Had a meltdown this morning
#142928 - 01/26/05 10:46 AM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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For the last few weeks my tummy has been marginal at best. Well, I woke up this morning and it HURT. I had slept with the heating pad on but it had gotten worse over night. I lost it. I just started crying hysterically. It wasn't so much from the actual pain but more from the feeling of constantly being beat down. I feel like a bottle of pop that someone keeps shaking up, the pressure builds and builds and builds and this morning, I just had to release some of the pressure. I've been doing ok. Trying very had to stay positive and be happy. To look forward to the future. For the most part, I think I've done a pretty good job. I guess I was just having a really bad morning. Will woke up and asked what was wrong and all I could say was my tummy hurt. Than he got kinda mad because he knew I was upset for a little while yesterday when the RE had to reschedule my appt and he thinks being upset yesterday was causing my "breakdown" this morning. I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was ok. Instead, he tried to reason with me. Bad idea. That made me more upset. Than he said he wanted me to cancel my appt with the RE altogether right now because he doesn't feel I'm strong enough to handle getting pregnant again. I told him the Re was going to have to run some tests and it would be a few months before we could actually TRY anyways. It was just making me more upset so I ran into the bathroom and just sat on the floor and sobbed for about 10 minutes. Will finally came in and said he was sorry. Than he did hug me and give tell me everything was ok. Why couldn't he do that to begin with?? Its bad enough I'm having to go through everything I've been through but them to worry about letting him see me upset for fear that he won't want to have a baby, thats just too much.
So, I had myself a good cry, got dressed and went to physical therpay. My tummy is still hurting but I took 2 vicodins and a xanax and feel a little better. Modern pharmceauticals are great!  I just feel drained. I feel weak. I know I'm just having a bad day but I just want to crawl in bed and say "screw everything." I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of having to work so hard to be happy. I'm tired of complaining. I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of putting a smile on my face when I just want to cry. I feel like I have no where that I can just sit and cry and have someone be strong for me. Will has been through a lot also and I'm afraid to let him see me too upset too often. I just feel like I need to get away. I just feel like if even the slightest thing goes wrong any time soon, I'm just going to lose it. I'm sitting at work crying right now.
I'm sorry to be such a bummer today. I know I'm having myself a pitty party right now, I just need some help pulling myself out of it. I know I'll be ok, its just a really bad day for me. Please send hugs.
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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UGH!!!! I SO feel for you ((Michele))
Sounds like hubby was playing Mr. Fix It instead of Mr. Listen and be Supportive 
Men just want to make us better and it HURTS them when they can't. But oh how we just WANT A HUG!!!!!!!!! 
*sigh*
Do you have a journal or a good friend you can call up to come over and cry in her arms? I don't have any good friends here cause we are always m0oving. BUT I LOVE my journal...it's my best bud for now. I cry on the pages if I need to 
Anyway...I wish I could be there for you *hugs* WE ALL need to be able to cry and let it all out.
E-mail me anytime...but for now
((((((((((((((((((Michele)))))))))))))))))))
Love ya!
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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It sounds like you need to get away - if even just for a day! What about a day trip to a spa to get a massage and pedicure? Something to help you relax and get away from everyday stresses!
Don't worry about having to be happy all the time - nobody is. Be sad if you want to, especially after all you've been through.
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- Jennifer
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Michele, I was just reading the other post about the delayed appointment. I think after all you have been through, a meltdown was probably the healthiest thing you could have done under the circumstances! Our men love us, but sometimes they just don't respond in a way that feels too good at the time. I am still praying for you and hope that all of this gets resolved without any more heartache. Just be patient. You are strong, and once you heal from all you have been through, you'll be stronger and wiser when you become a mom! Hang in there, and melt down until you feel better!
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God is Faithful!
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A getaway is exactly what you need! I am still searching for a nice place to go to, so if I find one I'll let you know. I think us ladies will definatley have to cheer you up on Sunday. We'll shake you out of that gray cloud. Hang in there sweetie! We all understand having a rough go of things. Just know you are not alone and we love ya!!! 
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Michele - I am so sorry you are feeling so low. You have been through many difficult things lately, and it is good that you cried and had an emotional release.
I am so glad Will finally realized what you needed. Don't be afraid to communicate that to him. Men are different and I have found that if I tell my DH "I'm feeling really overwhelmed and sad and I need you to comfort me" he gets it. If I don't, he likes to try to "fix", which makes me more upset too. They're just wired differently than us.
Can you do some girl things to pamper yourself? Pedicure, manicure, facial, massage, buy a good book, weekend away, etc? Sometimes a creative release can be helpful too, like journaling, painting, drawing, sewing, etc.
We are all concerned about you and are praying so hard for your continued healing. Please be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I do not think you should have to be 'brave' or 'tough'. You have been on an emotional rollercoaster and I think you have handled things amazingly. I admire your fortitude and courage to keep going!
