ok ok.. school is soooo not cool.
#130434 - 12/14/04 10:34 AM
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So.. Today I was feeling great.. just took my last final, and I think I did great on it! It was half written and the other half was actually an oral exam.. where I had to have an actual counseling session with a kid in real time while my professor sat there and watched me and took notes. oh and it was being video taped too. Very comfortable situation.. but in the end he said I did a really good job so I was psyched.
So I went upstairs to see my other teacher to pick up some protocols to administer intelligence tests over winter break and she refused to give them to me. She basically told me to sit down and said to me, "I don't get you. I dont' think you care, and I don't think you try at all in school. I am not going to give you extra protocols because I dont' think you'll get it right the first time."
and I just sat there in shock, she kept asking if she was being unfair but I couldn't say anything- no one has ever called me stupid before.
She kept talking and said "you're too social, you don't try the first time, and have to keep redoing things before you finally get them right. and i'm not the only professor that feels this way, we all do."
umm ok. I've only had to redo one assignment the entire term, everything else i've done fine on. My lowest grade was a B- but mostly all A's, which in graduate school I think is doing just fine. Apparently she doesn't. Plus she went on the attack my study skills and told me that when I came to ask her about some questions about one of her projects it proved to her that I don't try and that I didn't read the assignment before I talked to her. I had read the assignment and I was just asking a question.. isn't questioning the foundation for education. roooooooar. i'm sooo angry. I'm so frustrated because I know she's helped everyone else.. and I know everyone has gone to her with questions as well.
She kept on saying, if you don't agree or think i'm being unfair to you, tell me, but I just sat there and was mute and just left the room when she was done talking. Its like what do you say to that?!?
Anyways.. i'm extremely angry.. and I don't know what to do? The semesters over but should I email her and just kinda be like huh? I did say that I do try.. but she wasn't buying it. I wouldn't be in school paying craploads of money if I didn't care but thats besides the point. It also makes me mad that they all go behind my back and basically talk about how I suck. I kinda want to be like listen.. if you don't think i'm smart enough for your program kick me out.
ughhhh.. Anyways.. she thinks i'm too social. Apparently I should be more pokerfaced and become an unemotional intellectual like the rest of the girls in class.. cause apparently if you dress fashionably, smile alot, have fun and have a personality you're just labeled an idiot.
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Ok Now I am mad to!! What the hell was that all about anyway!! Maybe she has PMS!! Your are not STUPID!!! You wouldn't be there if you were!! B'a and A's HELLO those are GREAT grades!!!!Blow it off hon!!! You are great and she is just I don't what she is!! Ask a teacher you like and trust about it. See what they say!! Because I bet you they don't talk about you! What a B**CH!!!
HUGS HON!!!!!!
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Heather7476
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Oh Ashley, how awful!!! I was be so upset too! That was totally unfair of her!!!! I'm not exactly sure what to tell you to do though. Can you talk to some of the other professers to see if they really feel the same why? If so, then ask them for exaples to better help you understand. I think I would call her office and make an appt to see her and ask her to explain herself a little better. Ask her if she has felt this way for a while than why she hasn't said anything to you sooner? YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!!! Do not let them make you feel that way! Getting mostly A's and a B- doesn't sound to me like you don't understand whats going on! I'm so sorry, I wish I had some better advice! I'm sure the other girls will be able to help me! Big hugs to you!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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I know it really sucks.. Its just terrible, because her talking about me to other teachers, will put the idea in their heads.
I dunno if she has PMS or what.. I know she's always kinda thought I was stupid, because I do talk and have fun (but at the same time I work hard and have gotten this far).
Its just tough because I only have four teachers in my program, and we have the same four teachers every semester for the next two and a half years. There are only 16 people in my program and four teachers.. so it just makes it harder to just brush off.
she did say that I do stuff excellent the second time around, but that the whole point of being smart is getting things right the first time. ughhhh. IT WAS ONE ASSIGNMENT!!! 
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Sorry to hear your having trouble with your professor. First of all, mostly A's with a B- as your lowest grade is excellent. And your right, the point of going to school is to learn, which you can't do without asking questions. If you knew everything already, then you wouldn't have to go through the years of schooling. I'd definately suggest talking to your other professors to see how they feel about your work and then set up an appointment with the professor who is having problems with your effort. Hang in there.
Meg
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Cut her loose. She's made up her mind about you, and in a VERY UNPROFESSIONAL moment she's dumped all this abuse on you. Know these things:
#1 you cannot change her mind, no matter what you do
#2 This is not your fault
#3 She is being EXTREMELY unprofessional, and should get her brain checked, or else have someone pummel a little sense into her
#4 THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT
#5 You are not an underachieving student. She is holding it against you that you are social, and she probably was not. I was a social student, but when I became a teacher I did not hold it against my students if they were anything less than bookworms. Although I knew teachers who did. And BTW, they sucked as educators, cos they refused to try to get through to social students. It happens.
#6 Where was I?
