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That's so sad. I'm sorry to hear your story. 
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Hey Bev!
So you're one of those...? Just kidding. Must be very hard for you!
I can't leave a glass, magazine, or anything lying around or it is gone. I had an out of town friend over once and we just went outside and when we came back in our wine glasses were gone. They were in the dishwasher. She looked at me with the funniest expression. But it's really not easy to live with a neat freak. Nope. 
I have aksed him to see a therpaist a milion times. "No way" is always his response. This is not our only problem. I feel like I am so tired of trying to fix him. Plus he doesn't appreciate me at all.
Thanks for your advice Bev. I know you're trying to help.
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Yes Ruchie, I think it's different too. I don't think Adrian calls Steph a slob and tells her she's lazy because she doesn't clean enough. But who knows? 
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HanSolo
#150531 - 02/15/05 05:27 PM
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How do I know for sure he has it? I mean all his friends know. We rented a chalet one weekend and he drove them nuts with all his cleaning. 
All his old roommates all warned me when we moved in that he was a neat freak.
What do you to limit your OC thoughts or actions?
I saw a documentary on OCD once with him and he never even flinched. He doesn't think he has it!
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Hmm...
#150550 - 02/15/05 06:17 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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... you make a good point. Okay, maybe by laughing you see me having a fun ol' time... by laughing, I see myself 'ha ha ha'ing' through gritted teeth, fists clenched and smoke coming out of ears.
I guess I am trying to downplay it 'cause it does give me so much grief, but I figure I have stuff that drives him nuts and nobody is perfect and.. well, he decorated my basement in red balloons and streamers, so I could have a lot more to complain about.
You're still doing the right thing!!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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Tina... good luck with whatever you do.
I just want to say that you can make someone change but its better not doing so. In the end, it may backfire and/or the may resent you forever for doing so.
You can't make someone love you, and you can't make someone want to work things out through counseling etc. You can try, and believe me.. I have and have learned from my mistakes, but in the end... it usually boils down to them same thing.
I've def told exes not to leave me and to give me another chance.. and they have.. but they are still exes now. People say alot to keep what is comfortable.. so stay strong, cause i'm sure he will be very convincing.
trust me.. its taken me alot of heartbreak to realize this too but, I dunno.. I'm a strong believer in the SHINE theory. The one you love should make you shine.. and everyone around you should notice.
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I just can't bring myself to make my private life public. I was going to email you but noticed you don't have an address up. So I'll just send you huge hugs and say that I know you'll make the right decision for you in the end. I hope you get this sorted out so you can move on from what I know is not a happy place to be.
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Amy
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I wanted to assure you that I'm always going to be here for you, Tina. I know you must have been struggling with this for a while now. It must be so very difficult for you since you are living together and must deal with this everyday.
It's not like you can go home from work and just have some peace. This must be really reeking havoc with your emotions, your health, every aspect of your life.
I wish I could tell you what to do, but I don't think anyone can do that. We can listen and care and love you, but unfortunately, no one but you can really know what's in your heart and what will be best for you in the long run.
We all just want you to be happy and at peace. It hurts me to think of how much you are battling with this decision. It sounds like it is just tearing you apart.
Do you have a counselor or a therapist who knows about this situation?
I pray that you are able to come to some resolutions with this entire situation. You deserve a peaceful, happy life. Hopefully you find your way to that place.
Lots of people have offered their email addresses to you. You already have mine. I hope you realize how much I care about you and how much I want my friend to find some resolution to your situation.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Hi, I know I dont know you but I just felt I needed to tell you something. It took me a while to understand what I was looking for in a relationship. Love is # 1 and I can understand what you mean by saying you still love him. But hear is the thing,more than love it has to do with understanding and supporting each other. Living with IBS can be embarassing and stressfull. You need support from your loved ones because it is difficult to have a normal life. What if your are in Europe on a vacation you planned for many years but on the day you planned to go to a specific place an attack comes? will he be angry? argue? blame you for something you have absolutely no control over?
Then there is the part that he make you feel like a slob?no relationship in this world is perfect and we all have things to change but overall you should be in a relationship in which you make each other feel good and important because you are important and deserve to be happy.
Then is the fact that after 10 years, do you think it will get better or worst?We all argue about the shoes being in the wrong place,why did you leave the cup in the sink. But it should not be the center theme or that you actually cleaning up because you want to avoid confrontation or stress. After years of being with someone I can understand that the passion might not be the same but in turn it becomes a feeling in which you are comfortable with each other and most of all bring each other peace.
With all that said men perceive things different than we do. He might probably has the same feeling as 10 years ago but he is oblivious to how you feel or what are your thoughts in the relationship. I would try talking to him about how you fell and where is your relationship going. This will give you a better idea as to what to do and how do you really view your future with or without him.
I hope with this I am not invading your privacy. I read this thread while I was looking for something else.
Wish you the best.
Angie00
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Tina
#150581 - 02/15/05 07:50 PM
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Sheri01
Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey
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I am alittle late getting in on this thread. You have gotten alot of advice, and you seem to be heading in the right direction. I already told you before that I thought you should leave him as soon as you can, but I know these things can take time. Now that you are definate that you will and it is what you want (and there may be a new man), look for that apartment TOMORROW. OR as soon as humanly possible. Dragging this out is just going to drain you emotionly. Once you finally leave him behind you will be able to move on with your life. Make sure you don't spend another year with someone you are not happy with. And if this other guy is someone that you really want to be with, you don't want to lose him by him finding someone that IS available in the meantime, or thinking that you are stringing him along since you didn't break up yet (if he is 'waiting for you'.
This is probably going to be the hardest thing to do in your life. I agree that you will probably never be able to be friends. But, you have friends that care about you, and once you start moving on you will be so happy with your new life that you will not be so upset about it. yeah it sucks for him, but he will one day meet someone and get over it. Maybe someone as Obsessive as he is and they will be a match made in heaven. He does not sound like a bad guy, just bad for you. Yo uare actually doing him a favor, he would probably rather be broken up with now rahter than five years from now or so, and I am sure that he would wnt the chance to be with someone that is in love with him. BUt, like Ruchie said, this will be his problem, and there is nothing you can do to ease his pain, you have to think of yourself first. Relationships are supposed to be part giviing, AND getting what you want. OR it is just charity.
I know that my situation was NOWHERE near as intense as yours is, but I have faith taht you can do it!
And you can feel free to email me if you want to talk some more, it is in my profile. or actually, I will email you with mine, the one I always use isn't in my profile cause it has my full name in it.
good luck with everything!
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-Sheri
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