Love, Hugs & Prayers -
LittleLamb
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Thanks littlelamb. I knew I just needed to tell WIll what I needed but I just got so upset and I couldn't think straight and than I got made at him because I think he should have known what I needed! I know its unreasonable but sometimes I get so upset, I lose all capibilities to reason! I guess its good that I understand that at least!
I have been doing some scrapbooking and I've been keeping busy with exercising. A pedicure sounds pretty though! There is a nail place next door to where I work, maybe I'll see if they can get me in tomorrow! I have swimming after work today! Thanks for the love, hugs, and prayers!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I'm so very much looking forward to sunday!!! Please let me know if you find somewhere nice for a weekend getaway. I might do some looking around on line today also! I really just need some time away! Thanks for the kind words!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks bamagirl! I guess I'm entitled to a meltdown once in a while. I'm just so glad I have all of you!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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a spa day sounds wonderful!! I do have a day planned this Sunday to met up with some of the girls from the boards here, so that will be nice!
Glad to hear you got out of your lease! Happy house hunting!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Ruchie! I don't have to many local girlfreinds but I am metting up with some of the girls from the boards here on Sunday so that will be great! Thanks for the support and hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Awwww...Sweetie...I'm sorry your having such a bad day....if I were there I'd give ya a big ole hug...but since I'm not....this will have to do!
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www.facebook.com/shell.marr
www.myspace.com/shellmarr
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thanks shell!! The puppies made me smile!! Very cute!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Quote:
Awwww...Sweetie...I'm sorry your having such a bad day....if I were there I'd give ya a big ole hug...but since I'm not....this will have to do!
Although the puppies are cute, they remind me of two siblings loving and strangling each other at the same time! LOL
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- Jennifer
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Well, I can honestly say that I don't know what to say. That is rarity for me.
What I willsay is that you are in my prayers and I pray that things will get better.
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and I'll see you Sunday- may be a bit late since I'm coming from work.. but I'll be there... sounds like you really need that girls day session... *HUG* I do this sometimes too and DH can't always understand but he's getting better at knowing when just a hug will end things and make them better in some small way.
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Re: Michele,,,
#142968 - 01/26/05 12:04 PM
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gigi
Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas
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After everything you have been through this year, I am surprised that you have not had more meltdowns. And, it is ok, actually I think it is quite healthy. Tears have a way of washing emotional pain from our bodies. They don't make it go away, they are just a form of relief.
I haven't read the other posts, so if this has been repeated, forgive me. Men are certainly different creatures than us women. Their first instinct to any problem is to "fix" it. If they don't know how to fix it, then they never respond in the way we need/want/expect them to. The good thing is, he told you he was sorry. So many of them wno't even bother with that! He's a keeper!!!
love and hugs to you honey! gayla
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awwwwwe michele! Feel better.. things have got to start looking up soon!
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Sweetie it is no suprise you had a melt down! Everything you have been through in last year!! I would have melted a couple of times by now! WE are all here for you1 You don't always have to be strong! As for Will men just can not deal with tears it is like a part of thier brain shuts off as soon as we start to cry. They love us and can handle us being upset! Glad he finnaly calmed down and gave you some love!!
We will have a nice non stress sunday. Just us girls and crafts and good food! It will be great and we can all hug you in person till then
BIG HUGE MASSIVE HUGS HONEY!!!!!
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Heather7476
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Ahhhhh, Michele---you are having the kind of day I had yesterday! At least you can cry! Wish you could get on a plane and come visit me! (got any frequent flier miles?)
I'm sorry you're feeling beaten. Sometimes it is easier to just break down, than to keep a smile on your face all the time. You've been through a lot. It's ok to be mad about it. But things will get better, I promise!
((((Hugs))))
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-Sheri
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Nope, BL, no frequent flier miles!! I've only flown three times ever in my life!
Thanks for the hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Heather, I know Will loves me, I just wished he could read my mind sometimes!
I'm SO looking forward to Sunday!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Yep, I think a girls day is just what I need!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks Tommy!! I'll take all the prayers I can get!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Re: Michele,,,
#143034 - 01/26/05 01:29 PM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Thanks Gigi. I do feel a bit better for having myself a good old crying!! Thanks for the love and hugs!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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*HUGE HUGS*
It's okay to let yourself cry and get upset. I'm so sorry you're having a crappy day and that your hubby didn't handle it all that well (men!!!). I'm sure he means well...he probably just doesn't know how to handle it (men!!).
I read this thing a while ago about men and women and it said that men always try to fix things (which is why he tried to reason with you) but what they don't realize is that women just really want to be acknowledged (as in "i know you're upset and it's okay...I'm here for you"). I think it's just a man thing.
Maybe you're trying to be too strong? Think about all you've been through lately and how strong you've been about it!!! You're amazing!! But everyone has to let go and cry and allow themselves to be sad and frustrated and upset or else we'll go nuts!! Maybe that's why your tummy has been marginal lately...cuz that's where all your stress is going!!
