Ladies .. help me out here!!!
#17626 - 08/18/03 08:31 AM
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Sorry but I have to vent somewhere!! I am trying to get back into dating. After years of low self-esteem and having just entered my 30's. I have finally grown up and become more confident, but that has been a bit shaken this weekend.
When my IBS-C is going badly I gain weight, get sluggish, down etc, etc. I'm finding that guys have no tolerance for a girl who does not have the perfect body or even one trying to get back into shape after being ill. I am soooo disappointed, I didn't realize how many shallow people are out there. I am told that I am clever, witty, intelligent and pretty, but still. I guess I'm just naive!!
Phew!! I needed that.. thanks for listening!
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Men who don't want to get to know know you because you don't fit into their twisted idea of the perfect woman are SO not worth your time. And they will be the ones who are alone in the long term!
There are great guys out there who are kind, compassionate and caring men and they love you for who you are, not for what you look like. I know that a lot of the women here have great guys in their corner through illness, anxiety, weight gain/loss and your prince charming may be right around the corner, so don't lose faith! 
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Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. -- Chinese proverb
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Don't let some jerk bring you down! Trust me - I've dated a lot of losers. I swore I was a loser magnet. But, they all led up to me finally meeting my fiance. And, I met him when I wasn't even looking! There really are decent guys out there, I promise! 
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Yes, Andie, there are some really shallow people out there! But you should believe what you KNOW about yourself and what your friends tell you - keep them around! Even now, seven years after my husband walked out (divorced 2 yrs), I'm still shocked at what a jerk he turned out to be! But, thinking I'll probably want to get married again, I've been trying to learn from the past. Don't know if you're a reader, but, for what it's worth, here are some great books I can recommend -
"Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You" (any kind of jerk!)
- Dr. Paul Meier
"Avoiding Mr. Wrong - and What to Do if You Didn't!"
- Stephen Arterburn & Meg Rinck
"Finding Mr. Right" - same authors as above, new book
"Safe People" - Henry Cloud & John Townsend
"Boundaries in Dating" - Cloud/Townsend
Arterburn, Cloud & Townsend have a live radio call-in show called "New Life! Live" - maybe it's in your area. Dr. Meier used to be on the show, too, but only guests once in a while now, I think. On Fridays, on the show, there is usually a gal counselor (Dr. Jill Hubbard is the one I usually hear). They have a website - newlife.com - where all these books can be ordered - many are on sale right now. I've listened to these guys for several years and they're just so awesome! And I've had a couple of counseling sessions with Meg Rinck - pretty savvy gal! So, while you're waiting for the guy who is worth your time, these books might be encouraging! The website is worth a look - you can sign up for free "10 Tips" by email, and find out when they're going to be speaking. I've heard them in person - so great!
Blessings,
Kaybee C
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Let's see, I dated the guy who told everyone we knew that *I* broke up with *him* when it was the other way around, then found his way back to his old girlfriend pretty darn quick...then I dated the guy who told me I was "too crazy to date." Yes, really. So then I was in Florida on vacation with a bunch of friends from my dorm that I didn't know very well, and I met this guy...we're living together now. I feel so blessed to have him in my life, and when I met him I wasn't even looking! So keep your hopes up--there really are treasures out there!
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Thanks ladies for you encouraging words and reminding me that we all go through the same trials and tribulations with that "species". I will just have to learn to go with the flow 
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