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I'm really hurting
      #148121 - 02/09/05 09:02 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Hi y'all,

As many of you now I've been through abuse in my life. And now I am an adult and I am safe...but I am still living in those abusive times.

I am in OA. I am reading up on adults hurt as children and books of that nature.

I took the sugar out for 8 whole days. But I couldn't do it. I NEED the food to fill the hole inside of me. I had 2 chocolate bars this morning.

I'm so sick of htis! I'm so sick of livign this way! Of hurting all the time. Worrying what others think of me. Not abel to love myself and like myself. Seeing myself as less than everyone else is. Going throuhg my days ashamed and hurting and wanting to be swallowed up.

Now on top of these feelings I have the lightheadeness from the sugar which makes it difficult to think clearly.

I am just SO TIRED of it all. The drama, the food, the starvation, the feelings, the burried feelings, having to please everyone all the time, calling my parents all the time out of respect, repeating my past over and over again in my head, trying so hard with the food and then eating again anyway....I just want to live a healthy life!

I want to be close to my hubby. But with food in the way...I can't be intimate with him. This hurts more than I can say.

I am just hurting so much.

I just wish I could live in TODAY. But I don't know how. I used anorexia to survive childhood traumas. I was "perfect" so that I would get the love I needed. But hubby doesn't love me cause I'm who he wants me to be...he loves me for me. But who am I? I don't see myself. All I know how to be is for others. Can't I learn to be for me? Can't I start today?

If only I knew how...

Anyway, thanks for reading. I needed to share htis.

Love,
Ruchie

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148130 - 02/09/05 09:24 AM
Kimm

Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 1171
Loc: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Hi Ruchie...

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I don't know what it was exactly that you went through as a child, but I can tell you that I went through some serious traumas as well when I was growing up and it's only recently that I've been able to deal with these things and let them go.

It's so easy to allow things like this to control you and run your life and define who you are. Just remember that through all of the troubles and traumas you've gone through...you survived!!! You are a wonderful, caring, loving, generous person. I can see that just from reading your posts on the boards here....so I can only imagine what a beautiful person you are in person!!

Realize that you CAN control your life and your actions!! Even though it seems hopeless right now and you feel lost and insecure....you DO have the ability to make changes for yourself!! I promise!!

The answer to your question is YES....you can start today!! Make today the day you say to yourself "I am going to take control". You are strong enough to have gotten through some terrible things in your life and I know you're strong enough to take control. Make today the day you take your life back!! It's not easy....I know this from personal experience, but you can do it....I know you can. I have faith in you.

Sorry if I've gone on and on...that wasn't my intention...I just want you to realize that you and only you have to power to take control of your life and make changes and I know you can do it. You have my 100% support. Feel free to email me if you want to. I'm always happy to talk.

fixion88@hotmail.com

*HUGS*

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Oh sweetie! new
      #148135 - 02/09/05 09:40 AM
Linz

Reged: 09/01/03
Posts: 8242
Loc: England

{{{HUGS}}}

Don't beat yourself up....I don't even know how you did 8 days with NO sugar! Could you just try to cut back, not cut it out. I know sugar is bad for my Fibro and migraines, but there's no way I could cut it out completely! The CRAVINGS! I just try to only eat sugar with plenty of SF and other stuff. So I allow myself the occasional ADB as there's lots of flour in them as well as sugar. Unlike chocolate...I succumbed to a piece this afternoon and it brought my headache back.

Can you just crawl into bed, declare today a "bad day"and get hubby to come and hug you when he gets home? Sounds like you need some sympathy time.

I understand the intimacy thing...it's a real effort for me to try and be remotely "normal" with my DH with this DD. I'm soooo tired and achy so often.

{{{{HUGS}}}} Remember that you are a lovely, wonderful person who brings light and happiness into other people's lives. All you've been through and you still manage that! You star!


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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148137 - 02/09/05 09:43 AM
michele

Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan

I'm so sorry you have had to struggle so much Ruchie! You are a great, loving person and do not deseve all this hardship! Hang in there! We all love you and we ALL slip on our diets. I know you are upset about more than just your diet, I wish I could help more. Hang in there! Lots of love and big hugs!

--------------------
Taking it one day at a time.....

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Oh Ruchie!! Sending you an e-mail. Hang in there! -nt- new
      #148139 - 02/09/05 09:46 AM
Tissy

Reged: 07/15/04
Posts: 773
Loc: Baltimore, MD



--------------------
Christie
~Hoping and Praying for Sleep!~

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148141 - 02/09/05 09:49 AM
melitami

Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)

*HUGS* I'm still dealing with a lot of abuse from my childhood as well, and it gets in the way of my life still too, so I know where you're coming from! It makes me so much more self-conscious, and little things that don't upset other people really get to me, and it causes fights with my bf and my friends sometimes...honey, if you ever need to talk, my email is in my profile. I think you're making fantastic progress and this is just a minor setback. *HUGS* I'm really proud of how you've done the last week, which means you CAN do it! Just remember that, everyone has little setbacks sometimes, but it's not the end of the world, because you did do it for 8 days, which means you CAN do it!

--------------------
Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148143 - 02/09/05 09:52 AM
Shell Marr

Reged: 08/04/03
Posts: 14959
Loc: Seattle, WA USA

Quote:

Hi y'all, Hi sweetie!

As many of you now I've been through abuse in my life. And now I am an adult and I am safe...but I am still living in those abusive times. Yes, I recall...but not the details (you don't need to share that either if your not comfortable)

I am in OA. I am reading up on adults hurt as children and books of that nature. What is OA?

I took the sugar out for 8 whole days. But I couldn't do it. I NEED the food to fill the hole inside of me. I had 2 chocolate bars this morning. 8 days IS a long time!! Maybe you can just decrease the amount you eat instead of trying to stop it all together, at least for now...baby steps is what you might need here.

I'm so sick of htis! I'm so sick of livign this way! Of hurting all the time. Worrying what others think of me. Not abel to love myself and like myself. Seeing myself as less than everyone else is. Going throuhg my days ashamed and hurting and wanting to be swallowed up. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you are NOT less then everyone else...so get that OUT of your mind sweetie....

Now on top of these feelings I have the lightheadeness from the sugar which makes it difficult to think clearly.

I am just SO TIRED of it all. The drama, the food, the starvation, the feelings, the burried feelings, having to please everyone all the time, calling my parents all the time out of respect, repeating my past over and over again in my head, I understand this.... trying so hard with the food and then eating again anyway....I just want to live a healthy life! We want you healthy too and will support you in any way that we can.

I want to be close to my hubby. But with food in the way...I can't be intimate with him. This hurts more than I can say. What do you mean by "with food in the way" ?

I am just hurting so much. {{hugs}}

I just wish I could live in TODAY. But I don't know how. I used anorexia to survive childhood traumas. I was "perfect" so that I would get the love I needed. But hubby doesn't love me cause I'm who he wants me to be...he loves me for me. But who am I? I don't see myself. All I know how to be is for others. Can't I learn to be for me? Can't I start today? YES, you can.... just promise your self that you are going to start living for YOU... YOU are worth it...

If only I knew how... LOVE YOURSELF!

Anyway, thanks for reading. I needed to share htis. We are always here sweetie.....

Love,
Ruchie




--------------------
www.facebook.com/shell.marr

www.myspace.com/shellmarr




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Oh, Ruchie new
      #148150 - 02/09/05 10:18 AM
BL

Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522


I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. We love you just the way you are!

You are just having one of those days, where you hate everything. I know how that can be. Please don't get discouraged. You have done so well lately. We all overeat and eat candy bars when we shouldn't. Don't beat yourself up about this! (I bought a package of Hershey chocolate bars earlier this week---and it's already gone.)

I don't know what else to say. I wish I could make you feel better. Just know that we love you and are here for you, no matter what.

Big hugs to you, sweetie!!! (((((Hugs)))))))



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So sorry, Ruchie new
      #148183 - 02/09/05 11:27 AM
barbie

Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas

Ruchie, I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time. You are such a wonderful person and I love reading your posts.

