORM room? Are they crazy?

My husband makes good money, and we don't have bedding and bath things that are that nice! What are they setting these girls up for?

Last night, I talked to our 18-year-old son about this. He agreed with me that it has gotten out of hand. He knows these are the same girls whose parents let them get manicures, pedicures, $150 jeans, etc. I told him I hope he doesn't marry someone like this, or he would be broke trying to make this kind of girl happy! He laughed and said, "Don't worry, Mom!"

Our boys are not neglected by any means, but we have never let them buy things like this. If they thought they HAD to have the most expensive sneakers or jeans, we told them we would pay half---if they paid half. Many times they would pass, saying it wasn't that important to them.

I don't want them to think money grows on trees! I feel like everyone needs to stick to a budget, no matter how much they make.

Oh, this has been so hard trying to teach them this when the teenagers at their high school were given brand new cars when they turned 16. Some were given SUV's and BMW's (some even a BMW SUV! Can you imagine?) And this is at a public high school.

My neighbor's daughter just returned from a week in Florida with another high school girl---whose parents have a YACHT! I could go on and on.... It never stops!

Funny thing is we allowed our son to choose the college he wanted to attend (within reason), and he has decided to go out of state, which of course, is more expensive than in state tuition. These same parents are bashing us, saying they can't believe we would allow that.

They say they can't afford out-of-state tuition. (I guess not. One of them just bought a $50,000 BMW)!!!

I'm sorry but our sons' EDUCATION is more important to my husband and I than any car we could buy for ourselves.

And by the way, we wil pay for our son's education (as long as we are able and they make good grades), but they are required to earn their spending money. They both have good jobs and are saving it for extras they want during the 9 months at school. All the other parents we know say "Oh, we just couldn't do this to our son/daughter!" What in the heck is wrong with the student being responsible for something?

Whew! I feel much better. Thanks for listening!



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TOTALLY agree with you... new
      #192382 - 07/06/05 02:43 PM
Linz

Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England

...and so does Si. That's nuts. Poor kids. They'll hit the real world someday and not be able to afford any of the things they're used to.

You guys have a thoroughly sensible approach! I was never allowed expensive cr*p like those girls! My parent's spent money on a home and education for us instead and that's a GOOD thing.

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Thank you, Linz...I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me! new
      #192386 - 07/06/05 02:59 PM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I am so ready for my son to meet some students at the university who are not so materialistic. Maybe he will get to know some who are having to work their way through school and earn their own money.

He needs a good look atTHE REAL WORLD. I think he's forgotten what it's like.



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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192389 - 07/06/05 03:08 PM
melitami

Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)

I very much agree with you, BL, and I am in college! There are so many people I know here at school that are spoiled by their parents and seriously need a dose of the real world! Kudos to you for raising your sons well!

--------------------
Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent

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GEEZ..... new
      #192392 - 07/06/05 03:11 PM
barbie

Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas

Hi BL,

I work with a girl that has a 15 yr old daughter. She buys her Coach bags and clothes at BeBe, a very high end trendy shop. She also lets her get her nails done, hairlights & tanning. Sometimes I just can't believe my ears.

Thank goodness my boys were never that way. I'm buying my grandaughter things at the re-sale shop and she looks darling in them and my DIL agrees.

These girls are never going to find a husband to keep them in this lifestyle.

Barbie

--------------------


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Re: GEEZ..... new
      #192395 - 07/06/05 03:14 PM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

I have to admit that I was pretty spoiled when I was young, however I had nothing but respect for everything I received. And the "spoiledness" only lasted until I graduated from high school and then I was on my own. I learnt the value of things still, and I, in no way, expect my DH to pay for anything of mine!!!

I don't know maybe I am the exception to the spoiled rule LOL - but I hope these girls turn out to learn the importance of what they received and how much work it took to provide that for them!

It sounds like you are more than fair with your rules for your sons though. But also don't forget that girls are different than boys. Material things and manicures are not half as important to boys as it is to girls in high school. It passes, but girls do get bit with the materialistic bug.

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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Re: GEEZ..... new
      #192396 - 07/06/05 03:15 PM
chinagrl

Reged: 12/18/03
Posts: 2439


Well, perhaps the girls will find themselves careers, such as being a doctor, lawyer, or in the business world that will allow them to continue the lifestyle they value.

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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192397 - 07/06/05 03:23 PM
LittleLisa

Reged: 06/22/04
Posts: 2018
Loc: USA

Oh I can top your story! My neighbor's 14yo cousin got BOOBS for her confirmation present! BOOBS at 14
Can you imagine. First of all she's not done growing and second of all what doctor in their right mind would do breast surgery on a 14 year old?????? Oh never mind, if it's cash he's getting, he'll do anything!!!!

Next, the other neighbor's 15 year old has been searching for a car for a year or so. Every car she found she had a problem with. Didn't like the front end, didn't like the pinstripe, didn't like the wheels, color and on and on. So the parents went out and bought her a 1999 Convertible Sunfire (which mind you isn't a corvette or anything but still.)Bright red. Cute car but for your first car? A vette is what she'll want for her second car at this rate. Technically though I think the mom is simply living through her daughter as she wanted the car as a "fun" car for herself this summer until her daughter could drive it in Oct. I drove a black and yellow bumble bee looking Dodge Duster as my first car that stalled at every stinkin light when it rained. NEVER did I have anything remotely nice to drive until I could afford it myself.

So yes, I can rant and rave with you on this topic as I can not believe what these kids get these days. I do think that you do want to give your children more than you had as a child but come on. I will HELP my children out in getting a car, however, it's not gonna be the Mustang GT that he thinks he's getting for his first car. It's gonna be some cheap type of car to get him around so that some day he can appreciate a nice one



--------------------
~~~Lisa~~~


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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192399 - 07/06/05 03:32 PM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

All I know is that I thank God my parents raised me right. I was always provded everything I needed, but by no means were we on easy street. I remember I worked EVERY summer since I was in grade 8. I saved almost ALL the money to pay for university. My parents helped, but I payed my share too. I never had brand name stuff. And you know what? I'm GREATFUL. Those kids that get everything - their parents are doing them a disservice. What happens to them when they get into the real world? Are their parents going to continue to give them everything on a silver platter? How are they going to make their own way????? I could go on and on about this. All I know is that my son is starting JK in the fall and he will NOT be wearing name brand clothes. We live in a good neighbourhood, next to a low income neighbourhood. I'm afraid he'd get teased if he showed up with name brand clothes. We can easily afford them, but I choose not to buy them. Our son is going to earn his way. He already helps out around the house and he's not even 4!!! NO spoiled kids in this family! They'll be contributing members that will have to earn their way THE HARD WAY!!!!

--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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Re: What is wrong with today's parents? new
      #192400 - 07/06/05 03:33 PM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

Ok, the boobs thing completely blows my mind!!! What is this doctor thinking - and that poor child to have parents like that - disgusting!

The thing about the car too - cracked me up - my first car was a Dodge Aspen 1976 (I was BORN in 79) and this thing was so rusted out it had no trunk!!!

I didn't have a nice car until I money of my own when I bought a brand new Cavalier. Which I had to work two jobs to keep LOL

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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