#7 Oh, yes. It's not your fault she's deranged. Keep quiet and do your best without her. She's looking to win in this situation (she has all the power so believe me, she will) so give her a victory and stay cool. I'm speakuing from experience here, just stay cool and do your best under the circumstances. You've come in late a couple of times perhaps? Or left early? Or talked during class? Or skipped? Or let me guess, turned in an assignment late? It's a losing battle now. No matter what undeserved thing you've done to bring on her wrath, you have to deal with her now. Really, keep quiet and keep coming to class.
I'm sorry this happened to you. i've seen it and experienced it a number of times from all angles. Seriously, keep cool and keep on keeping on. It's the only way.
~nelly~
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mul132
#130471 - 12/14/04 12:35 PM
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Hey Mul132, thanks for the response, I think I will need to talk to them, but I dont' know how to approach the subject.
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nelly
#130474 - 12/14/04 12:43 PM
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thanks nelly your reply wa great..
I know that i'm not going to be able to change her mind, and I know that she's going to win no matter what. I just feel bad because I didn't really stand up for myself during when she initially told me (but I was in shock and didn't even have a meeting set up to even talk to her about anything school related). I absolutely think that she was being unprofessional, but she is def not PC in many aspects of life. I'm a school psychologist, and work mostly with a mentally unstable and learning disabled students. She's far from PC about how she talks about these things either, so the unprofessionalism doesn't suprise me there either.
however, honestly, I have never been late, I've never left early and I've never missed a class. I have chatted with my neighbors (she's dubbed us the socialtes/ and openly says everyone else is intellectuals, aside from one other girl who she dubbed the outcast) however, I do not chat to the point of annoyance or disrupt class in appropriately.
As for the assignments I am only the third out of 16 students that has every handed in an assignment on time. She's really lax about her due dates, but regardless, i've never handed anything in late. rooooar.
I did hand in one thing and she made me redo it, but it was something so stupid and little and that I was confused about. I think she's just decided.. oh Ashley.. she's not dedicating her entire life to school- well i'll be a b*tch to her from now on.
hmm I really dont' know though what she has against me. She has said that it makes her really angry when people hand things in late and then she finds out they went out drinking.. because when she was in grad school she never did that. but regardless.. i've never handed in anything late so I don't know what she has to complain about.
Do you think i should even try to talk to her?
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Re: nelly
#130486 - 12/14/04 01:27 PM
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Nelly
Reged: 08/06/04
Posts: 4381
Loc: Within stray mortar fire of DC
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Quote:
hmm I really dont' know though what she has against me. She has said that it makes her really angry when people hand things in late and then she finds out they went out drinking.. because when she was in grad school she never did that.
It's hard to find a logical reason why a person in a position of authority is being illogical. But I'd latch onto the example you gave. It doesn't sound reasonable, does it?? but it does happen that an unpopular chick will find resolve and closure in penalizing a popular student. Fair? NO way. But you can't win here, and as sucky as it sounds, you have to deal with it. Take the moral ground and forget about it. It's not your fault she wasn't invited drinking when she was 20. Keep your head down and act the goody two shoes from now on.
I actually used to change clothes (CHANGE CLOTHES!) before my calculus II class, cos my (male) teacher was such a puritan. I'm talking high collars and long skirts to the ground I wore here. F'ed up. But he reacted badly to bare legs. So covered up I was. And I became a really revered student. Cause he liked the stay at home girls. But an A is an A, and I know girls who have prostituted their way to the same grade in very different ways. Again, f'ed up? Yeeeeess. Can I tell you working in the office world is different? I wish I could. Keep in mind we have it better than in the "slap and tickle '50's." But crap is crap, and human relationships, be them student-teacher or whatever, well, it's a matter of life and it really doesn't change when you grow up.
Don't talk to her, put yourself in her shoes. She doesn't want to be talked to, she wants to be feared/revered/proven right. Take the high ground and be the student she wants, at least in the classroom. Monsters like her can't be reasoned with.
You're going to have a much better life than she is. I can see it in you that you're positive, hard-working and sincere. Take comfort in that! I would have treated you differently.
~nelly~
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Re: mul132
#130487 - 12/14/04 01:29 PM
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mul132
Reged: 08/04/04
Posts: 218
Loc: Pennsylvania
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You definately need to talk to her. At the very least you need to find out if there is something specific that you're doing or not doing that has made her think of you as a lost cause. As for talking to you other professors, start with one that you trust and respect and say that one of your instructors (don't name names if you don't have to, you don't want to cause trouble) has approached you about not putting your all into your schoolwork and you want to find out if anyone else has the same concerns. You don't want to appear as if you are comlaining or tattling, just that you want to know if others have the same opinion of your level of dedication and see if there is anything you can do that would show how devoted you are to your studies.
I know it's frustrating to have a teacher question your motives. I had a lot of problems in high school with my principle and some of my teachers because I missed so much school due to illness. It didn't matter to them that I got my assignments turned in (either my brother or my parents would check in with each of my teachers daily to turn stuff in and pick up new assignmenst). They only cared that I wasn't physically in class, despite the fact that my doctor pulled me out of school to give me a chance to recover. I graduated with a 4.5 GPA (on a scale out of 4, talk about being an overachiever) and was 5th in the class despite spending more time in bed than in class. Luckily, I had a few teachers who understood how much it took for me to accomplish the work I did despite being so sick. 4 major illness in 4 years is hard for anyone to deal with, not to mention the fact that my best friend was having repeated surgerys to remove brain tumors. Some days I'm amazed that I ever graduated looking back on how much I had to deal with to get where I am now.
