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When it rains, it pours
      #167402 - 04/05/05 08:17 PM
Stephie

Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada

Hi again guys,

I am so sorry to keep complaining, but I just feel like I am being dragged down and like I can't do anything right.

So if you read my last post you know I was all upset about Adrian, and I feel on loose footing about that still.. He tells me everything is okay, that he loves me, but I make him so upset and I can't help feeling awful about it.

That lead to me being really distracted for my exam, which I felt went really badly.

Then I found out that there is pretty much no way I can get into the program I have been planning the next 2 years of my life around because I didn't do well enough in Math. Everyone kept telling me there would be a way around it, and I started to believe them, until I finally talked to someone today who basically told me it was a no-go. They said that I won't pass the equivalency test if I didn't breeze through Math in grade 11 (and I hardly breezed.. more like stumbled) so I would have to take a whole course upgrade (which I can't get funding for, so I can't even afford) and it will finish on the 2nd of June... Which means I have to put off another 8 weeks from working full time, will have to miss the first two days anyway because it starts next week, right in the middle of my other final exams and then it will be too late to enroll in the program, even if I do pass!!

So maybe I'll just carry on studying History?
Oh, until I got my paper back today in my History class and did abissmally on it. So bad that I went up to my teacher, my legs and arms shaking 'cause I hate having to be confrontational.... or whatever.... and told her that I definitely thought I deserve a better grade. She gave me some really confusing feedback that didn't make any sense and I left really upset. She said, "Would you feel better if I gave you a higher grade?" and I said I thought I deserved it, so she gave me ONE extra mark.

So now I won't get into a History program at a University, or my other course so I am so totally lost.

I have been exercising, can't lose any weight. I have been studying, but am doing poorly. I have been applying, but not getting any jobs. I lost my best friend when she totally turned her back on me, my boyfriend is unhappy and I just feel like I don't know what to do.

I just need a hug or some support or something, I just feel like giving up on everything since I feel like I can't do anything right.

Blah, sorry for being such a downer lately.

Thanks everybody, I count on you guys so much!!
--Steph

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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.

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Re: When it rains, it pours new
      #167416 - 04/05/05 09:14 PM
Dr. Spice Yamin

Reged: 04/15/04
Posts: 3286
Loc: Maryland

Boo.. sounds like a lot of crappy stuff and I totally feel for you..

I can even join if you'd like.

As for school work that really sucks, and its terrible that you can't get into your program. My grades this semester havne't been that fabulous either.. In grad school B- is equivalent to an F. In undergrad I never had a problem getting all A's, but in grad school getting all A's is so much tougher. Plus I have one teacher that is killer.. At the beginning of the year he gave me all A+'s until I handed in a research paper halfway through last fall. He hated it.. and I do admit that research papers aren't my strength. I had to rewrite it, and he still didn't love it. He said I had to improve my scholarship (whatever that means) to succeed, and since that once crappy grade I think he's been holding it against me ever since. Now he'll only give me B+ tops, and I don't think its cause I don't deserve A's.. i think its cause now he's formed misconceptions about me, and judges my work based on one little mistake. I'm only human. I hope things really do work out for you.. is there anyway you can go in with the history programs?

And as for the exercising I also feel your pain. I've been working out for months now, watching what I eat, and counting calories on fitday and I keep gaining and losing the same three pounds. Its freaking RIDICULOUS. Doesn't it make you feel so discouraged to keep working your a$$ off and getting nothing for it. Its like throw me a bone already. I was just as big sitting on my couch eating chinese food and candy all day as I am now munching on my carrots and lean chicken while busting a$$ on a treadmill for an hour. roar.

I hope things start looking up for real.. they've got to.

--------------------


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Re: When it rains, it pours new
      #167417 - 04/05/05 09:14 PM
Vicam

Reged: 02/24/04
Posts: 1955
Loc: Ontario, Canada

Hey Steph,

Sorry that you're having such a tough time I can sorta understand where you're coming from with school, I also only have grade 11 math and really struggled with it and now I'm having a hard time figuring out what I want to do.

