Dealings with family
#134789 - 01/03/05 09:39 PM
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Cate712
Reged: 07/18/03
Posts: 42
Loc: Missouri
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I'm befuddled. I have two boys ages 4 and 2 who are generous, well-behaved little guys who love to visit and play with others. They have two cousins, a boy age 7 and a girl age 5, who are bossy, selfish and possessive. They bring toys to visit the grandparents but won't let my boys touch them.... the girl gets upset when one of my boys gets too near anything of hers or if she thinks they are even looking at anything of hers. Christmas is awful....which we just survived. It's too impossible for me to even verbalize it!! I swear is just want to slap this little girl when she complains, "Mommy, Ty is touching my stuffed animal!", "Zach don't touch any of the presents", "Zach, don't...", "Ty is....". What's wrong with these kids!?! When they visit our house my boys share their toys with them and even hand them a toy to play with. This has been going on since my 4 yr old was able to crawl. Their parents won't say a thing to their kids which leads me to believe they condone this behavior. I've brought the subject up with my husband's parents and sister and we all are in agreement that these kids are not behaving nicely but no one does or says anything to the parents.
I refuse to take my boys their for a visit and dread any get togethers that includes these two kids. Unfortunately, there are only the four grandkids.  My husband will take our boys there for a visit, the number which I can count on one hand. Sad, isn't it? He's much more laid back than me and is not afraid to say something since it is his brother's kids.
So my question....Do I have an obligation to socialize my boys with these two bratty cousins or can I just keep it on a special family get-together level? BTW, we all live within 15 minutes of each other so I can't use the excuse of distance.
Thanks for the input!
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For what it's worth, I've met my cousins a total of two times each (one on my Dad's side, three on my Mom's side). Frankly I've never understood people who know their cousins at all, mine are total strangers. I do know it would be decidedly weird for my sisters' kids to not hang out with mine (when ever we have some). I think whether or not your kids hang out with their cousins depends upon your brother's relationship with his brother. I don't regret not knowing my cousins- like I said, they're strangers and I've never known it any other way.
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Honey, I have lived this story myself. If it were me, and if I could go back in time, I would not make my children socialize with kids that behaved this way. ITs not like they are neighbor children though, them you could send home and not feel bad about it. But, if it stresses you that much, just invite the grandparents to your house for Christmas. Then they can go over to the other kids house and have Christmas with them. Thats just me, and thats what I would do. I feel for you, and hope it gets better!
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I don't have any childern as of yet myself but I don't think I would force my childern to play with the cousins! You don't want your ouw childern thinking that kind of behavior is aceptable!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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It is your responsibilty to your children as a parent first before mixing and mingling with family! I too have very difficult cousin situations, and I definately limit interaction for the benefit/training of my own children. That not only applies to cousins but to grandparents/aunts/uncles that present what I consider to be negative/stressful and undesirable situations for my children. I catch some heat about it occasionally, but at the few times I have given in to family pressure, I have always regretted it! Your responsibility is to your children first, no matter what opinions may form among other family members! You are not alone in this!
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God is Faithful!
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