Would it help if you just cut down on the sugar instead of cutting it out altogether? Eating candy bars is very comforting and I think you certainly needed that today. Don't beat yourself up over it. We all do it at one time or another. Who's perfect anyway?

It sounds like your hubby loves you very much....could you talk to him about how you feel. Would he help you feel better about yourself?

It sounds like you have had a lot to deal with in the past and I wish you could just erase that. Have you ever had counseling or therapy? Would that help?

Ruchie, repeat after me, "I am a wonderful person with lots of friends that care about me".

Remember you have lots of friends on the boards that want to help you so anytime you need to vent please don't hesitate.

If you have sound on your computer click on this. I think you will like it.


http://www.funnybunch.com/1/me1.swf

Sending you bunches of hugs.

Barbie

--------------------


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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148196 - 02/09/05 11:45 AM
Sheri01

Reged: 04/19/04
Posts: 1731
Loc: New Jersey

Ruchie, I think you are a great person, and especially with all of the good advice you give, I am sure that you know who you are, you just have it buried inside of you! You will figure things out. I hate to see you hurting this way. ((((HUGGS))))
You seem like you have made it through alot. I am sure that you still have alot more things to conquer, but you will get through it.
luvs and hugs,
sheri

--------------------
-Sheri

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*HUG* new
      #148204 - 02/09/05 12:16 PM
khyricat

Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan

wish I could be there for you.. but maybe taking the sugar out completely right now isnt' the answer and just cutting back or slowly replacing it with healthier choices! Good luck!

--------------------
Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant


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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148222 - 02/09/05 12:56 PM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

I can relate to so much of what you're feeling. I too often wish to be swallowed up and disappear. I know about the food and resenting it. I can only sympathize with the past abuse - I've never been through it but I've had students confess it to me before. I have no wise words for you. Just a hug for encouragement. Remind yourself that you're a terrific person and everyone here loves you for who you are, too. Try to take it a step at a time, a day at a time. Don't worry about the past or the future. Do the best you can for now. That's all anyone can do.
Love with lots of hugs,
Han.


--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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Knowing oneself takes practice. If you have a "Higher Power," call on that, first. And... new
      #148235 - 02/09/05 01:18 PM
Urban Rain

Reged: 01/02/05
Posts: 45
Loc: West San Fernando Valley

...don't try to change your whole existence in one day. It takes time to "build a good foundation" for recovery. My only suggestion for right now is to do something very enjoyable and practice giving yourself that appreciation. It's easy for self-esteem to be battered around by ourselves and others. That's a good issue to start with: self-esteem. Be the help through books, therapy, talks with a friend...just make the effort. It's not that difficult as you know as you took the initiative to submit this post.


For now, do at least ONE THING everyday to make yourself feel good. WHATEVER IT IS DOESN'T MATTER as long as it's healthy, and fun. -take this from a depressive who has some rather bleak spells of misery. IT AIN'T WORTH IT. I'm buying a new compact disc, today. I do not have much money (on Disability), and rarely go out. So, that's my fun for now. Also, I love to go for early morning walks. Everything is tranquil at that time of the day. And, it's easier to get "quality alone time."


Hey, do not worry about the sex thing. When you feel better it will happen naturally, again. -right now, take care of yourself and make your life less stressful.


I hope you can be good to yourself and allow that fun. It doesn't have to cost anything or reek havoc on your health or personal relationships. Find some solitude, have a blast with something you like to do, and make friends with yourself. I've rarely been afraid to get to know certain aspects of the self as you gain wisdom (not just knowledge) and this is where serious change can begin.


Take what you can out of this message and this web resource. And, have a good time at least once a day.


That's all for now and I hope you'll be good to yourself.


With a spiritual love, Bob

--------------------
If you love the meter, the beat is sweeter.

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Sorry Ruchie new
      #148240 - 02/09/05 01:31 PM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

Sorry my new buddy is hurting so much. Like I said in my post to Casey, it is so hard when someone we care about is hurting and we can't be there to hold their hand and comfort them. Internet Hugs are great, but wish I could give you a real one! One big, tight, long one, and not let you go!

Please try not to beat yourself up over two stupid chocolate bars. Those chocolate bars are nothing. It's over and they don't make you any less of a person because you needed to turn to something that you have used as a coping mechanism in the past. Yes it works short term, but I know the feelings of guilt and shame afterwards are horrible. I had struggled with anorexia for over 15 years. I used it as my coping mechanism. It numbed me from the real pain of emptyness, hating myself, needing to be perfect in at least one area of my life, wanting to please other people, not having a clue who Beth was/is. This is a tough one to beat, but you can beat it Ruchie. Some days are just more challenging and we have setbacks. But that does not erase the 8 days you went without sugar!!!! Nothing can erase that.

You have to start over fresh again tomorrow. You are not perfect, and your recovery from all the "crap" in your life won't be perfect. But you are moving forward.

I struggle big time with hating myself, trying to get everyone else to like me or I am worthless. Trying to be okay with me instead of needing confirmation by things I do or performing in my job, or buying the perfect gift.

We share so many common feelings and actions and coping mechanisms. It's rough. All the people on the board can tell you how special you are, how loved you are, but for you and me, it is difficult to believe it because we have such low self esteems.

It is hard to love ourselves or even to know who we are! I have no clue who Beth really is or how to live in Today. But we just have to get up tomorrow and start all over again. And keep fighting our demons. Please remind me of this when I get down! It is so much easier to see the good in you. Don't you wish we could see it in ourselves?

Take care, dear Ruchie. And know that you are not alone. You are loved. You are respected. You are our Ruchie, scars and all. We love every part of you. We are all bruised and damaged in different ways, and some more than others. I cannot know what you went through sweetie, but it must have been awful to bring you to this horrible place. I am sorry for all you went through, and for the struggles you continue to have. But you are so young and you have so much life ahead of you. It will be a good life. It doesn't always have to be so painful for you. Try and hold on to that belief.

Please take care and keep in touch.
Love you!

--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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Oh Ruchie new
      #148241 - 02/09/05 01:31 PM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


I'm so sorry that you're feeling so rough Ruchie. I know you've been through a lot, too much, in fact.

But one thing that I have always noticed about you is the fact that despite all you've been through you're a very strong woman. You are.

You will get better one day. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

As for the intimacy issues with your hubby, there are other ways to show intimacy other than the actual sex. Don't make yourself feel bad about that. I'm sure he knows you would if you could.

I hope what some of the others have written will help make you feel a tad better.

I am sending you a huge bear hug Ruchie.

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Great advice and response for Ruchie, Beth -nt- new
      #148242 - 02/09/05 01:34 PM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508




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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148249 - 02/09/05 01:48 PM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Hi Ruchie...so sorry to hear about how much you are hurting. You have been through really hard times and still are. I am not sure what to advise you apart from send you hugs but about the sugar thing : it is very hard to give up sugar...I know...I was addicted for my first 21 years of life...but I took it out, and if I can do it, anyone can!! seriously!! the first few weeks are hard but after that the thought of it turns you off.
By me mentioning the sugar thing is NOT me disregarding all the other problems that were hurting you..it was just the only thing I felt I could help you with. I'm sorry.
Hugs. Lots of love...and remember, you are a very strong person. And a lovely one too.

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Thanks dear Tina new
      #148251 - 02/09/05 01:49 PM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

Now if I could only apply it to myself.

--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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Re: Thanks dear Tina new
      #148253 - 02/09/05 01:53 PM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


Yes, think about what you wrote and think about yourself. You're great and need to give yourself A LOT more credit!!!!

I was off sick today so I will write back to your email tomorrow when I'm back at work.

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Feel better new
      #148263 - 02/09/05 02:03 PM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

And if you don't want to answer my email, that's okay. I sent you a second one stating that, but you must have left before you got it.

It is much easier to see the good in other people than myself. I really struggle with this.

Okay, back to work!

