So up and down with this IVF cycle
#15089 - 07/27/03 04:00 PM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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I just don't know how to get through this next week or so without going nuts.
One minute I'm really positive and sure that this transfer has worked and the next minute I'm down in the dumps and sure it hasn't. A couple of days ago I spent two hours crying because I thought I had missed taking some of the HRT tablets and that because of that I had ruined my chances. then I realised that I was looking at the arrows on the sheet of pills backwards. (Dumb I know!)
I really have no feeling either way but am absoultely terrified of dealing with a negative outcome. Last time I only got 10 days post transfer before we found out it hadn't worked. 10 days will fall this saturday and so in one way I'm dreading the weekend and am so scared of what it might bring. On the other hand I want the time to pass so that the agonising waiting and wondering will be over.
I really, really want it to work. Last time I was a little less worried. I wanted it to work but knew that if it didn't I had two frozen embryos up my sleeve. Now I don't so I'm desperate for success otherwise I know I'll have to go through the whole egg pick up operation etc again.
People keep telling me I'm strong and I can do it but that makes me feel as if it's not OK for be to get down over it all.
Also, something that's really weighing on my mind... My Sister and I had a psychic reading at a market a few weeks back just for a laugh. Now I really regret that we did. She told me that she didn't see a pregnancy until the end of 2004. This really depressed me and I want to believe it's rubbish but then when I went to have the transfer last Wednesday I got my wallet out to put our parking pass away and the psychic's business card flew out on my lap as if to say "What are you doing here? I told you what will happen" So then I was really bummed.
Please someone tell me they have had psychic readings that were wrong.
Sorry to bring you all down but I must say it's great to have somewhere to get all this off my chest.
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Psychic readings are almost always wrong and are a great fear inducer. Best to avoid completely. Try to avoid superstitions of all sorts for your own peace of mind.
We're all praying for you, no matter what happens. I was awake in the middle of the night last night--probably day in Australia--and spent quite a bit of time praying that those babies would both take hold.
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My thoughts are with you, sweetheart. The things we do for kids, right? Hug your son and try to relax. If it's meant to be, it will happen. I don't know if that attitude will help - but it at least lifts it off your shoulders. Hang in there. Love, Han.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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I agree with busymom about the psychic. I am sorry this has made you fearful.
To make you feel better though, I think every women who wants to be pregant and thinks she might be has those same fears. I remember with both of my girls being positive I was and then wondering if I was just making myself feel that way. I remember being fearful to take a test because then I would be so diappointed if I wasn't. When you finally find out you are, you will think why was I worried. I anxiuosly looking forward to knowing you are.
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Kerrie,
You poor thing! I'm so sorry you have to be tortured like this. Don't listen to that silly psychic. She probably just told you that because if it turns out to be wrong, you'd be pleasantly surprised. If she's right, then she wouldn't look as bad for saying you would. You know, then you wouldn't be "bad advertising". I hope that makes sense. 
Either way, just don't listen. We're all cheering those two embryos on, so you just listen to us! And come vent...that's what we're here for sweetie! 
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Hi Kerrie -
I have never been to a psychic but I can tell you that a friend of mine relies on one who has been wrong many times (and the times that my friend feels she's been right are so nebulous that its hard to tell if she really needed to be "psychic" to come up with what she did.) I wouldn't worry about that at all. Try to be positive in order to minimize stress that could affect your body. I pray with all my heart that you will find yourself good and pregnant this week, but if you don't, try to ask yourself if perhaps there is a reason for it. Maybe God's plan for you is to have one child and that some time in the future it will all make so much sense WHY that was the plan. I don't know if you believe in God or that he has a plan for you, but I do in a "grand scheme of things" kind of way. I do hope and pray that the plan includes another baby for you but just want you to find peace no matter what. Take good care of yourself and let your sweet little one be a good distraction this week until you get your answer! Can't wait to learn what it is!
Andie
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Although I didn't go through what you have, it took me years to get pregnant. And I remember how emotional I was during that time. Bless your heart! It's no fun, is it? After all the time, money and effort you put into it, everyone tells you just to relax and not worry about it, like you really could do that. Want to hear a funny story? One time, after a month of taking my temperature and the fertility drugs, my husband tells me that his boss is sending him out of town on a business trip. I freak out. "No, you can't do that!" I screamed at him. "That's when I should be ovulating." Poor thing! What was he supposed to tell his boss? That he couldn't go because this could be the only time his wife ovulates? We laugh about it now, but it definitely wasn't funny at the time. So I know what you are going through. I will pray for you to make it through this week. Take it one day at a time!
