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Hi Barbie! I've given up on feeling bad for what I did or didn't do earlier today. It's in the past and I can move forward now! I think what was upsetting me so much is that I use sugar to hide behind...it is my drug of choice so to speak. And I am trying so desperately to get closer to hubby and when I eat it just makes us further and further apart......
BUT I am also relaizing that making mistakes is part of being human. and it will be ok.
I just REALLY want to be close to him! And I am sooo afraid. It's tough....but thank G-d we tlak and we communicate and I have faith that if sticks around we WILL be close one day, G-d willing!
I have a hard time repeating after you Barbie...it's just SO hard to love myself and to believe others like me. Please keep encouraging me...one day I WILL be able to say it AND mean it. But for now they would just be words.... 
ROTFL! I posted that funny green guy on the boards weeks ago...but it was GREAT to see him sing again   
Thakn you SO MUCH for your kind words *hugs* Please keep em coming...
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Got your email and wrote you back!! Thanks for saying my name is beautiful...:-)
I love not having sugar in my life..it had such a hold over me and my eating choices...obviously there are times I want to eat a huge bowl of icecream but I just ask myself where that urge is coming from and it soon goes away!! self destruction etc is NOT the answer!!
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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BL, if you could only teach ME to love me and see me the way you do....
You;re too cute! It's not about the sugar as much as it about WHY I ate it and the fact that I use sugar to hide behind instead of getting close to other people...especially myself!
I have to say...having the boards and all the support REALLY helps a LOT! I am beginning little by little to see myself through the eyes of people who believe in me and care about me...and this is what I have needed for so long. Thank you for that...it helps more than I can say *hugs* How are you doing? You're in my prayers *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Btw, I said your name is beautiful because it IS! I esp. like it spelled without the H (don't ask me why?) LOL Ok...now I'm really off
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Shell, OA is overeaters nonymous. Thanks for asking...I forgot to exaplin it!  I don't think I ever mentoined details of what happened to me really. I never thought it was important. Basically I have been through verbal and sexual abuse and it is wreaking havoc on my life today and I want it to STOP!
About the sugar...I use sugar as a "drug". It's not that I ate it and now I think I'm bad...it's that I am still using it to get my fix and not face reality
I am hoping that I can believe you one day Shell...that I am NOT less than everyone else. I'm working on this (I'm in therpay) and I'm trying. Having you guys on the boards makes SUCH a difference *hugs* I wouldn't have eve opened up and started talking about my past and going to therapy if it weren't fr the boards and people like you being so open and kind...
What I meant by "with food in the way" is that when a person has an addiciton to something...it is hard to have anything else in your life. With sugar in my life...there's hardly any room left for hubby or even me (which is WHY addicts eat sugar or use other things...to numb out and not have to face relaity!)
Do you think I can dot hat? Live for me? It sounds so....selfish...so....for someone else. Not someone like me...I don't feel I deserve it. (I'm trying to though!)
Thakns for being here Shell. You're such a soft, kind person....I'm really glad to have you on my side *hugs*
I'm going to keep coming back and posting. And if I ever try and run away again...please don't give up oin me...and PLEASE forgive me for the tiems I've run away?
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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MELISSA!
No....not you!
I feel like crying I can't believe you were abused...this makes me very upset!
PLEASE e-mail me anytime...maybe we can help each other out?
I am SO SORRY! Youa re one of the SWEETEST people...and I am SO SORRY you had to go through anything negative...
I just re-read what you wrote and you said your e-mail is in your profile. I am going to e-mail you. *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Michele, just knowing that you care and that you think highly of me helps more than you know! I had a tape play in my head for YEARS telling me how bad I was. I need a new tape! And all of you are helping me make this tape day by day...
I hope you are feeling good and trhat you know how wonderful and special and beautiful you are! *hugs* Thanks again...
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Linz,
My fibro buddy!
I took a good nap this afternoon per your suggestion. Naps are WONDERFUL aren[t they? The fibro is out to get me and so is my PMS...the horrid monster!
The sugar wasn't so bad...it's the fact that sugar is my drug and I use it to hide behind instead of facing reality.
But I'm back full force, ready to figh, and hope that I can do it...with a LOT of help from you guys of course *hugs*
I am just so sick of spending my life in hiding...with feelings and memories burried so deep I can't get to them. *sigh*
One day it will be ok and I will in today and not yesterday, G-d willing. For now, I need TONS of support and love to get me through...which I am beginning to see I have here on the boards 
Anyhow...thanks agaibn Linz! You are always here for me...
I hope you feel excellent and that the fibro frog is run over by a truck...you know like how we feel when we wake up without enough restful sleep!  Take dcare of you ok? *hugs*
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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