*HUG*
#148204 - 02/09/05 12:16 PM
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khyricat
Reged: 08/05/04
Posts: 3612
Loc: Michigan
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wish I could be there for you.. but maybe taking the sugar out completely right now isnt' the answer and just cutting back or slowly replacing it with healthier choices! Good luck!
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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I can relate to so much of what you're feeling. I too often wish to be swallowed up and disappear. I know about the food and resenting it. I can only sympathize with the past abuse - I've never been through it but I've had students confess it to me before. I have no wise words for you. Just a hug for encouragement. Remind yourself that you're a terrific person and everyone here loves you for who you are, too. Try to take it a step at a time, a day at a time. Don't worry about the past or the future. Do the best you can for now. That's all anyone can do.
Love with lots of hugs,
Han.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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...don't try to change your whole existence in one day. It takes time to "build a good foundation" for recovery. My only suggestion for right now is to do something very enjoyable and practice giving yourself that appreciation. It's easy for self-esteem to be battered around by ourselves and others. That's a good issue to start with: self-esteem. Be the help through books, therapy, talks with a friend...just make the effort. It's not that difficult as you know as you took the initiative to submit this post.
For now, do at least ONE THING everyday to make yourself feel good. WHATEVER IT IS DOESN'T MATTER as long as it's healthy, and fun. -take this from a depressive who has some rather bleak spells of misery. IT AIN'T WORTH IT. I'm buying a new compact disc, today. I do not have much money (on Disability), and rarely go out. So, that's my fun for now. Also, I love to go for early morning walks. Everything is tranquil at that time of the day. And, it's easier to get "quality alone time."
Hey, do not worry about the sex thing. When you feel better it will happen naturally, again. -right now, take care of yourself and make your life less stressful.
I hope you can be good to yourself and allow that fun. It doesn't have to cost anything or reek havoc on your health or personal relationships. Find some solitude, have a blast with something you like to do, and make friends with yourself. I've rarely been afraid to get to know certain aspects of the self as you gain wisdom (not just knowledge) and this is where serious change can begin.
Take what you can out of this message and this web resource. And, have a good time at least once a day.
That's all for now and I hope you'll be good to yourself.
With a spiritual love, Bob
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If you love the meter, the beat is sweeter.
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Sorry Ruchie
#148240 - 02/09/05 01:31 PM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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Sorry my new buddy is hurting so much. Like I said in my post to Casey, it is so hard when someone we care about is hurting and we can't be there to hold their hand and comfort them. Internet Hugs are great, but wish I could give you a real one! One big, tight, long one, and not let you go!
Please try not to beat yourself up over two stupid chocolate bars. Those chocolate bars are nothing. It's over and they don't make you any less of a person because you needed to turn to something that you have used as a coping mechanism in the past. Yes it works short term, but I know the feelings of guilt and shame afterwards are horrible. I had struggled with anorexia for over 15 years. I used it as my coping mechanism. It numbed me from the real pain of emptyness, hating myself, needing to be perfect in at least one area of my life, wanting to please other people, not having a clue who Beth was/is. This is a tough one to beat, but you can beat it Ruchie. Some days are just more challenging and we have setbacks. But that does not erase the 8 days you went without sugar!!!! Nothing can erase that.
You have to start over fresh again tomorrow. You are not perfect, and your recovery from all the "crap" in your life won't be perfect. But you are moving forward.
I struggle big time with hating myself, trying to get everyone else to like me or I am worthless. Trying to be okay with me instead of needing confirmation by things I do or performing in my job, or buying the perfect gift.
We share so many common feelings and actions and coping mechanisms. It's rough. All the people on the board can tell you how special you are, how loved you are, but for you and me, it is difficult to believe it because we have such low self esteems.
It is hard to love ourselves or even to know who we are! I have no clue who Beth really is or how to live in Today. But we just have to get up tomorrow and start all over again. And keep fighting our demons. Please remind me of this when I get down! It is so much easier to see the good in you. Don't you wish we could see it in ourselves?
Take care, dear Ruchie. And know that you are not alone. You are loved. You are respected. You are our Ruchie, scars and all. We love every part of you. We are all bruised and damaged in different ways, and some more than others. I cannot know what you went through sweetie, but it must have been awful to bring you to this horrible place. I am sorry for all you went through, and for the struggles you continue to have. But you are so young and you have so much life ahead of you. It will be a good life. It doesn't always have to be so painful for you. Try and hold on to that belief.
Please take care and keep in touch.
Love you!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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I'm so sorry that you're feeling so rough Ruchie. I know you've been through a lot, too much, in fact.
But one thing that I have always noticed about you is the fact that despite all you've been through you're a very strong woman. You are. 
You will get better one day. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
As for the intimacy issues with your hubby, there are other ways to show intimacy other than the actual sex. Don't make yourself feel bad about that. I'm sure he knows you would if you could.
I hope what some of the others have written will help make you feel a tad better.
I am sending you a huge bear hug Ruchie. 
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Hi Ruchie...so sorry to hear about how much you are hurting. You have been through really hard times and still are. I am not sure what to advise you apart from send you hugs but about the sugar thing : it is very hard to give up sugar...I know...I was addicted for my first 21 years of life...but I took it out, and if I can do it, anyone can!! seriously!! the first few weeks are hard but after that the thought of it turns you off.
By me mentioning the sugar thing is NOT me disregarding all the other problems that were hurting you..it was just the only thing I felt I could help you with. I'm sorry.
Hugs. Lots of love...and remember, you are a very strong person. And a lovely one too.
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Feel the fear and do it anyway!
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Now if I could only apply it to myself. 
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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Yes, think about what you wrote and think about yourself. You're great and need to give yourself A LOT more credit!!!! 
I was off sick today so I will write back to your email tomorrow when I'm back at work.
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Feel better
#148263 - 02/09/05 02:03 PM
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Augie
Reged: 10/27/04
Posts: 5807
Loc: Illinois
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And if you don't want to answer my email, that's okay. I sent you a second one stating that, but you must have left before you got it.
It is much easier to see the good in other people than myself. I really struggle with this.
Okay, back to work!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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