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Kerrie,
I wouldn' t put much store by that psychic! Relax as much as you can (easy to say).
Of course you are up and down with all the fertility drugs, don't beat yourself up! Remember, you are doing great with all you have to cope with!
Love and hugs and prayers.
Trish
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Kerrie-
First of all, if psychics were really all that smart and can "see into the future", why do we never hear of a psychic winning the lottery??? Don't ya think if their "powers" were real, they's be cashing in on the big payday? They prey on people's emotions to put a dollar in thier pocket. What she said or thinks is maybe an opinion at best.
Try putting your energy into postive thoughts as much as you can; but stop beating yourself up for down moments. I am not going through any of this and find myself crying at silly TV shows and things (hormones bring rollercoaster rides for all of us at different times). Let the tears flow, they are cleansing and healthy.
It is only natural for you to be apprehensive about all of this is you have been let down before. Please know that all of our thoughts are with you and your family for peace and comfort during this time.
Josie
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Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. -- Chinese proverb
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Re: Josie..
#15135 - 07/28/03 01:00 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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.. good point about the lottery, I hadn't thought of it that way.
Thanks for your support,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re: Trish..
#15136 - 07/28/03 01:02 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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.. thank you for you support too. It's lovely knowing how much everyone cares.
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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.. and I can relate to it too. I spent a lot of time planning our life around when I was ovulating only to find out that I wasn't! At least now I know that we don't have to bother with all the charting etc.
Thanks for sharing and caring,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re: Andie..
#15138 - 07/28/03 01:08 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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.. thanks for the story about the psychic that was wrong - good to hear!
In answer to your question about God - yes I do believe but I guess I'm fairly quiet about it. I do pray but I don't attend church regularly. I have thought that maybe the plan is for me to have only one child but right now that thought breaks my heart so I guess I'm not ready to entertain it.
Thanks for your support,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re: Mags..
#15139 - 07/28/03 01:10 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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... I absolutely loved that "bad advertising" idea. I think I'll go with that.
Thanks for cheering our embryos on, hopefully they will hear and decide to stick around.
Thanks again,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re: Thanks..
#15140 - 07/28/03 01:14 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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..it's good to know I'm not the only one with these fears. It seems silly because I know what is meant to be will be but it doesn't stop you from wanting it so bad does it?
As for the test taking I'm not as brave as you. I refuse to ever do another HPT because they are always negative!!! I keep telling the chemist to sell me a positive one but she hasn't so far. This time I'm going with the blood test.
Thanks again,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re: Han..
#15141 - 07/28/03 01:18 AM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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.. thanks for caring when you have so much on your own plate. How did you know to suggest hugging my son? It must be mother's intuition because that is the only thing that really perks me up. Sometimes I'm scared that if I hug him with as much force as I love him I might squash him!
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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.. I can't believe that in the middle of the night you thought to pray for me - I feel very blessed!
Thank you for being so selfless,
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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KERRIE!!!!!!!!
I'm SO SORRY!
First off, I had a psychic reading once--totaly balogne!
Second, being strong doesn't mean we don't have ups-and-downs! (I think part of being strong is being in touch with our feelings--and being able to share the burden of our struggles with others!) 
Vacilating back and forth between thinking you're gonna/not gonna get pregnant is NORMAL! It's out of your control--and this means the WORLD to you! OF COURSE IT'S DRIVING YOU NUTS! You are doing the BEST you can--please know that! The rest is out of your control...
We are all thinking about you--and we all want you to be successful! We love you Kerrie!
((((((((hugs)))))))))
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Kerrie,
I've been thinking about you! Please take the psychic thing with a grain of salt. Psychics used to be a favorite pasttime of mine but I don't go near them anymore for a variety of reasons.
I'll email you separately - we had our transfer yesterday!! On top of that, IBS is in full force due to tetracycline.
Talk to you soon and don't get too hung up on that incident.
