When it rains, it pours
#167402 - 04/05/05 08:17 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi again guys,
I am so sorry to keep complaining, but I just feel like I am being dragged down and like I can't do anything right.
So if you read my last post you know I was all upset about Adrian, and I feel on loose footing about that still.. He tells me everything is okay, that he loves me, but I make him so upset and I can't help feeling awful about it.
That lead to me being really distracted for my exam, which I felt went really badly.
Then I found out that there is pretty much no way I can get into the program I have been planning the next 2 years of my life around because I didn't do well enough in Math. Everyone kept telling me there would be a way around it, and I started to believe them, until I finally talked to someone today who basically told me it was a no-go. They said that I won't pass the equivalency test if I didn't breeze through Math in grade 11 (and I hardly breezed.. more like stumbled) so I would have to take a whole course upgrade (which I can't get funding for, so I can't even afford) and it will finish on the 2nd of June... Which means I have to put off another 8 weeks from working full time, will have to miss the first two days anyway because it starts next week, right in the middle of my other final exams and then it will be too late to enroll in the program, even if I do pass!! 
So maybe I'll just carry on studying History?
Oh, until I got my paper back today in my History class and did abissmally on it. So bad that I went up to my teacher, my legs and arms shaking 'cause I hate having to be confrontational.... or whatever.... and told her that I definitely thought I deserve a better grade. She gave me some really confusing feedback that didn't make any sense and I left really upset. She said, "Would you feel better if I gave you a higher grade?" and I said I thought I deserved it, so she gave me ONE extra mark. 
So now I won't get into a History program at a University, or my other course so I am so totally lost.
I have been exercising, can't lose any weight. I have been studying, but am doing poorly. I have been applying, but not getting any jobs. I lost my best friend when she totally turned her back on me, my boyfriend is unhappy and I just feel like I don't know what to do.
I just need a hug or some support or something, I just feel like giving up on everything since I feel like I can't do anything right.
Blah, sorry for being such a downer lately.
Thanks everybody, I count on you guys so much!!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Boo.. sounds like a lot of crappy stuff and I totally feel for you..
I can even join if you'd like.
As for school work that really sucks, and its terrible that you can't get into your program. My grades this semester havne't been that fabulous either.. In grad school B- is equivalent to an F. In undergrad I never had a problem getting all A's, but in grad school getting all A's is so much tougher. Plus I have one teacher that is killer.. At the beginning of the year he gave me all A+'s until I handed in a research paper halfway through last fall. He hated it.. and I do admit that research papers aren't my strength. I had to rewrite it, and he still didn't love it. He said I had to improve my scholarship (whatever that means) to succeed, and since that once crappy grade I think he's been holding it against me ever since. Now he'll only give me B+ tops, and I don't think its cause I don't deserve A's.. i think its cause now he's formed misconceptions about me, and judges my work based on one little mistake. I'm only human. I hope things really do work out for you.. is there anyway you can go in with the history programs?
And as for the exercising I also feel your pain. I've been working out for months now, watching what I eat, and counting calories on fitday and I keep gaining and losing the same three pounds. Its freaking RIDICULOUS. Doesn't it make you feel so discouraged to keep working your a$$ off and getting nothing for it. Its like throw me a bone already. I was just as big sitting on my couch eating chinese food and candy all day as I am now munching on my carrots and lean chicken while busting a$$ on a treadmill for an hour. roar.
I hope things start looking up for real.. they've got to.
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Hey Steph,
Sorry that you're having such a tough time  I can sorta understand where you're coming from with school, I also only have grade 11 math and really struggled with it and now I'm having a hard time figuring out what I want to do.
In my opinion (for what it's worth), I would hold out for what you really want. Even if it means you have to wait a while and save up to upgrade the course, I would do what you really want to do. Degrees are so expensive these days, there is no point spending a bunch of money on a degree you don't really want or that you're just "settling" for. I was doing that (I was also in a history program) and I have now switched to a Bachelor of Administration program through Athabasca University and I know it suits me much better. It's got a Health focus which I love, but not so much that I need all the math that I don't have 
I think if you really want to make it work, you'll be able to find a way, you just might have to wait a bit longer.
As for jobs, have you tried applying through any temp. agencies? I don't know what it's like where you are, but here in Ontario, they're pretty popular, that's actually who I got my job with the bank. I worked for the temp. agency for about 3 months and then got hired on as a permanent employee. The one I dealt with was Spherion, if you google it I think they have a webpage.
Try and cheer up, I hope by the time you're reading this things are looking up for you!
Kelly
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If only I lived closer so I could give them to you personally but cyber hugs will have to do for now 
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now Steph. Murphey's law, it always pours, never just rains when it comes to problems. I can't offer any solutions really (been a while since I studied) but I know that DH and I have been through some really tough stuff in the past and we're standing together on the other side of it and I'm sure you and Adrian will be the same. Eventually you get to a point where you feel like, hey, we've survived this and this and this so now we can survive anything!
Hope things start getting better for you soon.
More hugs Steph, hang in there. The rain will eventually stop.
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Amy
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Steph, I think you're too hard on yourself.
As for the math, I needed grade 11 math to get into college. I didn't ahve it so I took it at night at the collge and passed so I got into my graphics program. And I SUCK in math but I did it. Can you do something like that?
You do need a hug, more than a hug. You need some good news and to feel happy. Poor Steph.
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Oh Honey, so sorry. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. I never went to college and also struggled at math. The only thing I ever was interested in was being a pharmacist, which the courses are all MATH!!! Not sure how I ended up in Optical, it just happened!!