In my opinion (for what it's worth), I would hold out for what you really want. Even if it means you have to wait a while and save up to upgrade the course, I would do what you really want to do. Degrees are so expensive these days, there is no point spending a bunch of money on a degree you don't really want or that you're just "settling" for. I was doing that (I was also in a history program) and I have now switched to a Bachelor of Administration program through Athabasca University and I know it suits me much better. It's got a Health focus which I love, but not so much that I need all the math that I don't have

I think if you really want to make it work, you'll be able to find a way, you just might have to wait a bit longer.

As for jobs, have you tried applying through any temp. agencies? I don't know what it's like where you are, but here in Ontario, they're pretty popular, that's actually who I got my job with the bank. I worked for the temp. agency for about 3 months and then got hired on as a permanent employee. The one I dealt with was Spherion, if you google it I think they have a webpage.

Try and cheer up, I hope by the time you're reading this things are looking up for you!

Kelly

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Major hugs on the way!!!! new
      #167442 - 04/06/05 12:58 AM
doubletrouble

Reged: 11/14/04
Posts: 1530
Loc: Canberra, Australia

If only I lived closer so I could give them to you personally but cyber hugs will have to do for now
I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now Steph. Murphey's law, it always pours, never just rains when it comes to problems. I can't offer any solutions really (been a while since I studied) but I know that DH and I have been through some really tough stuff in the past and we're standing together on the other side of it and I'm sure you and Adrian will be the same. Eventually you get to a point where you feel like, hey, we've survived this and this and this so now we can survive anything!
Hope things start getting better for you soon.
More hugs Steph, hang in there. The rain will eventually stop.

--------------------
Amy


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{{{{{{hugs}}}}}} -nt new
      #167459 - 04/06/05 03:33 AM
Linz

Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England



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Re: When it rains, it pours new
      #167494 - 04/06/05 06:42 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


Steph, I think you're too hard on yourself.

As for the math, I needed grade 11 math to get into college. I didn't ahve it so I took it at night at the collge and passed so I got into my graphics program. And I SUCK in math but I did it. Can you do something like that?

You do need a hug, more than a hug. You need some good news and to feel happy. Poor Steph.

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Re: When it rains, it pours new
      #167507 - 04/06/05 07:51 AM
michele

Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan

Oh Honey, so sorry. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't. I never went to college and also struggled at math. The only thing I ever was interested in was being a pharmacist, which the courses are all MATH!!! Not sure how I ended up in Optical, it just happened!!

Hang in there, things always have a way or working out!! Lots of love and hugs!

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

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Wish I could help! *sends major hugs* -nt- new
      #167515 - 04/06/05 08:14 AM
melitami

Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)



--------------------
Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent

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WHOA! new
      #167528 - 04/06/05 09:08 AM
Bevvy

Reged: 11/04/03
Posts: 5918
Loc: Northwest Washington State

Good grief, Girlfriend! Is this what they call "life in the fast lane"? You always seem to have more than your share, for some reason. It's too much! Really, even for a young chick like you, it's TOO MUCH.

You know that old adage -- two steps forward, one step back? If it were me, that's what I'd do. I'd take a step back. You have SOOOO much going on in your life right now, I think you need to step back. I'd get myself a full-time job, find myself a nice little inexpensive apartment, get myself settled somewhere, and maybe take some night courses at school.

If you really lost your girlfriend, then she didn't care enough to maintain her relationship with you. If she really cares, Steph, she'll come back. Be patient.

If Adrian wants to move back to England, a temporary absense might be a good thing.

If school isn't working out for you right now, it's because your mind is elsewhere and you can't focus. You can always go back full-time later, when things settle down for you. I returned to school 12 years after I graduated from high school, after I was stable and working full time and could afford school and a mortgage. It was more fun the second time around, and I ended up getting all As.

Keep up the exercise; it's important for your health and well-being and relieves the stress. If you're not losing weight right now, you will in time. That issue is just SOOO not important at this time in your life, when you have so much else going on. The weight will adjust, I promise you, once you get the stress level -- and your life -- under control and can focus more attention on the calories.

It seems to me that you need to take care of YOU. I found that when I do that, everything else falls into place.

{{{{BIG Hugs}}}}

Bevvy

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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy


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Re: When it rains, it pours new
      #167539 - 04/06/05 09:31 AM
Kimm

Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

So sorry about all the crap you're going through right now. I did read your other post about your troubles with Adrian but didn't have time to reply. *HUGS*

This will pass.....it has to get better....there's no other place to go than up from here right?

How's your tummy been holding up through all this?

*HUGS*

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