--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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I think Beth said it all for me. Big hugs. I'm thinking of you-nt new
      #148339 - 02/09/05 05:40 PM
doubletrouble

Reged: 11/14/04
Posts: 1530
Loc: Canberra, Australia



--------------------
Amy


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DALIA new
      #148368 - 02/09/05 07:35 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Wow, I see you are a naturopathic student...right on! I was actually going to e-mail you but you don't have an e-mail addy listed I wanted to know why you went off sugar? Any reasons in particular? If you don't want to discuss it here...e-mail me at Ruchily@yahoo.com

I am hoping that you can help me get off sugar. I was anorexic from about age 12-21. Then I switched over to overeating (long story). Anyhow...I want to be healthy now and I am betting you know a LOT about this being a naturopathic student. I have SO MUCH respect for you and what you Dalia! Where are you taking classes?

Anyhow...I look forward to hearing from you and I DEFINATELY think you can help me here! I'll be your 1st patient

How are you doing these days? Do you believe in taking medication? Have you ever tried any for your IBS?

Anyhow...thanks for responding and for being here for me. It means a LOT! *hugs*

Ruchie

P.S. What does Dalia mean? It's Hebrew right?

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Tina *hugs* new
      #148369 - 02/09/05 07:39 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Thanks Tina *hugs*

The thing about intimacy is that I don't know yet how to be close to someone. Trust is VERY hard for me as I've been hurt by the people I am supposed to be able to trust. I wish I could just be CLOSE to hubby...

I think you're right...I'll get there one day. G-d, I hope so! But I need the support from all you amazing pople on the boards. You have all helped me learn to build my trust these past coupld of years since joining the boards. I NEVER would have been able to be so open about my past without people like you here on the boards. And I am just so greatful *hugs*

Thanks again!



--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Beth *big hugs* new
      #148370 - 02/09/05 07:45 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

You are a VERY special gal...but it doesn't mean anything if others see it if you don't. And I feel you know EXACTLY what I mean.

BUT i will say this....the more positive things we hear about ourselves (same goes for the negative!), the more we believe it's true. So I hope you'll stick around so we can make a new tape to play in your head forever with positivity and love!

Thank you for your kind words. I hope I can believe them one day soon, G-d willing!

The problem with the sugar is that it's NOT about a diet for me. I use food to hide behind. It is an addiction for me. Sugar is my "drug of choice." So when I eat sugar it is not like other people eating sugar...make sense?

It's so sad that so many of us in our generation struggle with self esteem issues. I believe people that hurt us did so cause they were hurting. There is just a lot of pain in the world today.

The GOOD news is that we can have GOOD in our lives and give that goodness to our children! BUT FIRST we have to love ourselves and give ourselves that goodness....easier said than done. I believe it is possible and it is my goal in life!

Please keep in touch..andd -email me anytime *hugs* I'm glad I have you for a friend

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: Knowing oneself takes practice. If you have a "Higher Power," call on that, first. And... new
      #148371 - 02/09/05 07:49 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Thanks Bob! I like that advice: Do at least one thing a day to make yourself happy. Thanks!

I am reading a book called "Why Can't I Ever Be GOOD Enough" and the author discusses how import. it is to take care of ourselves first. And I agree with that! I just have to learn how 1st

Anyway, thanks againf ro the advice--I really appreciate it. Take care!

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148372 - 02/09/05 07:52 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Thank G-d you've never been abused Han! I am greatful for that! *hugs*

I like what you said...to do th best I can...that's all anyone can do.

I expect perfection of myself. Actually, I am scared no one (yes, including you guys!) will like me if I'm not perfect, happy, and bubbly all the time.

Don't get me wrong--I SINCERELY care so much about everyone in the world...and on this board! But I am scared if I have a bad day and I'm not saying just the right things to everyone I will be banned and hated forever.

But it's going to be better one day...I have hope! I keep telling myself over and over day afte rday that it will get better. IT HAS TO...no one deserves this, not even me!

Thanks for being here Han *husg*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: *HUG* new
      #148373 - 02/09/05 07:54 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Thanks Amie! The sugar is about an addiction for me. Not a diet. Otherwise I WOULD go slow and it wouldn't be as big a deal. But you know what? I decided what I did was ok today. I got right back up, posted here, went on with my healthy choices, and even biked 20 mins today! And you know what? I'm actually proud of myself! I made a mistake but I didn't let it get me down. And I couldn't have done it without all of you *hugs*

THANKS!

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Ruchie new
      #148374 - 02/09/05 07:57 PM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Hey sweetie
Thanks so much for all your sweet words...Dalia is the dahlia flower in Hebrew! My Daddy named me :-)
My email address is dalia_yael@hotmail.com...don't know why I don't list it on the site..feel free to email me ANYTIME!!
I like to think I have a mountain of knowledge. I am passionate to death about naturopathy and also practise a method called Iridology where I read the iris of a persons eye and can tell there general constitution and health problems. It is extremely accurate and uninvasive. I am utterly inspired with all of it and am weeks away from my Iridology qualification...I am also about to begin studying to be a registered nutritionist,.. I am not too keen on classic/conventional nutrition but I want the qualification so I can fit my holistic nutrition beliefs into the main stream out there!
I would love to help you...
Why did I give up sugar? Well, I used to live on black coffee with loads of sugar, coca cola, cookies, chocolate and I saw an iridologist about my IBS in Israel when I was 21 and really suffering. That was the moment that changed my life. It was almost religious! He made me sob with relief that finally someone was listening to me..
He put me on a special diet that really minimised my IBS and he never mentioned sugar to me, but just told me to eat only what was on the list he gave me...and sugar wasn't on it. I was so desperate to try anything and I am a pretty disciplined person and saw it as a challenge. I haven't looked back. I am now 25. I have a little raw sugar these days, maybe 1 tspn in something every few days (like a carrot cake or hot almond milk)...
About the same time I started to give it up I began to read up about it...and I truly believe that sugar in the amounts it is eaten these days is a sheer utter poison. Sugar used to be used as a condiment, these days it is used as a food!! Sugar is the major cause of osteoporosis in our societies, diabetes type 2, it lowers the efficiency of your immune system by a huge percentage. Which is a vital factor for you Ruchie. I think everyone with IBS would do very well with going on a pure pure diet with no refined sugars. I have strong opinions about it , but I base my opinions on research and established fact, I am not simply some fanatic!!
As for my IBS...well, I tried Heathers way for about 6 months and it really hasn't helped much. So I recently decided to go back to naturopathic eating: and so far so very very good. It was soo scary for me because I have kind of become reliant on the white stuff to settle my tummy and naturopathy doesn't really believe in those kinds of foods...so there I was expecting a huggeee D outbreak...its taking time to get used to it but I feel much less foggy and fatigued...its very high fibre!:-) Much more nutritious.
Ruchie I would be delighted to help you eat as nutritiously as you can. I have never worked with someone with fibromylagia before, but I do know a lot about immunity boosting and the best thing you could do for yourself first would be to kick the sugar habit. I will hold your hand (in cyber space) the entire way! You will feel soooo good about yourself...I promise!
With love XXXX

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Sheri new
      #148375 - 02/09/05 07:59 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
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Thanks Sheri! *hugs* I have a feeling I know who I am...I'm just too scared to find out. I've been hiding somewhere inside of me for such a long time...I don't know how to get in touch with who I REALLY am...too much repressed stuff. But that's why I'm in therapy and OA trying to work these things through. You guys help me give the confidence to persevere and keep moving forward. Thanks again...I needed your words *hugs*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Hi Dalia....I sent ya an e-mail AND new
      #148380 - 02/09/05 08:24 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

I wanted to respond to some of your post here too.

I LOVE your name...it's beautiful. My hebrew name is Shayna Ricklah. Shayna is Yiddush (not hebrew really) for Yaffa and Rickla for Rivka...I go by Rivka a lot. :-)

Do you like not having sugar in your life? I have to say when I don't have it in my life I seem to be a much healthier person!

Anyhow, thanks for everything...and I can't wait to hear back from you! *hugs*



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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: So sorry, Ruchie new
      #148383 - 02/09/05 08:29 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
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Hi Barbie! I've given up on feeling bad for what I did or didn't do earlier today. It's in the past and I can move forward now! I think what was upsetting me so much is that I use sugar to hide behind...it is my drug of choice so to speak. And I am trying so desperately to get closer to hubby and when I eat it just makes us further and further apart......