Hang in there, things always have a way or working out!! Lots of love and hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent
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WHOA!
#167528 - 04/06/05 09:08 AM
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Bevvy
Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State
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Good grief, Girlfriend! Is this what they call "life in the fast lane"? You always seem to have more than your share, for some reason. It's too much! Really, even for a young chick like you, it's TOO MUCH.
You know that old adage -- two steps forward, one step back? If it were me, that's what I'd do. I'd take a step back. You have SOOOO much going on in your life right now, I think you need to step back. I'd get myself a full-time job, find myself a nice little inexpensive apartment, get myself settled somewhere, and maybe take some night courses at school.
If you really lost your girlfriend, then she didn't care enough to maintain her relationship with you. If she really cares, Steph, she'll come back. Be patient.
If Adrian wants to move back to England, a temporary absense might be a good thing.
If school isn't working out for you right now, it's because your mind is elsewhere and you can't focus. You can always go back full-time later, when things settle down for you. I returned to school 12 years after I graduated from high school, after I was stable and working full time and could afford school and a mortgage. It was more fun the second time around, and I ended up getting all As.
Keep up the exercise; it's important for your health and well-being and relieves the stress. If you're not losing weight right now, you will in time. That issue is just SOOO not important at this time in your life, when you have so much else going on. The weight will adjust, I promise you, once you get the stress level -- and your life -- under control and can focus more attention on the calories.
It seems to me that you need to take care of YOU. I found that when I do that, everything else falls into place.
{{{{BIG Hugs}}}}
Bevvy
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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So sorry about all the crap you're going through right now. I did read your other post about your troubles with Adrian but didn't have time to reply. *HUGS*
This will pass.....it has to get better....there's no other place to go than up from here right?
How's your tummy been holding up through all this?
*HUGS*
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awww Steph! I hope everything gets better for you soon, seems like you rarely have a day when things go your way.
I have no advice, but I read some other replies and I wanted to say that Ashley and Bev both posted AWESOME replies
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-Sheri
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Hey Ashley
#167756 - 04/06/05 07:08 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Oy, if I was getting B+ marks I would feel much, much better! I'm sorry you're not doing as well as you'd like to be doing, but it sounds to ME like you are doing really awesome... Everyone gets a bad teacher once in a while, I am really sorry that you seem to have a bad one right now who has decided he isn't a huge fan for some reason.
I am the same as you with the exercise, I keep losing and gaining the same weight. It is so frustrating.
Anyway, thanks for the reply I really appreciate it.
Hope things look up for you too soon!
**hugs**
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Tina
#167759 - 04/06/05 07:13 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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Hi Tina,
Yeah, there is a course that I can take but it is pretty pricey and by the time it finishes, the program will be full. I might just try and take the test and hope that I do well enough to get in, but even just taking the test costs quite a bit of money.
Things will get better, sometimes I just feel really overwhelmed. Thanks so much for the reply, I really appreciate it.
And by the way, I didn't reply to your post about your new apartment 'cause I've been so blah BUT I wanted to say it looks AWESOME! Really great! That rug you got, we totally looked at! We got one with beige and brown shapes on it instead, which I love but I liked that one too.. it just didn't match as well.
It looks a lot more spacey that I thought it would - we just looked at some 2 bedroom apartments and the rooms seemed a lot smaller than the ones in your pics. It looks so bright and lovely, I am so happy you got such a kick-ass place.
**hugs**
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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For everybody that I didn't respond to individually, I just wanted to say thanks so much for the replies. I really appreciate all the support.
This morning I woke up so ill. I couldn't even get out of bed, my whole body felt heavy and sore and I could barely keep my eyes open. When I did sit up, I felt dizzy and like I was going to throw up. I tried to get up 5 times, before I gave up and passed out 'til almost 2:30 this afternoon! I missed my last History class 'cause of it, but there was no way I would have made it through a two hour lecture.
I got a tax refund in the mail today from England, which is really nice so there's some good news.
I took the practice test for math, and after going over it for a long time I managed to get 67%, which would be a pass. I am going to have someone help me with the other questions and they try and get more practice exercises to see how I do.
Hopefully, I'll be able to just take the test and squeak by and get into my program. I think it's a bit of a stretch, but I think it is worth a try.
Adrian's been high stress because of his exam today, but once that is over things should calm down for him and hopefully he'll start feeling better.
Okay, I am still feeling really sick so I am going to go back to bed for a bit.
Thanks for all the support again, it means so much to me.
**hugs**
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Yuck. I hate being sick. I kinda feel like I suffer enough on a daily basis already and I don't need to have illnesses on top of it (sigh) if only life worked that way.
Yay! about the maths. Hang in there. I KNOW you can get a pass and get into the course you want! Big hugs. Feel better and we'll see you back here when you've recovered.
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Amy
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It really IS pouring for you isn't it?! {{{hugs}}}
Good luck with the Math...I've known people who hated it at school and then turned out to be quite good. Sometimes the school environment is so wrong.
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Hey Steph,
You will figure out your school situation. Things have a funny way of working out whether we stress about them or not! 
I know you are overwhelmed. Anybody in your situation would. I think you guys need to get out of your parents home and into your own apartment. Don't worry about the size of it so much. You both need to be on your own and away from your mom.
Thanks for the compliments about my place. You just wait until you and Adrian get your own pad it will kick butt too! 
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You stay in bed if you feel so sick!
Try passing the test. I tried and didn't pass it (blush). Hey, I SUCK in math but you have a good chance of passing! Go for it!!!!!
You and your man need to go out and have a fun night once you're feeling up to it.
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