Question for wives or husbands
#128425 - 12/07/04 12:45 PM
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My husband and I have a problem. He is a computer geek and is on his computer a lot. I like to watch tv. Well our problem is that we work until 5:00 then go to the gym until 6:30. Then we have dinner. He goes to his computer and I go to the tv. We don't spend much time together. We hardly see each other at the gym and sometimes we don't eat dinner together. We have been wanting to spend more quality time together but we don't know what to do. My family always watched tv together and that was supposed to be "quality time". Anyway my husband and I don't know what to do together.
My question is: What do the rest of you spouses do for quality time?
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First, I think that it is great that you work out together. When we workout together (not very often) we try to do some of the machines at the same time. Or, when we are ready for the sit-ups etc. we do that together.
We are wireless and we can be in the same room for TV and computer. When we are in the same room we talk to each other.
Even me on the desktop which is in a different room then the TV - he can work in a chair next to me on his laptop while I am on my computer.
Try to go to bed 1/2 hour sooner. That is when we read together and we always talk.
Lefty
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Hmm...I think a lot of couples have that same problem!!
My hubby and I are kind of the opposite...the second he's home we are not apart. But I am now at home during the days, so I am lonely until he gets home!
We always eat dinner together - I think that's important. A lot of nights we play games together - I don't know if you and your hubby like games?? We play really dumb games, but we have so much fun - like Battleship, Hide and Seek, etc... I know that sounds funny because we are in our upper 20's, but all that matters is that you're laughing and enjoying eachother!
We watch tv together a lot. If he's on the computer I lay down by his chair and play with the dog and talk to him. We are pretty inseparable at home, and I love it.
Could you do any projects around the house?? Like paint a room? Re-decorate? Go for walks? Go running together some nights instead of going to the gym?
I hope I helped at least a little!  I just think it's so important to be best friends and love to hang out together! Just start following him around - lol.
Good luck!
~Cara
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~Cara~
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Date Nights?
#128434 - 12/07/04 01:11 PM
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Stephie
Reged: 03/10/04
Posts: 2696
Loc: Vancouver, Canada
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I know some couples who have had a hard time 'scheduling' each other in while they are busy doing other things have done well with having a 'date night'. It doesn't have to be anything extravagent, but you could go out for dinner or go to a movie or something. Or my parents used to go for a walk together after dinner with the dogs, and that's a nice idea.. though you might be so tired from working out so maybe not..
My boyfriend and I sometimes do silly things together like play Scrabble or cards or stuff like that if we are staying in, but don't wanna watch TV or a movie or something.
Good luck!
--Steph
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~~I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell-I know right now you can't tell~~Matchbox 20
IBS-D,pain.
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My and Will also try to set up date nights. He is also a tecnical geek and I'm more artsy-fartsy. We try to set up at least one afternoon on the weekends or one weekend that we have date night. We turn off the cell phones and have dinner together, go to a movie, rent a movie and munch popcorn. We almost always go out to breakfast Sunday mornings and try to do some of the house hold shopping, like going to costco. It can be hard sometimes finding things to do together but I really believe its important to make the effecrt! In the summer, we like to go to the park for a picnic and some frisbee. If its in the budget, rent a hotel room for the night just for something different!
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Taking it one day at a time.....
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Hi Ambie,
My husband and I have been married for three years now and dated for almost six years before that. He is about the most important part of my support system for dealing with this disease. I know that for alot of this stuff with being sick that's hard to talk about, here on the boards where I'm more anonymous and at home with my husband are the only places I talk about how I feel. We talk alot while we eat dinner and I would agree with Cara that it's important to do that, just as a routine sort of thing. Also, make sure you talk with him about wanting to spend more time together and work out sollutions together. If you don't work this in now at the beginning of your marriage, it will only be harder to start doing later. I remember when I was still in grad school and I was always in another room studying while hubby was watching TV. I missed him. It is something you have to prioritize, but I'm sure that if you talk about it than the two of you can figure things out!
Best of luck!
Mindy
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This is our 9th xmas together and DB is a computer geek and I am a tv fiend. He keeps opposite hours than I do-- I'm up at 5am , out the door at 7:30 and back after 7pm. He's up at 8:30 and back at 4:30 and stays up all night, usually until 5 or 6am, playing computer games and working on his next work project. Needless to say, we have seperate rooms!!
We spend time together by keeping out of each other's way during the week, with me coming into his room after work to check my email/boards on one of the other computers in his room (he has 6 systems networked for games). We enjoy this quiet time together. On Friday nights we drop everything and clean the apartment for a couple of hours together when I get home from DC. Then on Saturday, we either host network games for our friends (I play hostess and generally watch, while he entertains and plays). I enjoy seeing our friends, who'll sometimes stay overnight so they can play in turns if they want to beat a particular new game (they were here for about 5 days, sleeping in shifts, so they could beat Diablo 2 when it came out 4 years ago!). I told you he was a geek!
Sundays we'll kick back in his bed and watch movies he's downloaded, and chill out all day, ordering Japenese or Chinese food. We don't leave the bed all day and it's nice to cuddle and critique the movies with each other.
Early in our relationship tried to get us to spend more quantity time together, sleeping in the same bed, carpooling to work, making plans weeks in advance to do couples things. It never worked. Now I'm glad for every moment we do spend together, and it's never a chore. (Plus I sleep way better.  ) If it's not broken, don't fix it, I vote.
Good luck to you! Relationships take work, I know! I always offer to get him a cup of coffee, remember to ask him about his day and LISTEN, feign interest in the latest computer game he's playing and remember the salient points for later, and never try to pry if he tells me he needs his space.
How are you getting along when you do spend time together? Is there anything missing from your routine that you 2 could turn into a group activity?
~nelly~
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I have one too!
We have a wireless lan and wireless broadband in our house, we have currently a laptop and three PCs with various parts in the attic for storage, oh and a server, in our tiny house.
I can't complain though as since i discovered this board I am ALWAYS on the net and Padhraig doesn't get a chance to use the laptop at all!
We always have a chat in the evening and try to go for a walk around 9pm (we get home about 7)
We do sleep in the same bed so I like the companionship of that. We try to do "date night" on Fridays and go the the cinema. We spend a lot of the weekend together, most recently it has been spent traipsing around bathroom supplies shops!
BTW, this may be controversial but half an hour talking together is a lot more quality time than an evening sitting in the same room watching TV in my book, so make the time that you do spend together more quality based and you won't mind the times that you don't.
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S.
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Oy. Just wait 'till he retires, you'll wonder why you ever asked such a question!
Don't get me wrong, I still love my husband of 38 years. But I would kill for a little "space"!
Bev
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<img src="http://home.comcast.net/~letsrow/smily3481.gif">Bevvy
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Is an internet game geek the same thing as a computer geek? If so then I have one too! Unfortunately since I found this site (and we only have one computer) we argue constantly over who's turn it is!
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Amy
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