BUT I am also relaizing that making mistakes is part of being human. and it will be ok.

I just REALLY want to be close to him! And I am sooo afraid. It's tough....but thank G-d we tlak and we communicate and I have faith that if sticks around we WILL be close one day, G-d willing!

I have a hard time repeating after you Barbie...it's just SO hard to love myself and to believe others like me. Please keep encouraging me...one day I WILL be able to say it AND mean it. But for now they would just be words....

ROTFL! I posted that funny green guy on the boards weeks ago...but it was GREAT to see him sing again

Thakn you SO MUCH for your kind words *hugs* Please keep em coming...

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: Hi Dalia....I sent ya an e-mail AND new
      #148386 - 02/09/05 08:32 PM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Got your email and wrote you back!! Thanks for saying my name is beautiful...:-)
I love not having sugar in my life..it had such a hold over me and my eating choices...obviously there are times I want to eat a huge bowl of icecream but I just ask myself where that urge is coming from and it soon goes away!! self destruction etc is NOT the answer!!

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Re: Oh, Ruchie new
      #148387 - 02/09/05 08:33 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

BL, if you could only teach ME to love me and see me the way you do....

You;re too cute! It's not about the sugar as much as it about WHY I ate it and the fact that I use sugar to hide behind instead of getting close to other people...especially myself!

I have to say...having the boards and all the support REALLY helps a LOT! I am beginning little by little to see myself through the eyes of people who believe in me and care about me...and this is what I have needed for so long. Thank you for that...it helps more than I can say *hugs* How are you doing? You're in my prayers *hugs*



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Thakns Dalia...off to check my mail... new
      #148388 - 02/09/05 08:34 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
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Btw, I said your name is beautiful because it IS! I esp. like it spelled without the H (don't ask me why?) LOL Ok...now I'm really off

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148391 - 02/09/05 09:05 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Shell, OA is overeaters nonymous. Thanks for asking...I forgot to exaplin it! I don't think I ever mentoined details of what happened to me really. I never thought it was important. Basically I have been through verbal and sexual abuse and it is wreaking havoc on my life today and I want it to STOP!

About the sugar...I use sugar as a "drug". It's not that I ate it and now I think I'm bad...it's that I am still using it to get my fix and not face reality

I am hoping that I can believe you one day Shell...that I am NOT less than everyone else. I'm working on this (I'm in therpay) and I'm trying. Having you guys on the boards makes SUCH a difference *hugs* I wouldn't have eve opened up and started talking about my past and going to therapy if it weren't fr the boards and people like you being so open and kind...

What I meant by "with food in the way" is that when a person has an addiciton to something...it is hard to have anything else in your life. With sugar in my life...there's hardly any room left for hubby or even me (which is WHY addicts eat sugar or use other things...to numb out and not have to face relaity!)

Do you think I can dot hat? Live for me? It sounds so....selfish...so....for someone else. Not someone like me...I don't feel I deserve it. (I'm trying to though!)

Thakns for being here Shell. You're such a soft, kind person....I'm really glad to have you on my side *hugs*

I'm going to keep coming back and posting. And if I ever try and run away again...please don't give up oin me...and PLEASE forgive me for the tiems I've run away?



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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148392 - 02/09/05 09:08 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

MELISSA!

No....not you!

I feel like crying I can't believe you were abused...this makes me very upset!

PLEASE e-mail me anytime...maybe we can help each other out?

I am SO SORRY! Youa re one of the SWEETEST people...and I am SO SORRY you had to go through anything negative...

I just re-read what you wrote and you said your e-mail is in your profile. I am going to e-mail you. *hugs*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148393 - 02/09/05 09:18 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Michele, just knowing that you care and that you think highly of me helps more than you know! I had a tape play in my head for YEARS telling me how bad I was. I need a new tape! And all of you are helping me make this tape day by day...

I hope you are feeling good and trhat you know how wonderful and special and beautiful you are! *hugs* Thanks again...

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: Oh sweetie! new
      #148394 - 02/09/05 09:23 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Linz,

My fibro buddy!

I took a good nap this afternoon per your suggestion. Naps are WONDERFUL aren[t they? The fibro is out to get me and so is my PMS...the horrid monster!

The sugar wasn't so bad...it's the fact that sugar is my drug and I use it to hide behind instead of facing reality.

But I'm back full force, ready to figh, and hope that I can do it...with a LOT of help from you guys of course *hugs*

I am just so sick of spending my life in hiding...with feelings and memories burried so deep I can't get to them. *sigh*

One day it will be ok and I will in today and not yesterday, G-d willing. For now, I need TONS of support and love to get me through...which I am beginning to see I have here on the boards

Anyhow...thanks agaibn Linz! You are always here for me...

I hope you feel excellent and that the fibro frog is run over by a truck...you know like how we feel when we wake up without enough restful sleep! Take dcare of you ok? *hugs*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Kimm...e-mailing you *hugs* n-t new
      #148395 - 02/09/05 09:25 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Thanks Amy *big hugs* backathcya! n-t new
      #148396 - 02/09/05 09:30 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA



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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148400 - 02/09/05 10:12 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837


Ruchie,
I can certainly identify with some of what you said. When I was young, I had a terrible time trying to figure out who I was. I had no idea, because I had always been who my parents wanted me to be. As a child, I learned very quickly who I needed to be, to stay out of serious trouble with my dad, and how to please my perfect Mom.

I am 50 now, and I was 34 before I was truly able to free myself of their "hold" on me. Yes, it took me that long to finally become who God made me to be, and not who they wanted me to be. (Parents often want their kids to be little versions of themselves or who they wish they were.)
OH, it's so complicated.

I'm not saying that it will take you that long to become yourself and like who you really are. (I now am able to make all the mistakes I want, and can forgive me right away without guilt and just move on as if it never happened!) I can honestly say that I like me very much; even with ALL of my faults. And, I don't care what others think of me. That's a real freedom, isn't it?

I just want you to know that you must never give up hope and always use your faith to help you get to where you need to be. God will guide you and He will help you. It takes time and it's a process. I have heard that it is painful when a snake sheds its' skin. Well, it is painful for us, too. It's not easy, but it will happen because you want it to. Honey, you ARE likeable, lovable, and so kindhearted. You can make mistakes and you can even sin and you know what? God still loves you just as you are. He doesn't wait for us to change before He loves us. Here is a quote that I really like:

"God loves us the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way."

You don't need to worry so much about changing; God will guide you where you need to go and He will love you all the way through it. He did it for me, and He will do it for you, too. It's okay to relax and just let yourself live. No one is perfect and we will never be, as long as we are on this earth in these imperfect bodies. So, don't try to be perfect. God will guide you your whole lifetime and He will mold you. If He loves you all the time; just as you are; then you should love yourself, too and don't let anyone keep you from it. He is the one who's opinion matters and He loves you as you are. So, who cares what anyone else has to say? His opinion is the one that matters, and He always loves us; no matter what!!!

I feel like I'm rambling here. I hate when that happens. To wrap it up; I guess I'm just trying to say that you must have hope and NEVER give up your quest to find out who you are. Try to cut yourself some slack. Treat yourself the way that you treat others or the way that you want others to treat you. That can do amazing things for yourself!

There IS hope after abuse of all kinds. It takes time to become whole and it won't happen overnight; but it WILL happen. There are many of us who have been where you are (more than you may know) and we have made it. You will too. You really, really will.
I'll be thinking of you,
Terri



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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148412 - 02/10/05 12:49 AM
thepurplelollie

Reged: 11/11/04
Posts: 374
Loc: Wellington, New Zealand

Oh, Ruchie! I think you're amazing... whether you're eating marshmallows and jelly beans for breakfast lunch and tea, or whether you kick the sugar altogether.
You are such an inspiration to me, if I could throw myself in front of what's hurting you, I would.
I know it's real hard to give up sugar... and that it's real hard to be Ruchie, but you're stronger than you give yurself credit for. Don't let this wee slip get you down! Get back on that horse, girl. You really are the most amazing internet person I've never met.