Hugs,
Meg
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++++++
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Wow Kerrie - Sounds like you are going thru alot right now. I wouldn't put much stock in what the psychic said. I've been to one once and viewed it as an entertainment experience. It's strange how you want to believe something so badly that when anyone makes a comment in the negative you take it personally. Pray about this, keep that in the forefront of your mind. Things will be when they are meant to be and not a minute before. Keep thanking God for all the blessings you have and make that your focus and remember, miracles do happen!
You seem like a very strong person and I'm sure you will make it thru this just fine, but it's ok to breakdown and let someone else lift you up. That's what friends are there for. I remember after a terrible time in my life having to go on antidepressants and was so concerned that my husband, family and friends would think I was weak. What was I thinking??? I needed to take care of myself and if that meant taking meds and leaning on the people who love me for a while - so be it. Hang in there and lean on the people who love you and want to support you. Be honest with them - tell them how you are feeling. I'm sure they will be more than honored that you trust them to support you. You are in my prayers.....take care, Georgia
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You said some lovely things that lifted my spirits.
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re:Meg
#15453 - 07/29/03 03:15 PM
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KinOz
Reged: 02/02/03
Posts: 909
Loc: Brisbane, Australia
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Thanks Meg,
I look forward to hearing from you soon and catching up.
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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Re: Andie..
#15653 - 07/30/03 01:28 PM
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Andie
Reged: 01/29/03
Posts: 161
Loc: Western NY
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Kerrie - you could be on the 6 child plan - who knows! I have a friend who went through 6 miscarriages, adopted a child, went through unsuccessful IVF and then an immune-system-related procedure to better accept her husband's body fluids and finally got and stayed pregnant! They thought that was it given all they had been through and within a year she was pregnant again - three boys in all! We truly never knows what's in store for us!! I have such positive feelings about what you'll be hearing anyday now - I am definitely not a psychic, its just a feeling. I really hope you get great news any day now.
All fingers crossed and prayers said -
Andie
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Hi Kerrie -
I may be totally too late for this post, but I just wanted to tell you I am thinking about you.
I can't imagine what you are going through. My husband and I are trying to have a baby and that is stressful enough because I am really excited! This is now Month #2 (which is nothing compared to you) but I just really hope and pray that everything is normal with me too.
I have been on the pill for 7 years and had a miscarriage just before I went on the pill. Now I find myself worry that maybe I can't get pregnant....because I don't want to go through another miscarriage....etc.
Anyways - the point I am getting at is:
I have only been trying for 2 Months and I am already second guessing everything. I truely sympathize with you. I hope everything goes well.
I was thinking about you all last night when I read this post (quickly because I had a class last night) and wanted so badly to respond and give you my best. Sorry for the delay.
Best wishes and my thoughts are with you,
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Kerrie, No thanks necessary. I'm glad I was able to help you in some way. I hope you are feeling better. You continue to be in my prayers. Georgia
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Thank you so much for you response and kind words like that are never too late. I don't know whether the transfer has been successful or not but will know soon.
Good luck to you with your plans for a pregnancy. I really hope you fall quickly and that everything runs smoothly.
I've had so many friends having babies who are reluctant to tell me they are pregnant or how quickly they fell pregnant due to our situation and I have to keep telling them that I'm absoultely overjoyed for them. I won't lie, every time it happens I get the "why them and not me"? pang but because I know the pain and disappointment of waiting so long I would never wish it on them in a million years.
Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble on about all that and hopefully you'll be sharing some exciting news soon.
Kerrie
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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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I understand how you could ask that...for example my sister is pregnant and she is not married and barely holding onto the relationship with the "father". And I worry that I will not be able to have kids and she will be able to....
So here is a question regarding God etc...
How is it fair that some people can't have children (and would be great parents) or their children get taken away because of cancer etc. And then there are people out there who are having kids and don't care about them and either neglect them or give them up for adoption.....
And then we are all supposed to put our trust in God! I apologize if I am seeming rude, but these is a major issue for me! Putting trust in someone who isn't fair at all...
(I apologize if I hurt anyones feelings I just truly would like to hear some open responses to this..)
Thanks,
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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Quote:
How is it fair that some people can't have children (and would be great parents) or their children get taken away because of cancer etc. And then there are people out there who are having kids and don't care about them and either neglect them or give them up for adoption.....
Sounds like a lyric from a recently new country song...
And yes, I understand what you're saying. I just have conflicting opinions.
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- Jennifer
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I forgot about that song, but that song is so true to me!
It's just some wonders of Religion that I have!
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Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz
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