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Re: Dear Terri, andanyone who may be suffering from toxic family members.. new
      #133188 - 12/27/04 01:36 PM
gigi

Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas

I dont see how in the world you could possibly fix this situation. I use the word fix, because it looks to me that you would do anything, if you only knew what caused the problem, to make things better. That does not look like it is going to happen any time soon. This girl is mean, insecure, hateful, and sad, to waste the life she has been given. So many of us would LOVE to have a mothing in law just like you! I know it causes you such despair to not be able to spend time with your son and grandchildren.

The only thing I can think of,maybe you should invite your son and grandchildren over more often. Maybe try it a few weeks before thier birthdays and have a special party together, so they can see your love for them. I am sure that you have probably tried to talk to him about all of this. Actually, HE is in the position to change it all.

I have a dil who is jealous, mean spirited,selfish,.....and she is raising my 2 grandsons from my sons previous marriage. Then she has her child with my son. She is constantly calling me and telling me all of his faults, about all of thier arguements, and fights. She of course "didn't do anything to deserve any of it". OH, she is the consumate liar, if the truth hit her in the face, she would never see it. THis is a very difficult situation to live with, she made a very ugly scene at my mom's on Christmas Eve, and at my mil's on Christmas Day. Right now, I would be happy if she never graced my door again. She defintely hurt my mom's feelings, my mil has no feelings. And, I am going to tell her she owes my mom an apology, it will never happen, but I wont forgive myself if I dont tell her to do it. We have had many heated discussions about the things she has the nerve to say about my son. It has done no good, I guess the next time she does it, I am going to tell her not to do it again, then I am going to hang up the phone. Then I will tell my son about it, all of it. I have gone to him so many times, only when she tells horrible mean spirited lies about him, myself and my husband. I do not want to be involved in thier personal lives, but she does everything she can think of to keep me involved. The only reason I answer the phone when she calls is my grandchildren might need me. Sorry if I have repeated things I have already told you, but hopefully if someone reads this, I might be able to help them in their pain also.

I understand how you feel Terri, I am so worried about my little boys living in her influence. Their biological mother left them when the younger one was about 3 months and I helped my son until he met this girl. UGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I do not know what to do about this either, right now, I dont know if I really want to do anything about it.

Terri, just keep on keeping on. I am praying for you and your family, also that your son and mine wake up and take control of the situation before it is too late.

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Terri, this has me puzzled..... new
      #133190 - 12/27/04 01:42 PM
barbie

Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 2435
Loc: Texas

Hi Terri,

I don't know why anybody wouldn't like you.. You are so sweet.

I have a great relationship with my DIL. She likes me better than her Mom who is a busybody and always interfering. I'm always sending her cute little gifts or e-mails to let her know I love her. She is always e-mailing me pics of my new grandbaby cause she knows I miss her. I am sure not to interfere either. That's very important. Even though I don't always agree with what she does I respect her ideas and keep my mouth shut.

I can't imagine your DIL is so hateful to shut the door in your face..How rude! Have you thought about calling and telling her that you have a little gift for her and then she would surely let you in. Maybe that would break the ice. Or send her a "thinking of you" greeting card.

I wish your son would be some help in finding out what the problem is. Could it be religious or political issues?

I know this must be hard on you and I hope the situation gets better very soon.

Barbie

--------------------


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Re: I agree with Sherri... new
      #133193 - 12/27/04 01:50 PM
gigi

Reged: 03/21/04
Posts: 1442
Loc: South Texas

Have someone who cares about you to proof read it. And, make a copy of it, should you need to show your son at a later date.

Try to set up a lunch date with her, take her a small gift, something that you know would touch her. If she doesnt respond after this, then you surely have done all you can do.

Except, dont forget the most important thing, pray for her every day, pray, pray, pray. I have seen it, prayer does change things.

You are so good, sweet and caring Terri. I think maybe the only role model has is her mom, and that is a sad one. She could feel that she is turning her back on her mom by being good to you, a short coming on her part. I wish I had you for a mil, OMGosh, the fun we could have had together!

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Whoa... new
      #133216 - 12/27/04 03:42 PM
atomic rose

Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 7013
Loc: Maine (IBS-A stable since July '05!)

Honestly, Terri, she sounds... not quite right. I mean, personalities clash, and I think it's still within the realm of normal to not get along with someone who's perfectly nice. But to slam the door in ANYONE's face is beyond rude - and when it's someone you're related to, even "just" by marriage, that's just not even normal civil human behavior. Sounds to me like she has issues. I don't see that any of this is your fault.

As for liking in-laws... I have mixed feelings about my boyfriend's family, who will someday be my in-laws. I believe they're good people, but their personalities don't mesh with mine and they work my nerves something awful. Even so, my mother raised me right and I'm polite and friendly and make a sincere effort to get along with them for my boyfriend's sake. I would NEVER do anything deliberately rude and insulting to them.

Anyway... I wish I had advice, it sounds like an awful situation. Has your son said anything to her? I mean, if anything, it's kind of his place to try to smooth things over - the way I see it, you've done everything right!

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Sheri new
      #133240 - 12/27/04 06:43 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837


Sheri,
Your ideas for the letter are absolutely perfect. I love this. If you happen to think of anything else, please let me know. This just sounds almost perfect to me. For some reason my mind has been blank, but I love getting your younger perspective on things. It's perfect! I'm definitely stealing your ideas, and almost word for word!
Terri

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Thanks, Beth. I appreciate your thoughts! nt new
      #133241 - 12/27/04 06:44 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837




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Thanks for your support Jennifer, that's so nice! nt new
      #133242 - 12/27/04 06:46 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837




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Michelle new
      #133243 - 12/27/04 06:47 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837


I'm glad to hear that you have a good mil, Michelle. It gives me hope to keep trying.

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bamagirl, glad to hear of your great relationship. It's encouraging. nt
      #133244 - 12/27/04 06:50 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837




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Brian
      #133245 - 12/27/04 06:57 PM
MissS

Reged: 02/11/04
Posts: 837


I do this because I love my son and I don't want to be the cause of anything bad in his life. With this kind of trouble, our relationship suffers and how long will it be before my grandchildren pick up on this, and don't want to see me? I want to be able to have a clear conscience and I'll do that by trying everything I can. I know I'm not a door mat, but I appreciate the reminder.

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