--------------------
*Emma*

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Ruchie, had a bit more to say once the kids went to bed. You have email-nt new
      #148416 - 02/10/05 12:57 AM
doubletrouble

Reged: 11/14/04
Posts: 1530
Loc: Canberra, Australia



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Amy


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Re: Tina *hugs* new
      #148425 - 02/10/05 02:55 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


Ruchie,

Don't worry about it. I'm sure your husband knows how much you love him.

If intimacy scares you, just hold his hand or give him hugs and lots of kisses. You can still do that if you're having an IBS attack or feeling tired from your fibro. Or just lie in bed with him and cuddle. There's lots of ways to show you care about him.

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Dalia! new
      #148432 - 02/10/05 03:20 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


I also have a passion for naturopathy! But I am not studying it such as you are. What exactly are you taking to get this degree? What courses does it involve?

And Iridology is fascinating stuff! I used to work at a photocopy place and this natural doctor always came in with his Iridology charts and explained a bit of it to me. Are you able to detect early signs of trouble by looking at someone's iris yet? Now I want to meet you! I could talk about this and alternative healthcare for hours!

I also believe that the tongue shows signs of illnes as well. Not sure if this has a techical name. Tongue reading? I studied this and the results I got were very accurate for myself!

Ok, I could go on and on...

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Ruchie new
      #148437 - 02/10/05 03:47 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


You don't have to be bubbly all of the time. Gosh no! We all have our moods and bad days.

You'll never be banned or hated. We all care about you, silly!

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #148448 - 02/10/05 05:16 AM
Yoda (formerly Hans)

Reged: 01/22/03
Posts: 3682
Loc: Canada

Ruchie - I'm a perfectionist too. I am so hard on myself it's ridiculous. You need to be okay with being less than perfect. We're all human and we all make mistakes. You have to forgive yourself. ALso remember you did NOT deserve the abuse in the first place. You were just a little girl - an innocent victim. Nurture that part of you.
And of course we'd still love you! Are you kidding? Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. No one is going to kick you off the boards. I have never even once thought anything you said is inappropriate. Give yourself a break. You're a terrific, wonderful, loving, sweet person and a great friend. We're fortunate to have you with us. Hang in there.
TONS AND TONS OF HUGE HUGS!!!!!!!


--------------------
Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.

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I know its an addiction.. but.. new
      #148463 - 02/10/05 06:09 AM
khyricat

Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan

sometimes going cold turkey is harder to do then allowing those little slips.. as long as they aren't happening all the time and your not gorging yourself sick on the sugar (which you aren't!) then you're still controlling the addiction and no one stops anything cold turkey the first time succesfuly without a ton of assistance.. and often times slip ups.. you'll get back there...

--------------------
Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant


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DALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help please! new
      #148481 - 02/10/05 06:56 AM
Cara4503

Reged: 03/20/04
Posts: 1844


Ok I am a total sugar ADDICT. I think I have to be the most addicted person ON EARTH! People cannot believe the amounts of sugar I can tolerate and not get sick from. I know it is AWFUL for me, but it is SO hard for me to give up. I REALLY want to give it up.

Could you tell me a typical day for you?? Diet-wise?

I have been *pretty* good the last few weeks giving up candy - like jelly beans, taffy, etc. But - I still eat lots of jelly, honey, PB, graham crackers, teddy grahams, ginger cookies, etc - which is obviously all sugar too! If you have any suggestions I would LOVE to hear from you!

If you want to email me it's cara4503@yahoo.com. I would really appreciate it so much!! Thanks Dalia xxxx!



--------------------
~Cara~


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Re: Dalia! new
      #148516 - 02/10/05 07:58 AM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

hey tina!!
thats so cool that you are passionate about naturopathy too! I started studying it in London and am finishing up here. Learning it is all a bit of a mess, because there is no real legislation to regulate who teaches it, so you have some colleges out there that just want your money and don't teach you the real thing..so I take courses at different places to build up my skills. I am very careful because at some point the law is going to change and these colleges will be banned (there are lots of 'natural doctors' out there who take a two week course and then start prescribing strong herbal combinations to people - herbs can be just as potent as real medicine), and when the law changes I do not want to be associated with such careless people. I DO treat with herbs, but mainly with dietary changes. My hero is Dr. Bernard Jensen, you can google him...he was an amazing man.
And yep, I can read peoples eyes and tell them pretty much exactly what is going on - I can tell how many toxins they are carrying around, the state of all their major systems, bowel health, stress levels, immunity etc....everything! Its wildly accurate and pretty scary! In a nice way of course!
I've not got into tongues yet, but I can see how mine changes with my health!!

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Cara... new
      #148522 - 02/10/05 08:06 AM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Hey I thought I'd reply here for the benefit of everyone...but feel free to drop me an email if you want to keep anything private!
Giving up sugar is no mean feat..I was probably as addicted as you. I gave it up totally cold turkey and I had what we term in naturopathy as a 'healing crisis' in which your body displays all the major symptoms you suffer from in order to rid your body of the junk- in other words I felt ILL for a few days...headaches, belly etc...but after that WOW!!! Some doctors are not in support of doing it cold turkey, saying its too much stress for the body...I believe personally it depends on what type of character you are...you have to decide how you would like to do it!!
My typical diet(everything is organic):
morning - giant mug of peppermint tea, peppermint cap and probiotic
breakfast - oatmeal, or an 8 grain hot cereal like oatmeal, with almond milk.
snack - banana, prune, date.
lunch - two wholewheat pitta breads with a huge salad of leaves, tomatoes, radishes and olive oil with egg whites.
snack - cashew nuts, almonds, pear.
dinner - split pea, red lentil soup with vegetables, barley and brown rice. Apple.
dessert - carrot cake made with brown rice flour and sweetened with pear juice concentrate and a bit of raw sugar!!

Thats just what I ate yesterday...the menu can vary!!

I would be delighted to help you...just let me know if you want to do it cold turkey or not!! :-) Congrats on giving up the jelly beans etc..I promise it will get easier!


--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Re: Dalia! new
      #148523 - 02/10/05 08:07 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


Wow, that's so cool that you can read people's eyes. Is what you see in your own eyes reflect what you're going through health-wise? You can't do it from a photograph, can you?

About the tongues. It is called "tongue diagnosis". For example, a very red tongue can mean imminent or present fever. A pale one means general exhaustion. Then there's the form, size, consistency, cracks, coating, humidty and temperature. Here's a link if you're curious:
http://www.yinyanghouse.com/chinesetheory/theory-tongue.html

I will check out Dr. Bernard Jensen.

If I ever go to New York (and I have a feeling that I will), we have to meet!



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Re: Dalia! new
      #148529 - 02/10/05 08:22 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Dalia you're vERY smart to be careful who you learn from! One day, I believe, allopathy and naturopathy will at least come together if not naturopathy standing on its own!

There are so many quacks out there that just want our money *sigh* I've been to 3 naturopaths...and only 1 of them was the REAL true deal! Some people will only go to a naturopath if they are also an MD....whatever! One of the guys I went to just wanted my money...he was an MD. Blah!

Anyway...I'm glad you're doing this so carefully! We need more people like you in the medical field!

*hugs*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Tina! Thanks! new
      #148530 - 02/10/05 08:24 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

I just checked my tongue in the mirror. It's quite pale...and I'm thoroughly exhausted (coming down with a cold I'm afraid!) I've always been curious about the tongue diagnosis and how it works...this is awesome! *hugs* P.S. How did you become passionate about naturopathy?

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Dalia, can giving up sugar cause you to have cold sypmtoms....? new
      #148531 - 02/10/05 08:28 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

I am having major green mucous and cold-like symptoms and awful fatigue. Can this be the elimination of the white stuff? What can happen to your bod when you detox? I also took out dairy, red meat, (I've been eating fish...chicken hurts my stomach and makes me nauseous, but I DO plan to put turkey in my diet white meat only), and white flour. Just curious, thanks! *hugs*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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To Ruchie! new
      #148533 - 02/10/05 08:30 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


It's very accurate Ruchie.