I wouldn't worry about the opinions of one professor. Now, if all of your professors feel the same way, then maybe you should try to figure out what it is about your attitude they have a problem with. But otherwise, as long as you know that you are devoted to your studies and being successful, hang in there. You can overcome this and go on to do great things. Then you can go back to that professor and say "I told you so"  . I can't wait 'til the day when I can walk into my senior government teachers office and say "look at me now, you didn't think I could handle your class because it required reading and thought processing, and I've made Dean's List all of the semesters in college and I'm in the Honors program recieving academic scholarships topped in amount only by the varsity althetic scholarships." Sometimes is sooooo gratifying to be able to say "I told you so".
Meg
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Whoa!
#130488 - 12/14/04 01:29 PM
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Kree
Reged: 10/08/03
Posts: 3748
Loc: Northern NY
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Wow, Ashley! That sucks. I agree with Nelly, that is completely and utterly unprofessional. It sounds like this woman is very judgemental and anything you said to her wouldn't make a difference anyway. I say just let it go and keep on working just as hard as you have been. This prof obviously isn't worth fretting about... she's just a bitter woman.
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"Anyone can exercise, but this kind of lethargy takes real discipline." -Garfield
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Re: mul132
#130502 - 12/14/04 02:08 PM
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mul132
Reged: 08/04/04
Posts: 218
Loc: Pennsylvania
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Ashley,
After reading the posts by Nelly and Kree, I want to say that I'm in no way advocating causing any trouble by confronting your professor. I think you should try talking to her one more time, but if you feel she's still being unreasonable, then let it go. I know that fighting can make your life miserable when the people you want to confront have control over your ability to accomplish your dreams. While saying I told you so can be gratifying, it can also burn bridges that you need to further your dreams. That's why, after being out of highschool for a year and a half, I still haven't gone back to say my "i told you so's". As long as you know you're right, don't worry about what others think unless it is having a negative impact on your schoolwork. Good luck, I hope you're able to work something out.
Meg
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What an idiot. I would seriously tell everyone what she said to you, go to her boss, someone higher than her.
You know why she's saying this?? Because you are attractive, and probably get a lot of attention in class, etc. She probably never got the attention you do, and she is jealous. Just a guess....I had a couple woman teachers like that, and they all thought I was an idiot until they gave me an exam. (BTW- I graduated top 10 in my class of engineers at Purdue, I got one B in college - and that was in Child Development because I didn't have the time for it!). She just pre-judged you, and you have to prove her wrong. You are not dumb, seriously - who would go to grad school that didn't actually care about education???
Go out and have a good time  You were smart to not say anything to her.
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~Cara~
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cara...
#130532 - 12/14/04 06:08 PM
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hehe.. way to be the smartest girl engineer ever!!
haha she def prejudged me. roar.. i'm trying to figure something out! thanks for the advice!
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Hi. What can I possibly say that hasn't already been said. Just ignore her. She's probably just jealous of the fact that you can be social and still get good grades. Hope you're feeling a little less stressed and angry.
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Amy
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I did end up emailing her. I really didn't want to, but I do have to work with this woman for the next 2.5 years of my life. I feel as though if I didn't say anything and ignored it, that would only reiterate to her that I don't care and that I don't try, when someone is basically laying out there that I'm an underachiever (which is quite hysterical b/c more often than not i've been called an overachiever) I had to address it. but whatever.. moving on.
It wasn't a mean letter, but I did address my concern, mostly with the fact that I was uncomfortable that she and the other prof. are discussing my unproductiveness without even addressing it with me first. that seems a little counterintuative. Yes- talk about me behind by back.. but later marvel about how and why I don't realize that my whole school thinks that I suck. blaaa. stupid people.
Anyways.. the letter was fine.. and it was proofread by our own AmandaPanda.. because I wanted to make sure that I was rational, and not just writing emotionally because I am too attached to the subject. ha me.
My mother thinks I should address this with the head of my program, but I'm not sure if I should. She thinks its incredibly unprofessional.. but we'll see how this email pans out. Perhaps she won't even answer it.. she never answered my last two emails requesting to use the WISC (an IQ test) over winter break.. so chances are she may ignore this one as well. (ha my dad called to say, Ashley, you're cute and you're blonde.. haha but he's biased)
Anyways.. enough B*tching.. tonight I will go to bed knowing that I now have a month and a week off from Tufts and the troll of a teacher that made me feel terrible.. and I can find some amusement in the fact that I splurged and went tanning today (naughty I know- but i'm sick of feeling so pale) and I found Paper Denim and Cloth ($150) jeans for ONLY 49 BUCKS AT TJMAXX--- in my size no less.
haha teacher.. i'm gonna be even cuter next semester all tan in my new pants! 
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~nelly~
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