Concerned about our son
#169081 - 04/11/05 07:25 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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I would like to ask you to pray for our son who is a high school senior. He has been accepted to several universities, but he cannot decide what he wants to do after graduation. Housing applicatons are due by May 1st---and he's still undecided. He really wanted to go to the US Naval Academy and he hasn't heard from them, so I don't guess that is going to work out. He had his heart set on that, and now that it's not coming about, he's very down and not the least bit interested in going anywhere else.
I really am afraid he is clinically depressed. I've never seen him like this. When you ask him about school, he says, "I dunno." We've told him he could stay home next year and take some classes here, but he doesn't want to do that----but he can't make a decision about where to go.
I think he's paralyzed with the fear of making the wrong decision. We've told him if he goes somewhere and doesn't like it, that he can transfer somewhere else, but that just makes him mad. We've told him there is no wrong decision, that he will just have to try one and see how it goes.
He's no closer to making this decision than he was back in the fall when we started this process. My husband and I are about to pull our hair out!
We don't care where he decides to go. We just want him to be excited about going somewhere! I hate to see him so nervous about this. I know this is a very stressful time for him, but I never thought it would be this difficult for him.
I've offered to take him to a college/career counselor nd he balked at that. Now what? The deadlines are approaching fast! Please pray for him.
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oh no.. I know the feeling from when I went to college. Has he tried calling the naval academy to check on his application status. At least that way he'll know for better or worse, and maybe can get a little more excited about something else if he knows for sure.
I know when I applied to college, I held out to hear from one particular school. It was getting close to other schools deadlines and I hadn't heard so my mom finally called them and they had lost my application.  So it was a good thing I called. I didn' tget in, in the long run, but it allowed me to move on and get excited about my second choice.
i wish him luck. becoming a grown up is really scary.
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Did your son tour campuses at all? After I didn't get into my first choice, I was left with only two choices and hadn't seen either school. I already knew I didn't want to go to one, and I went to tour the other one one week before the deadline. In the end, the school I toured was the one I went to (and am in right now!). So consider that as a practical out.
I don't think you should look at depression unless he's exhibited prior signs. Most high school seniors that are this undecided, I think, act like this. Maybe have him draw up a list of the attributes of each school in order of prioritites to help him get a more concrete idea of what he wants.
Good luck! (And if he's looking at UPenn, tell him he should come here  )
Avidan
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Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
--'Weird' Al Yankovic, "A Complicated Song"
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Hi there,
Long time, no post, I know but I shall try to make up for it!
I feel for you and it sounds like a very tough parenting situation to be in. I certainly don't have any expert advice as my biggest parenting challenges so far are toilet training and controlling tantrums!
However, it sounds like you are doing all the important things such as showing interest, offering advice and being supportive.
I don't know what more you can really do. I think the most important thing is to make yourself available for chats if he needs them and make it clear that you are supportive whichever path he decides to travel down.
I imagine that if he has his heart set on that particular offer that hasn't come through that he is probably struggling to deal with his disappointment and may just need some time to come to terms with that loss before he can make a decision in another direction.
I will certainly pray for him and for you too!
All the best,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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BL you have my thoughts and well wishes as does your son in making this huge decision about his future. We had a similar thing happen with my little brother at the end of last year. He really wanted to study with ADFA (the military study program over here) but realised that he would have a tough time getting in. Then he went for a cadetship with a steel company in Wollongong, but didn't hold out huge hopes for getting one of 3 jobs that were going in computer engineering. Other than these two options he just didn't know what to do. Eventually he found out he got one of the positions at the steel company and all is well. Sorry, I've somehow managed to make this about me (I have a habit of doing that) but my point is is that I'm sure your son will come to a decision and that it will be the right one for him. Good luck and let us know what he decides.
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Amy
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It sounds like you are doing everything you could for him by being there for him. Chosing a college and a major is one of the toughest things. He will make the right choice! It's a hard time in his life because now he has to start making adult decisions and who wants to do that! 
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Hang in there.
Just be there for him.
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Melissa
Pain predominant w/occasional C.
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but I am beginning to panic about this. We've toured the schools back in the fall and he was excited about them at the time. But lately, he has no zest for living. He doesn't care about anything.
He was even accepted into this very elite program (they only take 20 students a year!) and he was so elated to be in it. We took him over to talk to the director over spring break and he acted like he could care less. He now says he doesn't want to be in this program. We told him fine, that he could just go to this university and major in something else---and he says he doesn't even want to go to this school!
Last week, it was the same thing. He said he wanted to go to another university. Now he says he doesn't.
If he eliminates all of these, he doesn't have any more choices---except to stay home and go to the community college. When we suggest that, he says he doesn't want to do that either!
We are going in circles! And he won't talk to us much. We are having to drag this little bit out of him. The deadlines for housing are May 1st---and he's not interested in submitting any of them.
This is just not like him. He's our fun-loving, sociable, well-liked kid. What is wrong with him?
I'm really concerned that he is depressed since I have bipolar disorder and depression runs in my family. What happens if he is and he doesn't get any better in the next several months? It would be terrible if he lets his grades drop so much that these university offers are rescinded. (It happened to a kid in our neighborhood last year. The schools do ask for the final grades and if they're not good, they rescind their acceptance!)
I never ever thought we'd be going through this with him.
All of the other high school seniors in our neighborhood are so excited about going off to college---and he's upset, nervous and down about it.
Please pray for him---and me!
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maybe you could try having him talk to a counselor and they can get to the bottom of things, especially to see if he has depression. If you can't get a real counselor, even the schools school psychologist might be able to help him out a little.
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I'm afraid I don't have any advice really! Does he have to deicde both his major and school right now? I thought you didn't have to decide a major until the second year? Maybe that would help take some of the pressure off. Its a tough situation because if you pressure him too much that may make it worse but with the deadlines coming up he needs to make a decision! Could you call his school counselor and talk to them without having your son present and see if they can offer any advice? Have you spoken with any of his teachers to see if they feel he is depressed? Not sure what else to suggest but wanted to offer my support!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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