Update on my Uncle Dick's death...WARNING: TOUGH READ
#159712 - 03/11/05 03:10 PM
|
|
|
|
LauraSue
Reged: 01/14/04
Posts: 4812
Loc: New York City
|
|
|
It's really appalling. Things were far worse than we thought with my Uncle Dick. As I posted previously, he took his own life several weeks ago. His long-time partner Ron called me with the news earlier this week. He said Dick had gotten into financial difficulties but it was much more than that.
Turns out Dick was ill with bipolar disorder. As you may remember from my posts about my sister, she has it too. But Dick refused treatment for it. And he and Ron had been hiding from me and the rest of the family how awful things had gotten. Dick was so mentally ill that he had been throwing his money away on women's costume jewelry and watches from the Home Shopping Network. Ron has found shopping bag after shopping bag full of it. He had mortgaged the house twice and maxed out every credit card he could get a hold of including some of Ron's. The money Ron got when his mother died, which Ron thought was safely tucked away in T-bills had been raided. It looks like Ron is going to lose the house and everything in it.
I had no idea my uncle was that sick. When we talked on the phone he sounded fine. The same wonderful, gentle, courtly man I always knew. I'm having trouble believing it. It's like I have to rethink everything I ever knew about Dick and about our family.
I no longer have any illusions about anything to do with family. Any last shred of sentimental romantic nostalgia has been burned away. No more trying to stay in touch with relatives, no more being the family news reporter, no more work on family trees, no more opening my heart just to get it torn to pieces.
I hate mental illness, I hate the family disease of alcoholism, I hate homophobia. I hope some day there is a world where beautiful young men like Dick and Ron were can grow old together happily and surrounded by family and friends who love them rather than going quietly crazy and broke, hoarding cheap trinkets and buying shotguns at Walmart to end it all.
God help us all.
--------------------
Laura
Keep it simple!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I am so sorry, Laura Sue. I can't imagine what you're going through right now. It's true that the role of being the empathetic ones, the "feelers" and "givers" in the family, doesn't give any rewards except the burden of seeing everything exactly as it is. I am so sorry you're going through this and feeling it so accutely. There are a lot of us here who in a similar situation would feel this with the same piercing hurt and glaring clarity, openly crying out at the injustice of circumstance and challenging the world to open its eyes, and I know it's not much, but please, please take comfort that we're with you. Love to you,
~nelly~
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I am SO very sorry Laura. That is truly sad what happened to him. I hope that Ron will somehow get his life back on track eventually.
I also hope that you'll be ok too. Big hugs. What a tough time for all. 
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
Laura Sue. I'm so sorry. I must have missed your other post somehow and had no idea what you are going through. This must be such a hard thing to deal with but please don't let it change the wonderful caring person that you are. Don't let go of all the hopes and idea's you have on family. In the end I think you will be sad that you let it go. But if you really feel you need to do this then that's okay too of course. Just make sure it won't become a regret.
I agree about the world. Some of my best friends in the world have been gay. One of them hid it for almost 40 years and finally is now out. And I knew him before and I know him afterwards and it makes no difference what so ever to me. And why should it. Homophobes make me so angry. I guess all we can all do is accept and hope that in the future others will be more accepting too.
Big hugs to you and if you're feeling down please post and we'll all be here for you. I'm thinking of you and your family.
--------------------
Amy
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I'm very sorry laurasue. I'll be thinking about you and your family.
--------------------
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I'm sorry you are feeling so sad and hopeless Laura Sue. You're pain can be felt just by reading your post. I just feel so badly for you.
I know the world is a rough, judgemental, non-compassionate place filled with people who hate, hurt people, and make life difficult and overwhelming for those who are mentally ill and already hurting. But if you give up, they win. They want us to roll over and play dead and just shut up. The world is full of bullies who are horrible to others.
I am thankful that you are the loving, sensitive, open armed person that you are. You are full of love and empathy for others. I know you have given me so much just in the short time I have known you.
Yes, those of us who are more sensitive and play the peace maker do get hurt more often and more deeply than those who don't give a damn about others, family, nostalgia, and the bond between one human being and another. But would you really rather be any different? It would be a shame if you gave up your own sensitive personality for fear of getting hurt. Your sensistivity, your love and commitment to your family really is a special part of you. Yes, the consequence of this trait often brings pain and disappointment in how others react. You may feel abused or not appreciated. But I cannot imagine that you would be happy trying to be anything other than your authentic self.
Your compassion, acceptance, and love for all people are qualities that make you so special and loved. Please don't let anything or anyone take that away from you. The world would be losing one of the "good guys". We need as many people like you as we can get. Your uncle needed more people like you in this world.
I hope you find some peace with all that has happened.
Love to you, Laura Sue
--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I am so sorry to read about the devastation this illness has caused your family.
It sounds to me that you loved your uncle very much. He must have been a very loving and kind man, who was so ill with BPD. It has caused so many people thier lives, I wish those who do their best to treat it could find a better way of helping those who suffer from it to live easier.
It is so sad to see this, poor Ron he must be out of his mind right now. I pray for you,your family, and Ron. I hope there is some way that he can keep from loosing his home.
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
{{{HUGS}}}
#159806 - 03/12/05 04:06 AM
|
|
|
|
Linz
Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England
|
|
|
Mental illness is appalling. {{{HUGS}}}
Feel free to email me if you want - my best friend nearly killed herself loads of times and I was her primary carer for a while so I've got some idea of what it's like.
{{{HUGS}}}
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope things get better for you! sadly in most families there is lots o fdisillusionment, and actually having had your eyes open may protect you in the future and allow you to help others.
*HUG*
--------------------
Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
|
|
My uncle has recently lost his life to alcoholism. He used to secretly (or so he thought) drink behind everyone's back - it got so bad that he couldn't go out for fear and used drink as a crutch. So kinda know where you're at right now x
Print
Remind Me
Notify Moderator
|
Posts