I became passionate about naturopathy from being a vegetarian. I know that might sound odd but it's true. I used to only be able to get tofu products from health food stores (remember I became a vegetarian 13 years ago before it became so popular and trendy).

So I would always be in thr HF stores which were packed with herbal remedies, books about them, etc. I took an immediate interest in it. And when I started getting too many colds and the flu, I started reading up on strengthening my immune system, naturally.

The yoga philosophy also strongly recommends alternative healthcare so it's just a part of my life. I have never been to see an alternative healthcare professional though. Too expensive, $250 for a consultation! Yikes!!!!

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Re: To Ruchie! new
      #148545 - 02/10/05 09:04 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

Tina,

I was a vegetarian in junior high for a bit (parents got REAL mad about it) then again in high school. It's so much healthier! Our poor bodies suffocate with all of the junk we put in them!

Wow, what a cool story! You hung out in the health food stores huh? Are you an avid reader? I could just sit in the stores for hours and look at the books!

Anyway, thanks for sharing the link about tongue diagnoses! If you have any other links you want to share...I'm game! *hugs*

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Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: Dalia, can giving up sugar cause you to have cold sypmtoms....? new
      #148546 - 02/10/05 09:05 AM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

absolutely...when you give something up that your body has got used to, and has put your body in a chronic state of feeling like poo..you are going to go backwards before you go forwards...your elimination channels (respiratory, digestive, skin etc) are working very hard to rid the body of the bad stuff. Do NOT take anything to dry up the mucus, and if you get D LET IT OUT. Your body is giving it to your for a reason. Buy tens of thousands of boxes of tissues and just blow! Take a lovely hot bath which will make things flow even more. Remember, this is bad stuff that needs to come out. Rest up, drink loads, eat light..but don't go back to eating the bad stuff...

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Ok, Dr. Dalia.... new
      #148548 - 02/10/05 09:14 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

It's not easy....but I'm determined! Esp. if I can keep coming here and get everyone's support! I have NO desire for sugar...for that matter I'm not hungry. I had 2 pieces of fruit and some puffed millet cereal...but I am SO STUFFED now I don't feel like eating for days! LOL I'm alos on my 3rd cup of tea. Do I need to eat if I don't feel like it? What are the best things to eat right now? Can I drink too much tea? Hope you don't mind all the questions! Thanks Dalia *hugs*

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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*HUGS* You've got mail! -nt- new
      #148552 - 02/10/05 09:36 AM
melitami

Reged: 02/23/04
Posts: 1213
Loc: Ewing, NJ, USA (IBS-D, Vegetarian)



--------------------
Melissa
Friendship is thicker than blood. ~Rent

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Re: Ok, Dr. Dalia.... new
      #148563 - 02/10/05 10:16 AM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Hey there. Don't eat if you don't have an appetite...and when you do feel like eating, make it some vegetable broth with lots of vegies inside (not made with any kind of store bought stock...just pure homemade)...always eat vegetables about fruits...Don't go above 3 litres of tea a day!!! I don't think anyone could drink that much...but its very important to keep flushing your system. I LOVE Yogi Tummy tea for my belly and Yogi Throat Ease for my throat! If you feel like eating something more proper then vegie soup, I would go for brown rice, and the puffed millet sounds great too! You can also try a little nut butter (make sure the ingredients are pure!) on some wholewheat bread...just a little...

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Re: To Ruchie! new
      #148578 - 02/10/05 11:08 AM
Sara-Sage

Reged: 02/04/04
Posts: 5508


I agree that we put too much junk into our bodies.

I could spend the whole day at Chapters just reading the books for free. I've done that lots but usually no longer than an hour. And I have so many interests that I'm all over the place and don't stick to one section.

If I think of any other links, I'll forward them to you!

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Dalia, sounds so scarey! new
      #149132 - 02/11/05 07:52 PM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

All those rough insolubles without a soluble base! As you know, I haven't gotten very far with the EFI diet either, but it has become ingrained in my head. The thought of eating the plain brown rice and insoluble veggies together is so backwards to what we have been told.

And to eat a fruit without a SF is scary. And Nuts are suppose to be a no too. And dates, prunes, died fruit, especially eaten alone. Raw salads with raw veggies without a soluble fiber.

While I am so C on the EFI diet, I am terrified that eating the "naturapathic way" will cause pain, cramps, and spasms.

I still have not been able to give up my zelnorm, SFS, triphala, magnesium either, but have cut down on the colace. I know you suggested I stop them, but I am so scared I won't have a BM at all.

Is there any hope for me? How did you get the courage to try eating this way?

I need to reply to your email and give you a detailed account of what is going on with me and what and when I am taking these supplements and what I am eating. I did add canned lentils with boiled potatoes and cooked carrots. I think they helped the C, but so gassy even with beano!! I am so frustrated and still confused. Any hope for me?

--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) new
      #149136 - 02/11/05 08:02 PM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

hey there...i know it sounds really scary..I don't know what did it!! I discovered heathers website about nine years into my IBS and now I am ten years in...I decided to try heathers way for a few months, and that happened to coincide with my ibs turning from C to A....the D I got terrified me, gave me awful nausea etc and all I wanted was white rice. But this episode was after I caught a nasty parasite. So for six months I continued to be terrified of fibre...but was fighting C more and more as the months went on. i was getting terribly bored and disheartened with all the white stuff, and the more and more I studied the naturopathy, the more I believed the way bowels should be according to it...and literally one day i woke up and said to myself ' I am not scared anymore..I ate this way for years and it helped my IBS...I am just going to do it'. My skin was getting bad, my energy low, my moods were awful and I just KNEW it was all from the refined stuff...so i went to wholefoods and did a shop like I used to do and in one day completely changed my diet...so far SOOOOO good...its so good to eat all these things again..so the courage just came from me seeing that the refined was wasn't working for me.
Listen...I was going to suggest you do the same thing. A lot fo the fibre I eat is semi soluble -barley, oats etc...a wholewheat pitta bread or something. Yep I eat raw salad and vegies and lentils and a few nuts etc. But it reaches a point where nothing is working. Its not healthy to be on so many medications, I know you have an almost emotional attachment to them - believe me I GET it- been there!! But I really think you should go back to basics, I've said this before...did you ever try a higher fibre diet when you were first diagnosed? what have you tried????
Heathers diet is fantastic for a lot of people, and she is an amazing person, but hey...it just wasn't working for me...but I learnt a lot! The acacia made me sick as a dog too!!

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) new
      #149184 - 02/11/05 10:43 PM
doubletrouble

Reged: 11/14/04
Posts: 1530
Loc: Canberra, Australia

Wow Dalia. I wish I could be brave enough to eat this way. I'm not on Heather's diet either. I got terrible d 4 days into it and it hung round till I started eating somewhat normally again. I know I can't handle whole wheat, red meat, fat and fructose and I've been doing pretty well so far. Only one attack in 2 1/2 weeks. The giving up sugar thing is just too scary me thinks. I'm a sugar addict. Other than headaches what side effects did you get from giving it up?

--------------------
Amy


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Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) new
      #149255 - 02/12/05 09:11 AM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

What were you going to suggest to me, Dalia?

Also, are you taking any supplements at all besides the Jarrow probioitic? Like magnesium or digestive enzymes.

I don't know which ones are safe and which should go. I also read that artichoke leaf can help people with slow gallbladder functioning which I have. Is that safe? Or don't you believe in any supplements at all? I thought naturopath people did use herbs to heal in addition to diet?

What is the name of that book you read as a guide to help figure out how and what to eat? I need to check that out.

And yes, maybe I really on these things as a psychological thing. I don't know. I've read up on them, and they are suppose to help the C, the SFS and the zelnorm, miralax, and triphala. Why are these bad? I also take lexapro and klonopin. Do you think I should give these up as well? Or maybe you don't feel comfortable answering that one. It's hard to remember you are not a doctor, and I don't mean to put you in an akward situation.