Anyway...now I'm rambling....take a hot bath tonight and get in pj's and watch a good movie (or Sex and the City re-runs!!) or read a good book and I'm sure tomorrow morning everything will look a little bit better.
We're always here for you!! *BIG HUGE HUGS TILL YOU TURN BLUE*
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Thanks Kimm! I know I need to let it out sometimes but I'm afraid of totally losing control and having a complete breakdown! So, I do hold it in to much and yes, thats not helping tummy any! I've got to learn to find a happy medium!
I love Sex and The City!! I have swim aerobics right after work but Sex and the City is a great idea! our cable has this thing called on demand and it has the whole collection of sex and the city!! 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I just got the most beautiful boquet of flowers!! They smell so nice! There are a few roses, a cala lilly, some stargazer lillies, some daisies, some stock, a little alstromarium, and several that I can't name! Its so colorful! Ok, that helps with the meltdown!!
Thanks again everyone for your continued support in my ongoing crisis of a life! It WILL get better! Must stay strong and be happy!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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- Jennifer
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Wow!
#143063 - 01/26/05 02:20 PM
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BL
Reged: 06/01/03
Posts: 3522
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Congratulations! I got some flowers (and wine) last night too! And I didn't even cry for mine! (just kidding, Michele, since I'm on this quest to bawl my eyes out!) My husband was excited about a new account he got yesterday.
The flowers should perk you up. Enjoy them!
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I am glad!! Flowers are always a great thing when Your down!! Hope your feeling a little better!!
HUGS!!!
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Heather7476
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((Michele))
I'm thrilled for you! That was REALLY sweet...and you deserve it!
Love,
Ruchie
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Formerly known as Ruchie
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Michelle,
Thats so lovely of your hubby to do that for you....Im so glad it cheered you up! Im sorry you had a bit of a meltdown this morning....just wanted to add my support and tell you how amazingly well I think you've dealt with everything in your life this past few months!! Hugs....hope things get better for you soon xx
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Natalie
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Re: Wow!
#143086 - 01/26/05 02:38 PM
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michele
Reged: 06/02/03
Posts: 6886
Loc: southeastern michigan
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Thanks everyone!! I wish you all could smell how wonderful they smell!! I will leave them at work tonight because I'm going to the Y after work and don't want to leave them in the car that long. I will get to enjoy them tomorrow at work also before I take them home!
I'm off to swim aerobics. I'm so very tired and really just want to go home but I know that will just make me more depressed so I'm going swimming! I've already lost 4 pounds!
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I just saw this post right now. I haven't been on the boards the past few days. I'm thinking maybe I need to stay away because I think all the different advice is stressing me out as I had my own breakdown a couple days ago on the Eating Board. Basically just tired of feeling like crap. Tired of hurting. Tired of fighting. Tired of trying to figure everything out and still feeling like I'm going backwards instead of forwards.
But now I see my buddy is hurting so I'm glad I stopped into the Living Room today so I can send you Big Hugs!! I hate it that so many good, special people go through such painful, crappy days. Only mean, rotten people should have to deal with days like this one. 
I honestly don't know how you have managed to stay together for this long. Geesh, how much can a person handle. And then I had to go and send all those emails ---I didn't realize what a horrible day you were having because I hadn't checked the boards. I am so sorry to add to the bad day with my trying to sneak emails while at work and screwing them up and you having to send them all over again! Like you really needed to deal with that. But we can blame that on my nosey coworkers. 
I know a lot of us are having our own little, scratch that, big meltdowns right now. You are not alone which is bad because it means there are a lot of people hurting and melting down  But it also can also help to serve as a source of comfort to know that others are still able to hang on and get up the next day and do it all over again.
I'm not trying to compare what you are going through with I'm dealing with. Please don't think that. I just want you to know that we are here for you, babe. We love our Michele and only want you to be happy, happy, happy. In my world, everyone would always have painfree, carefree days. Doesn't that sound good to you?
I hope your evening is better than the rest of your day. And I'm glad Will realized what you needed was a hug. Sometimes it takes men a little longer to figure things out.
More HUGS for Michele!!
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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make things brighter. Will get's an A+ And you deserve every one of those flowers! Enjoy them. I guess life has it's special little pleasures, doesn't it.
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~ Beth
Constipation, pain prodominent,cramps, spasms and bloat!
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You are amazingly strong and I've admired you for it for a long time but we all need to have a good cry sometimes. It doesn't make us any less strong. Big hugs to you. I hope at least your tummy settles down soon and I'm positive that one day soon when the time is right you will be given the baby you have been trying to have for so long.
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Amy
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I'm so so so sorry yesterday was so yucky! I was gone all day, so I didn't see this until late last night. I hope things went better after you got home. Big hugs to you! Keep your chin up sweetie... You've already been through so much! You're an amazing woman!
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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