Going to a psychiatrist...you guys were right all along
#191300 - 07/03/05 05:32 PM
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I took a LONG look at my life this weekend. And I have never been truly happy. I have had some mania in my life. Laughing hysterically ([icture the hyinas in Lion King). And some deep suicidal moments. And anxiety. Social phobia. (Like not wanting to go to a friend's party, getting there because my mom literally dragged me to the car, and loving the party having a blast. But getting there was awful...the anticipation and self-hate *sigh).
I need to get this evaluated. Whether it is from my abusive past or not...I DO NOT have to suffer like this anymore.
My family would not let me believe I had a problem EVER! Shoving away the abuse, my learning disabilities, and my depression under the rug. I was specifically told I don't need medication for depression because, clearly I am not depressed.
I don't know how to thank all of you...especially Kate, Linz, Stephie, Melissa, Donna, Shelby, Kimm, Sinead, Tina, Nelly, Dalia, Alicia, Ashley, Michele, and others I cannot recall at the moment (sorry!) for telling me it is OKAY to take Ad's and to have depression. That it is does not make me a failure. That it does not change the way you think about me.
It is SO HARD to get help when you have been through so much. To trust a doctor. I am supposed to have EMDR, a tpe of hypnosis, with this new therapist. And I am afraid she will use subliminal messages to abuse me. *crying* I am SO paronoid because of what I have been through!
I am sorry for taking up so much board space these past few weeks. But without you guys I would be in a VERY bad place right now...I don't know HOW to thank you?! I have never had real friends like this before!
KELLY--please recognize you are NOT alone! And please e-mail me if you ever want to. It seems like we are both in bad spots...but it helps to know we are not alone.
I pray that each and every person on these boards gets WELL, is HAPPY, has as many children as they want, and has all of THEIR prayers answered!
I love you guys VERY VERY much...
Thank you for being my FAMILY!
With love and tears,
Ruchie
P.S. I forgot to mention that this new therapist wants me to see a psychiatrist to be evaluated for depression/anxiety. And I plan to go through with it. I hope I can come here for moral support? I've been hospitalized and OVER medicated (part of why I'm SO SCARED of drugs!) and I have a REALLY HARD time with trust. I hope I can come here for support. I just really hope I'm not taking up too much board space 
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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You should be very proud of yourself for how far you've come already!!! You've taken some amazing steps!!
Of course you are not crowding up the boards!! We are here to help and we want to support you.....don't ever feel like you're not welcome to share your thoughts and feelings here.
Keep me updated on how everything goes and I will be sure to let you know how my appointment goes tomorrow afternoon.
*big hugs*
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Ruchie,
I haven't conversed on this post in awhile.
Just checking things out to get my mind off my horrible week. Your post spoke to me.
My little sister is in an abusive relationship and afraid to leave it. I so hope she gets strong like you and seeks help. I am so afraid for her but she won't let anyone help or help herself. Rest of my family having super rough lives also.
I'm so worried about them all. and my IBS is raging.
You've given yourself a wonderful gift going for help.
In the past I've gone and talked with counsler, very helpful. Second one I tried that is. First one wasn't right and the hypnosis stuff scared me too. Anyway all we can do in this life is keep trying and keep hopeful.
I'm sending you good thoughts and also to my little sis.
paintlady
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I'm proud of you, sweetie. It takes a LOT of strength to recognize your problems, and even MORE to confront them head-on like this. *big hugs* And you know we're all here for you, no matter what - "take up board space" all you like.  Keep us posted!
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Ah, Ruchie! I am so proud of you! This is a big step for you. It is not a weakness to seek professional help. What is a shame is people who won't admit they need help. You are going to be so much stronger and healthier because of this. This is the first step and a big one for you.
The greatest thing I ever did was get myself to a psychiatrist---and to put my faith in him. He was the greatest, sweetest, most compassionate person---and I owe my life to him! I never would've made it without him.
You are such a ray of sunshine to all of us. I think I speak for others when I say we love to hear from you. You are not "taking up space" on the boards. You are our friend, and we love you and are concerned about you. That's what friends are for!
(((((Big hugs))))) You are making great progess!
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Ruchie!
excellent! seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist is a great idea, because its about time you got to a good spot in your life.
I hope that it works out for you!
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Hi Ruchie,
I am so glad that you found a new therapist. You haven't been taking up board space. We love to hear from you. When you are feeling all alone you need to post your feelings so we can help you. We are here for you. I think you are a wonderful person. We do not think you are a failure. You have been abused and we don't want you to suffer anymore. Please tell your therapist how you feel about everything. We will be praying for you and we will give you all the moral support you need.
We are your friends and let us help you through your bad times.
Shelby
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Ruchie....
good for you, i totally agree with therapy, i was had it for a while, as well i had an abusive past, and little things i didn't understand triggered me....I don't know the other posts you have put up, but i know that therapy helped so much for me, along with a support group, that i could trust, it took a lot of hits and misses to find people who i could trust, and weren't co-dependent, as most abused people become.
i wish the best for you, and hope that you do good, there are some good docs and some bad. some that just go by the book, and some that stay out of the box, and care about what they do, and know that nothing is by the book. my advise to you, look until you can find someone that you completely feel comfortable with! write a list of things you need from your therapist too, and what you expect, as they probably will do in the first few sessions
good luck to you!
Lyndsey
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Honey, that's soooo positive! You are NOT taking up too much board space - I know I love to hear how you're doing!
Get hubby to go with you to the first appointment...and tell the doctor about your worries b/c of what happened in the past. If they're any good, they'll put you at ease.
Do your own research too when you get a rx...there's enough of us on here that have been on a-d's or are still on them to let you know if you're on a "normal" does, etc!
Personally, I love my a-d's. They help me function like a vaguely normal person and for that I am so grateful.
Good luck! 
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1. Never worry about board space. I thnink everyone here agrees that is what it is FOR!
2. I hope you get the help you need, in whatever form you need! If your body needs to restore a chemical or hormonal balance or something, you will most certainly need medical help to correct it.
Prayers continue!!!
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Take care,
Michelle
...the greatest of these is LOVE. (I Cor 13)
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