I've never tried a high fiber diet. It's hard because I can't do the barley or the oats or the wheat pitas. So I would be totally dependent on veggies and fruits which can be rough on a painful and sensitive tummy. Do you suggest peeled fruits and veggies or unpeeled (apples, nectarines, potato) or baking the apples or is it better to eat the peel?

I also have the low energy and the depression and just feeling so worn out all the time too.

BTW, is flax seed ground up in cereal okay? And do you only eat your fruits alone without other foods, and do no starches (rice,etc) with proteins? I think it's called food combining or something like that. Is that necessary to be healthy in your opinion? I think it would be hard. I don't have time to separate them. It's hard to fit them all in and not be eating all day. I can only fit in so many meals per day while at work!

Oh, one more question, don't you ever just want to have some natural baked potato chips (just the potato and some little oil, like Kettle Crips, or some dry corn cereal)? They are organic and natural. Or even some pretzels in your case since you are not GF.

Okay, this is long enough! Maybe I should email you next time!

oh, one more thing, do you think licorice tea or dandelion root tea is safe for constipation? What teas do you drink? I still cannot believe you can be a C and not have to take an SFS or any meds for help!

Do you think I can still do this by strictly diet even though I am GF and can't do many of the grains you can?

Thank you so much, dear Dalia

--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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Re: Dalia, sounds so scarey! :-) new
      #149384 - 02/12/05 06:11 PM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois

Well I skipped my zelnorm and trihala yesterday and I'm back to C this morning. So discouraging.
See above post!

Can I still reply to the email you sent me?

oh, if I use canned pumkin in the soup, do I just add it to the soup right before pureeing, after other veggies are cooked?

Thank you so much, I'm sure you are quite sick of me by now! Sorry, I do appreciate the help, Dalia!

I just must be doing something wrong though and can't figure it out.



--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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Ruchie! new
      #149386 - 02/12/05 06:27 PM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

I feel so terrible for you and completely understand what you are going through. I lived the exact same way until December of this year. I finally am going to councelling and dealing with everything.

I had a major difficult childhood with an abusive mother and emotionally unavailable father. I am finally dealing with these issues. My childhood was causing me trauma in my marriage, my mothering and my friendship and a little bit at work!

Seriously honey! Go to a councelling...I am the hugest advocate of these amazing people as they are so worth your time....it's amazing the things they can teach you about yourself and how to think positively in order to help yourself.

Feel free to email me and I would be happy to share what i have learnt in the past two months...it might provide some insight on what you are going through as it sounds quite similar to my experiences.

(((HUGS))) hon! It's a tough road, but you are the only that can help yourself...baby steps...have the chocolate and go to a councellor...don't beat yourself up over little things. You suffered through a lot when you were little, probably more than you realize.

Good luck and keep me posted as to how you make out!

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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((((((LanaMarie))))))) new
      #149437 - 02/12/05 09:51 PM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

I am SO HAPPY you are out in the poen and dealing with things. Good for you *hugs*

Thanks for the suggestion--I am actually in therapy right now. I am also reading a book called "Why Can't I Ever Be good Enough" by Joan Rubin-Deutsch. It's phenomenal and I am finding it to be wonderfully helpful. AND I am also detoxing my bod of sugar and other foods that make me ill and I am on the path to wellness and healing! I hope you are as well *hugs*

A lot happened since I posted this...and I think this past week was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I got SO SICK of being trapped inside myself I just finally broke free!

Anyway, I want to thank you for your caring words and support......you're a great friend *hugs* I might just e-mail you anyway....

With love, Ruchie

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: I'm really hurting new
      #149491 - 02/13/05 06:31 AM
Janey

Reged: 10/25/03
Posts: 1716
Loc: Maryland

Oh Ruchie sweetie,

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I am a little late replying because I haven't really had a chance to get on line all week.

From what I see of you on the boards you are one of the most caring, loving and positive people. You always have encouraging words to share with everyone to help lift spirits.

I have not experienced physical or verbal abuse so I can't begin to know what you are feeling. I can relate to a low self-esteem. I have had one for years. I have suffered from abandonment issues because my father left when I was 10. He was also an alcoholic, he died 10 years ago and my relationship was a little better at that time. My Mother is addicted to prescription pain medication and has been for many years. I do not have a good relationship with her.I used to do the right thing and call my mother and e-mail her and I finally decided that I needed to take care of myself first. I felt terribly guilty at first but after talking with a counselor I realized that I can't change who she is. It is ok to put yourself first. If you don't want to call your parents out of obligation then you don't have to.

Growing up I was so shy, selfconsious and had no confidence in myself. I always got very upset if anyone critisized me in anyway. I did have a need to please also and couldn't say no to people. I am much better now and seemed to somehow find my way. I will be 47 in April and it has taken me sometime to realize that it is ok to disagree with people, it is ok to do things for myself and it is ok to try new things and for people to not like me. My wonderful, outgoing, caring husband helped me. He has always stood by me and at times has even insisted that I try something new. I started going to college because he insisted. I always wanted to go but didn't have the courage to sign up. There are still times when I see a class or a situation and it scares me. I try very hard to overcome those feelings.

No matter what has happened to us in the past it helps make us stronger and the people we are today. I see nothing but love and hope in you. How lucky you are to have such a wonderful and understanding husband. Knowing you have his support makes all the difference.

I know the boards here would not be the same without you. We need your ability to bring sunshine to us all and your love and friendship.



--------------------
Janey

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Re: ((((((LanaMarie))))))) new
      #149504 - 02/13/05 08:55 AM
Lana_Marie

Reged: 01/31/03
Posts: 1968
Loc: Saskatchewan. Canada

I am so happy you are doing better....a person always has to hit bottom before they can go on the road to recovery! It is a hard road to breaking away and becoming a person you can be happy with.

You are a wonderful person and although it's difficult to believe - start believin' it baby! LOL

As I said, feel free to email me...it's nice to have someone who understands. Who knows, maybe you can help me too LOL

--------------------
Lana_Marie
Proud Mommy to Bentley Taylor
Born May 12, 2004 9lbs, 3oz



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bump two above posts-nt new
      #149532 - 02/13/05 09:36 AM
Augie

Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois



--------------------
~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!

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Beth! new
      #149880 - 02/14/05 10:45 AM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

here we go..sorry it took so long...
1) I was going to suggest a simple higher fibre diet for you - none of that horrible wheat bran on cereal lark or anything...just a diet which is higher in fibre all round...I can guide you if you are interested.
2)I take the following: jarrow probiotic, slippery elm, peppermint caps, multivitamin (centrum), fish oil, flax seed oil caps, about to start on marshmallow root too. I absolutely believe in herbal medicines but they are only going to be effective if a person has a lifestyle that compliments them eg there is no point in washing down a cheeseburger with slippery elm!!:-) I know thats not you, but you have to eat in the most nutritious way that is humanly possible for your condition in order to create an environment in which your body can heal itself.
3)I cannot recommend any one book to read...I have read a huge amount...my hero is Dr. Bernard Jensen...he recently died...amazing hero of holistic nutrition.
4)About which to give up - I am not a medical doctor. I cannot confidently TELL you what to give up - but I can recommend. I would definetly give up the zelnorm and the miralax. That is, if you are interested in long term healing. The zelnorm because it is only approved by the FDA for use of about 2-3 months - what is the point? It may not even be safe! And on top of that - you are suffering so much with C, its evident that it is hardly a miracle drug for you. You are merely putting yet another thing into your body to confuse your already confused gut.
the miralax because laxatives damage the autonomous functioning of the digestive system. you HAVE to be able to go to the toilet on your own. I worry a lot about people relying on laxatives...you don't want a lifetime on them and I am SO confident we can get you to go through diet.
As for the lexapro and klonopin...stay on them for now. As you eat better and poo better you will feel soooo much better psychologically - C causes depression and anxiety because all the toxins that sit around in your gut radiate all over you and into your brain - make you feel like absolute crap and believe me I know the feeling - the longest I ever went without pooing was a month.Unbelievable huh?
5) Yes you would rely a lot on fruits and vegies, but there are ways to make them much more soothing to the gut..noone is suggesting you suddenly start eating a whole field of lettuce leaves tomorrow! We can move slowly! The higher vitamin and mineral content in these foods will nourish your body to rebalance and your C will not be as bad.
How do you know that you are the type of gluten intolerant person that can't also tolerate barley and oats - because some gluten intolerant people can and come can't. have you tested eating them? even if you can't have them - there are plenty you can still have. we are a society obsessed with wheat...don't worry.
I suggest peeled fruits at first and then a movement into unpeeled preferably ORGANIC fruits...
6)Flax seed ground up is great. I eat my fruits alone and with meals. people have different opinions about this...I usually use fruits to satisfy my sweet craving following a meal!Don't worry yourself about food combining - just eat well. But don't eat heavy - like take a plate of millet and chicken for example and make sure the portion isn't too big - that can also encourage bloating and C.
7) I certainly do loved baked kettle chips but am not that into pretzels....
8) dandelion and licorice tea are absolutely fine for constipation...I drink yogi tummy tea, chamomile, dandelion, peppermint, green tea occassionally, and ginger. I think IBS C is easier to control through diet then D in the sense that we can eat more wholegrains etc...its much more nutritious.
9) I will be surprised if we cannot make you go to the toilet regularly with just diet and tea and perhaps a few herbal supplements! thats my honest opinion - I feel very hopeful!
With love XXXXX

