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Yes Ruchie, you're so right! Thanks. :o :grin:
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Ah... ok! That's too bad that he's that controlling! Whatever the outcome... I hope things work out for you Tina! Good luck!
HUGS!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Try reading your previous post (the story) as if it was someone else's story. Often I find this little technique does wonders for clarity.
I'm hesitant to say it, but it seems really obvious that it's time to screw your courage to the sticking place and get out. I mean, listen to this as if it was someone else: Quote:
I don't want to spend another 10 years with him -- no way!
If anyone else said that to you, your advice would be, of course, cut the cords now, no matter how difficult.
I've been there and done this with someone I was with for 7 years. It was apparent that it couldn't possibly work, apparent not just to me, but to everyone else, except him. He had "kinda worked on" some things, which made me keep hanging on to hope that there would be improvement, but in the end I had to realize that there was no more I could do for him and I had to take care of myself. My life was slipping away!
So here's what happened- for a long time I watched many of my girlfriends get married, buy houses, have kids, and I thought, howcome I don't get to have that? Here I am stuck with this loser who's never gonna get a life. And then one night (I'm not much on "hearing voices", but I swear to God this happened!) I heard this voice that said, "You can have that stuff too, you just have to go get it."
So I did.
What I had to do was make absolutely sure I'd done everything I could before I walked away- and when I walked away, like you, I never saw him again. Which is really sad. I'm someone who prefers a much more rational approach to breakups, and I'm very cordial with every "X" I've ever had, except this one.
But if that can't happen, it can't happen, and you can't forestall taking care of your needs too much longer.
You know what you need to do! Now do it!
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Tina, don't worry about him! That's his problem...to worry about him. YOU need to worry about YOU!
He has broken your heart SO many times. Telling you you're unintelligent (that makes me wanna smack some sens into him...you're VERY bright Tina...he's just blind!), a slob...oooooh that makes me mad!
Men that are controling have issues. You don't need that! Don't you want to be someone healthy and encouraging? Someone that brings you tea EVERY time your tummy hurts? I'm not saying you want a guy that will follow you around and bring you tea every second (if that IS what you want--find him!) but this guy just soundsso mixed up and unsupportive. Who wants that? Yuck!
It sounds to me like you know what you want to do. But when push comes to shove it's hard to do.
And the truth is I can't understand as I've never been in a relationship for 10 years.
I can say that I can't imagine being married to any of the guys I dated that were controlling, abusive in any way, or just plain not right for me!
The only advice I can give you is to do what you know is right. Do what is best for TINA!
Love isn't always enough. He may love you too...but if he can't show it in healthy, loving, giving ways...what good is it?
Funny story: Hubby and I got 2 Chihuahuas before we got our wonderful lab/shepherd mix Shana. The Chis were Ben and Jerry. Ben was 8 Jerry 4. We did a trial rescue adoption with them. We had to give them back! Ben was VERY controling! He wanted to sleep on hubby's pillow. He owuld bite you if you didn't give him what he wanted. We liked Jerry...cute AND fun. But they came as a pair. Hubby and I talked about it a LOT. Ben's personality just brought us down. He would zap all our energy. We gave them back!
Now we have Shana. The perfect dog for us. Fun loving, sweet, light hearted. She ADDS to our lives...instead of taking away from life.
I hope that you find a man that will add to your life instead of zapping your energy. You're too precious to have anything less!
Love ya girl! *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Ruchie
#150390 - 02/15/05 12:16 PM
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Very well said Ruchie!
Even if he loves me taht is not enough. That's what I will tell him.
He doesn't see any of my good qualities at all. that makes me furious. I mean I've never tried to impress him because it just can't be done!!!!
It is HIS problem! You're so right. Not my problem!!! 
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You say that he would never hurt you...but he DOES hurt you! Stop defending him! He says you are unintelligent...what a fool he is! TINA...see things as they are! Your job in life is NOT to protect him!!! Your job is to take care of YOU....cause if you don't, who will?
I know my words are harsh...but they're true. (And it hurt me to say them...but a REAL friend will say the truth even it hurts...).
I'm here for you *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Good for you Tina! You have it in you to do ANYTHNG you want! I believe in you...always have...always will! *big hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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I ahve had two good friends tell me like it really is recently. It hurt me to hear but was necessary. She also said that if I stayed with him she doens't want to hear abot him anymore.
What gets me the MOST is his friends telling their GF's who ahve told me that the way he acts is awful. They all say I should have left him YEARS ago. Make sme wake up to hear that!!! 
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God, I should do it TONIGHT!
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Sounds like you have good friends who know what they're talking about! 
Wow, that's awful! If his friends even see it...yikes!
Tina...you know what to do...and we're all hear for you as you make your move. So keep talking to us...it's what we're here for *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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