need some suggestions!
#130755 - 12/15/04 01:09 PM
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StephS
Reged: 09/11/03
Posts: 2123
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My sister is having a baby on January 10th. She is 33 and has two older kids. She is giving this baby up for adoption. She has picked a family and is set to give this baby up....but now she is having a hard time with it.
I too feel bad because my brothers wife is pregnant expecting a girl (my sister is also having a girl) and I am pregnant as well.
I feel really bad, because she is giving her baby up and will see me and my SIL with babies.
She has been telling my mom its really hard right now! She is diabetic and has to go to the hospital for non-stress tests for the baby. She prays that there are no babies in the nursery when she walks by... Last time when she had an ultrasound (about a week ago) the nurse told her the baby had a lot of hair. She started to cry. I don't think the nurse had a clue that she was giving her baby up.
I just feel so bad for her. And now that I'm pregnant I hope our relationship will be ok. I'm sure it will be, were pretty close!
She has had a really hard year. She wasn't going to have family come and see the baby, but she has changed her mind. She thinks she'll have us come and see the baby before she gives it to the family. I'm just wondering how to handle this situation....what do I say....ETC!!!
I'm very worried about her. I'm almost wondering if she'll keep the baby.....I just don't know what to say or do for her...any suggestions would be great!
Thanks!
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Not to pry... but what was the reason for choosing adoption? I've heard this type of thing before, so I don't think she's being unfair or unreasonable. She's pg... lots of hormones in her body. It's alson very normal to get attached. I don't have any advice really, I just wanted to offer my support.
She obviously chose this path for a reason... Does the reason still exist? Or have things changed so that she could continue life with a baby?
I'm sure everything will work out for the better Steph. This is just a really hard thing to go through for her.
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Since I don't know why your sister decided to give up the baby in the first place, it's hard to give any advice. The only thing I can say is to keep in mind what's best for the child. I'm sorry your sister is having such a difficult time. Just let her know you're there for her no matter what. No matter what she decides to do, she's going to need your love and support.
Meg
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Well, she made a mistake....and that is why she is giving this little one up. She would go to a family similar to her. The family she will go to has 3 boys and one girl who are bi-racial. She will fit in, as where her she would wonder why she was different from her brother and sister and everyone else.
If my sister does keep this baby...we will love her and help her know how special she is and that everyone is different! We support my sister either way!
She wants to give her baby both a mom and dad!
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Awe... I can imagaine how hard this is for her. I'm sure she will make the right choice... regardless of the direction. Just let her know how supportive you will be and that you love her.
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~ Rachel (IBS-C)
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!
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Just try to let her know that you and the family will support her no matter what she decides. This is a very difficult situation and I really don't have any other good advice. I hope it all works out for the best. Sorry, I wish I could help more! 
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Thanks everyone! I know its hard to know what to say....I'm at a loss. I just sent her an e-mail and she responded telling me how hard it is right now. She told me she's on the verge of tears all the time.
I think its just going to take a lot of time, love and prayers....please say a prayer for my sister that she will have the strength to get throught this very hard time! And make the right decision!
Thanks again everyone!
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StephS
#130810 - 12/15/04 03:10 PM
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cailin
Reged: 08/12/04
Posts: 3563
Loc: Dublin, Ireland
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I think that your sister is being so brave giving this baby up, it must be the hardest thing in the world to do. I am sure your family will support her, regardless of what she decides. I understand what you say about you and SIL being pregnant.
When I was younger my parents and four of my younger brothers and sisters visited my aunt and uncle in London and stayed for about a week. My sister was three months old, and we found out when we were there that my aunt had had a miscarriage the week before. My Mom didn't know what to do.
The next year we went on holidays with them and they left to go for IVF treatment in the middle of it, and my Mom just found out she was expecting my little brother. That IVF attempt for them failed, but their eldest daughter is only 5 months younger than my little brother. As soon as they quit the UVF somehow she got pg naturally. She had three girls in four years, having spent years and thousands on TTC! See, a happy story. (I will leave the stories of her being an unfit mother for another time!)
All you can do is be sensitive to your sister and also support her, that is what family are for.
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S.
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I would suggest to your sister that she seeks the advice and support of other birthmoms. Is your sister going thru an agency? If she is...she could call her social worker and ask to be put in contact with a birthmother who has already placed her baby for adoption. A mentor of sorts...someone who can hold her hand through the process...someone who understands.
Pray for her...placing a baby is worse than a miscarriage from what I understand. I have had several miscarriages myself but I know that my babies are in heaven...not be raised by someone else.
I wish I could give your sister a hug...if she needs to talk to an adoptive mom, I am happy to help.
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Oh, I feel so sorry for your sister. Your family has been through some rough times, no doubt. I'll be praying for her and you and your whole family. What a heartbreaking situation. I agree that whatever is best for the baby is the best decision. I don't have any advice to offer, as this is such a personal decision. I guess you just have to support her in whatever decision she makes and encourage her to think it over carefully. I just hope and pray she makes the right decision, whatever that may be.
Terri
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Your sister is definitely hurting and so stressed. I wish I could give her a big hug too! I will pray for her, the baby and the family. I dont know what advice I would give, I know you all love her and support her, thats the best thing you can do right now!
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do you know if she's plannign an open adoption? I don't know what the reasons for giving this baby up are, but I would hope she is comfortable with the adoptive parents, and has made the decision to make this life better for her child... and I assume she has a support system throught eh adoption agency- refer her to them gently for assistance.. if her circumstances that made her make the decision are still there, then she needs to think about them too, but I can't imagine it being easy. I know when we gave up on having kids of our own after multiple miscarriages it was actually a blessing to see people I loved with their babies instead of the pain... and even though Cassi was older she was (and is!) the greatest blessing and joy I ever got....
Amie
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Dietetics Student (anticipating RD exam in Aug 2010)
IBS - A
Dairy Allergic
Fructose and MSG intollerant
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Steph I wish I had spme advice ,but that is such a hard choice!!! I will keep you and yours in my prayers!!!!
BIG HUGS
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Heather7476
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It really sounds like she wants to keep the baby. Is there any way you can be supportive or that? I don't know her circumstances but they must be pretty awful if she's giving up her baby. Can you call around and see about social assistance or anything for her??? If she's having the family come in and see that baby, It really sounds like to me that she wants to keep her. Can she talk to a counsellor or a pastor or something before she delivers? She needs t sort ut her feelings for this very difficult situation.
My prayers are with her. And you, sweetie. Just be there for her. That's what's most important.
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Formerly HanSolo. IBS, OCD, Bipolar, PTSD times 3.
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Steph, I don't know what to say that the others haven't said, but I just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking about you and your sister---and praying that she makes the best decision for her and the baby. I cannot imagine what she's going through. It's got to be especially difficult with her hormones raging and the fact that two others in the family are pregnant too.
Would it help if she went to see a counselor---a third party who is not emotionally involved---that could listen to her and help her work through her feelings?
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