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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beth 2!!! new
      #149887 - 02/14/05 10:53 AM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Hey sweetie
I know you are feeling really stressed about whether a new method is going to work or not but two things here and I know they are easier said then done:
1) Relax. When you worry about why you haven't pooed etc , you tense up everywhere and make it worse. Just relax. Do something that makes you happy. i know its hard.
2) Patience. With IBS C it can take days, and often you will feel worse! till something kicks in...sometimes it can take a few weeks. You have to give it a chance. don't panic. stay hydrated and its going to be fine.

i would add the canned pumpkin in towards the end and let it cook a little with the soup for making the flavours merge.

The other thing I want you to realise is that even if you DO poo and it may even be a bit sloppy, after a few days, you may swing back to C again - each time the swings from one extreme to another will become less intense IF you keep to the same diet - and then you suddenly will be going everyday and it will look better too!! patience patience patience. I KNOW its hard...believe me!
you are not doing anything wrong...listen - you don't know how many years it took for your body to work itself into this chronic condition - so its going to take work, time and effort to work its way out of it. thankfully the way out is shorter then the way in - but there is NO miracle pill. modern medicine treats symptoms most of the time but not the causes...we need to try and rebalance your body. Its going to take TIME. Its going to be WORTH IT.

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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Dalia...more questions new
      #149893 - 02/14/05 11:01 AM
Snow for Sarala

Reged: 03/12/03
Posts: 5430
Loc: West Coast, USA

I am wondering...why is seal salt better for you than regular salt? Does it have to do with processing? What is it in Dandelion Root that makes you go? Is it fiber or something else?

Why do you prefer Organic? I've heard mixed review on the subject.

Do you know how things are moving along in the naturopathic world? I am wondering how many years it will likely be before naturopathy is covered by insurance?!

Are there any things I can do naturally for a dog allergy? When my dog Shana scratches me while playing or whatever I end up ithcing and swelling with welts. Any ideas there?

What is required for a naturopathic degree? How much of a science/mathematics background do you need? Is it similair to allopathic medicine in that regard?

What can happen if a person does not have a BM in over a month? You metioned in your post to Beth that this has happened to you...it has also happened to me.

Ok...I'll stop here! Thanks Dalia *hugs*

--------------------
Formerly known as Ruchie

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Re: Dalia...more questions new
      #149910 - 02/14/05 12:02 PM
daliatree

Reged: 07/10/04
Posts: 1176
Loc: Manhattan, New York

Hey sweetie...hope you are feeling good - your hubby did the sweetest things for you!
1)Sea salt is very mineral rich ie in a lot of the minerals your body needs for balanced functioning. Refined table salt is almost packed with additives, plus the chemical form of 'salt' it contains is not so balanced. It involves complicated human biochemistry which I can go into if you want me to, but its kind of dull for most people! A lot of people blame table salt for hyperthyroidism.
2)I don't use dandelion to do a poo actually - i use it for its liver cleansing abilities. i think it tastes awful though. Bleh!
3)There certainly are mixed reviews on organic food. The problems often lie in the fact that its easy for some manufacturers to twist the meaning of organic. its really irritating and unethical. I have studied Environmental Biogeoscience as my undergraduate degree and with all experience in nutrition etc I have come to the conclusion that organic is better in so many dimensions. Its a really longwinded subject but basically buying organic does these things : shows respect for the planet and our fellow human beings. when we buy organic coffee for example, we are much more likely to be buying it from a farmer who has not been abused by huge mutinationals like nestle (who are committing mortal sins in the way they treat local farmers in the developing world just to make their coffee cheaper on our supermarket shelves). We are buying from people who have cared enough about the planet and the future generations to start a business putting their beliefs into practise. From a chemical point of view - when I worked in date farms we had to put on these incredible protective suits to spray the dates with pesticides etc...after that, you think I would ever eat a non organic date!!! Each date only has a small residue on it, but when you eat a lot of them the residue lingers in your cells. I think these chemicals have a lot to answer for. A LOT!! Food that is organic has been allowed to reach its full sellable size in its own time - it hasn't been manipulated to grow big and beautiful and perfect looking - conventional produce is that perfect looking because its full of water etc - its nowhere near as nutritious. We are all well fed calorifically - but not with regard to trace nutrients and minerals. I truly believe this. And with respect to organic meat - I think its a disgrace how we treat animals. I've been to abattoirs, and also chicken farms. I have been vegan for months when I haven't been able to get my hands on organic eggs /chicken breasts. As you can tell, I feel very strongly about the matter.
however - I never ever lecture anyone about it. Each to their own and I never judge.I am just being opinionated because you asked me!
naturopathy is doing well in one realm and not so well in another. There are two types of naturopath - naturopathic physicians who study for four years - the first two in medical school with allopathic doctors. The other type are simply naturopaths. I would have loved to have been a naturopathic physician, I just do not have the money! I will be a naturopath. naturopathic physicians are probably going to get improved for insurance at some point soon. But pure naturopaths are very annoyed, because they feel that the physican types are squeezing the pure naturopathy OUT. The type that I am is the traditional type so we were there first! hahahahha :-)
I haven't reached the point in my study for giving advice on animal allergies....so don't feel comfortable helping you with it..sorry :-(
To become a naturopathic physician you need to go to one of teh five shcools in the US that teach it...To become a naturopath its a lot more wishy washy. i think I went into it a bit in a previous post - how I don't want to be associated with some of the institutions that claim to teach naturopathy. there is almost zero legislation. thats why its so hard out there. someone can complete a weekend course and call themself a naturopath. its awful because they can go all out of control and put someone on some crazy fasting detox or a whole range of herbs and they can really end up seriously hurting someone! I do not want to be like that. So I am under the guidance of a wonderful iridologist here in NYC, I was under the guidance of a different one in Israel...and study mostly on my own, meeting up with mentors for advice and problems and testing. Its very hard. I just know some day soon these colleges are going to be regulated and most likely banned and I do not want their certificates on my wall. as the law stands ANYONE can call themself a naturopath.AWFUL. be careful out there with these people - don't be fooled by loads of certificates - I could give myself one!!
To not have a BM for a month is VERY serious indeed. I was living away from home and had I had any idea how bad it was I would never have let it go that long. You can have complications with blood poisoning from all the toxins. Moreoever - when you are very C - you put the rest of the body's elimination channels under immense pressure - the liver, kidneys, skin, lungs...its a bad state of affairs. I will never let myself reach that point. That why I always advise people starting on a new regime to whip out the poos with suppositories - to start on a cleaner slate that one months poo!!
Lots of love XXXX

--------------------
Feel the fear and do it anyway!


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